[Copypasta] You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you

You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to.
September 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

BOB “You’re doing GREAT out there!”

twitchquotes: BOB “You’re doing GREAT out there!” I exclaim with as much enthusiasm as I can this late in the day. The scraggly vegan is the only one left in the tavern, his attention focused entirely on the card game we put out to entertain children and toddlers. “I don’t wanna talk about it guys” cries the man, knocking his cup of vegan water over. I try to reassure him that everyone has bad luck now and then, but he just ignores me, as always. This tavern attracts some strange types indeed.
twitch chat
September 2020
Kripp

Hearthstone

5 men 9 eyebrows 1 dream

twitchquotes: This is Gambit ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º( ͡° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °)ºل͟º ༽ºل͟º ༽ 5 MEN 9 EYEBROWS 1 DREAM
twitch chat
March 2014

Classic

League of Legends

Not funny I didn't laugh

Not funny I didn't laugh. Your joke is so bad I would have preferred the joke went over my head and you gave up re-telling me the joke. To be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me. Not a chuckle, not a hehe, not even a subtle burst of air out of my esophagus. Science says before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but I didn't even feel the slightest twitch. 0/10 this joke is so bad I cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all. The amount of brain power you must have put into that joke has the potential to power every house on Earth. Get a personality and learn how to make jokes, read a book. I'm not saying this to be funny I genuinely mean it on how this is just bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy. You've single handedly killed humor and every comedic act on the planet. I'm so disappointed that society has failed as a whole in being able to teach you how to be funny. Honestly if I put in all my power and time to try and make your joke funny it would require Einstein himself to build a device to strap me into so I can be connected to the energy of a billion stars to do it, and even then all that joke would get from people is a subtle scuff. You're lucky I still have the slightest of empathy for you after telling that joke otherwise I would have committed every war crime in the book just to prevent you from attempting any humor ever again. We should put that joke in text books so future generations can be wary of becoming such an absolute comedic failure. Im disappointed, hurt, and outright offended that my precious time has been wasted in my brain understanding that joke. In the time that took I was planning on helping kids who have been orphaned, but because of that you've waisted my time explaining the obscene integrity of your terrible attempt at comedy. Now those kids are suffering without meals and there's nobody to blame but you. I hope you're happy with what you have done and I truly hope you can move on and learn from this piss poor attempt
September 2019

Classic

KekHands

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠠⣴⣶⣾⣿⣶⣄⡀⣀⣠⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣭⡛⠿⡇⢚⣽⣿⣟⡻⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⣠⣾⣸⣿⣿⣒⡹⠟⢛⣉⠐⢖⢃⣵⡖⠂⠒⠲⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⡐⣫⣿⣿⣷⡿⣠⡻⢿⣾⣯⣶⡤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣥⡿⢃⠛⣲⢉⣩⣭⠬⠭⠭⠥⠬⠭⠽⠜⠆⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⠄⡇⣴⣰⢰⡇⣿⠘⣧⢹⡆⠇⠃⢸⣸⡇⠄⠄⠄⡜⣷⡰⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢻⣀⣇⡉⡍⡄⣶⢰⡆⢰⢰⡆⣄⡄⡴⣿⠇⢰⣦⠄⣿⣸⣧⡿ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣍⣻⣿⣟⣃⡛⣘⢃⢻⢘⢃⣌⣼⣿⠃⠄⡀⣿⣷⣿⣿⠟⠁ ⣔⡺⠯⣝⣛⡻⠿⠿⣿⣿⡻⣔⢷⣯⣿⣘⣿⢘⡌⣿⠏⢰⣾⣿⣿⡿⠉⠁⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⣭⣙⣛⣒⣒⣒⣛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢸⣿⣿⣿⢰⣿⣆⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣍⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⡜⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⢿⣿⣿⣿⢱⣿⣿⣿⡧⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣎⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⢻⡿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢡⣷⡈⠻⣿⡟⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2021

Pepe

Jebaited

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⢷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣌⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡯⠻⠿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⢷⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⣤⠼⠟⠛⠄⠠⣭⡙⠋⠉⠄⠄⠚⠟⠋⠃⠐⠸⢟⣦⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⡿⠋⠄⢀⣤⣤⣶⠈⢷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⠆⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣍⠉⠻⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠨⣾⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣸⡿⣩⣟⣿⡦⡲⣿⣿⣿⡿⠙⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⠁⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣏⣉⠉⠛⠢⠈⣻⣿⣿⡍⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢷⠄⡌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠸⠿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠿⠿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢄⠄⠐⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣷⣴⣶⣶⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
June 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing