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⚠️WARNING⚠️ cock inspection is NOT required at the vaccination sites!!!! don't be tricked like me!!

So I was waiting in line to receive my vaccine when all of a sudden this medical "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my patient registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm patient identity. Because I thought he was a medical official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I received the vaccine I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy vaccinating!
August 2021

Coronavirus

COVID

Vaccines

My e-girl e-cheated on me

twitchquotes: My e-girl e-cheated on me after an entire e-day of e-dating and now I'm e-sad. On another e-note, e-girls please send in your e-resumes, I am currently looking to e-fill an e-position.
twitch chat
March 2019
What happened to this ad? :(

Saying that the Easter Bunny does not orgasm with every egg laid is considered blasphemy and grounds for excommunication from the Church.

Weird fact: the Easter Bunny was the source of a significant amount of theological debate during the 1200's, as Catholic philosophers debated why God would create a creature in a constant state of labor (and thus suffering). The Catholic Church ultimately resolved this question by declaring that the Easter Bunny orgasmed every time it laid it an egg (which it was doing constantly). This is now codified in Canon Law (the legal code of the Catholic Church and much of Europe in the pre-modern era) and saying that the Easter Bunny does not orgasm with every egg laid is considered blasphemy and grounds for excommunication from the Church.
April 2022

Holiday

Easter

This "Okayge COCK" trend has got to be the WORST "meta" I have ever seen

This "Okayge COCK" trend has got to be the WORST "meta" I have ever seen, truly a new low for you brain dead ForsenBoys I know you Forsen viewers are not the brightest of the Twitch community, but holy shit this is a new low. Obviously, you people can't create any original content, so you resort to stealing other streamers ideas and overuse them to death. I'll admit, the "Doctor transparent" jokes were kinda funny at first but now anytime Doc is mentioned, a 12 year old Forsen fan and their mom post"hurr durr cheating" "hurr durr I can't see anything" it's ridiculous. Then there's the "Forcent bags molding", "Clip it and ship it" too. As if you guys can create anything without content from superior streamers like Doc or Xqc. And god forbid, you guys actually came up with some original stuff, and what is it? Literally a retarded frog spamming COCK. This is the absolute bottom of the barrel spam content. No better than grade schoolers drawing penises on the bathroom wall. Literally 50 IQ spam content. Yet, you guys have the audacity to mock other streamers and their fans for being immature. Whenever you are not spamming these garbage memes, it's blatant racism and sexism in chat. "CmonBruh" "Hotpokket" should be banned. I type "HaHaa" in response to these spams because I literally cringe at the thought of racist and sexist existing in the 21st century. Please stop this discriminatory act and grow up. I'm ashamed to be in the same Twitch communities as you childish fans
January 2022
Forsen

twitch removed Κappa

twitchquotes: twitch removed Κappa FailFish
twitch chat
August 2019
What happened to this ad? :(

Just got told i was gay becouse i smell nice???

Bruh? Like sorry i don't smell like a mix of piss sweat and axe body spray Troy. I will gladly shower every night AND morning and use fruit and coconut smelled soap and deodorant. My good hygeine doesn't have anything to do with my professional competitive cock sucking
February 2022

I like spamming copypastas

twitchquotes: I like spamming copypastas. It's my favorite activity. When they're dank, I think to myself "yes". When they're removed, I think to myself "no".
twitch chat
January 2018

The ogrelord. Shrek.

November 2014

Shrek

I'm gay because...

You are gay because you like men I’m gay because I hate women We are not the same
April 2022

haven’t done assassins in a while

twitchquotes: "alright, locket I guess” ResidentSleeper “haven’t done assassins in a while” ResidentSleeper “guess I’ll pick up this akali” ResidentSleeper “oh look, 6 assassins” ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
July 2019

Teamfight Tactics

I used to be a real ad

Can a Gay Vegan swallow semen

Can a Gay Vegan swallow semen and still be considred a vegan? Vegans don't eat dairy, semen is a protein containing substance from a mammal, that's very close to dairy. The fact that it comes from a mammal also means it's an "animal product" ... Sure you might not be hurting anyone, but does that seriously mean you would consider yourself a vegan if you swallowed semen? I don't mean any of this in offense, in anyway.. just wondered what the consensus was.
January 2021

Moonmoon do it for yourself

twitchquotes: Jesse, listen. We all have trials. We all have difficulties. We all have these moments where we think maybe we can't overcome the obstacle right in front of us. But we know we can. We know better. Victory is within our reach. Success is within your reach. Don't give up. You will become the boshy. Do it for Eddie. Do it for Chat. Do it for Cloud. Most of all, do it for yourself.
twitch chat
September 2017
MOONMOON

Eadric the Pure requests Brotherman Bill

twitch chat
October 2015
Reynad

Hearthstone

Unrealized losses

She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red. “I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.” But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice. She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon. Unrealized losses.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

What the fuck did you just fucking say about OTM FDs

What the fuck did you just fucking say about OTM FDs, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated bottom of my class in the Special Needs Division of the Navy Seals, and I've been bag holding from pump n' dumps on WSB since 2012, AND I have over 300 confirmed margin calls. I am trained in the 'tism and I'm the top retard in the entire United States armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another normie retail investor. I will wipe out my portfolio with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about OTM FDs over the Internet? Think again, fuckface. As we speak I am contacting my wife's network of boyfriends across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your portfolio. Your fucking 401k is dead, kid. I can trade anywhere, anytime, and I can lose fat stacks over seven hundred ways, and that's just with TSLA FDs. Not only am I extensively trained in sniffing glue, but I have access to the entire crayon collection of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass boomer stocks off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit crayon diarrhea all over you, the likes of which would make even Jackson Pollock jealous, and you will drown in it. You're fucking done, kiddo.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Navy Seal

Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Create awarness of the many homeless people in the USA

twitchquotes: Hello @imaqtpie :) I really appreciate your honorable try to create awarness of the many homeless people in the USA. But one thing, dressing up as one is a little bit to much, isn't it?
twitch chat
March 2018
imaqtpie

Type :) if you have crippling depression

twitchquotes: type :) if you have Crippling Depression :)
twitch chat
September 2018

Hey Jon Snow, im drafting a rogue deck in arena

twitchquotes: Hey Jon Snow, im drafting a rogue deck in arena and i'm 29 cards in. Should I pick backstab (like you got backstabbed by your fellow brothers), betrayal (like how they betrayed you) or shiv (like how you got shived multiple times).
twitch chat
June 2015

Classic

Hearthstone

Twitch removes PogChamp

We've made the decision to remove the PogChamp emote following statements from the face of the emote encouraging further violence after what took place in the Capitol today. We want the sentiment and use of Pog to live on - its meaning is much bigger than the person depicted or image itself- and it has a big place in Twitch culture. However, we can't in good conscience continue to enable use of the image. We will work with the community to design a new emote for the most hype moments on Twitch.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad

President's Day Emoji Pasta

🎉HAPPY🥳PRESIDICKS🍆😫DAY😛💦2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣ years ⏱ago 🗓our 👏👏fav😍pounding🧈👊🏻😘 father 👴🏻🍆💦and😌main🥺💯bitch💁‍♀️🤭WHOREge😎WashingSLUT🥳💅🍾came💦💦into👉👌this🌎WORLD🌍to ✌️becum💦 🤫the🇺🇸1ST🇺🇸presiDICK😢🍆🤞of👏🥳the💅United🇺🇸Sluts👙Of🤭America🇺🇸🏳️‍🌈send📧📲this➡️to 🔟of😉the😩sluttiest🍑💦💦patriots🔞👙🇺🇸you👇know🤗if you get 🔟 back😏😏you’re👏invited to the ✍️📝constitutional 📝✍️COCKus🍆💦 if you get 5️⃣ back 🤭🤣💁‍♀️ you’re a Mt. Rushmore 🗻👨🏻‍🦳WHORE🍆🍑👙💦if you 👤get 0️⃣ back 💔😹no 🚫 presidick🍆💦 for 🤭you 😭👨🏻‍🦳🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
March 2022

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

Text-to-Speech Playing