twitchquotes:
๐ฌ ๐จ come on chat. smoke with me.
๐ฌ ๐จ come on chat. smoke with me.
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I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
I accidentally ran over my wifeโs pet rabbit with my car
So my wife works from home and she is a graphic designer. She is working from home because the rabbit is very needy and cannot be apart from her without screaming itโs head off.
She barely leaves the house due to this and it is difficult because I have to do everything for her and them that requires leaving the house. Whenever we go anywhere together the rabbit has to go with her. However since that post was posted I had developed a plan with the help from some dms and comments
I had been acting sick all night and all morning and convinced my wife to go to the market for me to get me medicine. Some Tylenol and cough syrup. She was worried about the rabbit and suggested taking it with her but I somehow convinced her to go without it. We live in a rural area and the closest store is about 20 minutes away. So I hatched my plan as soon as she left.
I grabbed that little shit by the neck and while it kicked and screamed I put it into an Amazon box and rushed to the car with it. Initially the plan was to release him into the wild so I drove to the closest wild spot which happens to be a campsite and let the little parasite out.
He is partially blind so he just sat there for a bit and I pushed it closer to the grass off the gravel parking lot and it started sniffing around and shit. At this point I thought I was home free and I got into the car to leave but the little shit noticed me getting in and ran towards the car when I started it and moved the car over a bump and I heard a scream.
I didnโt know what to do do I started driving and stopped the car a little further away and it was lying there on the gravel parking lot as I started to panic. I didnโt want to kill it I just wanted it gone. Instead I drove over it like a speed bump.
I put him back into the box and Drove to the vet. My wife is calling my phone I donโt know what to do, Iโm writing this in the waiting room of the vet. I fucked up. The whole thing is a blur.
Edit: rabbit is alive, driving home, will update
Kripp you promised to start a cooking show soon
twitchquotes:
Hey Kripparino riparino, I know you love your Hearthstone but you promised your loving father that you would start a cooking show soon. The gig is up, after this game you must Gordon Ramsay us one splendarino disharoni.
twitch chat
Kripp
My wife told me to talk dirty to her
So the wife and I were getting into it and she told me to talk dirty to her. So I called her a filthy slut.
She said โdirtier!โ So I smacked her around and told her I was going to use her like the cheap whore she is.
She said โdirtier!โ So I said โIโm gonna stick some SQQQ in your portfolio. Iโm gonna put it in long and deep. Iโm gonna fill you up with way OTM SPY puts.โ
She then slapped me, packed a bag and took the kids. I think weโre getting a divorce.
WallStreetBets
Omg imagine an xD spam in this font
twitchquotes:
๐ธ๐ถ๐ฐ ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฎ ๐ช๐ท "๐๐" ๐ผ๐น๐ช๐ถ ๐ฒ๐ท ๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ผ ๐ฏ๐ธ๐ท๐ฝ ๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฝ ๐๐ธ๐พ๐ต๐ญ ๐ซ๐ฎ ๐ช๐ฒ๐ญ๐ผ ๐ช๐ผ ๐ฏ๐พ๐ฌ๐ด ` ๐ต๐ฎ๐ต ๐ด๐ฎ๐ด
๐ธ๐ถ๐ฐ ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฎ ๐ช๐ท "๐๐" ๐ผ๐น๐ช๐ถ ๐ฒ๐ท ๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ผ ๐ฏ๐ธ๐ท๐ฝ ๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฝ ๐๐ธ๐พ๐ต๐ญ ๐ซ๐ฎ ๐ช๐ฒ๐ญ๐ผ ๐ช๐ผ ๐ฏ๐พ๐ฌ๐ด ` ๐ต๐ฎ๐ต ๐ด๐ฎ๐ด
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Dota Major
๐ฟ is the worst emoji
๐ฟ is the worst emoji. It's horrendous and ugly. I hate it. The point of emojis is to show emotions, but what emotion does this show? Do you just wake up in the morning and think "wow, I really feel like a massive fucking stone today"? It's useless. I hate it. It just provokes a deep rooted anger within me whenever I see it. I want to drive on over to the fucking emoji headquarters and kill it. If this was the emoji movie I'd push it off a fucking cliff. People just comment ๐ฟ as if it's funny. It's not. ๐ฟ deserves to die. He deserves to have his smug little stone face smashed in with a hammer. Oh wow, it's a stone head, how fucking hilarious, I'll use it in every comment I post. NO. STOP IT. It deserves to burn in hell. Why is it so goddamn smug. You're a fucking stone, you have no life goals, you will never accomplish anything in life apart from pissing me off. When you die noone will mourn. I hope you die.