[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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Rick Astley paradox

twitchquotes: If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie Up, he won’t give it to you because he’s never gonna give you Up. However, by not giving you Up like you asked for it, he’s letting you down. This is known as the Astley paradox.
twitch chat
June 2020

Classic

Jeff Bezos could give every person 1 BILLION dollars

Jeff Bezos has 121 BILLION dollars. The population of earth is 7 billion people. He could give every person 1 BILLION dollars and end poverty, and he would still have 114 billion dollars left over but he wond do it. This is what capitalist greed looks like!
October 2020

Eggplants appear after every word

twitchquotes: Guys πŸ† I πŸ† Was πŸ† On πŸ† Pornhub πŸ† And πŸ† I πŸ† Clicked πŸ† On πŸ† A πŸ† Link πŸ† That πŸ† Said πŸ† Local πŸ† Milfs πŸ† In πŸ† My πŸ† Area πŸ† And πŸ† Now πŸ† Eggplants πŸ† Appear πŸ† After πŸ† Every πŸ† Word πŸ† . πŸ† What πŸ† Do πŸ† I πŸ† Do πŸ†? πŸ†
twitch chat
August 2019

Emoji Pasta

Sense of pride and accomplishment

twitchquotes: The πŸ’° intent πŸ’° is πŸ’° to πŸ’° provide πŸ’° players πŸ’° with πŸ’° a πŸ’° sense πŸ’° of πŸ’° pride πŸ’° and πŸ’° accomplishment πŸ’° for πŸ’° unlocking πŸ’° different πŸ’° heroes. πŸ’° As πŸ’° for πŸ’° cost, πŸ’° we πŸ’° selected πŸ’° initial πŸ’° values πŸ’° based πŸ’° upon πŸ’° data πŸ’° from πŸ’° the πŸ’° Open πŸ’° Beta πŸ’° and πŸ’° other πŸ’° adjustments πŸ’° made πŸ’° to πŸ’° milestone πŸ’° rewards πŸ’° before πŸ’° launch. πŸ’° Among πŸ’° other πŸ’° things, πŸ’° we're πŸ’° looking πŸ’° at πŸ’° average πŸ’° per-player πŸ’° credit πŸ’° earn πŸ’° rates πŸ’° on πŸ’° a πŸ’° daily πŸ’° basis, πŸ’° and πŸ’° we'll πŸ’° be πŸ’° making πŸ’° constant πŸ’° adjustments πŸ’° to πŸ’° ensure πŸ’° that πŸ’° players πŸ’° have πŸ’° challenges πŸ’° that πŸ’° are πŸ’° compelling, πŸ’° rewarding, πŸ’° and πŸ’° of πŸ’° course πŸ’° attainable πŸ’° via πŸ’° gameplay. We πŸ’° appreciate πŸ’° the πŸ’° candid πŸ’° feedback, πŸ’° and πŸ’° the πŸ’° passion πŸ’° the πŸ’° community πŸ’° has πŸ’° put πŸ’° forth πŸ’° around πŸ’° the πŸ’° current πŸ’° topics πŸ’° here πŸ’° on πŸ’° Reddit, πŸ’° our πŸ’° forums πŸ’° and πŸ’° across πŸ’° numerous πŸ’° social πŸ’° media πŸ’° outlets. Our πŸ’° team πŸ’° will πŸ’° continue πŸ’° to πŸ’° make πŸ’° changes πŸ’° and πŸ’° monitor πŸ’° community πŸ’° feedback πŸ’° and πŸ’° update πŸ’° everyone πŸ’° as πŸ’° soon πŸ’° and πŸ’° as πŸ’° often πŸ’° as πŸ’° we πŸ’° can. πŸ’°
twitch chat
November 2017

its 3 am and i fucked up really bad

I was hungry so i decided to eat some bbq wings and watch some anime. there was about 6 of it and i ate 3 and a half. that was when i started to feel a bit funky on my hand and mouth, and i thought to myself "wow, these bacteria are extra rough today". i used the flashlight on my phone to see what was going on and there was an army of ants covering my hands and i shit you not, i cough once and my mouth is a shotgun that shoots ants as bullets. i was covered in fear and ants and the urge to scream, but the fear of asian parents is stronger. i can only cry silently in a dark and quiet room, all alone, while being violated by ants.
April 2021
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