[Copypasta] Stop saying the word cum

Stop saying the word cum so much are you fucking retarded? What's so funny about semen? AHAHAHAHA CUM COOM CAM CAM HAHAHA LOOK AT ME. SEXSEXSEXX AAAHHAAHAH!!!!!!SHUT THE FUCK UP MAKE IT STOP. Me (M18) and my gf (F19) were doing the good sexy sex when I decided to browse Reddit and then I see it: CUM!!!!!!! WHYYYYYYY??? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS????? THATS SO FUCKING DISGUSTING AND IMMATURE AND MY GF LEFT ME AFTER SHE READ THAT! THATS SO FUNNY FOR YOU ISN'T IT???? ISNT IT WHAT YOU WANTED??? NOONE RUINS MY SEX SEXY SEX SEX WITH MY FEMALE COMPANION. Sincerely, FUCK YOU
April 2022
I used to be a real ad
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Lying about service dogs

I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask; β€˜Is it a service dog?’ With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to. If at first they say β€˜no’ I reply with β€˜are you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?’with another big wink Always works. I love dogs
July 2021

Bungie messages Dr Lupo about Destiny

twitchquotes: Hi DrLupo, it's Cliff, from Bungie. Yea I work two jobs, it's to afford my sick v6 BMW. Heard you were having some issues connecting to our game. Our records show you aren't on our Streamer Prime servers, with the notes 'Fortnite made you' and 'Tarkov Daddy' Flagged on your account. I regret to inform you only real Destiny streamers can play today. Feel free to submit an appeal, loser.
twitch chat
November 2020
DrLupo

have you ever had a dream like this?

have you πŸ‘‰πŸΏ ever 😠 had a dreams πŸ˜΄πŸ’­- thats βœ”- that you πŸ‘‰πŸ»πŸ‘€ uhm 😀 you πŸ‘ˆ had you πŸ‘ˆ- you πŸ‘ˆ could- you πŸ‘ˆ do what you πŸ‘‰ want 😍- you πŸ‘ˆ could do- so you πŸ‘ˆπŸ‘¦- you πŸ‘ˆ do- you πŸ‘ˆ could do you πŸ€–πŸ‘ˆ- you πŸ‘ΈπŸ‘‰ wan πŸ”‘- you πŸ‘ΈπŸ‘‰ want πŸ˜‹ him πŸ‘΄ to do so much πŸ”₯ that you πŸ‘‰ could do anything πŸ’°?
April 2021

Emoji Pasta

Athens Police arrests two Twitch streamers

twitchquotes: Today Athens Police arrested two men, famous on the internet site Twitch. This "Trump" and "Kripp" were having sex in public, over what seemed to be the dead body of a cat that was backstabbed. Both men referred to the dead cat as "Caterrian". Their one phone call was made to the leading salt exporter "Reynad". More news at 10
twitch chat
May 2015
Reynad

Tired of Weebs? No problem!

twitchquotes: Tired of Weebs? No problem! Here at Weeb Deflectorsβ„’ we can shield your Twitch chat Queue from incoming Weebs with our new patent-pending WeebShieldβ„’ Technology! Our shield will bounce incoming Weebs right back to the dark place they came from (definitely not HEARTHSTONE), causing them to effectively Spread their disease called anime to themselves! Buy 24/7 protection now for only $24.99/month!
twitch chat
August 2017

Weebs

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing