[Copypasta] That's the power of cargo pants

twitchquotes: Excuse me? Cargo pants, motherfucker. My pockets have pockets. You can't stop the storage. And when it gets too hot, just unzip and remove the lower half of the legs. Utility, motherfuckers. Want me to hold your phone for a second? how about I hold one of every phone on the market, each with their own individual pocket. Want me to hold your souvenir from your vacation to Europe? How about I put Europe in my pocket. That's the power of cargo pants, motherfuckers
twitch chat
August 2019
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You will never be Japanese

You will never be Japanese. You have no ancestry, you have no citizenship, you have no skills that would make Japan ever want you. You are a shut-in self-hating white man twisted by delusions of mythical Japanese superiority and exposure to Japanese media into a disgusting mockery of nature’s perfection. All 'validation' you get from other people in this position couldn't be worse in making you believe that spending years of your life learning a globally useless language to a first-grader's level was a worthwhile use of your time, but one can't expect that an individual as pathetic as you will ever know the value of the youth you threw away in doing that. Actual Japanese are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of linguistic evolution have allowed natives to identify frauds from mannerisms and vocabulary alone. Even if your written text of self-hatred and attention begging akin to a stray dog's somehow passes as normal (it won't), any Japanese person will immediately cut all ties when they hear the voice and accent of someone who is not only a basic Japanese speaker at best, but worth no more than garbage in skills, accomplishments, and likeability. You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile and laugh to yourself believing that watching a content creator that you understand 20% of at best is somehow superior than watching your own kind, as you project your disgusting traits onto your entire kind. However, deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight, and you know that. You know that all you do now is have an entirely new linguistic medium in which to be ignored, and not even the exotic trait of being foreign makes up for just how uninteresting of a person you are. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a Western man is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably Caucasian. This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back. Hate yourself and apologize for being white to some Japanese entity that exists only in your mind while actual Japanese people put in effort to learn English for the valid reason of it being the global language.
April 2021

Weebs

Reports gather, and now my chat restriction begins

twitchquotes: ʀᴇᴩᴏʀᴛs ɢᴀᴛʜᴇʀ, ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴡ ᴍy ᴄʜᴀᴛ ʀᴇsᴛʀɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ʙᴇɢɪɴs. ɪᴛ sʜᴀʟʟ ɴᴏᴛ ᴇɴᴅ ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴍy ᴩᴇʀᴍᴀ. ɪ sʜᴀʟʟ ᴡᴀʀᴅ ɴᴏ ʙʀᴜsʜ, ᴡɪɴ ɴᴏ ɢᴀᴍᴇs, ғᴇᴀʀ ɴᴏ ᴛʀɪʙᴜɴᴀʟ. ɪ sʜᴀʟʟ ᴡᴇᴀʀ ɴᴏ ʜᴏɴᴏʀ ʙᴀᴅɢᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ɴᴏ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ. ɪ sʜᴀʟʟ ʟɪᴠᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅɪᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴍy ᴩᴏsᴛ. ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴍ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀʟᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏss. ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴀɢᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ sᴩᴀᴍs ᴀʟʟ ᴄʜᴀᴛ, ᴛʜᴇ ғᴇᴇᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ғʟᴀᴍᴇs ʜɪs ᴛᴇᴀᴍ, ᴛʜᴇ ɴɪᴅᴀʟᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ sᴜᴩᴩᴏʀᴛs, ᴛʜᴇ sʜɪᴇʟᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɢᴜᴀʀᴅs ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟᴍs ᴏғ ᴍᴇɴ. ɪ ᴩʟᴇᴅɢᴇ ᴍy ᴍᴏᴜsᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴋᴇyʙᴏʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴏᴏᴅ ʟᴇᴀɢᴜᴇ, ғᴏʀ ᴛʜɪs ɴɪɢʜᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ ɴɪɢʜᴛs ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ
twitch chat
August 2014
imaqtpie

Just me and EA hanging out

twitchquotes: Just me and 💰💕EA💕💰, hanging out I wanted some Star Wars🌟 so I started to pout 😞 He asked if I was down ⬇for something yummy 😍🍆 and I asked what and he said he'd give me his 💰💦looties!💦💰 Yeah! Yeah!💕💦 I earn them!💦 I buy them!💦 I purchase them whole💦💰 😍 It makes 💰💘EA💘💰 😊happy😊 so it's my only goal... 💕💦😫Harder EA! Harder EA! 😫💦💕 1 lootie💦, 2 lootie💦💦, 3 lootie💦💦💦, 4💦💦💦💦 I'm 💰💘EA's💘💰 👑Disney princess 👑but I'm also a consumer whore! 💟 He makes me OP💗!He makes me feel good💜! 💘💘💘He makes me feel everything a whale should!~ 💘💘💘 👑💦💘Wa-What!💘💦👑
twitch chat
November 2017

Trollge emote smiling

⠀⠀⠉⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠚⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠰⠶⠿⢰⣿⣶⣦⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣦⡄⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⠇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠿⠃⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠉⣉⣉⣩⣥⡶⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⣻⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⢠⣿⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠁⣴⣿⣿⣿⠟⠃⡀⠀⢠⣿⠟⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣄⠀⣤⣤⣤⢰⣿⡦⣿⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠀⠛⠛⠋⠈⠉⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢴⡆⣤⣤⣄⡄⢀⣀⣀⢀⣀⢀⡄⠀⢨⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠃⣿⣿⣿⠇⣿⣿⡋⣿⠏⠛⣃⣤⣾⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣄⣠⣤⣠⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁
ascii art
June 2021

Just kidding, it's still Tanner

twitchquotes: H-hey Octavian, do you remember me from Biology? Freshman year? It's Laura. I just wanted to stop by since you missed the last reunion, I was looking for you. I always thought you were really smart and talented, but I could never work up the nerve to tell you. Anyway, I hope you're doing well...HAHA Just kidding, it's still Tanner you fucking gullible idiot lmfao. Anyway, the gym awaits, see ya man good talk.
twitch chat
August 2018
Kripp

Classic

Tanner from High School

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