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This guy's veganism is CRAZY!

twitchquotes: โ˜‘ This guy's veganism is CRAZY!โ€ โ˜‘ โ€œMy vegetables can't win against fruits like thatโ€ โ˜‘ "He needed PRECISELY those two cucumbers to win" โ˜‘ โ€œHe bought the only tomato that could beat meโ€ โ˜‘ "He had the perfect eggplants โ˜‘ โ€œThere was nothing I could cookโ€ โ˜‘ โ€œI ate that perfectlyโ€
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp

This Copypasta Is CRAZY!

MALDHAWK

twitchquotes: Late last year, we were on an expedition to find the rarest hairstyle of them all.. the "MALDHAWK" A combination of MALD and a hawk nest, it combines the fluidity of middle aged male pattern baldness to a contrast of dead rats. Much to our chagrin, we found it April 13th, 2020, on a morose Canadian gypsy's stream. He had over 10k viewers at the time of writing this
twitch chat
April 2020
Kripp
What happened to this ad? :(

in germany we have a beautiful saying if you like a girl

twitchquotes: in germany we have a beautiful saying if you like a girl "deine mutter lutscht schwรคnze in der hรถlle" it means your smile brightens my day :) Please no copy pasta
twitch chat
July 2017

sneaky and meteos are out walking in the park

twitchquotes: Its a cold autum eve and sneaky and meteos are out walking in the park as the multicolored leaves dwindles down on top of their heads, meteos slowly slips his hand into sneakys as he gives him a devious smile. they then proceed into the bushes and through the park the words ''METEOOOs'' could be heard eccoing.
twitch chat
July 2018
Sneaky

League of Legends

Complexities behind classical music

twitchquotes: Chat doesnt understand the complexities behind classical music. While most of chat spends their days spamming "Kappas" and such, I study music theory and the works of Bach and Mozart. Musical masterpieces such as these are not easy for the average person to comprehend, and certainly above those that chat.
twitch chat
July 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

I used to be a real ad

Jeremy of the Marvel Future Fight Team here!

twitchquotes: Hey everyone, Jeremy of the Marvel Future Fight Team here! PermaSmug We are glad to see chat loves the game. You can download it for free for IOS of Andrioid right now and get 500 gems for free! Want to play more? No problem! Just use this ๐Ÿ‘‰ ๐Ÿ’ณ and you may continue!
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

sellout

New banger (from r/conservativerap)

Aye ๐Ÿ˜‚ Yuh ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘€ Uh ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜ค Skrrrt ๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿค” I ๐Ÿ‘ hate ๐Ÿ˜ก people ๐Ÿ‘ซ who have a different ๐Ÿ˜ก skin ๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‘ color ๐ŸŽจ from me (x32) instrumental ๐ŸŽบ break ๐Ÿ’” I ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘€ hate ๐Ÿ˜ก๐ŸŒš people ๐Ÿ‘ซ who have a different ๐Ÿ‘€โ“โ‰ skin ๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‘ color ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ from me (x32)
June 2021

Emoji Pasta

The game of "shitpost" is a gentlemans' sport

twitchquotes: The game of "shitpost" is a gentlemans' sport played by high society clubs like S.M.E.G. on emoting grounds across twitch. To play, one player posts a satirical block of text to the pitch, usually with a paygated emote such as moon2SMEG . Next, the other players copy and paste the same message while simultaneously laughing at the misfortune of the lower class.
twitch chat
June 2017
MOONMOON

As a auto chess main at a respectably high elo

twitchquotes: As a auto chess main at a respectably high elo, this game is hard to watch. Literally cringing at some of these mistakes. If you actually want to learn autochess PM me (im silver 2 24lp) I also do coaching.
twitch chat
June 2019
Reckful

Teamfight Tactics

Your stream has provided a constant influx of salt

twitchquotes: Mr. Kripp, I would like to personally thank you for saving my life. I lead a stressful life and have dangerously high blood sugar. Your stream has provided a constant influx of salt which has balanced my blood sugar levels, and according to the doctor I'm gonna do just fine now. Please remember that every time you get flamestriked, your saltiness cures another middle-aged man like myself of diabetes.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Can you guys stop spamming

twitchquotes: Can you guys stop spamming and actually type something relevant to the match. all of you just want attention
twitch chat
May 2018

So Iโ€™m an AMC shareholder

So Iโ€™m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I canโ€™t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now Iโ€™m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

