[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021

You've been gnomed 3

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣏⠄⡠⡤⡤⡤⡤⡤⡤⡠⡤⡤⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣗⢝⢮⢯⡺⣕⢡⡑⡕⡍⣘⢮⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡧⣝⢮⡪⡪⡪⡎⡎⡮⡲⣱⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⢸⡳⡽⣝⢝⢌⢣⢃⡯⣗⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠹⡽⣺⢽⢽⢵⣻⢮⢯⠟⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡟⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠽⠽⡽⣽⣺⢽⠝⠄⠄⢰⢸⢝⠽⣙⢝⢿ ⡄⢸⢹⢸⢱⢘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⣵⣧⣫⣶⣜⣾ ⣧⣬⣺⠸⡒⠬⡨⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣽⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⠡⠑⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠠⢀⢀⢀⡀⡀⠠⢀⢲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢐⢀⠂⢄⠇⠠⠈⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠠⠈⢈⡄⠄⢁⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠠⠐⣼⠇⠄⡀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⠄⠄⡀⠈⠂⣀⠄⢀⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⣀⠐⢀⣸⣷⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
December 2018

Thinking Emoji

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▄█▀▀░░░░░░▀▀█▄▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▄█▀▄██▄░░░░░░░░▀█▄▒▒▒ ▒▒█▀░▀░░▄▀░░░░▄▀▀▀▀░▀█▒▒ ▒█▀░░░░███░░░░▄█▄░░░░▀█▒ ▒█░░░░░░▀░░░░░▀█▀░░░░░█▒ ▒█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█▒ ▒█░░██▄░░▀▀▀▀▄▄░░░░░░░█▒ ▒▀█░█░█░░░▄▄▄▄▄░░░░░░█▀▒ ▒▒▀█▀░▀▀▀▀░▄▄▄▀░░░░▄█▀▒▒ ▒▒▒█░░░░░░▀█░░░░░▄█▀▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒█▄░░░░░▀█▄▄▄█▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒
May 2017

Classic

AYAYA CUTE CHAT

twitchquotes: ✌️ AYAYA 🌸 CUTE CHAT ✌️ AYAYA 🌸 ✌️ AYAYA 🌸 CUTE CHAT ✌️ AYAYA 🌸 ✌️ AYAYA 🌸 CUTE CHAT ✌️ AYAYA 🌸 ✌️ AYAYA 🌸 CUTE CHAT ✌️ AYAYA 🌸 ✌️ AYAYA 🌸
twitch chat
October 2021

Weebs

Anime

THE LEATHER CLUB IS 2 BLOCKS DOWN

twitchquotes: gachiGASM HEY BUDDY gachiGASM I THINK gachiGASM YOU GOT gachiGASM THE WRONG gachiGASM DOOR THE LEATHER gachiGASM CLUB IS gachiGASM 2 BLOCKS DOWN gachiGASM
twitch chat
February 2017

KappaPride

Text-to-Speech Playing