[Copypasta] its 3 am and i fucked up really bad

I was hungry so i decided to eat some bbq wings and watch some anime. there was about 6 of it and i ate 3 and a half. that was when i started to feel a bit funky on my hand and mouth, and i thought to myself "wow, these bacteria are extra rough today". i used the flashlight on my phone to see what was going on and there was an army of ants covering my hands and i shit you not, i cough once and my mouth is a shotgun that shoots ants as bullets. i was covered in fear and ants and the urge to scream, but the fear of asian parents is stronger. i can only cry silently in a dark and quiet room, all alone, while being violated by ants.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I just screenshotted your NFT FAQ (Reddit)

I just screenshotted your NFT. You may be concerned about this. In case you are, please read the below: # FAQ: ## Why did you screenshot my NFT? I'm not going to tell you. ## Did you screenshot anybody else's NFTs? You could say I am screenshotting everybody's NFTs, but in the case I am telling you that I screenshotted your NFT. ## How are you screenshotting my NFTs? I screenshot when you post them on your profile. ## What are you planning to do with my NFTs? Have them all. ## What do I do about you screenshotting my NFTs? There's nothing you can do. ## When are you going to stop screenshotting my NFTs? You cannot escape me. ## Do I call the police? No. The authorities will not help you. ## What are the consequences of you screenshotting my NFTs? Be aware. ## What if I am ok with you screenshotting my NFTs? I will make sure you’re not. If there are any more questions then please consult your NFT wallet by directly speaking to it. ## Summary: I am screenshotting your NFTs.
November 2021

A reply to 'k'

K? K what? The letter before L? The letter after J? Did you know that in JK the K stands for “kidding?” So your reply is “kidding?” or K as in Potassium? Do you need some Special K for breakfast? K as in I can K/O you? Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks? Sharks have a K in it. "K"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "K"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only letter you can comprehend is "K" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "K" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about a single letter? I bet you took the time to type that one letter too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "K" on your gravestone? Do you want people to remember you as the asshat who one day decided to respond to someone with a single letter? "Hey, look, everybody! It's that "K" guy!" That's who you are. You're going to be known as the "K" guy. How does it feel? Do you feel happy? Quite honestly, I don't care, which is why I'm not even going to respond to you. Goodbye, and good luck with your future as that guy who said "K".
April 2021

Nairo Quesadilla stop bullying kids

twitchquotes: Alright, Nario Quesadilla. You had your fun bullying kids on quickplay and making them salty. Hope you feel proud, you’re not making ult online any better, personally I’m going back at watching VoiD.
twitch chat
April 2021

Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018

sick of mf's in fighting shows saying "i come in peace."

sick of mf's in fighting shows saying "i come in peace." okay??? who asked bro, i dont care if you came in peace. i dont even know who the fuck peace is, i really hope she didn't get pregnant with your foul cum. like bro, we dont care if you came in peace, i came in your mom and you dont see me telling everyone everywhere i go.
April 2022
Text-to-Speech Playing