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MaSsanSC
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Yassuo
1 copypastas
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Classic
347 copypastas
Am I The Asshole?
13 copypastas
538 copypastas found.

mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020

This is the shittiest reply ever Overwatch version

twitchquotes: This is the shittiest reply ever. Overwatch requires camping, booping, stunning, sleeping, hacking, slamming, aimbotting and hitting shots. There are not โ€œpositionsโ€ in Overwatch. A kickers job is LITERALLY to kick. Horrible analogy, kind of embarrassing.
twitch chat
December 2019

If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.

This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself. There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself. If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
May 2021

Hi David, this is Akali's daughter

twitchquotes: Hi David, this is Akali's daughter. I noticed you have been picking my mom for your team in gym class. i have been having a really tough time since she left home, and it doesnโ€™t make it easy on me when you reroll and say "i guess we're going assasins.โ€œ I think you should take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and think how it would feel if your mom left you to go carry an old man. Akali is just a poor single mom that is overworked to death. Why donโ€™t you try being a little more exclusive.
twitch chat
July 2019
dogdog

Teamfight Tactics

Response to somebody correcting a grammar mistake

Give it up folks, einstein over here has something to say. What's that buddy? Wha- A grammatical error?!? WHAT?!? B... Bu... That can't be possible! Surely not! A GRAMMAR MISTAKE? IN MY SIGHT?!? What a great, absolute miracle that you and your 257 IQ Brain was here to correct it! Thank you! Have my grattitude, Actually, What's your cashapp? I'd like to give you 20$... Know what? While we're at it have the keys to my car. Actually, no, scratch that. Have the keys to my house, go watch my kids grow up and fuck my wife. Also, my Paypal username and password is: Ilikesmartazzes4 and 968386329. Go have fun. Thank you for your work.
May 2021

I hate taking shits

I hate taking shits. Taking shits is the worst function of the human organism after sex. You have to sit on the most uncomfortable seat ever, then you have to go through so much pain to push the shit out of your asshole (not to mention sometimes they get stuck in there). And as if those weren't enough then you have to wipe, you have to take your hand along with toilet paper and shove it up your asshole, this process can sometimes take minutes out of your life, it fucking sucks. TL;DR I hate shitting
April 2022

bad scp writers be like

SCP-โ–ˆโ–ˆ Object class: โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ Containment Procedures: โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ Description: โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆsubjectโ€™s genitalsโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ
January 2021

Wife wants to leave me because of an NFT diamond ring

My wife loves new technology and is into cryptocurrency and so I thought it would be thoughtful to buy her a diamond ring as a NFT. I spent about 3 ETH which is like $12000 CAD. So when she got home from work I told her I had a surprise for her. I put a blindfold on my wife and guided her into our room where our computer is set up. Soon as she opened her eyes and saw what it was, she absolutely exploded with rage saying I was an asshole and was only thinking about myself. She then accused me of spending money on stupid thing and said sheโ€™s going to go find a boyfriend. I donโ€™t know what to do in this situation. I was only thinking about HER interests and how happy she would be to receive this new technology. Plus the price of her ring will only appreciate. Stupid real diamonds only depreciate. We have now signed up for NFT relationship counselling. I have been seeking relationship advice but everyone says to buy her NFT flowers or NFT chocolates. And when I did that, that was the last straw. Wife sent me divorce papers and I converted it into NFT. I know in the long run when all these NFTโ€™s moon. She will come crawling back.
February 2022

HAPPY IMPEACHMENT DAY

twitchquotes: ๐Ÿšจ๐Ÿšจ๐ŸšจHAPPY IMPEACHMENT DAY to all my freedom๐Ÿ—ฝloving hoes๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…who put the ๐Ÿ‘in IM๐Ÿ‘MENT๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜›looks like donald๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿคฎfinally got caught๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€โœˆ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘จโ€โœˆ๏ธtrying to call daddy ukraine๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ to take out hoe biden๐Ÿง“๐Ÿป๐Ÿ”ฅ but now we need to RIDE๐Ÿ‡CUMgress ๐Ÿ›raw๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘… so they canโ€™t back down๏ธ, send this to๐Ÿ”Ÿof your๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿปwokest๐Ÿ“woes๐Ÿ”ฅ๐ŸŒor say ๐Ÿ‘‹BYE to ur independence๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜ฉeating that IMPEACHMENT๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธDAY๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธASS ๐Ÿ‘is the only๏ธ ethical๐Ÿ‘Œform of consumption๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹under late capitalism๐Ÿ’ธ๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ด๐Ÿ’ถso WEโ€™RE ALL EATING TODAYโ˜ญโ˜ญโ˜ญ๏ธ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ‘…
twitch chat
December 2019

Forsen, would you do me the honor...

twitchquotes: Forsen, would you do me the honor and fuck my in the ass? Ever since I was a little child I've always dreamed of getting fucked by a streamer. And now, many years later, I've finally found the right one. Forsen, please be my saviour and fuck so hard that I can't walk for a week. Kisses and hugs.
twitch chat
August 2014
Forsen

Teacher: okay class, today we are going to finger paint

Teacher: okay class, today we are going to finger paint Kid named finger: โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃ€โฃดโฃถโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃถโฃฆโฃ€โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃคโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃ„โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โข€โฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃงโ €โ €โ €โข  โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃŸโฃ›โฃปโฃฟโฃฟโฃŸโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃทโ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃซโฃฝโฃพโฃปโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโกฟโฃฟโฃฟโ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โขฐโฃฟโฃฟโฃปโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโ ปโกฟโ ฟโ Ÿโ ›โฃŸโฃฟโฃฝโ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ ธโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃทโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโกฟโ โ ˆโ €โ โฃดโก†โ €โ €โ  โขญโฃฎโฃฟโกถโ €โ € โ €โกดโ ฒโฃฆโขฝโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃŸโฃฉโฃจโฃ€โก„โฃโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโฃ‡โ  โฃทโฃถโฃฟโฃฟโก โ โ € โ €โ ƒโข€โก„โ €โขปโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฝโขฟโฃฟโฃฏโฃพโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโขฟโฃฟโฃฟโกŸโฃฟโ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ ฃโ งโ €โขฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโ Ÿโขธโฃฟโ ฟโ ฟโ ฟโฃงโ ™โฃฟโฃฟโกฟโ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ โ ผโฃ’โกฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃ โฃฌโ €โ €โ €โ €โฃพโฃทโกˆโฃฟโก‡โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‰โขณโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโขŸโ —โ ผโ –โ ’โ ”โ ‰โ ‰โ ปโฃฟโ ‡โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ˆโฃปโกฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโกฟโก€โฃคโก„โ ธโฃฐโฃพโก’โฃทโฃดโฃฟโ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‚โขธโก—โก„โ ˜โ ญโฃญโฃทโฃฟโฃฎโฃ โฃŒโฃซโฃฟโฃทโฃฟโฃฟโ ƒโ €โ ˆโ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ˆโ €โขธโฃฟโฃพโฃทโฃฆโกฟโฃฟโฃฟโฃฟโกฟโขปโ žโฃนโฃฟโฃฟโ โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โข˜โ €โ ˜โขปโกฟโขฟโฃ‹โฃคโฃคโ Œโ ‰โ ›โ ›โ €โ ˆโ ‰โ โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โก€
May 2022

You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you

You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to.
September 2021

Wow! I love Verizonโ„ข!

twitchquotes: Wow! I love Verizonโ„ข! Iโ€™m glad that the internet is so free! Isnโ€™t it great to say whatever you want and have your opinion represented equally across the internet! Itโ€™s really great! Good thing Verizon has spent millions on having that removed Iโ€™m sure they wonโ€™t abuse it! Thank you Verizonโ„ข! I love Verizonโ„ข! Donโ€™t you love Verizonโ„ข?! Say it! Say it! Say you love Verizonโ„ข! Canโ€™t you see theyโ€™re protecting us from all those small businesses who want to steal a fraction of their market?! Donโ€™t you hate those people disagreeing with you?! I sure love Verizonโ„ข! Thank you Verizonโ„ข! Thank you for sticking your gold plated rusty knives up our asses and looking us dead in the eyes and saying โ€œthis is whatโ€™s best for a free and open internetโ€ and slowly twisting it deeper and deeper until we eventually just give out and shit money into your fat wallets!
twitch chat
December 2017

Net Neutrality

so you're italian? name every pasta

barbine, bavette, bigoli, bucatini, busiate, capellini, fedellini, ferrazzuoli, fettuccine, fileja, linguine, lagane, lasagna, lasagnette, lasagnotte, maccheroni alla molinara. maccheroncini di campofilone mafalde, matriciani, pappardelle, perciatteli, picagge, pici, pillus, rustiche, sagne 'ncannulate, scialatelli, spaghetti, spagetthi alla chitarra, spaghettini, spaghettoni, stringozzi, su filindeu, tagliatelle, taglierini, trenette, tripoline, vermicelli, ziti, anelli, boccoli, calamarata, campanelle, cappeli da chef, casarecce, casacatelli, castellane, cavatappi, cavatelli, chifferi, cicioneddos, conchiglie, creste di galli, fagioloni, farfalle, fazzoletti, festoni, fiorentine, fiori, fusilli, fusilli bucati, garganelli, gemelli, gnocchi, lanterne, lorighittas, macaroni, maccheroncelli, mafaldine, malloreddus, mandala, marrile, mezzani, mezze maniche, mezze penne, mezzi bombardoni, nuvole, paccheri, passatelli, pasta el ceppo, penne, penne ricce, picchiarelli, pipe rigate, pizzoccheri, quadrefiore, radiatory, ricciollini, ricciutelle, rigatoncini, rigatoni, rombi, rotelle, sagnette, sagneralli, sedani, spirali, strapponi, strozzaperti, testaroli, tortigiloni, treccioni, trenne, trofie, trottole, tuffoli, vesuvio, cencioni, corzetti, fainelle, fogile, d'ulivo, orecchiette, acini de pepe, alphabet pasta, anchellini, anelli, anellini, armonie, conchigliette, corquilettes, coralli, corallini, cuscussu, ditali, egg barley, fideos, filini, fregula, funghini, gianduietta, grano, gramigne, grattini, grattoni, margerthine, merletti, midolline, occhi di passero, orzo, pastina, piombi, ptitim, puntine, quadrettini, sorprese, stelle, stortini, tripolini, agnolini, agnolotti, caccavelle, canneloni, cappelletti, caramelle, casoncelli, casunziei, conchiglioni, culurgiones, fagottini, lumache, mezzelune, occhi di lupo, pansotti, ravioli, rotolo ripieno, sacchettoni, tortelli, tortelloni, tufoli, canederli, donderet
November 2021

Sheldon says BAZINGA

"I've never been a fan of Internet Explorer" Crowd laughs nervously and a few grunts are heard from the back seats as people edge closer to hear the punchline. "Why not? Don't you like the internet?" The crowd suddenly stands up, aware that they are about to receive what they came for. People slowly edge closer to the set as Sheldon prepares for his next line. Sweat is clearly visible on his brow and his mouth is quivering in anticipation as he readies himself for what is about to happen. "I just prefer Firefox because, like the fox, I am cunning and nimble." The crowd suddenly surges forward as the words escape Sheldon's mouth. They are so powerful, they almost shake the very foundations of the CBS studios. He watches as, in what he perceives as slow motion, the crowd moves toward his fragile body. He has been preparing for this moment his whole life. This is his moment. This is his Emmy. This is his Golden Globe. This is even his Oscar. The crowd converges around him so quickly they ignore the trampled cries of Leonard and Penny, who now lie shaking on the floor, their bones crushed by the sheer mass of the crowd. Sheldon stares back at the eyes around him. What he sees are no longer people. What he sees is the human psyche stripped down to its core. Their lives, what they were before this moment has been forgotten. Ravenous. Hungry. They want one thing from him. Sheldon closes his eyes, clears his mind and relaxes his body. What happens next depends completely on the next few seconds. The time between this and what he mutters next feels like an eternity. Slowly, he opens his eyes. He looks at Leonard, then at Penny, both lying lifeless on the floor. Without a second thought, he says with resounding conviction... "BAZINGA" In a split second, the crowd pounces on his ready and waiting body. Man, woman, child all at once. Sheldon cries out in complete ecstasy as they consume his flesh. He stops suddenly, as he drifts into eternal slumber. Peace at last.
April 2021

