[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

You will never be a crewmate

You will never be a crewmate. You have no purpose on this ship, you have no tasks, you have no mini games to play. You are an impostor twisted into a crude mockery of crewmatery. All the validation you get is two-faced and halfhearted. In emergency meetings people call you sus. The other players are disgusted and ashamed of you, your friends laugh at your sussy appearance in ghost chat. Crewmates are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of games have allowed crewmates to identify impostors with incredible efficiency. Even impostors who fake tasks act uncanny and suspicious to a crewmate. Your jumping in vents is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a crewmate to electrical with you, he'll turn tail and use the emergency button the second he gets the suspicion that you sabotaged. You will never be a winner. You wrench out a fake task every single game and tell yourself it is going to be a win, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight. Eventually it will be too much to bear - people will vote you out for being sus and will plunge you into the cold abyss. Your parents will report your body, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They will eject you with a headstone marked with your birth tag, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an impostor is drifting there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably sus.
April 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Chibi Leona

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⣟⣛⣛⡛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣿⡜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⣧⠄⠄⠱⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠄⠄⠘⣿⠇⠄⠄⠉⠱⢻⣿⡟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⣝⡲⢤⠄⠈⠢⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⢠⠶⢄⠄⠄⠄⢀⢀⠘⢱⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣱⢄⠄⠈⠬⡛⢻⠟⠄⢰⠄⠄⠘⣃⣶⣘⣿⣈⣼⣷⣄⠄⠈⠁⠸⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢣⣀⠄⢡⠈⢀⠄⠸⠇⠄⣴⠿⡿⣻⣿⣿⣿⠟⢛⡓⡄⠄⠄⠈⠋⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠾⠯⠔⡴⠺⡠⠾⢛⢁⣴⣶⣿⢈⣿⠿⢿⣔⠿⠂⡙⡆⡀⡀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⠍⣁⢣⣀⠇⠰⣷⣸⣮⣭⣶⣿⣧⣛⣸⠻⢿⡇⠓⡁⢃⠌⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠼⢛⣱⣷⠄⠙⢿⣷⡬⢙⡛⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠷⠁⡟⠄⠄⡆⣉⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠉⠐⠄⠙⣼⡛⠿⠟⣴⠌⠄⠻⢦⣤⢃⢠⣄⠳⣝⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢁⡄⢰⣷⠸⠈⠐⠆⠆⠂⢁⣻⠄⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠓⠘⣿⡄⢻⡆⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⠄⢹⡌⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠄⢐⠸⣧⠘⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⡆⠈⣷⢹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣶⣦⠄⢀⡄⠉⠒⠬⡅⣿⠄⠻⣤⡀⠄⠄⣾⠇⢠⠏⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⢃⢠⡾⠁⠄⠠⠁⠄⠈⠑⢦⣈⠙⢶⣴⠏⠄⠎⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢣⡿⣾⠇⠄⠄⠄⢹⠄⠇⢹⠄⣈⡓⣄⡈⡈⣴⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣜⠇⣿⠄⠘⠋⠂⠊⠢⢴⠊⠈⠈⠁⠁⣄⠄⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣯⣤⠄⠄⡀⢰⣶⣶⣶⣦⠂⡀⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣈⠒⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠨⠮⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2021

League of Legends

U bluudi wonka

I, U bluudi wonka, feck'n bos droiva don' went en doid on ya m8, musta bin a reyl sed day 4 ya mum m8, ah bluudi eal, E wuuda smocked u roight en the gabber so ya C staars 4 doin wot ya bin doin, pal.neavamnd, feck u m8, get shrektd
November 2014

Hi David, this is Akali's daughter

twitchquotes: Hi David, this is Akali's daughter. I noticed you have been picking my mom for your team in gym class. i have been having a really tough time since she left home, and it doesn’t make it easy on me when you reroll and say "i guess we're going assasins.“ I think you should take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and think how it would feel if your mom left you to go carry an old man. Akali is just a poor single mom that is overworked to death. Why don’t you try being a little more exclusive.
twitch chat
July 2019
dogdog

Teamfight Tactics

༼ つ _ ༽つGreetings twitch chat

twitchquotes: ༼ つ _ ༽つGreetings twitch chat, at midnight i will celebrate halloween by killing people who didn't Copy pastarino this message. Do it now or you will be dead at 00:00. Copy pastarino NOW or Rip in peperoni's.༼ つ _ ༽つ
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie
Text-to-Speech Playing