[Copypasta] mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Tragedy of Angela โ€œMercyโ€ Ziegler the Healer

twitchquotes: I thought not. It's not a story the Blizzard Devs would tell you. It's an Overwatch legend. Angela Ziegler was the main healer of Overwatch, so powerful and so skilled she could use her rapid healing to influence the human body to create life... She had such a knowledge of healing that she could even keep the ones she cared about from dying. The Zรผrich PHD is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. She became so powerful... the only thing she was afraid of was losing her power, which eventually, of course, she did. Unfortunately, she taught Jeff Kaplan everything she knew, then her developers nerfed her in her sleep. Ironic, she could save others from death, but not herself.
twitch chat
February 2018

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

Overwatch

One off lethal

twitchquotes: Discovering his inner-passion for painting, Kripp leaves Twitch for good and takes Rania and Dex on the road with him to pursue his dream. After six months Kripp realizes being an artist is a lot harder than playing video games. But itโ€™s too late. Homeless and starving, Rania hates Kripp, Dex hates Kripp, and, worst of all, Kripp hates Kripp. Buying a gun one rainy day, he puts it in his mouth and pulls the trigger. *click* He forgot to buy bullets. โ€œOne off lethal,โ€ Rania sobs.
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

Ten reasons why you can't move to Scotland

Tin resins why ye canae move tae Sco'land. Win - We dinnae want ye here Tae - Yer nae hard enough Threh - Ye wouldnae like the wither (and ye wouldne ken hoo tae describ it - dreich, drookit, haar, etc) Fir - Yer a dafty who couldne git intae oor big skels and dinnae ken aboot the Sco'ish Enlightinment Fiv - Yer a big girruls blouse and cannae keep up wi oor drinkin Sex - Yed get snapped in hoff if ye played fitbaw wi us sivvun - Ye coodnae handle the patter It - Wae dinnae wint ye drivin up the hoos prices Nin - Yer pribly a jobbyjabber who likes it it in the backsie Tin - Oor wimmun boke at the sight of ye If somehoo ye dae mit the abuv requirmints then ye can enter but ye must promis to vote fi SNP, the ONLY party that trilly represents Sco'land. Fuck off hame any English cunts.
September 2021

For anyone whose Egyptian keyboard is broken, hereโ€™s a full alphabet to copy and paste letters from accordingly

