[Copypasta] Why is Jake even a meme?

twitchquotes: Why is Jake even a meme? Are really so inconsiderate and stupid so as to think that its funny? You just post it like its some kind of joke, when in reality, Jake is a serious player at the top of his game, and deserves your respect. For this reason, I refuse to spam J LUL KE
twitch chat
March 2018
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This is exactly why I LOVE Twitch chat

twitchquotes: This is exactly why I LOVE Twitch chat. This chat is pure, adulterated, 100% intelligence. Everybody has a single unique, new thought, all spouting the latest meme after meme, that are really good. THIS is why I'm turning off the professional gameplay and will just watch the chat. And I swear to god, if any of you don't copy and paste this, I'm deleting my account forever.
twitch chat
December 2016

Six foot antlers

twitchquotes: I bet all you beta f*gs don't wear antlers either. Science has shown that the male deers with the largest antlers attract the most females, so obviously the exact same principle works for human females. When I walk into the club reeking of sweat with six foot antlers strapped to my head, I get the attention of every female in the room. Pretty much ever man too, that's how powerful the effect is.
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp

Surprised Shrek

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠫⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣩⡍⣙⠛⢛⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿ ⣿⠤⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⢛⣧⣿⠇⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⢻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⣾⣿⢟⣼⠒⢲⡔⣺⣿⣧⠄⠄⣠⠤⢤⡀⠄⠟⠉⣠⣤⣤⣤⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣀⣬⣵⣿⣿⣿⣶⡤⠙⠄⠘⠃⠄⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢻⠿⢿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠄⠂⠉⠒⢘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣡⣷⣶⣤⣤⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣰⠄⠄⠄⠄⢾⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠋⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠉⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠑⠄⠄⠐⡇⠄⠈⠙⠛⠋ ⠋⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⠄⢠⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣧⣬⣿⣤⣐⣂⣄⣀⣠⡴⠖⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠈⠈⣿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣉⡉⠉⠈⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⡂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡤⠈⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠔⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⡈⢿⣷⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣷⡦⢤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢐⣠⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
May 2019

Shrek

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

It's Chad from your freshman English class

twitchquotes: Hey you little gayboy, nice hat. It's Chad from your freshman English class, remember me, dork? I thought I'd pop in after finishing my first 60 reps at the gym - y'know, that place REAL men go to? Anyways, guess you're still playing video games like a sissy cuck - AS USUAL. Thought maybe you'd man up after highschool, but now you're wearing skirts and makeup for a bunch of dweebs online. Have a nice life, dumbass.
twitch chat
April 2018
Sneaky

KappaPride

Tanner from High School

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