So my dad is a raging homophobe. When I was 7 yrs old he nearly beat me to death for sleeping in the same bed as my friend in Minecraft. He overheard me listening to this song and burst into my room. I braced for impact, fearing the worst. Instead he remained silent and I saw this strange look in his eyes that I'd never seen before.
He just divorced my mom and told us he is moving to Puerto Rico with his longtime partner Antonio Banderas and he's not coming back. Thank you We The Sus Music!
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
OI OI OI! WOTS ALL THIS???
OI OI OI!
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WOTS ALL THIS???
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YER POISTIN LOICENSE HAS EXPOIRED!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
ONE HUNNIT TESCO CLUBCARD POINTS 'AVE BIN DEDUCTED FROM YER ACCOUN'!!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
YER THREE QUID MEAL DEAL IS GONNA BE A FIVER FROM NOW ON!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
YER WILL ALSO ONLY BE ABLE TER CHOOSE FROM A CHICKEN OR 'AM SANDWICH!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
FAILURE TO RENEW YER LOICENCE IS GONNA RESUL' IN THA LOSS OV MORE CLUBCARD POINTS!!!!!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
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British People
Shrek is love. Shrek is life
I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
Shrek
Classic
I can no longer resist the pizza
twitchquotes:
I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
twitch chat
Kripp
I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin
I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin
I don’t know why but I just enjoy doing this. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with stress or something but I just do it about once every week. Generally I’ll carry around a sack and creep around in a sort of crouch-walking position making goblin noises, then I’ll walk around my house and pick up various different “trinkets” and put them in my bag while saying stuff like “I’ll be having that” and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice (“trinkets” can include anything from shit I find on the ground to cutlery or other utensils). The other day I was talking with my neighbours and they mentioned hearing weird noises like what I wrote about and I was just internally screaming the entire conversation. I’m 99% sure they don’t know it’s me but god that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind.