๐“€€ ๐“€ ๐“€‚ ๐“€ƒ ๐“€„ ๐“€… ๐“€† ๐“€‡ ๐“€ˆ ๐“€‰ ๐“€Š ๐“€‹ ๐“€Œ ๐“€ ๐“€Ž ๐“€ ๐“€ ๐“€‘ ๐“€’ ๐“€“ ๐“€” ๐“€• ๐“€– ๐“€— ๐“€˜ ๐“€™ ๐“€š ๐“€› ๐“€œ ๐“€ ๐“€ž ๐“€Ÿ ๐“€  ๐“€ก ๐“€ข ๐“€ฃ ๐“€ค ๐“€ฅ ๐“€ฆ ๐“€ง ๐“€จ ๐“€ฉ ๐“€ช ๐“€ซ ๐“€ฌ ๐“€ญ ๐“€ฎ ๐“€ฏ ๐“€ฐ ๐“€ฑ ๐“€ฒ ๐“€ณ ๐“€ด ๐“€ต ๐“€ถ ๐“€ท ๐“€ธ ๐“€น ๐“€บ ๐“€ป ๐“€ผ ๐“€ฝ ๐“€พ ๐“€ฟ ๐“€ ๐“ ๐“‚ ๐“ƒ ๐“„ ๐“… ๐“† ๐“‡ ๐“ˆ ๐“‰ ๐“Š ๐“‹ ๐“Œ ๐“ ๐“Ž ๐“ ๐“ ๐“‘ ๐“’ ๐““ ๐“” ๐“• ๐“– ๐“— ๐“˜ ๐“™ ๐“š ๐“› ๐“œ ๐“ ๐“ž ๐“Ÿ ๐“  ๐“ก ๐“ข ๐“ฃ ๐“ค ๐“ฅ ๐“ฆ ๐“ง ๐“จ ๐“ฉ ๐“ช ๐“ซ ๐“ฌ ๐“ญ ๐“ฎ ๐“ฏ ๐“ฐ ๐“ฑ ๐“ฒ ๐“ณ ๐“ด ๐“ต ๐“ถ ๐“ท ๐“ธ ๐“น ๐“บ ๐“ป ๐“ผ ๐“ฝ ๐“พ ๐“ฟ ๐“‚€ ๐“‚ ๐“‚‚ ๐“‚ƒ ๐“‚„ ๐“‚… ๐“‚† ๐“‚‡ ๐“‚ˆ ๐“‚‰ ๐“‚Š ๐“‚‹ ๐“‚Œ ๐“‚ ๐“‚Ž ๐“‚ ๐“‚ ๐“‚‘ ๐“‚’ ๐“‚“ ๐“‚” ๐“‚• ๐“‚– ๐“‚— ๐“‚˜ ๐“‚™ ๐“‚š ๐“‚› ๐“‚œ ๐“‚ ๐“‚ž ๐“‚Ÿ ๐“‚  ๐“‚ก ๐“‚ข ๐“‚ฃ ๐“‚ค ๐“‚ฅ ๐“‚ฆ ๐“‚ง ๐“‚จ ๐“‚ฉ ๐“‚ช ๐“‚ซ ๐“‚ฌ ๐“‚ญ ๐“‚ฎ ๐“‚ฏ ๐“‚ฐ ๐“‚ฑ ๐“‚ฒ ๐“‚ณ ๐“‚ด ๐“‚ต ๐“‚ถ ๐“‚ท ๐“‚ธ ๐“‚น ๐“‚บ ๐“‚ป ๐“‚ผ ๐“‚ฝ ๐“‚พ ๐“‚ฟ ๐“ƒ€ ๐“ƒ ๐“ƒ‚ ๐“ƒƒ ๐“ƒ„ ๐“ƒ… ๐“ƒ† ๐“ƒ‡ ๐“ƒˆ ๐“ƒ‰ ๐“ƒŠ ๐“ƒ‹ ๐“ƒŒ ๐“ƒ ๐“ƒŽ ๐“ƒ ๐“ƒ ๐“ƒ‘ ๐“ƒ’ ๐“ƒ“ ๐“ƒ” ๐“ƒ• ๐“ƒ– ๐“ƒ— ๐“ƒ˜ ๐“ƒ™ ๐“ƒš ๐“ƒ› ๐“ƒœ ๐“ƒ ๐“ƒž ๐“ƒŸ ๐“ƒ  ๐“ƒก ๐“ƒข ๐“ƒฃ ๐“ƒค ๐“ƒฅ ๐“ƒฆ ๐“ƒง ๐“ƒจ ๐“ƒฉ ๐“ƒช ๐“ƒซ ๐“ƒฌ ๐“ƒญ ๐“ƒฎ ๐“ƒฏ ๐“ƒฐ ๐“ƒฑ ๐“ƒฒ ๐“ƒณ ๐“ƒด ๐“ƒต ๐“ƒถ ๐“ƒท ๐“ƒธ ๐“ƒน ๐“ƒบ ๐“ƒป ๐“ƒผ ๐“ƒฝ ๐“ƒพ ๐“ƒฟ ๐“„€ ๐“„ ๐“„‚ ๐“„ƒ ๐“„„ ๐“„… ๐“„† ๐“„‡ ๐“„ˆ ๐“„‰ ๐“„Š ๐“„‹ ๐“„Œ ๐“„ ๐“„Ž ๐“„ ๐“„ ๐“„‘ ๐“„’ ๐“„“ ๐“„” ๐“„• ๐“„– ๐“„— ๐“„˜ ๐“„™ ๐“„š ๐“„› ๐“„œ ๐“„ ๐“„ž ๐“„Ÿ ๐“„  ๐“„ก ๐“„ข ๐“„ฃ ๐“„ค ๐“„ฅ ๐“„ฆ ๐“„ง ๐“„จ ๐“„ฉ ๐“„ช ๐“„ซ ๐“„ฌ ๐“„ญ ๐“„ฎ ๐“„ฏ ๐“„ฐ ๐“„ฑ ๐“„ฒ ๐“„ณ ๐“„ด ๐“„ต ๐“„ถ ๐“„ท ๐“„ธ ๐“„น ๐“„บ ๐“„ป ๐“„ผ ๐“„ฝ ๐“„พ ๐“„ฟ ๐“…€ ๐“… ๐“…‚ ๐“…ƒ ๐“…„ ๐“…… ๐“…† ๐“…‡ ๐“…ˆ ๐“…‰ ๐“…Š ๐“…‹ ๐“…Œ ๐“… ๐“…Ž ๐“… ๐“… ๐“…‘ ๐“…’ ๐“…“ ๐“…” ๐“…• ๐“…– ๐“…— ๐“…˜ ๐“…™ ๐“…š ๐“…› ๐“…œ ๐“… ๐“…ž ๐“…Ÿ ๐“…  ๐“…ก ๐“…ข ๐“…ฃ ๐“…ค ๐“…ฅ ๐“…ฆ ๐“…ง ๐“…จ ๐“…ฉ ๐“…ช ๐“…ซ ๐“…ฌ ๐“…ญ ๐“…ฎ ๐“…ฏ ๐“…ฐ ๐“…ฑ ๐“…ฒ ๐“…ณ ๐“…ด ๐“…ต ๐“…ถ ๐“…ท ๐“…ธ ๐“…น ๐“…บ ๐“…ป ๐“…ผ ๐“…ฝ ๐“…พ ๐“…ฟ ๐“†€ ๐“† ๐“†‚ ๐“†ƒ ๐“†„ ๐“†… ๐“†† ๐“†‡ ๐“†ˆ ๐“†‰ ๐“†Š ๐“†‹ ๐“†Œ ๐“† ๐“†Ž ๐“† ๐“† ๐“†‘ ๐“†’ ๐“†“ ๐“†” ๐“†• ๐“†– ๐“†— ๐“†˜ ๐“†™ ๐“†š ๐“†› ๐“†œ ๐“† ๐“†ž ๐“†Ÿ ๐“†  ๐“†ก ๐“†ข ๐“†ฃ ๐“†ค ๐“†ฅ ๐“†ฆ ๐“†ง ๐“†จ ๐“†ฉ ๐“†ช ๐“†ซ ๐“†ฌ ๐“†ญ ๐“†ฎ ๐“†ฏ ๐“†ฐ ๐“†ฑ ๐“†ฒ ๐“†ณ ๐“†ด ๐“†ต ๐“†ถ ๐“†ท ๐“†ธ ๐“†น ๐“†บ ๐“†ป ๐“†ผ ๐“†ฝ ๐“†พ ๐“†ฟ ๐“‡€ ๐“‡ ๐“‡‚ ๐“‡ƒ ๐“‡„ ๐“‡… ๐“‡† ๐“‡‡ ๐“‡ˆ ๐“‡‰ ๐“‡Š ๐“‡‹ ๐“‡Œ ๐“‡ ๐“‡Ž ๐“‡ ๐“‡ ๐“‡‘ ๐“‡’ ๐“‡“ ๐“‡” ๐“‡• ๐“‡– ๐“‡— ๐“‡˜ ๐“‡™ ๐“‡š ๐“‡› ๐“‡œ ๐“‡ ๐“‡ž ๐“‡Ÿ ๐“‡  ๐“‡ก ๐“‡ข ๐“‡ฃ ๐“‡ค ๐“‡ฅ ๐“‡ฆ ๐“‡ง ๐“‡จ ๐“‡ฉ ๐“‡ช ๐“‡ซ ๐“‡ฌ ๐“‡ญ ๐“‡ฎ ๐“‡ฏ ๐“‡ฐ ๐“‡ฑ ๐“‡ฒ ๐“‡ณ ๐“‡ด ๐“‡ต ๐“‡ถ ๐“‡ท ๐“‡ธ ๐“‡น ๐“‡บ ๐“‡ป ๐“‡ผ ๐“‡ฝ ๐“‡พ ๐“‡ฟ ๐“ˆ€ ๐“ˆ ๐“ˆ‚ ๐“ˆƒ ๐“ˆ„ ๐“ˆ… ๐“ˆ† ๐“ˆ‡ ๐“ˆˆ ๐“ˆ‰ ๐“ˆŠ ๐“ˆ‹ ๐“ˆŒ ๐“ˆ ๐“ˆŽ ๐“ˆ ๐“ˆ ๐“ˆ‘ ๐“ˆ’ ๐“ˆ“ ๐“ˆ” ๐“ˆ• ๐“ˆ– ๐“ˆ— ๐“ˆ˜ ๐“ˆ™ ๐“ˆš ๐“ˆ› ๐“ˆœ ๐“ˆ ๐“ˆž ๐“ˆŸ ๐“ˆ  ๐“ˆก ๐“ˆข ๐“ˆฃ ๐“ˆค ๐“ˆฅ ๐“ˆฆ ๐“ˆง ๐“ˆจ ๐“ˆฉ ๐“ˆช ๐“ˆซ ๐“ˆฌ ๐“ˆญ ๐“ˆฎ ๐“ˆฏ ๐“ˆฐ ๐“ˆฑ ๐“ˆฒ ๐“ˆณ ๐“ˆด ๐“ˆต ๐“ˆถ ๐“ˆท ๐“ˆธ ๐“ˆน ๐“ˆบ ๐“ˆป ๐“ˆผ ๐“ˆฝ ๐“ˆพ ๐“ˆฟ ๐“‰€ ๐“‰ ๐“‰‚ ๐“‰ƒ ๐“‰„ ๐“‰… ๐“‰† ๐“‰‡ ๐“‰ˆ ๐“‰‰ ๐“‰Š ๐“‰‹ ๐“‰Œ ๐“‰ ๐“‰Ž ๐“‰ ๐“‰ ๐“‰‘ ๐“‰’ ๐“‰“ ๐“‰” ๐“‰• ๐“‰– ๐“‰— ๐“‰˜ ๐“‰™ ๐“‰š ๐“‰› ๐“‰œ ๐“‰ ๐“‰ž ๐“‰Ÿ ๐“‰  ๐“‰ก ๐“‰ข ๐“‰ฃ ๐“‰ค ๐“‰ฅ ๐“‰ฆ ๐“‰ง ๐“‰จ ๐“‰ฉ ๐“‰ช ๐“‰ซ ๐“‰ฌ ๐“‰ญ ๐“‰ฎ ๐“‰ฏ ๐“‰ฐ ๐“‰ฑ ๐“‰ฒ ๐“‰ณ ๐“‰ด ๐“‰ต ๐“‰ถ ๐“‰ท ๐“‰ธ ๐“‰น ๐“‰บ ๐“‰ป ๐“‰ผ ๐“‰ฝ ๐“‰พ ๐“‰ฟ ๐“Š€ ๐“Ё ๐“Š‚ ๐“Šƒ ๐“Š„ ๐“Š… ๐“І ๐“Ї ๐“Šˆ ๐“Љ ๐“ŠŠ ๐“Š‹ ๐“ŠŒ ๐“Š ๐“ŠŽ ๐“Š ๐“А ๐“Š‘ ๐“Š’ ๐“Š“ ๐“Š” ๐“Š• ๐“Š– ๐“Š— ๐“Š˜ ๐“Š™ ๐“Šš ๐“Š› ๐“Šœ ๐“Š ๐“Šž ๐“ŠŸ ๐“Š  ๐“Šก ๐“Šข ๐“Šฃ ๐“Šค ๐“Šฅ ๐“Šฆ ๐“Šง ๐“Šจ ๐“Šฉ ๐“Šช ๐“Šซ ๐“Šฌ ๐“Šญ ๐“Šฎ ๐“Šฏ ๐“Šฐ ๐“Šฑ ๐“Šฒ ๐“Šณ ๐“Šด ๐“Šต ๐“Šถ ๐“Šท ๐“Šธ ๐“Šน ๐“Šบ ๐“Šป ๐“Šผ ๐“Šฝ ๐“Šพ ๐“Šฟ ๐“‹€ ๐“‹ ๐“‹‚ ๐“‹ƒ ๐“‹„ ๐“‹… ๐“‹† ๐“‹‡ ๐“‹ˆ ๐“‹‰ ๐“‹Š ๐“‹‹ ๐“‹Œ ๐“‹ ๐“‹Ž ๐“‹ ๐“‹ ๐“‹‘ ๐“‹’ ๐“‹“ ๐“‹” ๐“‹• ๐“‹– ๐“‹— ๐“‹˜ ๐“‹™ ๐“‹š ๐“‹› ๐“‹œ ๐“‹ ๐“‹ž ๐“‹Ÿ ๐“‹  ๐“‹ก ๐“‹ข ๐“‹ฃ ๐“‹ค ๐“‹ฅ ๐“‹ฆ ๐“‹ง ๐“‹จ ๐“‹ฉ ๐“‹ช ๐“‹ซ ๐“‹ฌ ๐“‹ญ ๐“‹ฎ ๐“‹ฏ ๐“‹ฐ ๐“‹ฑ ๐“‹ฒ ๐“‹ณ ๐“‹ด ๐“‹ต ๐“‹ถ ๐“‹ท ๐“‹ธ ๐“‹น ๐“‹บ ๐“‹ป ๐“‹ผ ๐“‹ฝ ๐“‹พ ๐“‹ฟ ๐“Œ€ ๐“Œ ๐“Œ‚ ๐“Œƒ ๐“Œ„ ๐“Œ… ๐“Œ† ๐“Œ‡ ๐“Œˆ ๐“Œ‰ ๐“ŒŠ ๐“Œ‹ ๐“ŒŒ ๐“Œ ๐“ŒŽ ๐“Œ ๐“Œ ๐“Œ‘ ๐“Œ’ ๐“Œ“ ๐“Œ” ๐“Œ• ๐“Œ– ๐“Œ— ๐“Œ˜ ๐“Œ™ ๐“Œš ๐“Œ› ๐“Œœ ๐“Œ ๐“Œž ๐“ŒŸ ๐“Œ  ๐“Œก ๐“Œข ๐“Œฃ ๐“Œค ๐“Œฅ ๐“Œฆ ๐“Œง ๐“Œจ ๐“Œฉ ๐“Œช ๐“Œซ ๐“Œฌ ๐“Œญ ๐“Œฎ ๐“Œฏ ๐“Œฐ ๐“Œฑ ๐“Œฒ ๐“Œณ ๐“Œด ๐“Œต ๐“Œถ ๐“Œท ๐“Œธ ๐“Œน ๐“Œบ ๐“Œป ๐“Œผ ๐“Œฝ ๐“Œพ ๐“Œฟ ๐“€ ๐“ ๐“‚ ๐“ƒ ๐“„ ๐“… ๐“† ๐“‡ ๐“ˆ ๐“‰ ๐“Š ๐“‹ ๐“Œ ๐“ ๐“Ž ๐“ ๐“ ๐“‘ ๐“’ ๐““ ๐“” ๐“• ๐“– ๐“— ๐“˜ ๐“™ ๐“š ๐“› ๐“œ ๐“ ๐“ž ๐“Ÿ ๐“  ๐“ก ๐“ข ๐“ฃ ๐“ค ๐“ฅ ๐“ฆ ๐“ง ๐“จ ๐“ฉ ๐“ช ๐“ซ ๐“ฌ ๐“ญ ๐“ฎ ๐“ฏ ๐“ฐ ๐“ฑ ๐“ฒ ๐“ณ ๐“ด ๐“ต ๐“ถ ๐“ท ๐“ธ ๐“น ๐“บ ๐“ป ๐“ผ ๐“ฝ ๐“พ ๐“ฟ ๐“Ž€ ๐“ށ ๐“Ž‚ ๐“Žƒ ๐“Ž„ ๐“Ž… ๐“ކ ๐“އ ๐“Žˆ ๐“މ ๐“ŽŠ ๐“Ž‹ ๐“ŽŒ ๐“Ž ๐“ŽŽ ๐“Ž ๐“ސ ๐“Ž‘ ๐“Ž’ ๐“Ž“ ๐“Ž” ๐“Ž• ๐“Ž– ๐“Ž— ๐“Ž˜ ๐“Ž™ ๐“Žš ๐“Ž› ๐“Žœ ๐“Ž ๐“Žž ๐“ŽŸ ๐“Ž  ๐“Žก ๐“Žข ๐“Žฃ ๐“Žค ๐“Žฅ ๐“Žฆ ๐“Žง ๐“Žจ ๐“Žฉ ๐“Žช ๐“Žซ ๐“Žฌ ๐“Žญ ๐“Žฎ ๐“Žฏ ๐“Žฐ ๐“Žฑ ๐“Žฒ ๐“Žณ ๐“Žด ๐“Žต ๐“Žถ ๐“Žท ๐“Žธ ๐“Žน ๐“Žบ ๐“Žป ๐“Žผ ๐“Žฝ ๐“Žพ ๐“Žฟ ๐“€ ๐“ ๐“‚ ๐“ƒ ๐“„ ๐“… ๐“† ๐“‡ ๐“ˆ ๐“‰ ๐“Š ๐“‹ ๐“Œ ๐“ ๐“Ž ๐“ ๐“ ๐“‘ ๐“’ ๐““ ๐“” ๐“• ๐“– ๐“— ๐“˜ ๐“™ ๐“š ๐“› ๐“œ ๐“ ๐“ž ๐“Ÿ ๐“  ๐“ก ๐“ข ๐“ฃ ๐“ค ๐“ฅ ๐“ฆ ๐“ง ๐“จ ๐“ฉ ๐“ช ๐“ซ ๐“ฌ ๐“ญ ๐“ฎ ๐“ฏ ๐“ฐ ๐“ฑ ๐“ฒ ๐“ณ ๐“ด ๐“ต ๐“ถ ๐“ท ๐“ธ ๐“น ๐“บ ๐“ป ๐“ผ ๐“ฝ ๐“พ ๐“ฟ ๐“€ ๐“ ๐“‚ ๐“ƒ ๐“„ ๐“… ๐“† ๐“‡ ๐“ˆ ๐“‰ ๐“Š ๐“‹ ๐“Œ ๐“ ๐“Ž ๐“ ๐“ ๐“‘ ๐“’ ๐““ ๐“” ๐“• ๐“– ๐“— ๐“˜ ๐“™ ๐“š ๐“› ๐“œ ๐“ ๐“ž ๐“Ÿ
March 2021

Are you really shitting on Pokรฉmon Unite bro?

Are you really shitting on Pokรฉmon Unite bro? Thatโ€™s pretty fucking cringe. This is a highly skilled game that requires teamwork. Communication. Hard work. Blood. Sweat. Tears. If your puny mind fails to see this game is all about skill then just go back to playing baby ass LoL you fucking pleb.
July 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing