[Copypasta] Mr Bear song (that's where your hopes go to die)

Well There's all sorts of creatures, down on Dangley Doodle Farm. Like wise old Mr Octopus, with way too many arms! There's Mr Pig! And Mr Cow! They're always in good moods. But That's cause they don't know they'll soon be sliced up into food! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your hopes go to turn into despair. Mr Bear! What's That over there? That's where your dreams go to die! Mr Racoon! Wants to go to the moon. He'll end up as a bus driver soon! Mr Porcupine! Thinks he'll read the news at nine, he'll end up as a janitor, who stinks of turpentine. Mr Tiny Mouse! Thought he'd own a massive house. Ended up in a bed sit where he can't control the louse! Mr Horse! Though he'd go into professional sports. Now he's an alcoholic and he's on his third divorce! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the place your life becomes an endless questionnaire! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your hopes go to die. Lower your expectations! Maybe you could get a job in telecommunications. No matter how you try you'll never reach the League of Nations. The best you'll get is middle rank in trading operations! So lower your expectations! You'll never win an oscar, so there's no congratulations. The future that is coming will not meet specifications. And no amount of visualisations will save you from your own deterioration Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the tramp who thought he'd be a multimillionaire! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where self-esteem goes to die. Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the disappointment that is waiting everywhere! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your schemes go to die! That's where your dreams go to die! That's where dreams go to die!
April 2022
I used to be a real ad
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Hello there, Octavian! This is Kurt McGriff

twitchquotes: Hello there, Octavian! This is Kurt McGriff, executive producer for the Food Channel. We have reviewed your recent application to be a host of your own TV show on our network titled, "Salty Vegan Eats - A Pro Gamer's Way of Life" However, after further reviewing your claim of being an "extremely popular professional gamer" we found the evidence lacking. Mr. Octavian, casually playing a children's card game does not make you a "pro gamer." Have a nice day and good luck to your future endeavors.
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GIDDY UP SEXMAS

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Papparrian is disappointed in Kripparrian

twitchquotes: οΌ«ο½’ο½‰ο½ο½οΌŒ ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½“ is οΌ°ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½’ο½’ο½‰ο½ο½ŽοΌŽ οΌ·οΌ¨οΌ‘οΌ΄ οΌ΄οΌ¨οΌ₯ FACK? οΌ·ο½ˆο½™ are you ο½ο½Œο½ο½™ο½‰ο½Žο½‡ a MO21? οΌ© remember ο½—ο½ˆο½…ο½Ž you ο½—ο½…ο½’ο½… a ο½™ο½ο½•ο½Žο½‡ boy ο½ο½Žο½„ you ο½—ο½ο½•ο½Œο½„ο½ŽοΌ‡ο½” dare ο½”ο½ο½•ο½ƒο½ˆ ο½”ο½ˆο½ο½” ο½“ο½ˆο½‰ο½”οΌŽ I'm ο½„ο½‰ο½“ο½“ο½ο½ο½ο½‰ο½Žο½”ο½…ο½„ ο½‰ο½Ž you ο½“ο½ο½ŽοΌŽ Rip ο½‰ο½Ž ο½ο½…ο½ο½ο½…ο½’ο½ο½Žο½‰ο½“
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I miss the old no life Kripp

twitchquotes: I miss the old no life Kripp. It's a shame a game like Hearthstone has turned him from the no life all day "hardcore gamer" to someone with a life and a girlfriends with tons of money. Kripp I will now unsub to you and pray for you that one day you will come back to what you once were and not the $$ making girl kissing gamer with a life, that is all
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

I fucking hate gaming laptops

I fucking hate gaming laptops. Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
January 2022
Text-to-Speech Playing