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Do NOT meet Robert Downey Jr. in real life!

I met him in real life and told him how much of a fan I was. He kept on saying rude things to me such as "Who are you", "How did you get in my house" and "I'm calling the police." Celebrities, PLEASE respect your fans!
June 2021

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(

WHO let the dogs out

twitchquotes: BREAKING: The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
twitch chat
March 2020

Coronavirus

COVID

Whenever kripp says "alright subber-bros"

twitchquotes: Whenever kripp says "alright subber-bros", I know it's time. I full screen the stream and grab my vaseline. I apply a huge load onto my newly shaved butthole and rub it all around nice and even. And then, when kripp says "thanks, and welcome to the 5 dollar club", I place my butthole in front of the screen. It is in that moment, that kripp fists me. I moan with pleasure. I'm one with the kripp
twitch chat
October 2018
Kripp

Ameng meets Bumper in a hallway

twitchquotes: Bumper broke into a cold sweat. There he was across the hallway, a man whose name that brought chills down his spine. Bumper looked down, hoping to avoid direct eye contact. "A-ameng," Bumper stuttered. "What up, virgin" Ameng boomed. Bumper braced himself but it was too late. Ameng's 5000 tonne shoulder slammed into his, the movement causing air waves across the room. Bumper flew back and the concrete wall chipped around him. His shoulder was definitely broken. "Later, nerd." Ameng chuckled.
twitch chat
March 2019
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

I used to be a real ad

would you mind answering my question? Who the fuck asked?

twitchquotes: PLEBS Have you for one second indulged yourself, your mind, your brain to think that the shit you just spew could be taken as an advice/ backseat/ tip which is ON ALL CAPS in the title telling you against it. Now when youโ€™ve contemplated well on this thought, would you mind answering my question? Who the fuck asked? PogO
twitch chat
May 2021

MY NAMES HIKO IM A BAITER

twitchquotes: MY NAMES HIKO 4Head IM A BAITER 4Head ILL MEET YOU AT THE BOMBSITE 4Head A LITTLE BIT LATER
twitch chat
June 2021
Hiko

Valorant

So me and my bros wanted to once and for all test the hypothesis that we are all living in a matrix.

So me and my bros wanted to once and for all test the hypothesis that we are all living in a matrix. We came to the conclusion that a matrix could only run so smoothly because of our predictable behaviour. For example, if you eat it is likely that you swallow your food. Therefore, the matrix would be ready to initiate a digestion program. But if a group of people did something unpredictable, the matrix would shut down. So what we did is we randomly started gang banging each other. The matrix could have never predicted that because that is like super gay. But nothing happened (matrix-wise). But this is not point why am I writing about this. My friends now want to do the gang-banging shit again and I am not sure how to respond to that.
December 2021

Gold Cards should have a slight buff

twitchquotes: I feel like Gold Cards should have a slight buff, like +1 attack or -1 mana or something... not that big of a change, just so itโ€™d make Gold Cards worth it..
twitch chat
September 2018

Hearthstone

When you step into the Rick and Morty fandom realm

When you step into the Rick and Morty fandom realm, you're not going any old place. You're coming to the underground fight club of intellect. Prepare to be mentally battered. But don't worry, after you've spent your newbie time being cognitively pummeled, you'll have joined the ranks of the mental elite. Then you'll see the world for what it truly is. All those people going around without a thought in their head. You'll hate it. You'll become just like him. And you'll start loving it. The power of intelligence, of absolute intellectual superiority. It'll become a high you chase, constantly learning and experimenting. You'll finally be a Rick.
December 2020

Rick and Morty

Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Stabbed with Kniferino made out of an OJ Carton

twitchquotes: Oแด„แด›แด€แด ษชแด€ษด Mแดส€แดsแด€ษด, แดแด›สœแด‡ส€แดกษชsแด‡ แด‹ษดแดแดกษด แด€s Kส€ษชแด˜แด˜, สœแด€s แด˜แด€ssแด‡แด… แด€แดกแด€ส แด›สœษชs แด›แดœแด‡sแด…แด€ส's แด€า“แด›แด‡ส€ษดแดแดษด. Hแด‡ แดกแด€s แด€แดส™แดœsสœแด‡แด… ส™ส แด€ ษขส€แดแดœแด˜ แดา“ แด…แดษดษขแด‡ส€s ษชษด แด€ษด แด€สŸสŸแด‡ส, แด€ษดแด… sแด›แด€ส™ส™แด‡แด… แดกษชแด›สœ แด€ แด‹ษดษชา“แด‡ส€ษชษดแด แดแด€แด…แด‡ แดแดœแด› แดา“ แด€ษด OJ แด„แด€ส€แด›แดษด. RIP ษชษด แด˜แด‡แด˜แด˜แด‡ส€แดษดษช แด„แด€แด˜แด˜แดœแด„แด„ษชษดแด แด˜ษชsแด›แด€แด„สœษชแด, สแดแดœ sสœแด€สŸสŸ ส™แด‡ แดษชssแด‡แด….
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Kidnapped and put into a donger concentration camp

twitchquotes: helo my name is dongerino pasterino ใƒฝเผผเบˆู„อœเบˆเผฝ๏พ‰, i am 69 year old donger from imaqtmeatloaf's stream . 420 years ago i was kidnapped and put into a donger concentration camp for 9001 years. 1 year ago, imaqtlasagne and imaqtpie invaded the camp and rescued me. now i work as teacherino, passing down the wisdom of ( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ) to young dongers.
twitch chat
October 2014
Riot Games

Lovander is the most compatible Pal for humans

January 2024

Palworld

gwent is a really, really bad game

twitchquotes: gwent is a really, really bad game. Hearthstone is where it is at PogChamp (Copy and paste this message into the twitch channel: nl_Kripp, for the reward of: 1 x Classic Pack for Hearthstone. Blizzard rewards those that are loyal. Don't include this in the message.)
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

sellout

Hearthstone

WIFE TEST

twitchquotes: WIFE TEST ๐Ÿ‘ฉ IF YOU TOUCH THE WIFE , GO TO CHEAT ๐Ÿ† โŽ forsenCD / ๐Ÿ† โญ
twitch chat
April 2019
xQcOW
What happened to this ad? :(

Kripp doesn't topdeck, cards just manifest in his hand

twitchquotes: Stop it guys, Kripp doesn't topdeck cards, they just manifest in his hand, only his opponents draw from the top of their decks Kappa
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

Twitch is banning users who don't post in chat

twitchquotes: โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€” imGlitch Warning: As an anti-AFK measure, Twitch is randomly banning users who don't post in chat often enough. To avoid being falsely banned, please copy paste this message periodically to remain active. Thank you for your understanding. โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
twitch chat
June 2019

The year is 2025. MoonMoon lies on his deathbed

twitchquotes: The year is 2025. MoonMoon_Ow lies on his deathbed, the countless years of oatmeal infighting finally having taken their toll. He struggles to adjust his eyes to the glare of his computer screen, yearning to view his beloved twitch chat one more time. All he sees is degenerate weeb spam. His eyes brim with tears. He begins gasping his final breath, and in his final moments he hits the hardest dab known to humanity
twitch chat
January 2018
MOONMOON

This is a special protected font.

twitchquotes: T๐•™๐•š๐•ค ๐•š๐•ค ๐•’ ๐•ค๐•ก๐•–๐•”๐•š๐•’๐• ๐•ก๐•ฃ๐• ๐•ฅ๐•–๐•”๐•ฅ๐•–๐•• ๐•—๐• ๐•Ÿ๐•ฅ. ๐•๐• ๐•ฆ ๐•”๐•’๐•Ÿ๐•Ÿ๐• ๐•ฅ ๐•”๐• ๐•ก๐•ช ๐•š๐•ฅ. ๐”พ๐•  ๐•’๐•™๐•–๐•’๐••, ๐•ฅ๐•ฃ๐•ช.
twitch chat
December 2017
I used to be a real ad

i peed white

twitchquotes: i peed white widepeepoHappy
twitch chat
July 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing