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There was nothing I could do but donate

twitchquotes: ☑ “These Hafu nudes are CRAZY!” ☑ “My dick can't stay limp against nudes like that” ☑ "She NEEDED precisely those two nips to win" ☑ “She took the only nudes that could make me beat off” ☑ "She had the perfect muff" ☑ “There was nothing I could do but donate” ☑ “She cried profusely"
twitch chat
October 2014

Before I know it, the entire neighbourhood is soaked

twitchquotes: Hi, Reckfull here, from noLife gaming. This is just a friendly reminder that whenever I see BabyRage or something similar, I lose control of my bodily functions and go into a mad, crazed state of unrelenting sexual frenzy! Before I know it, the entire neighborhood is soaked, and worst of all, I have to order a new Mr. Duck™ every time! So please, remember to keep your children at least 100 yards from my property, and try to keep the BabyRage to a minimum, for everyone's sake. Thanks!
twitch chat
November 2014
Reckful
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

George Orwell ruined my life

I’m a huge fan of 1984, especially the writing of the characters and dialogue in it. There was a girl I liked at school, and I tried to think of the smartest and most clever way to ask her out. I decided to be like Winston, telling her how much I used to hate her and how I wanted to rape her and smash her head into a wall. However, instead of being wooed like I expected, she got mad at me and told the Principal and said I was “sexually harassing” her. It’s clear she just wasn’t intelligent enough for me and was embarrassed. However, no one wanted to hear my reasoning. I’ve been given detention and my parents have been informed, and despite how I’m clearly in the right everyone seems to think I’m some weirdo now. This truly is a dystopian society we live in......
September 2021

It's called empathy

Sometimes watching porn I like to pretend I'm the "woman" it's called empathy not homosexuality.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

Program and Control Man

twitchquotes: We are all living in Pac-Man’s world. You know what Pac stands for? P.A.C Program and Control. He’s program and Control Man. The whole thing’s a metaphor. All he can do is consume. He’s pursued by demons that are probably just in his own mind.
twitch chat
March 2019

Super Smash Bros

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Lucina is a deep, complex, and intricate

twitchquotes: Lucina is one of the most deep, complex, and intricate characters in fighting game history and Zackray is an absolute hero for gracing us with his iteration of her
twitch chat
April 2019

Super Smash Bros

I'm sorry for the comments I made. Please unban me

twitchquotes: I'm sorry for the comments I made. They were far beyond the point of being considered appropriate. You are an incredible person & me having been under the influence of alcohol is no excuse for allowing my behaviour to continue for as long as it did. I swear by God's gracious gift of free will that if you ever allow me to be an active member of your community again I will never follow the precedent I'd set for myself leading up to your rational decision to ban me. i think you're really cool.
twitch chat
January 2022

My chat experience is ruined with dinger spam

twitchquotes: I for one am glad submode is on. I pay $4.99 USD a month to watch the living legend, Michael "iamacutepie" Santana, and I feel my experience is ruined with "dinger" spam, whatever that means.
twitch chat
September 2014
imaqtpie

A chef explaining why air fryers are a scam on r/unpopularopinion

As a chef, it’s an insult to hear “air fryers are as good as frying”. Air fryers are fucking bullshit scams and are just convection ovens with an extra fan added. Seriously, pan searing or regular baking will always be better. I swear to shit Jared if I hear you compare fried chicken to air fried chicken one more time I’m gonna smack the gob out of you. Edit: I’m in danger, I never realized how deep the air fryer fandom goes. I will die on this hill Edit2: I’ll never stop upvoting and loving you all but… but I’m just gonna go cry about something totally different.. Edit3: i think id be a lot less upset if it was called an “extra air oven” as its a convection oven with extra fans. Edit4: if I had a dollar for every comment “you clearly don’t own an air fryer” I’d be able to put it towards a new toaster oven. Edit5: the chances of getting doxxed over kitchen appliances isn’t high.. but never zero. Edit6: apparently air fryers are taking my job? Sorry boys and girls, no more foi gras for the rich.
November 2021

Derpo Spamu-desu

twitchquotes: Hello my name is Derpo Spamu-desu, I am the last spamurai ........... if you wanna be part of this ancient japanese tradition spam your ascii and troll texts all over twitch. May the spam be with you! ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
twitch chat
January 2015
imaqtpie
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

We The Sus Music changed my dad

So my dad is a raging homophobe. When I was 7 yrs old he nearly beat me to death for sleeping in the same bed as my friend in Minecraft. He overheard me listening to this song and burst into my room. I braced for impact, fearing the worst. Instead he remained silent and I saw this strange look in his eyes that I'd never seen before. He just divorced my mom and told us he is moving to Puerto Rico with his longtime partner Antonio Banderas and he's not coming back. Thank you We The Sus Music!
June 2021

I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021

The Picture

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, Micheal here. Yes, your highschool boyfriend. I still have our private picture. "The picture". If you dont want this to be posted on internet - send me your cat.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Luigi's donger

twitchquotes: In 2018 Nintendo released official marketing art that featured Luigi in Mario Tennis, fans were able to figure out the length of Luigi’s penis by measuring the tennis racket compared to luigi’s bulge in the image. Since Tennis rackets are 28 inches long in real life, by measuring the pixels we were able to mathematically deduce that Luigi’s penis is 3.7 inches flacid.
twitch chat
December 2020

come on chat. smoke with me

twitchquotes: FeelsOkayMan 🚬 💨 come on chat. smoke with me.
twitch chat
March 2018
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Meanwhile in Qtpie's chat

twitchquotes: Meanwhile in Qtpie's chat: ~ Kappa     ~ Kappa         ~ Kappa        ~ Kappa     ~ Kappa    ~ Kappa       ~ Kappa     ~ Kappa          ~ Kappa ~ Kappa     ~ Kappa       ~ Kappa     ~ Kappa          ~ Kappa     ~ Kappa       ~ Kappa     ~ Kappa         ~ Kappa      ~ Kappa       ~ Kappa      ~ Kappa
twitch chat
November 2014
imaqtpie

Seafood dinner over skype on a dial up internet connection

twitch chat
January 2015
strifecro

Please take this seriously

twitchquotes: Chat please don't copy pasta my serious question. I'm trying to engage with our streamer to learn more about Hearthstone gameplay. Please take this seriously.
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

imagine how much weed Aang could smoke at once

Bro imagine how much weed Aang could smoke at once, like, he probably wouldn't even need a pipe to smoke a while oz of it he could just burn it with his firebending and use his airbending to bend the smoke into his lungs, which could hold a lot because he's an air bender, just imagine how much he could smoke, you pass him a full bowl and he just dumps it out into his hands and take the whole thing in one hit and asks for another, imagine how much weed he could go through in a single session since he's the Avatar and and could do as much as he wants since he won't green out he would just go into the Avatar state
January 2021
What happened to this ad? :(

I saw Flying Lotus at a grocery store

twitchquotes: I saw Flying Lotus at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
twitch chat
November 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing