[Copypasta] You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you

You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to.
September 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

She sells sea shells on the sea shore

She sells seashells on a seashore But the value of these shells will fall Due to the laws of supply and demand No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they’re rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island Stockpile 'em high until they’re rarer than a diamond Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin' want 'em, hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven’t got a shell, then you're just a fucking wasteman Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property Start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly "Shells must sell", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals, they're a poor man's quality Four: expand, expand, expand Clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand Five: why just shells? Why limit yourself? She sells seashells, sell oil as well Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks Sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes Then run to be the president of the United States Eight: big smile mate, big wave, that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate Nine: Polarise the people, controversy is the game It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name Ten: the world is yours Step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore And you sell seashells on the seashore
April 2021

OWO

⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⣿⢰⣿⡆⠀⣾⣿⡆⠀⣾⣷⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⣿⠘⣿⣿⣤⣿⣿⣿⣤⣿⡇⠀⢻⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⡿⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⢸⣿⣇⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣷⣶⣶⡿⠁⠀⠈⣿⣿⠟⠀⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋
July 2019

I declare with utter certainty that this one is in the bag

twitchquotes: FROM THE GHASTLY EYRIE I CAN SEE TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD, AND FROM THIS VANTAGE POINT I DECLARE WITH UTTER CERTAINTY THAT THIS ONE IS IN THE BAG!
twitch chat
January 2015
DotADeMoN

I have evidence. No u

purple: IT'S RED! I HAVE EVIDENCE! red: Purple sus ngl. purple: no u red: ... ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤred was not an impostor.
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Small but dedicated scene in Antarctica

twitchquotes: Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a Switch to boot up when it's -135 degrees outside? Out here in Antarctica, we have a small but dedicated scene. I'm the only human among us, but we have some high level penguins as well. You mess with the waddle, you mess with all of us
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

Text-to-Speech Playing