[Copypasta] I hate taking shits

I hate taking shits. Taking shits is the worst function of the human organism after sex. You have to sit on the most uncomfortable seat ever, then you have to go through so much pain to push the shit out of your asshole (not to mention sometimes they get stuck in there). And as if those weren't enough then you have to wipe, you have to take your hand along with toilet paper and shove it up your asshole, this process can sometimes take minutes out of your life, it fucking sucks. TL;DR I hate shitting
April 2022
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Jared 10 years later...

twitchquotes: Ten years later, after retiring from Dignitas, Jared quit league, settled down, and found a girl he loved. Everything was going great until one night, after an incredibly romantic dinner, she dropped to her knees and proposed to Jared. As she opened the small box in her hands, Jared gasped when he saw the stone: two diamonds. His future wife leaned up next to his ear, slipped the ring on his finger, and whispered, "Don't be a p ussy."
twitch chat
April 2016
Annie Bot

Boosted Animal Jared

League of Legends

I use Linux as my operating system

"I use Linux as my operating system," I state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. He swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision. "Actually", he says with a grin, "Linux is just the kernel. You use GNU+Linux!' I don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "I use Alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU Coreutils, or any other GNU code. It's Linux, but it's not GNU+Linux." The smile quickly drops from the man's face. His body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth and drops to the floor with a sickly thud. As he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!" Coolly, I reply "If windows were compiled with GCC, would that make it GNU?" I interrupt his response with "-and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. Even if you were correct, you won't be for long." With a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. He lies on the floor, cold and limp. I've womansplained him to death.
June 2021

Bear

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–€โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–„โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–’โ–โ–โ–„โ–Œโ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–„โ–โ–„โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–’โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–Œโ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014

100% reason to go for the face

twitchquotes: 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% slowly ranking uphill, 5% topdeck, 50% race or just 100% reason to go for the face SMOrc
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

It seems you've Eucked Fk0p

twitchquotes: As Trump leads Mira into the bedroom, she thinks about how many viewers tucking Frump will get her. As they get in bed, Trump turns off the light. After a vigorous minute, Mira rolls off Trump. "Could you host my stream?" she asks. "Sure," replies Ek DansGame p. As Mira recoils in horror, Trump speaks from the door, "It seems you've Eucked Fk0p."
twitch chat
September 2015
Trump
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