Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Shuffle a Weasel into Twitch Chat
twitchquotes:
ＷＥＡＳＥＬ Deathrattle: Shuffle a ＷＥＡＳＥＬ into twitch chat.
ＷＥＡＳＥＬ Deathrattle: Shuffle a ＷＥＡＳＥＬ into twitch chat.
twitch chat
Hearthstone
Pasta definition
twitchquotes:
Pasta (Italian pronunciation: [ˈpasta]) is a staple food[1] of traditional Italian cuisine, with the first reference dating to 1154 in Sicily.[2] It is also commonly used to refer to the variety of pasta dishes. Typically, pasta is a noodle made from an unleavened dough of a durum wheat flour mixed with water or eggs and formed into sheets or various shapes, then cooked by boiling or baking.
twitch chat
Stroll in my local GameStop
stroll into my local GameStop
looking to pick up a copy of Binding of Isaac
grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register
"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."
she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves
her eyes widen as she reads the game's title
"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"
I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind
"Hahaha look at what this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of ♥♥♥♥!"
I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst
generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing
"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."
"♥♥♥♥ you ♥♥♥♥♥♥!"
I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them
"As you wish..."
I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react
he bellows and charges forward
I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter
I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back
"...requiescat in pace..."
As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers
"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?
"No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..."
I sheath my sword
"You're not my type."
skate away on my Heelys
Classic
My chat experience is ruined with dinger spam
twitchquotes:
I for one am glad submode is on. I pay $4.99 USD a month to watch the living legend, Michael "iamacutepie" Santana, and I feel my experience is ruined with "dinger" spam, whatever that means.
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Nerf MEGA Mastodon blaster ad
twitchquotes:
Dominate Nerf blaster battles with the first-ever motorized Nerf MEGA blaster! 
The Nerf MEGA Mastodon blaster boasts incredible rapid-fire speeds to send MEGA Whistler darts screaming through the air from its integrated 24-dart drum. Bring the MEGA Mastodon blaster into action to overwhelm opponents with its imposing size. Use the shoulder strap for easy maneuvering to be ready for Nerf battles anytime, anywhere.
Dominate Nerf blaster battles with the first-ever motorized Nerf MEGA blaster! The Nerf MEGA Mastodon blaster boasts incredible rapid-fire speeds to send MEGA Whistler darts screaming through the air from its integrated 24-dart drum. Bring the MEGA Mastodon blaster into action to overwhelm opponents with its imposing size. Use the shoulder strap for easy maneuvering to be ready for Nerf battles anytime, anywhere.
twitch chat