Chat has just turned into a cesspool

twitchquotes: At this point in the night the chat has just turned into a cesspool. There is no point in trying to have a meaningful discussion with anyone, it's just copy pasta this PJ Salt that. And the worst part is no one in the chat knows how to play the game so they just give ass advice. If this gets copied I will leave.
twitch chat
August 2017

I hate Twitch Chat

what's the point in correcting me

what the fuck is the point in correcting me. You think I don't know how to spell "your"? I shortened it to "ur" because I was eating chips and typing one handed and didn't want to bother with those 2 extra letters just to please a fucking lifeless fat neckbeard like you. Stop thinking you're smart just because you can correct somebody's spelling, you seem like a total fucking idiot jackass and I'm ashamed and disappointed that on the internet where there are millions of comments and commentors, I was still stuck with a response written by somebody like you. You obviously knew what I meant, it's not like I spelt "your" as "s;ldkfjs;dlfkj". Take your fucking dildo keyboard out your crusty ass and realize that maybe you have no friends and plans tonight because you're an unlikeable cumstain who repels everybody away like opposite poles on a magnet. The next time you comment like a fucking moron, ask yourself "would I rather write this useless comment or would I rather clean my fucking act up and stop being a little shitter". My New Years resolution is to never have the misfortune of you coming across any more of my comments and throwing up your shitty insight at me.
December 2020

Bullish market makes me hard

When the stocks ๐Ÿ“Š๐Ÿ“ go up ๐Ÿ“ˆ๐Ÿ’ธ, my dick goes too ๐Ÿ†โฌ†๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ณ. Bullish ๐Ÿ‚ market ๐Ÿฌ makes me hard ๐Ÿฆด๐Ÿ’ฆ. All the countries ๐Ÿณ๏ธ๐Ÿด๐Ÿดโ€โ˜ ๏ธ๐Ÿ๐Ÿšฉ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€โšง๏ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ณ try to recover ๐Ÿ”„ from corona ๐Ÿฆ  so the money ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ธ flows ๐ŸŒฌ into my pocket ๐Ÿ’ณ. Soon ๐Ÿ”œ there will be a crash ๐Ÿ“‰๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ˜– and the bears ๐Ÿป will crawl ๐Ÿšผ out of their holes ๐Ÿ•ณ. Then they cut off my greedy dick โœ‚๏ธ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿฉธ if I donโ€™t โŒ eat โ€™em out ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ˜ธ. I must turn into a bear ๐Ÿ‚โžก๏ธ๐Ÿป and make ๐ŸคŒ๐Ÿผ more money ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ธ and eat some honey ๐Ÿป๐Ÿฏ. When Iโ€™m done โœ… Iโ€™ll throw a party ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿท๐Ÿพ and eat your ass ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘.
October 2021

Emoji Pasta

WallStreetBets

Criminal is escape gulag in Siberia

Criminal is escape gulag in Siberia. Enter hut that isnโ€™t belonging to. Find peasant couple. Tie to stool. After tie peasant woman, he climb top, kiss neck. Go to shithole. While criminal in shithole, peasant man say, This man escape gulag. Is probably capitalist. Is lusting of woman like other capitalist. I saw he kiss neck of the you. If he is desirous of scandalous act, resist not. Be surrender like fascists in Stalingrad. Is probably danger. If is angry, murder all. Have strength, be product. Is love! Peasant woman respond, he not is kissing neck. Is whispering in ear. He say is liking to stick schalinski in holes of men. Think you look good. Ask if we are having any lard. I told, is in shithole. Have strength, bee product. Is love too! Criminal never return. Starved at shithole due to lack of potato. Fifteen years is long time to be without potato. Peasant couple couldnโ€™t build communism due to being tied to stool. Peopleโ€™s Army Patrol rescue them. Is great happiness! Then sent to gulag due to failure to build communism. Carcass of criminal also sent back to gulag, made to work. Is no mercy for traitors of the motherland.
April 2022

Did you just really use a copypasta to respond to me?

Wow, WOW. Did you just really use a copypasta to respond to me? Instead of giving a proper response or ending the conversation like a sane person, you just use a copypasta and think you're a smartass? Guess what, i'm the one who is smart and you are the one who is an ass; because you just think copy and pasting something will get you to be in 1st place. Fucking speak to people properly instead of using one of those shitty lines of text.
October 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing