[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

fortnite should add a pregnant female skin

I think fortnite should add a pregnant female skin. Every kill she gets she slowly gives birth. When in water blood comes out. At 10 kills she gives birth and the baby can be your pet. Thoughts? Fortnite should hire me yoπŸ™πŸ™
April 2021

Fortnite

V for Vendatta

β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ
September 2021

Bullish market makes me hard

When the stocks πŸ“ŠπŸ“ go up πŸ“ˆπŸ’Έ, my dick goes too πŸ†β¬†οΈπŸ˜³. Bullish πŸ‚ market 🏬 makes me hard πŸ¦΄πŸ’¦. All the countries πŸ³οΈπŸ΄πŸ΄β€β˜ οΈπŸπŸš©πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡³ try to recover πŸ”„ from corona 🦠 so the money πŸ’°πŸ’΅πŸ’Έ flows 🌬 into my pocket πŸ’³. Soon πŸ”œ there will be a crash πŸ“‰πŸ˜­πŸ₯ΊπŸ˜– and the bears 🐻 will crawl 🚼 out of their holes πŸ•³. Then they cut off my greedy dick βœ‚οΈπŸ†πŸ©Έ if I don’t ❌ eat ’em out πŸ‘…πŸ˜Έ. I must turn into a bear πŸ‚βž‘οΈπŸ» and make 🀌🏼 more money πŸ’°πŸ’΅πŸ’Έ and eat some honey 🐻🍯. When I’m done βœ… I’ll throw a party πŸŽ‰πŸ·πŸΎ and eat your ass πŸ‘…πŸ‘.
October 2021

Emoji Pasta

WallStreetBets

Hi Kripp, it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. I heard you are trying to play other games when we need you here at Skyrim to clean up the dragons. Quit what you are doing right now and come join me as the new Whiterun Thane. My axe is ready as your reward.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Dyrus in Jail

twitchquotes: Hello it is me Dyrus, from jail. This article was super superino I loved it as much as I love coach wukong. I hope this comment will make people help me get out of jailerino. Phant0mlord is always loud as a ziggs on cocoon and dexter breath smells like weederino. Pls no copy pasterino
twitch chat
April 2014
Dyrus
Text-to-Speech Playing