[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

I was worried regi was losing control of tsm

twitchquotes: I was worried regi was losing control of tsm but after seeing them choke in playoffs its clear to see he is in full control
twitch chat
September 2018
Riot Games

League of Legends

yang gang for life

twitchquotes: If my girl 👩 and yang 🤓 both drowning 😱 and I can only save one 😢 catch me with my 1000 extra a month 🤑🤑 because it's yang gang for life 😤😉😌😌
twitch chat
August 2019

Emoji Pasta

AMOGUS (youtube video) v3

⠀⠀⠀⠀- ⣠⠤⠖⠚⠛⠉⠛⠒⠒⠦⢤ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠞⠁⠀⠀⠠⠒⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⡄ ⠀⠀⠀⢸⠇⠀⠀⠀⢀⡄⠤⢤⣤⣤⡀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣹⡄ ⠀⠀⠀⠘⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⣙⣒⠚⠛⠋⠁⡈⠓⠴⢿⡿⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠒⠤⢀⠛⠻⠿⠿⣖⣒⣁⠤⠒⠋ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⠼⠀⠈⣻⠋⠉⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⡴⠚⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠐⢦ ⠀⠀⣸⠃⠀⡴⠋⠉⠀⢄⣀⠤⢴⠄⠀⡇ ⠀⢀⡏⠀⠀⠹⠶⢀⡔⠉⠀⠀⣼⠀⠀⡇ ⠀⣼⠁⠀⠙⠦⣄⡀⣀⡤⠶⣉⣁⣀⠘ ⢀⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣽ ⢸⠇⠀⠀⠀⢀⡤⠦⢤⡄⠀⠀⡟ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⡾⠀⠀⠀⡿⠀⠀⣇⣀⣀ ⢸⠀⠀⠈⠉⠓⢦⡀⢰⣇⡀⠀⠉⠀⠀⣉⠇ ⠈⠓⠒⠒⠀⠐⠚⠃⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁
December 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Do you know who I am? I am a 4.0 STEM Major

twitchquotes: Do you know who the fuck you're talking to right now? I'm a 4.0 STEM major with a full ride to a top ten university. I'm in the 97th percentile of IQ intelligence (the test wouldn't go any higher). I literally tip the scales with my intelligence. I am the furthest thing from a "twitch chat idiot".
twitch chat
July 2014
Reynad

Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing