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I think I'm addicted to settings

God, I fucking love the settings app. I can't stop fucking changing the text size and checking for the new system update. God, the little slider icon turns me on so much. Whenever there is a system update I cry because I can't go on settings again. My screen time shows 107 hours of settings a day, which isn't even fucking possible.
August 2021

Sneaky and Meteos fan fic

twitchquotes: "zach, i can't do this anymore!" meteos cries from his side of the bed. sneaky's eyes widen in shock at the sudden outburst "w-what do you mean, will?" "i'm tired of being your side piece," he cries, "i want to be your one and only." the younger man's face flushes. "will," he starts. "i love you." he digs through the night stand and pulls out a ring. "will you marry me?" "yes!" meteos cries out with joy. he plants a kiss on his lover's cheek, full of tenderness. they are pure passion incarnate.
twitch chat
July 2020
Sneaky
I used to be a real ad

Don't mind me taking my IKE for a walk

twitchquotes: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ___[NAIR][NAIR] Don't mind me taking my IKE for a walk
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

hey Tyler, its me Brad

twitchquotes: hey Tyler, its me Brad, remember me . Ha, remember that time when you tried to run trough the A gap but i tackled you so hard you started crying. yes good times man.
twitch chat
February 2019
Tyler1

Tanner from High School

I hate gaming laptops

Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
December 2020
What happened to this ad? :(

Attention all Smash Bros Gamers, Kirby is in great danger

twitchquotes: Attention all Smash Bros Gamers, Kirby is in great danger, and he needs YOUR help to save all the innocent characters murdered and possessed by Galeem. To do this, he needs a Warp Star and a couple of Maximum Tomatoes. To help him, all he needs is your credit card number, the three numbers on the back, and the expiration month and date. But you gotta be quick so that Kirby can secure the Spirits, and save billions of video game characters you know and love!
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

My son is learning Twitch speak

twitchquotes: Kripp I need advice. My son watches a lot of you, and he doesn’t speak English but is learning from chat. He's starting using terms like "pog","jabaited", and "kappa,” but its gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. At dinner my daughter was talking about how she got accepted to college, and my son said "pog you, easy clap". I told him to talk normally to his family, and he replied "Weird champ, normies omegaLOL." I blacklisted twitch and now my son is hysterical, what to do.
twitch chat
December 2019
Kripp

Eating chicken wings beside Tenz

twitchquotes: one time i was eating chicken wings beside tenz at a pub in canada, and he is wearing white sweatpants and the black and red SEN jersey and i was eating a flat and i took a bite out of it and the bone popped out and flip up in the air, and i swore to god that time slow down and i was like "omg holy shit, somebody stop this", i couldnt react whilst watching the bone spinning around and then the chicken wing drops but tenz moves his leg away while the bone was split-second away from touching his white sweatpants and i look dead in his eyes and said "omg dude, im so sorry" and tenz that totally silence all the time while enjoying his borovička look over towards me and said "i knew it would happen" then look away, stood up and walk off, i never been so awe in my life and then i knew this guy is and will be a great valorant player, this guy is cold as fuck like his in-game name and he is fast as hell its how he dodges the chicken wing bone and its how he fucked 100t balls deep while keeping his composure, its no coincidence, im telling you its all interconnected because what kind of person you're in real life, translated to how you are as a player in valorant.
twitch chat
June 2021
TenZ

Valorant

PepeHands rain

twitchquotes: ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ PepeHands ヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ、ヽヽ
twitch chat
June 2019

Fortnite that's how Mafia works

twitchquotes: Fortnite. Fortnite. Fortnite. It was all my two kids talked about. They were utterly devoted to it. I had to make a change. I took the controllers and told them they couldn't play until they downloaded Mafia City. They whined and whined, but soon became engrossed in this amazing and educational game. Fortnite soon forgotten, their grades improved rapidly, much like their levels in game. The teachers were amazed, "how do they do it?" they asked me, I simply replied "that's how Mafia works."
twitch chat
January 2019
What happened to this ad? :(

Look, kid. You wanna give up?

twitchquotes: Look, 👀 kid. 👦 You 👈 wanna 🙈 give 👉 up? 🔺 Fine. 👌 But 🍑 you 👈 didn't 🚫 get 🔟 here 👏 by 😈 giving 😘 up. 🔺 You 👈 didn't 🚫 get 🔟 this 👈 far 🌌 by 😈 giving 😘 up. 🔺 You 👈 didn't 🚫 get 🔟 all 💯 these 👈 followers, fans, admirers, and 👏 hot 🔥 groupies by 😈 giving 😘 up. 🔺 Don't 🚫 give 👉 up. 🔺 You're 👉 the 👏 champ. You're 👉 the 👏 boshy.
twitch chat
September 2017
MOONMOON

My 86-year-old grandmother replied "OK, boomer" to my boomer aunt in an argument

Backstory: I live round the corner from my gran and visit her often so thanks to me she has a vague grasp of what memes are and how they work. The other day when I was round at hers and she asked what memes were popular at the moment so I told her about the "OK boomer" meme. She knew what boomers were already so she was able to get the concept of this meme fairly easily. Fast forward to today, I'm over at my gran's again, and she's on the phone to my aunt. They got into a disagreement over a slightly racist comment my aunt made the other day (my gran is very much against racism) and my gran eventually just said "OK boomer" and hung up. I've never been so proud. UPDATE: So I told my gran about this post and the reaction it got - she said she's glad that so many of you enjoyed her little joke and that it proves she's still young at heart. I agree with that 100%.
December 2021

So you're going by "PBE Reckful" now nerd?

twitchquotes: So you're going by "PBE Reckful" now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's TideOfTime from Hearthstone. Remember me? Me and the boys would whoop your ass in Heartstone. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember when you missed lethal in the TFT Tourny? LUL, kidding nerd, its Tanner again. Anyways I gotta dip Gym is calling peace nerd.
twitch chat
June 2019
Reckful

Tanner from High School

Response to Pokimane's tease that she might leave Twitch

tare you kidding me? i spent so much money on you, tier 3 every month and you’re not even going to be on Twitch anymore? this is unjust! not to mention the countless channel points ive collected to redeem on POKI stickers and maybe even more! ResidentSleeper, L streamer.
February 2022
Pokimane

Why am I always being put in the friend zone

twitchquotes: Why am I always being put in the friend zone. I'm a nice guy, work a nice job, and would do anything for m'lady. In the end these girls always go after DOUCHEBAG guys who treat them like shit, and only talk to me to cry about it. I'm sick of being considered 'beta' or whatever you call it.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad

WHERE IS SODAPOPPIN?

twitchquotes: ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ PANTS ARE DOWN, DICK IS FLOPPIN, WHERE THE FUCK IS SODAPOPPIN ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
twitch chat
May 2019
sodapoppin

PASTE THIS SQUID TO HELP TEAM LIQUID

twitchquotes: PASTE Squid3 THIS Squid3 SQUID Squid3 TO Squid3 HELP Squid3 TEAM Squid3 LIQUID Squid3
twitch chat
April 2019

Rhyme Chant

League of Legends

I'm Tanner jr. btw!

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, I just turned 5 years old! My dad says I'm pretty good at this game at that I should watch your stream to learn how not to play bad. He says he stole your high school girlfriend. Oh yeah, I'm Tanner Jr. btw! Nice to meet you!
twitch chat
May 2019
Kripp

Tanner from High School

2018 MONTHLY PLEB TEST

twitchquotes: PLEASE COPY PASTE THIS FOR YOUR MONTHLY PLEB TEST: raniaEZ ? amazW ? krippW ? eloiseE ? trumpW ? savjzW ? reynadW ? toastyW ? kolentoW ? reckWut ? bajW ? btsKotlW ? dewW ? emjaneW ? forsenW ? thijsULU ? omgYay ? eslGob ? mitchW ? lirikThump ? qtpHAHAA ? singsingFcuk ? bjergW ? sodaW ? btsGodzW ? liftGasm ? goldyW ? taymooW ? rtzW ? admiralW ? envySwag ? wtrWtR ? danFat ? merliniPolice ? sumE ? fluffyW ? ratW ? purpleCx ? tyler1C ? syndiRage ? Pleb test passed
twitch chat
October 2018
I used to be a real ad

Always has been

Always has been 🌍👨‍🚀🔫👨‍🚀
March 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing