So my dad is a raging homophobe. When I was 7 yrs old he nearly beat me to death for sleeping in the same bed as my friend in Minecraft. He overheard me listening to this song and burst into my room. I braced for impact, fearing the worst. Instead he remained silent and I saw this strange look in his eyes that I'd never seen before.
He just divorced my mom and told us he is moving to Puerto Rico with his longtime partner Antonio Banderas and he's not coming back. Thank you We The Sus Music!
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
NEVER, EVER COPYPASTA IN MY CHANNEL AGAIN
twitchquotes:
To Twitch Chat: NEVER, EVER COPYPASTA IN MY CHANNEL AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT TWITCH HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A CHANNEL THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED MEMES ABOUT ASS & DICKS. BE CAUTIOUS!
twitch chat
I hate Twitch Chat
So I’m an AMC shareholder
So I’m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I can’t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now I’m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
WallStreetBets
Ok, so I main Mercy
twitchquotes:
Ok, so I main Mercy all I see is a bunch of posts and comments basically talking shit about Mercy mains. But let me tell you something, you need us. Honestly, do you think it's easy playing Mercy or something? Every time I hear "I need healing" it feels like a synapse in my brain just snapped. Like do you think I'm fucking blind or something? Do you not think I can see the big red target saying "CRITICAL"?? and you guys have the audacity to talk down on us Mercy mains.
twitch chat
Overwatch
Kripp drained Greece's entire supply of Oranges
twitchquotes:
Ｋｒｉｐｐ， ｉｔｓ Ｓｔａｖｒｏｓ ｔｈｅ Ｆｒｕｉｔ Ｓｅｌｌｅｒ ｆｒｏｍ the bazaar． Ｉ＇ｍ ｓｏｒｒｙ ｔｏ ｔｅｌｌ ｙｏｕ ｂｕｔ ｙｏｕ＇ｖｅ ｄｒａｉｎｅｄ Ｇｒｅｅｃｅ＇ｓ ｅｎｔｉｒｅ ｓｕｐｐｌｙ ｏｆ Ｏｒａｎｇｅｓ． Ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ ｏｆ ｔｈｅ ｒｉｏｔｉｎｇ ｏｎ ｔｈｅ ｓｔｒｅｅｔｓ ｗｅ ａｄｖｉｓｅ ｙｏｕ ｔｏ ｈｉｄｅ ａｎｙ ＯＪ ｓｕｐｐｌｙ ｙｏｕ ｍｉｇｈｔ ｈａｖｅ ｌｅｆｔ． Ｗｅ ｃａｎ ｎｏｗ ｏｎｌｙ ｓｅｌｌ ｙｏｕ Ｏｌｉｖｅ Ｊｕｉｃｅ ａｎｄ ｔｈｅ ｏｄｄ ｊａｒ ｏｆ Ｔｚａｔｚｉｋｉ． Ｐｌｅａｓｅ ｎｏ ｇｙｒｏ ｏｕｚｏ
twitch chat
Kripp
To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:
To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:
I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.