Search TwitchQuotes
3730 copypastas found. 18 streams found. 21 copypasta tags found.
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3730 copypastas found.

NFL football teams allow kickers that just miss

twitchquotes: I’ll never understand how college and NFL football teams allow kickers that just.... miss... kicks. I feel like there has to be pools of kickers in the USA that won’t miss simple kicks. Or snappers that won’t mess the snaps idk man it seems so SILLY. Would love opinions on this.
twitch chat
December 2019

Nice opinion, but it's wrong

Nice opinion, just one tiny problem with it. Inspecting your post, it looks like your opinion is different from mine. Let me tell you something, I am the baseline for opinions. Any opinion I hold is objectively correct and as a result, any other opinions are wrong. Guess what? You happen to hold the wrong one! I hope you know that your opinion is now illegal. I have contacted the FBI, CIA, the NSA, the navy seals, secret service, and your mom. You'll be sorry you ever shared your opinions, by the time you're reading this, you'll be done for. Nature will punish you. Humanity will punish you. supernatural beings will punish you. Space will punish you. We decided just to make sure we'll nuke your house from orbit. So there's no chance you can run away, everyone will know you will die. It's a small price to pay, to remove your wrong opinion from this world.
January 2022

A few feet offscreen, Dex sits in a cage

twitchquotes: A few feet offscreen, Dex sits in a cage far too small for himself. Malnourished because of his "vegan" diet, his ribs are clearly visible through his coat. He barely has the energy to move, let alone enjoy life. Yet, he knows there's hope. He knows he could draw attention to himself, as he hears Kripp constantly talking to someone. In a single act of defiance, Dex barks to draw attention to his dire situation. "Quiet, Dex" is his only reply as Kripp ignores his pleas yet again.
twitch chat
March 2018
Kripp

Why is Jake even a meme?

twitchquotes: Why is Jake even a meme? Are really so inconsiderate and stupid so as to think that its funny? You just post it like its some kind of joke, when in reality, Jake is a serious player at the top of his game, and deserves your respect. For this reason, I refuse to spam J LUL KE
twitch chat
March 2018

Trump Biden fanfic

Trump wins the election by one vote. He tries to find out who the last vote was. It was Biden. He then says to Biden “after all this you still voted for me?” Trump then changes his vote to Biden which then makes it a tie. They both get very emotional. Biden then leans in and makes out with trump on national television. They run away and live the rest of their lives together. Which leaves Kanye west as the 46th president of the United States.
November 2020

2020 US Election

What the fuck did you just fucking say about OTM FDs

What the fuck did you just fucking say about OTM FDs, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated bottom of my class in the Special Needs Division of the Navy Seals, and I've been bag holding from pump n' dumps on WSB since 2012, AND I have over 300 confirmed margin calls. I am trained in the 'tism and I'm the top retard in the entire United States armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another normie retail investor. I will wipe out my portfolio with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about OTM FDs over the Internet? Think again, fuckface. As we speak I am contacting my wife's network of boyfriends across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your portfolio. Your fucking 401k is dead, kid. I can trade anywhere, anytime, and I can lose fat stacks over seven hundred ways, and that's just with TSLA FDs. Not only am I extensively trained in sniffing glue, but I have access to the entire crayon collection of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass boomer stocks off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit crayon diarrhea all over you, the likes of which would make even Jackson Pollock jealous, and you will drown in it. You're fucking done, kiddo.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Navy Seal

We blizzard care much about the player experience

twitchquotes: We blizzard care much about the player experience. For this reason, we're changing the card Ultimate Infestation as follows: Deal 5 damage, gain 5 armor, summon 3 JADE GOLEMS, Add 5 Jade Idol to your hand. I'm Ben Brode, hope you still like my raps!
twitch chat
September 2017

Hearthstone

I am not a simp.

twitchquotes: And I want to say this to the kings in the audience. I’ve made my mistakes in my chase for coochie. But in all of my years of chad life, I have never simped– never simped for a girl. I’ve earned every bit of cooch. And in all of my years of chad life, I have never paid for the meal. Because people have got to know whether or not I’m a simp. Well, I’m not a simp. I’ve never simped for any girl I’ve got. I am not a simp.
twitch chat
July 2020

Simps

Japan's most influential engineers

twitchquotes: Today, we've sadly lost one of Japan's most influential engineers. His name was "Yaoi Futanari" and he designed some of the most important parts of the modern CD Player. He has sadly passed away at the age of 96. Show some love and give him a search on Google.
twitch chat
June 2020

Mr Bear song (that's where your hopes go to die)

