[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Maya's mod responds to Miz and Maya break up

I wish I could say I didn't see this coming but...sigh..I definitely did. To many people not in the loop it may have come as a shock. They certainly LOOKED like a happy couple, but when you've been a twitch mod for as long as I have...you notice certain things. As Maya's head mod and commandant in charge of holding off weirdos I could tell very clearly that something was up. The way she acted on stream, her general atmosphere, twas as if a beautiful chrysanthemum was being oppressed by a violent and balding Gardner. Someone who had not the faintest idea how to look after beautiful flowers. But the time has come, the thorns and nature hath come to wreak havok. At the moment a plan is being drafted by me and the sub mods to find her a new boyfriend who is fit to properly look after her. Naturally I will be taking the temporary (and maybe permanent if all goes to plan 😉) role of boyfriend/guardian. But while I reveal my plans and provide you all a mere glimpse at the machinations set in motion by this breakup I must warn you... BACK OFF... This is not your fight, you have no idea who you are dealing with. If you come after her now without going through the necessary protocols then I won't be able to control myself. There is a reason I would never show myself on stream or play among us. There is a side to the top twitch dog that you don't wanna know about. These fangs are here for a reason, don't. Make me. Use them.
September 2021
Maya

Simps

Amogus

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⠟⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠻⢶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡟⠀⣠⣶⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠳⣦⡀⠀⠘⣿⡄⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠁⠀⢹⣿⣦⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣼⡇⠀⠀⠸⣷⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡏⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡄⣠ ⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡇⠀ ⠿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠉⠀⠀⣸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣧⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡶⠶⠿⠿⠿⠿⢷⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⠀⣸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀ ⣠⡿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀ ⢻⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⡟⠀⠀⢀⣤⣤⣴⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀ ⠈⠙⢷⣶⣦⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣾⠿⠛⠁⢀⣶⡟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡟⠀ ⢷⣶⣤⣀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣆⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⡾⠃⠀ ⠀⠈⠉⠛⠿⣶⣦⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠻⢿⣿⣾⣿⡿⠿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

The current meta is so good STUNNED

twitchquotes: hey chat *STUNNED* the current *STUNNED* meta is so *STUNNED* good, as a *STUNNED* tank main i *STUNNED* find myself *STUNNED* getting more *STUNNED* compliments for *STUNNED* shatters
twitch chat
July 2018
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Here's the thing. You said a "wyvern is a dragon."

Here's the thing. You said a "wyvern is a dragon." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a 1k MMR feeder who studies dragons, I am telling you, specifically, in dota, no one calls wyverns dragons. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "dragon family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Varanidae, which includes things from wyverns to eldwurms to drakes. So your reasoning for calling a wyvern a dragon is because random people "call the flying lizards dragons?" Let's get gyarados and charizards in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a noob or a feeder? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A wyvern is a wyvern and a member of the dragon family. But that's not what you said. You said a wyvern is a dragon, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the dragon family dragons, which means you'd call eldwurms, drakes, and other flying lizards dragons, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?
January 2021

I was talking about TSM

twitchquotes: My mom just entered my room and asked me to stop watching garbage. I told her that League of Legends was a respectable esport with millions of player around the world. She responded: “I know. I was talking about TSM, they’re trash” KEKW.
twitch chat
October 2020
Riot Games

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing