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Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022

I want to come. Not on your face

twitchquotes: I want to come. Not on your face. Not on your titties. I want to come over whenever you need me. Those late nights when you have too much on your mind. Or you have nothing on your mind. I’ll be there, whenever you need me.
twitch chat
February 2019

Not your naked body

Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Hiko is as cracked as he is jacked (7-11 diapers)

twitchquotes: I’m telling you, Hiko is as cracked as he is jacked. I saw him at a 7-11 the other day buying Monster and adult diapers. I asked him what the diapers were for and he said ”they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids“ then he bunny hopped out the door
twitch chat
June 2021
Hiko

Valorant

Gray Screen Simulator for Windows

twitchquotes: Hey Tyler, I was just curious if this was the new Gray Screen Simulator for Windows and Windows devices? I've been seeing a lot of good reviews and was curious about picking it up. Thanks for the advice, buddy!
twitch chat
November 2018
Tyler1

League of Legends

SPAM THIS BANANA TO HELP MICHAEL SANTANA

twitchquotes: SPAM 🍌 THIS 🍌 BANANA 🍌 TO 🍌 HELP 🍌 MICHAEL 🍌 SANTANA
twitch chat
November 2018
imaqtpie
I used to be a real ad

NFT Navy Seal Copypasta

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little pirate? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at Full Sail University, and I've been involved in numerous secret Photoshop files, and I have over 300 confirmed NFTs. I am trained in gorilla artwork and I'm the top artist in the entire US armed artists. You are nothing to me but just another pirate. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of discord servers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can turn you into an NFT in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed brushstrokes, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States NFT Corps and I will use it to its full extent to stomp your miserable ass directly into the blockchain, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit paint all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
December 2021

NFTs

Cryptocurrency

Navy Seal

TSM, aka "Tiananmen Square Massacre"

twitchquotes: TSM, aka "Tiananmen Square Massacre", is a myth propogated by Western governments to destabilize China. The hoax supposedly involved military suppression of democracy protesters using troops and tanks in June of 1989.
twitch chat
November 2019

MagicAmy used VANISH

twitchquotes: MagicAmy PREP'd the scam, CONCEALED his identity, BETRAYED Reynad, SPRINTED with the money and used VANISH.
twitch chat
February 2015
Reynad

Another response to "who asked?"

I am so tired of you always saying who asked. What if no one asked? Can I not speak up and say something when no one has asked? If everyone did this then no one would ever speak. I think I'm allowed to say what I want. Even if no one asked.
November 2021

Who Asked?

When Kripp plays Reno warrior...

twitchquotes: Captain's log, entry 69, stardate 420. It has been 9001 days since the SS Kripp first entered into this game of hearthstone, and still there appears to be no signs of release, no way out. I fear for the lives of myself and my crew, we may all pass of old age before we are freed from this particular game.
twitch chat
November 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

What happened to this ad? :(

Dragon maid booba vs. Konosuba booba

July 2021

NSFW

Positive "Give me a second guys" copypasta

twitchquotes: “Give me a second, guys,” Kripp says. “Gotta hit up the bathroom” He turns down the volume on his microphone, and immediately springs up from his chair and shouts "I LOVE THIS GAME!" before giving Dex a swift pat on the head. As Dex yips loudly in delight, Kripp runs over to give Rania a kiss on the cheek. Rania then tries to take out the trash, but Kripp swiftly grabs the bag from her and does it for her. Elated, Kripp wipes the sweat off his forehead, sits back down, and resumes his stream.
twitch chat
November 2020
Kripp

Navy Seals Copypasta in Yoda Language

You just fucking say about me what the fuck did, you little bitch? Graduated top of my class in the navy seals I have, and involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda I've been, over 300 confirmed kills and I have. Trained in gorilla warfare and the top sniper in the entire us armed forces I am. Hing to me but just another target you are not. Never been seen before on this earth. Wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has, I will, mark my fucking words. You can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet you think? Again think, fucker. Contacting my secret network of spies across the USA I am, and being traced right now your IP is. So prepare for the storm as we speak, you better ,maggot. Your life the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call. Fucking dead, you are, kid. Anywhere I can be, anytime, and kill you in over seven hundred ways, I can , and with my bare hands ,that's just . Extensively trained in unarmed combat not only am I, access to the entire arsenal of the united states marine corps, I also have, and use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, I will, you little shit. Known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you if only you could have. Held your fucking tongue maybe you would have. But you couldn't, you didn't, the price and now you're paying, you goddamn idiot. shit fury all over you, I will and drown in it, you will. Fucking dead, you are kiddo.
December 2020

Navy Seal

Rania's a DongDigger

twitchquotes: [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] I ain't saying Rania's a DongDigger, but she ain't messin with no broke krippers [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

You see, I have a very high IQ

twitchquotes: You see, I have a very high IQ. Do you want to know why? Well, I'll tell you anyways, I have a high IQ because I watch this amazing television show (which to my surprise piqued my interest unlike many other television shows) Rick and Morty. This show is remarkably intellectual (Like me, mind you) and not like any other animated shows. My most favorite joke from the show is "WUBALUBADUBDUB" it makes me giddy inside and knowing the common folk wont understand the joke makes me laugh even harder!
twitch chat
March 2019

Rick and Morty

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

COPY THIS GEM TO HELP TSM

twitchquotes: COPY PrimeMe THIS PrimeMe GEM PrimeMe TO PrimeMe HELP PrimeMe TSM PrimeMe
twitch chat
April 2019
Riot Games

Rhyme Chant

League of Legends

I have a REAL and GENUINE relationship with my streamers

twitchquotes: OMG this guy is so wrong. As a longtime sub and donator, I have a REAL and GENUINE relationship with my streamers. When I send them donos they thank me personally on stream so I'm pretty sure they know who I am haha
twitch chat
June 2020

Simps

Pac-Man projectiles

twitchquotes: FeelsGoodMan FBBlock 🍒 🍓 🍊 🍎 🍈 ✈️ 🔔 🔑
twitch chat
April 2019

Super Smash Bros

Forsen was drinking on the job

twitchquotes: Forskin used to work at the sperm bank but was fired for drinking on the job
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Goodbye vegetable man. Goodbye.

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, i am the manager of the supermarket where you buy packages of vegetables everyday. After you leave every morning we are left with no vegetables. People are started to complain about you and asked me to ban you from coming to this supermarket. They threatened me if i don't ban you they won't come here anymore. I am so sorry that i have to do this. Goodbye vegetable man. Goodbye.
twitch chat
March 2018
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing