"why are you gay"
i dont know.. one day i woke up and saw a mans ass, then i bit my lip and then he turned around and bit his lip too. then we fucked all night and forgot to say no homo, but he was fine with it. since then we've been fucking everyday, he's really vocal in bed and i love having fun with him 😏😏😏 so thats why im gay. im pretty sure his name is [ur dads name here] he's really good in bed.
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This message legally certifies that I was here
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This message marks my place as a viewer at this moment, and hereby certifies that I "was here" for any and all subsequent significant events in the near future. This message contains no other particular information, and does not imply any endorsement of, nor involvement in, the events which occur. This message is signed by Twitch authentication and dated by chatroom timestamp, and hence is legally binding.
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Can someone explain xQc to me?
You are currently in a 25 year coma
twitchquotes:
If you are reading this message, Jesse, you are currently in a 25 year coma. We've been trying to communicate with you for the longest time by manipulating your brain waves, but nothing so far has worked. If you manage to read this it means our new method has succeeded. Please, wake up Jesse. Your family loves you and wants you back. In a week they are going to pull the plug on your life support, they can't afford the medical bills anymore.
twitch chat
Sneaky
Trolling my whole class with Among Us Part 3
We had a school assembly today, and the speaker was talking about bullying. The speech was pretty boring, but there came a point in his presentation where he said "I know there are some students among us who have been subject to bullying." Honestly, I couldn't believe my ears. I thought, "There is no way the speaker just said Among Us."
I decided to troll the speaker by standing up and yelling "When the imposter is sus!" while making a huge grin (just like in the memes). To my surprise, no one laughed. Everyone fell dead silent and looked at me. The speaker said "I'm sorry, what was that?" I decided to explain to everyone what I was talking about, and said "Get it guys? It's from Among Us." Still, no one understood the reference. I turned towards my friend Caleb (I know him from band), and said "You get it, right? It's from among us!" However, he had his head buried into his lap. I looked at my friend Dalton (He plays the trumpet in band, just like I do), and yelled "Dalton, do you get the joke????" He didn't even make eye contact. Suddenly, the assistant principal came up behind me and said "Please sit down, this is a school assembly." I screamed back at her "SCHOOL ASSEMBLY?? MORE LIKE EMERGENCY MEETING!" I then naruto ran down to the stage, pointed at the assistant principal, and said "SHE'S SUS!!! I SAW HER FAKE A SCAN IN MEDBAY!" Still, no one laughed. I then said "I'm not the imposter, I was in vents the whole time!!" (referencing a meme). No one understood the reference. I saw people whispering to each other, but no one laughed. I then made a face resembling the "big chungus" meme, and said "You guys don't get it?? That's not very Wholesome 100." When I realized no one was laughing, I yelled "Don't any of you guys use reddit?" The audience was dead silent, until someone yelled "Sit down!" (which was very rude and not wholesome) I pointed back at him and shouted "You're breathtaking!!" I don't think anyone got the joke becaude no one laughed, so I said "Do you guys know who Keanu Reeves is?" No one responded, which is kind of cringe because I thought that at least SOMEONE would know who Keanu is.
I ended up getting escorted to the principal's office and getting suspended for a week, but in my opinion, it was totally worth it. I trolled EVERYONE. I'm gonna forever go down in Reddit history. I also realized that there aren't any redditors at my school (which is very cringe in my opinion).
Trolling with Among Us
Among Us / Amogus
I hate April Fool's Day
I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough