[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

You will never be Japanese

You will never be Japanese. You have no ancestry, you have no citizenship, you have no skills that would make Japan ever want you. You are a shut-in self-hating white man twisted by delusions of mythical Japanese superiority and exposure to Japanese media into a disgusting mockery of nature’s perfection. All 'validation' you get from other people in this position couldn't be worse in making you believe that spending years of your life learning a globally useless language to a first-grader's level was a worthwhile use of your time, but one can't expect that an individual as pathetic as you will ever know the value of the youth you threw away in doing that. Actual Japanese are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of linguistic evolution have allowed natives to identify frauds from mannerisms and vocabulary alone. Even if your written text of self-hatred and attention begging akin to a stray dog's somehow passes as normal (it won't), any Japanese person will immediately cut all ties when they hear the voice and accent of someone who is not only a basic Japanese speaker at best, but worth no more than garbage in skills, accomplishments, and likeability. You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile and laugh to yourself believing that watching a content creator that you understand 20% of at best is somehow superior than watching your own kind, as you project your disgusting traits onto your entire kind. However, deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight, and you know that. You know that all you do now is have an entirely new linguistic medium in which to be ignored, and not even the exotic trait of being foreign makes up for just how uninteresting of a person you are. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a Western man is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably Caucasian. This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back. Hate yourself and apologize for being white to some Japanese entity that exists only in your mind while actual Japanese people put in effort to learn English for the valid reason of it being the global language.
April 2021

Weebs

I am financially ruined

I came here for the first time and in 3 minutes made the decision to put way more than I can afford into PLTR calls. I’m too retarded and now I literally dont know what to do I am financially ruined and I can’t even remember what I read that said this pltr thing was a good move. Fml
December 2020

WallStreetBets

HELLO DALLAS FUEL? IT'S THE POINT

twitchquotes: 📞 4Head HELLO DALLAS FUEL? 📞 4Head IT'S THE POINT 📞 4Head IM RUNNING OUT OF TIME
twitch chat
March 2018
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Reynad's large forehead

twitchquotes: when is google gonna buy ad space on reynads forehead??
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Evil anime laugh

⠻⣦⡈⠛⢿⡌⢆⢂⠹⣿⣧⡄⡄⠹⡄⢆⡟⢄⠉⢟⣮⣷⢄⠐⢤⡤⢤⣬⣭⣭ ⣷⣤⠙⣶⣦⠙⡌⢻⠂⠘⣿⣷⢹⠄⢳⠘⣿⡟⣿⡄⢳⡆⢳⠛⢢⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛ ⢿⣿⣷⣀⠈⠓⠌⠂⠘⢆⠈⢙⣎⢣⠘⡆⢣⡛⣿⡇⢀⡙⠚⠶⠶⠿⠷⠶⠒⠒ ⣾⠿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣁⣀⣠⡀⠡⠄⠳⡛⢆⠱⠈⢧⣿⡇⠸⠟⠉⠐⠠⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿ ⣿⣷⣬⣉⣛⣛⠛⠿⠿⣧⣷⣦⣄⠘⢿⡆⠡⠘⣀⡇⢠⣶⣷⣮⣤⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⢿⡀⠄⠉⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣰ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿⣦⡙⠄⠄⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⣿⣿⣷⣌⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣦⣀⡨⣝⡻⠿⣻⣿⣧⣄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢿⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠘⣿⣛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡿⢿⠿⣛⡃⠄⣸⣿ ⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⣷⣶⣝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⣿⢇⣈⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⣜⢿⣭⢻⣿⣿⣿⣯⢧⠙⢻⠛⣛⣛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠟⣛⣥⣶⣼⢏⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣎⠿⣇⢻⣿⣿⣿⡌⢷⣆⢭⣓⣒⣒⣛⣣⣶⠞⣵⣿⣿⣿⡿⣱⣾⡟⣵⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣤⣻⡘⣿⣿⣿⣷⡜⢻⣮⣛⣛⣟⣫⡿⣛⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣣⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡙⠛⠛⠛⢛⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣼⢫⣵⣿⣿
December 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing