[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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More Copypastas

Trolling My Office With Among Us (Part 2)

When I went into the office the next day everybody ignored me. So I walked up to a coworker and said "Hey, why are you ignoring me, you're a bit sussy!" He reached for the red phone and I was reminded it looked like the Among us character. So I said "When the phone is sus hahahahhah" and I did the Linus tech tips disappointed face. "Get it? Do you use reddit?" He was talking to management when I cut the phone cord and threw it across the office. I said "Red was the imposter! hahahah!" And I did the among us drip song. "Ding ding ding ding ding, ding ding ding!" He wasn't smiling and he punched me but I said "You're sus! You're the imposter I saw you vent!" He was angry and he tried to punch me again but I grabbed his fist and said "Omae wa mo shinderu." He tried to punch me again he is a loser! He didn't even get my anime reference. So I took off my pants and shoved them on my his head. "You just got pantsed! HAhahahah" and I did the pepe smile and ran out of the office. Who wants to talk to an IMPOSTER? Stupid bitch
March 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Trolling with Among Us

GET THE PEPPER OFF

I ain't never seen no mustard on that, but it might be good though, my dad would know better, boutta get him. Aww, mustard! Come on man, now don't put no mustard on that, you need to put a little season on that thing! WHAT! Man come on get that pepper off there! Come on, somebody come get this man! Come on now, come on get that pepper of there, that's just too much doggone pepper. I don't wanna see this no more! Oh, what happened oh. GOD! OH MY GOD! BOY WHY YOU PUTTING THAT PEPPER ON THERE?TAKE THAT OFF OF THERE. GET THE PEPPER OFF! ACHA!!
July 2021

BOTH ULTIMATE AND MELEE ARE HYPE

twitchquotes: FeelsGoodMan BOTH ULTIMATE AND MELEE ARE HYPE FeelsGoodMan BOTH ULTIMATE AND MELEE ARE HYPE FeelsGoodMan BOTH ULTIMATE AND MELEE ARE HYPE
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

-_- emoji (expressionless face)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣻⣫⢯⣗⣗⣗⣗⣗⡷⡽⣝⡯⣟⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⢝⣞⣗⢷⡽⣽⣺⣳⢯⣾⣺⡽⣽⣳⢯⢯⢯⢯⢞⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢿⣕⡯⣟⣞⡾⣽⢽⣳⣟⣾⣻⣞⣷⣻⣽⣞⣯⢿⡽⣽⢽⢽⢵⣻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⢯⣳⣳⢽⣳⢯⡯⣿⣽⣻⡾⣷⢿⣞⣿⣞⣷⣟⣾⢯⣯⢷⣻⡽⣳⢧⡻⣿⣿ ⣿⣏⣗⢷⢽⡽⣞⣯⣿⣳⢟⣷⢿⣻⣽⣟⣾⣻⣾⣻⢾⢿⣞⣯⣷⣻⢽⣳⣝⣝⣿ ⣿⣺⣪⢿⢽⡽⣯⢷⡯⢐⠄⠄⣻⣟⣷⢿⣽⣻⡞⠠⡂⠄⢻⣗⣷⢯⣟⣞⡮⣖⣿ ⣿⡺⣺⢽⢯⣻⣽⢯⣧⠐⠐⡀⣺⣽⣾⢿⣽⣯⣇⢐⠠⠈⣼⣟⣾⣻⣺⣵⡻⡮⣿ ⣿⡺⡽⡽⡯⣷⣻⣻⣽⣾⣲⢾⣽⢷⣟⣿⣳⣯⡿⣶⢶⣽⣻⣾⣳⡯⣷⡳⣯⡳⣻ ⣿⡺⣝⡯⡿⡽⣞⣯⣷⢿⣽⢿⣽⢿⣽⢷⣟⣷⢿⣻⡿⣽⢷⣻⢾⣽⣳⢯⣗⢝⣿ ⣿⣝⣞⡽⡽⡯⣟⣷⠉⡁⠅⠡⠁⠅⠡⠁⠅⠡⢉⠨⠈⠌⡉⣿⢽⣞⣞⣗⡗⣽⣿ ⣿⣿⡼⣺⢽⢯⣟⣞⡷⡶⡾⡶⣷⢾⡶⣷⢾⣶⢶⣶⢷⡶⡾⣽⢽⣺⢞⡞⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣮⢯⣳⡳⡯⡯⣟⣟⣯⢿⡽⣯⣟⣿⣺⡯⣯⡯⣯⢿⢽⢽⡺⡹⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣧⡫⡯⡯⣗⣟⡾⣽⢽⣳⢯⢾⣺⢽⣳⢯⢯⢯⢏⢇⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣽⣕⡳⡫⣗⢟⢾⣝⢯⢯⢻⢪⡫⣽⣼⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
August 2021

​​I've seen Tenz play, he doesn't even use a monitor

twitchquotes: ​​I've seen Tenz play, he doesn't even use a monitor. He visualizes the map in a detailed rendering, completely in his mind. He has a biological wallhack; his godlike perception highlights all enemies within light-years. His eyes are closed as his mouse gracefully swerves across the table, making immaculate twitches as he flicks from head to head. The bullets that escape his gun barrel are surgical; each making a deadly strike in between his opponent's eyes. His spray control is otherworldly, his crosshair erratically jolting across the screen as his wrist muscles perfectly predict the next bullet's location. Time literally stops as he peeks, sunlight curving as his trigger finger impacts his left mouse button, sending enemies to a digital shadow realm before they even know what happened. He is un-killable. He is undefeatable. This "man" is the epitome of eternal.
twitch chat
June 2021
TenZ

Valorant

Text-to-Speech Playing