[Copypasta] Twitch Chat containment solution

twitchquotes: International efforts to contain the most toxic and dangerous internet dwellers have failed time and time again, until a secret organisation offered to build a prison for internet's worst scum. The project codenamed "Twitch Chat" pretending to be an addition to a livestreaming service has proven to be a very effective containment solution.
twitch chat
January 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021

The largest object in the solar system

twitchquotes: Hey reynad, I'm working on a science project and I need to find the largest object in the solar system. What's the measurements of your forehead? 4Head
twitch chat
October 2015
Reynad

Even that was not nearly as salty as you are right now...

twitchquotes: I once drank an entire bottle of soy sauce on a dare, which I thought was all well and good... until I developed extreme dehydration and Hypernatremia. They had to put an IV directly into my veins to rehydrate me. It was the closet I've ever been to dying. What I'm getting at is, even that was not nearly as salty as you are right now PJSalt
twitch chat
July 2015
Reynad

salty

POWERING UP PORTAL ONLINE

twitchquotes: <(-O-)> POWERING UP <(-O-)> PORTAL ONLINE
twitch chat
February 2015
Forsen

Momo 3

⣿⣿⡇⠄⣼⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⣰⣿⡿⠟⢻⣿⣿⣷⡀⠸⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠰⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⠆⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠄⢿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣼⣿⡟⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠻⣿⣷⣤⣤⣾⣿⡿⠁⠄⣿ ⣿⣿⠃⢸⣦⡙⠛⠿⠟⠛⠉⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⡈⠛⠻⠿⠛⢋⣴⡇⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⡀⠈⢿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⡋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣾⣿⡿⠄⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠄⠈⢿⣿⣯⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣽⣿⡟⠄⠄⣮⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣷⣌⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢁⣾⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⢿⣿⣦⡀⠈⠛⢿⣿⡿⠟⠉⢀⣴⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⢠⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⠟⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠉⠻⢿⣷⣶⣾⡿⠛⠁⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿
ascii art
March 2019
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