[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Hold on let me fix my hair

twitchquotes: KappaClaus let me take this hat off KappaRoss dear me my hair! NotLikeThis TheThing this is worse! NotLikeThis Ahh much better Kappa
twitch chat
February 2016
Kripp

I have gotten the covid vaccine about 20 times now

I have gotten the covid vaccine about 20 times now. 4 Pfizer, 12 moderna, 4 Johnson. Once I got my first vaccine, I started cravings for it. There is something so great knowing I am reducing the spread of the coronavirus with each of them. I am feeling so empowered. I think I may be addicted ngl :sweat_smile:. At least it won't kill me.
June 2021

Coronavirus

Classic

COVID

Things escalated from there

twitchquotes: I lost my virginity while listening to this song 5 years ago, it's a funny story really.. i had just finished my gym workout and i was in the locker room all sweaty, and in walks this leather dressed jabroni.. he seemed confused as to where he was.. i told him he might have gotten the wrong door, then he got very rude and said "fuck you", then i said "nah fuck you leatherman" and then things escalated from there
twitch chat
July 2018

Traumatized Mr Incredible

โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌ›โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž– โž–โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž– โž–โž–โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌœโฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โฌ›โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž– โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–โž–
ascii art
February 2022

Ninja's questionable tweet (wife brings me a sandwich, not asked for)

I am in the middle of carrying a league of legends game about to close it out, and my bra-less wife brings me a sandwich (not asked for) with chips as I get a double kill bot lane. So how is your day going?
May 2021
Ninja
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