[Copypasta] If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.

This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself. There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself. If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
May 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Vegan Propaganda

twitchquotes: KKona Howdy Kripp, my name is Bill and I work in the meat industry. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of all the vegan propaganda you're spreading on this here livestream. You rave about the health benefits of becoming a leaf-muncher, but look at you! You're a pale, scrawny, hallowed-out husk of a man. Hell, you probably can't even lift up a hamburger with those pitiful arms of yours. If you don't stop hating on meat, I'm gonna come by in my truck and force-feed you my "giant sausage!"
twitch chat
July 2016
Kripp

Classic

KAPOW

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠄⢀⣤⣾⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠀⢠⣾⠏⢀⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⢠⣶⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⢀⣿⠏⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣾⠋⠀⠀⣿⣿⠁⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣆⣀⣸⣿⣯⣴⢿⣿⣿⠧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣾⠁⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠹⡿⢣⣿⡿⠋⠀⠘⠛⠁⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⠏⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠸⠋⠁⠀⠀⠈⠉⠃⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣾⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠹⣿⣿⡇⢀⣿⠀⣾⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⣤⣶⣾⣷⣆⠀⣿⣿⣇⣾⣿⣰⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣾⣿⠟⠉⣸⡿⢣⣾⣿⠟⠻⣿⣿⡄⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣠⡴⠟⢡⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⠁⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⢸⣿⣇⠀⢀⣴⡿⠃⠀⠟⠋⠁⠀⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
October 2020

Bikini Shrek

May 2020

Classic

Shrek

NSFW

WeirdChamp

⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄ ⠄⣤⣾⣿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠄⠈⠉⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⡇⠄ ⢰⣿⣿⣿⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡄⠄⠈⠙⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠄⣀⣀⣤⣄⣀⠉⢣⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⡋⠉⠄⢀⣀⣀⣄⡀⢀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣆⣾⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣉⣛⣛⣩⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠶⢶⣦⣦⠄⣀⣽⣿⠄ ⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄ ⠄⠄⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⢀ ⡇⠄⠄⠛⢿⣿⡿⠟⣽⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⠉⠉⠙⠋⢉⣿⣧⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣠⣿ ⣷⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⠄⠾⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣀⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣇⠈⢿⣿⡟⢁⣿⣿ ⣿⡄⠄⠄⠠⢿⣆⠄⠄⠘⠉⠉⠉⠁⠈⠙⠩⠿⠍⠙⠻⠄⠉⣰⣿⡿⠁⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣮⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣋⣤⣤⣤⣴⣿⣟⣁⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠉⣽⣿⣿⣿⣟⠍⢍⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣄⣀⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2019

Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing