[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
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All intensive purposes

I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.
September 2021

Minion Joker

───────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ────────▄▀▀═════════════▀▀▄ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β–€β–€β–€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–Œβ•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–β–“β–“β–Œ β”€β”€β”€β–β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–Œ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–β–“β–„β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–„β–“β–Œβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–Œβ•β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ•β–β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ•β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ•β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ•β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ•β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ•β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ•β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β–„β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ–„ β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ ─────────▀▀▀▀────────▀▀▀▀
September 2021

You have been gifted a waifu

twitchquotes: β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€” TwitchVotes You have been gifted a waifu. Type AYAYA to activateβ€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”
twitch chat
May 2019

Weebs

Amazed Face

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€
August 2018

A middle-aged man complaining about an online card game

twitchquotes: ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ α΄€ ᴍΙͺα΄…α΄…ΚŸα΄‡-ᴀɒᴇᴅ ᴍᴀɴ α΄„α΄α΄α΄˜ΚŸα΄€ΙͺΙ΄ΙͺΙ΄Ι’ α΄€Κ™α΄α΄œα΄› α΄„ΚœΙͺΚŸα΄…Κ€α΄‡Ι΄ ʙᴇᴀᴛΙͺΙ΄Ι’ ʏᴏᴜ ΙͺΙ΄ α΄€Ι΄ ᴏɴʟΙͺɴᴇ α΄„α΄€Κ€α΄… ɒᴀᴍᴇ. α΄€Ι΄α΄… α΄˜α΄‡α΄α΄˜ΚŸα΄‡ α΄˜α΄€Κ ʏᴏᴜ $4.99 ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ sᴏ. ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sΚœα΄α΄œΚŸα΄… ᴄᴏɴsΙͺᴅᴇʀ α΄˜α΄œα΄›α΄›ΙͺΙ΄Ι’ α΄›ΚœΙͺΙ΄Ι’s ΙͺΙ΄ α΄˜α΄‡Κ€sα΄˜α΄‡α΄„α΄›Ιͺᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ Κ™ΙͺΙ’ ʙᴀʙʏ.
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing