Sleeping naked is a power move anyways.
• Burglar breaks in boom I’m up and naked. He’s too distracted trying to determine if I’m a man or woman because of my massive bush to notice me reaching for my glock fawty.
• When I pee or poop in my sleep from the nightmares I don’t get any clothes dirty just the sheets.
• Save money on not having to run an AC in the summer time so I can buy my wife more lingerie for her boyfriend to appreciate.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Decided I will no longer be paying taxes
Decided I will no longer be paying taxes. What are they gonna do, tax me more? Go ahead.
I wont pay those either
Oh im going to prison?
The one paid for by my tax dollars?
Sorry. Didn't pay em. Now there is no prison.
I am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times.
But my heart still isn't as broken as Patron Warrior
twitchquotes:
Mʏ ᴡɪғᴇ ᴏғ 20 ʏᴇᴀʀs ʟᴇғᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴀɢᴏ. I ғᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴇɴᴅ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʀᴛs ɢʀᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴄᴜsᴛᴏᴅʏ ᴏғ ᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ. Bᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ sᴛɪʟʟ ɪsɴ'ᴛ ᴀs ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴀs ᴘᴀᴛʀᴏɴ ᴡᴀʀʀɪᴏʀ.
twitch chat
strifecro
Hearthstone
without throwing your cat across the room
twitchquotes:
Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
How Melee players describe Ultimate
twitchquotes:
Smash community: ultimate is fun! Melee players (not part of smash community) : First time I got ultimate and tried it, after having played Fox-only on Final Destination for years in Melee, I was so disappointed. I couldn't Doowop a Skippity Uppity Airslap into a Wavedashed Cockdump Sparklenut. You aren't even allowed to Spitshine a ledge canceled Dickknob after twirlywhirly dibbidybobbidyboo 2: Electric Boogaloo.
twitch chat
Super Smash Bros
Pick up the sock
twitchquotes:
PICK UP THE SOCK OR THE DOG GETS IT (⌐■_■)=/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿̿̿ ̿ ̿̿ 
twitch chat
Reynad