A Reddit comment summarized and compressed

Anne frankly, I did nazi that coming. I literally came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, 11/10 with rice, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro. CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed. Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. You are now banned from /r/pyongyang What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. Jet fuel can't melt dank memes, that stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. OP is a fuzzy little man-peach, 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Fuck Jenny. Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. /r/dadjokes. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh. Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. Edit: This blew up. RIP my inbox. Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger
August 2021

One off lethal

twitchquotes: Discovering his inner-passion for painting, Kripp leaves Twitch for good and takes Rania and Dex on the road with him to pursue his dream. After six months Kripp realizes being an artist is a lot harder than playing video games. But itโ€™s too late. Homeless and starving, Rania hates Kripp, Dex hates Kripp, and, worst of all, Kripp hates Kripp. Buying a gun one rainy day, he puts it in his mouth and pulls the trigger. *click* He forgot to buy bullets. โ€œOne off lethal,โ€ Rania sobs.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

If Mr. Beast was in charge of Squid Game.

Today I took 456 of the most poor and destitute people of Korea ( who are also of my subscribers ) and challenged them to a series of 6 EPIC kids games and the prize is 45.6 billion won. What they don't know is if they lose they die. If you end up liking the video please smash like. But first I have to talk about this episodes sponsor Honey. Honey is a free browser add on available on Google, Opera, Firefox, Safari, if itโ€™s a browser it has Honey. Honey automatically saves you money when you checkout on sites Like Amazon. Papa John's. Kohl's. Wherever you shop it's a good chance that honey can save you money. All you have to do when you're checking out at these major sites click that little orange button and it will scan the entire internet And find discount codes for you. It takes two clicks to install Honey. Now anytime you checkout honey will scan the entire internet and find coupon codes for you. If there is a coupon code they will find it, and if thereโ€™s not a coupon code you can rest assured that you are getting the best price possible and there literally is not one available on the internet. If you install Honey right now you can save like 50 to 100 dollars on your Christmas shopping, doing nothing. Thereโ€™s literally no reason not to install Honey, it takes two clicks, 10 million people use it, 100,000 5 star reviews, unless you hate money you should install Honey. If you want to install it just go to joinhoney.com/mrbeast, thatโ€™s joinhoney.com/mrbeast Now with that out of the way, ON WITH THE VIDEO Ok so we just brought them in and put them in their beds and this is insane. We literally have more than 450 here and we're going to see than play some games, for a bunch of money. Remember that every single person here is also a subscriber, on top of being financially destitute. So if you want a chance to receive tons and tons of money, make sure you hit the subscribe button down below as you can get a chance to play for money. Ok boys, its time to wake them up. I want Chris, Karl, Chandler, Nolan and Tareq to go down there and tell them the rules of the game. Here take these pink jumpsuits masks and these guns and go explain the situation to the subscribers. Ok so while the boys are going down I'm going to show you guys the first game our contestants are going to be playing.
October 2021

Squid Game

Waiting for adblock to be disabled

I WANT KRIPP TO LOSE

twitchquotes: FeelsGoodMan I WANT KRIPP TO LOSE FeelsGoodMan I WANT KRIPP TO LOSE FeelsGoodMan I WANT KRIPP TO LOSE FeelsGoodMan
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

When I was 13, I came out to my parents as a Morbius male.

When i was 13, i came out to my parents as a morbius male. They couldnt accept my morbality, so they sent me off to camp. They just didnt understandโ€” i was morbed that way. At the camp, they gave us electromorb therapy to morb us into beta males. I resisted the treatment, being a morbius male, you cant morb me out of being morbed. I fooled the counselors into thinking they had successfully morbed be into a beta male, and i returned home. To this day, i live a double lifeโ€” one for my parents, who still cannot accept morbality, and one where its always morbin time.
June 2022

Morbius

As a MOTHER, I am OUTRAGED

twitchquotes: C9Sneaky WHAT THE FUDGE, where is your DAMN viewer age RESTRICTION?! This shit you put on your stream is too SEXUAL for kids, you need to warn people. As a MOTHER, I am OUTRAGED
twitch chat
May 2017
Sneaky

Random Koala fact of the day

twitch chat
March 2014
Hafu
I used to be a real ad

its 3 am and i fucked up really bad

I was hungry so i decided to eat some bbq wings and watch some anime. there was about 6 of it and i ate 3 and a half. that was when i started to feel a bit funky on my hand and mouth, and i thought to myself "wow, these bacteria are extra rough today". i used the flashlight on my phone to see what was going on and there was an army of ants covering my hands and i shit you not, i cough once and my mouth is a shotgun that shoots ants as bullets. i was covered in fear and ants and the urge to scream, but the fear of asian parents is stronger. i can only cry silently in a dark and quiet room, all alone, while being violated by ants.
April 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing