[Copypasta] If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.

This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself. There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself. If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
May 2021
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More Copypastas

Valorant censorship

At least you have the fucking balls to say it. Like in Valorant in the voice chat if you call someone a retard for being trash at the game and not using a mic, and he's a Russian player, you're "banned". Nevermind that the race of the player exists independently from how trash he is at the game. Obviously not all Russians have no mic, (correlation/causation), but this "all players are equal" political correctness bullshit is making it impossible for Valorant players to solve a problem they cannot discuss.
August 2021

Valorant

666

twitchquotes: 123+123+420=666 Illuminati confirmed
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

This streamer loves COCK

THIS STREAMER LOVES β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•— β–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β• β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β•šβ•β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•β•β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ•—β–‘ β•šβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β•šβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β•šβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•”β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ•‘β–‘β•šβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•— β–‘β•šβ•β•β•β•β•β–‘β–‘β•šβ•β•β•β•β•β–‘β–‘β•šβ•β•β•β•β•β–‘β•šβ•β•β–‘β–‘β•šβ•β•
February 2021

I put sushi in my husband’s butthole while he was asleep

He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
May 2022

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021
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