Well There's all sorts of creatures, down on Dangley Doodle Farm. Like wise old Mr Octopus, with way too many arms! There's Mr Pig! And Mr Cow! They're always in good moods. But That's cause they don't know they'll soon be sliced up into food! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your hopes go to turn into despair. Mr Bear! What's That over there? That's where your dreams go to die! Mr Racoon! Wants to go to the moon. He'll end up as a bus driver soon! Mr Porcupine! Thinks he'll read the news at nine, he'll end up as a janitor, who stinks of turpentine. Mr Tiny Mouse! Thought he'd own a massive house. Ended up in a bed sit where he can't control the louse! Mr Horse! Though he'd go into professional sports. Now he's an alcoholic and he's on his third divorce! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the place your life becomes an endless questionnaire! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your hopes go to die. Lower your expectations! Maybe you could get a job in telecommunications. No matter how you try you'll never reach the League of Nations. The best you'll get is middle rank in trading operations! So lower your expectations! You'll never win an oscar, so there's no congratulations. The future that is coming will not meet specifications. And no amount of visualisations will save you from your own deterioration Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the tramp who thought he'd be a multimillionaire! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where self-esteem goes to die. Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the disappointment that is waiting everywhere! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your schemes go to die! That's where your dreams go to die! That's where dreams go to die!
April 2022

Scraggly vegan is the only one left

twitchquotes: BOB “You’re doing GREAT out there!” I exclaim with as much enthusiasm as I can this late in the day. The scraggly vegan is the only one left in the tavern, his attention focused entirely on the card game we put out to entertain children and toddlers. “I don’t wanna talk about it guys” cries the man, knocking his cup of vegan water over. I try to reassure him that everyone has bad luck now and then, but he just ignores me, as always. This tavern attracts some strange types indeed.
twitch chat
December 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

you stupid "point loaders" arent ACTUAL iamqtpie fans

twitchquotes: you stupid "point loaders" arent ACTUAL iamqtpie fans, if you were you would know he absolutely despises copypastas such as "whens apex legends" or the one you're posting right now!! better go and watch informative videos on youtube and learn how to be a real michel santana fan
twitch chat
January 2020
imaqtpie

Kirby is the best character Ultimate has to offer

twitchquotes: Honestly? If you think about it, Kirby is the best character Ultimate has to offer. D-tilt trips even at high %, his specials allow for mind games and early kills, the list goes on. While a top tier character, he requires the player to have a diverse skill set and deep understanding of the game to play. He's an underplayed, underappreciated gem of the smash roster but unfortunately, I think that less competent players like Nairo have a long way to go before utilizing him with his full potential.
twitch chat
May 2019
NairoMK

Super Smash Bros

Hot Twitch streamers are just not good for my health

Her streams are just not good for my health. She is so hot I skip every stage and go straight to post nut clarity, then I get a deep feeling of loneliness and dread. I just don't know what to do with myself and everything seems pointless.
December 2021

Coomer

She sells seashells on a seashore, but the value of these shells will fall

She sells seashells on a seashore But the value of these shells will fall Due to the laws of supply and demand No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island stockpile 'em high until they're rarer than a diamond Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin want 'em Hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven't got a shell then you're just a fucking waste man Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property, start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly ""Shells must sell"", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals they're a poor man's quality Four: expand, expand, expand, clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand Five: why just shells? Why limit your self? She sells seashells, sell oil as well! Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks, sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes, Run to be the president of the United States Eight: big smile mate, big wave that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate Nine: Polarize the people, controversy is the game It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name Ten: the world is yours, step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore And you sell seashells on the seashore.
August 2021

I play Mister Yie in League of Heroes

twitchquotes: That's it noobs, come play me in a game of League of Heroes. I main with the hardest warrior - Mister Yie. I will build full wiji first so you know I'll be able to tank no problem. After that, I will build a Infinite Ledge and score so hardcore attack speed. That's right - I will be victorious
twitch chat
July 2014
imaqtpie

Watching Thijs in the bathroom

twitchquotes: Ahhh, my favorite part of the day. After lunch, a take a break from work, lock myself in the office bathroom pretending to take a dump while I watch my favorite streamer, Thijs. Just hope my boss doesn't come knocking, otherwise I'm fired...
twitch chat
September 2020
Thijs

You have been gifted a Yep

twitchquotes: ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ You have been gifted a Yep . Type COCK to activate. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
twitch chat
July 2020

i just love typing in chat K A P P A

twitchquotes: i just love typing in chat K A P P A it makes me feel so safe and good inside, its almost like eating Fruit Loops(TM) with sum good ass milk watching Dexter's Laboratory (Cartoon Network back when it was good) on a Sunday Morning back when my parents were still together, so I will now do it: Kappa
twitch chat
August 2019

Lying about service dogs

I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask; ‘Is it a service dog?’ With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to. If at first they say ‘no’ I reply with ‘are you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?’with another big wink Always works. I love dogs
July 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing