[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I am a concerned mother with a 13 year old child (among us)

I am a concerned mother with a 13 year old child and I am here to seek help regarding my son. Last week when we went to the supermarket, my son pointed to a red trash can and started jumping around screaming β€œTHAT’S AMONG US! THAT TRASH CAN IS SUS! RED IS THE IMPOSTOR!” As soon as he did that, the manager told us to leave. I told him that my son is just excited about something, and apologised. But the manager still told us to leave so I picked up the red trash can that my son was going crazy over and threw it on the managers head. Then my son shouted β€œDEAD BODY REPORTED.” Can someone please tell me what on earth is wrong with him?
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Sense of pride and accomplishment

twitchquotes: The πŸ’° intent πŸ’° is πŸ’° to πŸ’° provide πŸ’° players πŸ’° with πŸ’° a πŸ’° sense πŸ’° of πŸ’° pride πŸ’° and πŸ’° accomplishment πŸ’° for πŸ’° unlocking πŸ’° different πŸ’° heroes. πŸ’° As πŸ’° for πŸ’° cost, πŸ’° we πŸ’° selected πŸ’° initial πŸ’° values πŸ’° based πŸ’° upon πŸ’° data πŸ’° from πŸ’° the πŸ’° Open πŸ’° Beta πŸ’° and πŸ’° other πŸ’° adjustments πŸ’° made πŸ’° to πŸ’° milestone πŸ’° rewards πŸ’° before πŸ’° launch. πŸ’° Among πŸ’° other πŸ’° things, πŸ’° we're πŸ’° looking πŸ’° at πŸ’° average πŸ’° per-player πŸ’° credit πŸ’° earn πŸ’° rates πŸ’° on πŸ’° a πŸ’° daily πŸ’° basis, πŸ’° and πŸ’° we'll πŸ’° be πŸ’° making πŸ’° constant πŸ’° adjustments πŸ’° to πŸ’° ensure πŸ’° that πŸ’° players πŸ’° have πŸ’° challenges πŸ’° that πŸ’° are πŸ’° compelling, πŸ’° rewarding, πŸ’° and πŸ’° of πŸ’° course πŸ’° attainable πŸ’° via πŸ’° gameplay. We πŸ’° appreciate πŸ’° the πŸ’° candid πŸ’° feedback, πŸ’° and πŸ’° the πŸ’° passion πŸ’° the πŸ’° community πŸ’° has πŸ’° put πŸ’° forth πŸ’° around πŸ’° the πŸ’° current πŸ’° topics πŸ’° here πŸ’° on πŸ’° Reddit, πŸ’° our πŸ’° forums πŸ’° and πŸ’° across πŸ’° numerous πŸ’° social πŸ’° media πŸ’° outlets. Our πŸ’° team πŸ’° will πŸ’° continue πŸ’° to πŸ’° make πŸ’° changes πŸ’° and πŸ’° monitor πŸ’° community πŸ’° feedback πŸ’° and πŸ’° update πŸ’° everyone πŸ’° as πŸ’° soon πŸ’° and πŸ’° as πŸ’° often πŸ’° as πŸ’° we πŸ’° can. πŸ’°
twitch chat
November 2017

Kripparrian has ripped in the aether

twitchquotes: Today, November 25, 2014 marks the day that kripparrian has ripped into the aether. He was hit in the head by a Riot Gas thrown by Ferguson Police all the way from US. Please join me as we all fist ourselves without Lube in his remembrance BibleThump
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Romanian Salt Baron

twitchquotes: POLICE REPORT - Canadian Mounties have at last apprehended the "Romanian Salt Baron" after suspiciously salty whining was heard outside of a dingy apartment in Toronto. The Salt Baron, a morose, balding gypsy man, was at the time playing a children's card game when Mounties burst through the door. The man attempted to resist by "brofisting" the officials, but his scrawny vegan arms had no effect. The man's wife then assumed her true Succubus form and escaped into the Nether. More at 11.
twitch chat
July 2016
Kripp

Leifman is part of the Third Reich

twitchquotes: ο½—ο½ˆο½…ο½Ž ο½Œο½…ο½‰ο½†ο½ο½ο½Ž mod ο½”ο½ˆο½… ο½ƒο½ˆο½ο½” ο½ο½•ο½”ο½ο½ο½ο½”ο½‰ο½ƒο½ο½Œο½Œο½™ go to ο½’οΌ™ο½‹οΌŽ ο½Œο½…ο½‰ο½†ο½ο½ο½Ž ο½„ο½…ο½Œο½…ο½”ο½… ο½”ο½ˆο½… pasta ο½ο½Žο½„ ο½†ο½…ο½…ο½Œ ο½ˆο½… is ο½ο½Žο½… ο½—ο½‰ο½”ο½ˆ ο½”ο½ˆο½… ο½ο½„ο½ο½Œο½†οΌŽ all ο½‚ο½…ο½ƒο½ο½ο½‰ο½Žο½‡ ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½’ο½„ ο½’ο½…ο½‰ο½ƒο½ˆοΌŽΕΎ
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing