[Copypasta] If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.

This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself. There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself. If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
May 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Do you have what it takes to be a Memester?

slow claps steps out of the shadows Heh... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean. It's not bad. A good first attempt. It's plenty dank... I can tell it's got some thought behind it... lots of quotable material... But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows, kid. You're skilled... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a Memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman's Corps? Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than that it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kuahana - they're out there day and night, burning the midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft that next big meme. And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard," or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't just mean the one you just lost :). It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a milion different captions to. Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You've got talent. You just need to show your drive. See you on the boards...
June 2017

I want to date Pokimane so bad

twitchquotes: I want to date Pokimane so bad. She is so cute and I love her so much. She has a cute smile and a cute face. She’s a gamer like me and has a amazing personality. I would love to tell her every night “I love you” and rub her feet while she is streaming. We would go out when she isn’t doing gamer stuff and have fun together. She is also really good at gaming so I would be able to get carried by my very own GF. I love girls who are better at things than me so I can learn from them. God I want to date Pokimane
twitch chat
April 2020
Pokimane

BAIR, FAIR, Up AIR, DAIR

twitchquotes: BAIR, FAIR, Up AIR, DAIR. Long ago, the four aerials lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when MKLeo picked Ike and spammed NAIR. Only the Tweek, master of all four aerials, could stop him, but when the world needed him most, he vanished.
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

I think i need a special vaccine

twitchquotes: 😳 what's this? my heart is beating so fast 💓 I feel dizzy 🤪 what is this tension in my lower body? 🤔 I am sweating so much 🥵 I think i need a special vaccine 🍆 because I have [insert streamer name]virus 🤒🤒🤒
twitch chat
April 2021

Zeus hates Kripp's casualness

twitchquotes: Hᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, ᴛʜɪs ɪs Zᴇᴜs, Gᴏᴅ ᴏғ Oʟʏᴍᴘᴜs. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ɪɴғᴏʀᴍᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴍʏ sᴇʀᴠᴀɴᴛs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴅɪsɢʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʜᴏʟʏ ʟᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟɴᴇss. Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ two ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴅᴀʏs ᴛᴏ sᴜᴍᴍᴏɴ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀʀᴅᴄᴏʀᴇ ʀᴏᴏᴛs ᴏʀ ᴇʟsᴇ I'ᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴɴɪʜɪʟᴀᴛᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴀɴᴀᴅɪᴀɴ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍʏ +25% ᴅᴍɢ ᴛᴏ ʟɪɢʜᴛɴɪɴɢ sᴋɪʟʟ.
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp
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