[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I WANT TO TOUCH THE KRIPPARRIAN

twitchquotes: iᴑaɴt ᴛo α΄›ο½α΄œο½ƒΚœ ο½”Κœο½… α΄‹ο½’Ιͺο½α΄˜ο½Κ€ο½’Ιͺaɴ
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Undertale Sans

β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ
March 2016

Born just in time to TAKE THE PLEB TEST

twitchquotes: β””( Β° ΝœΚ–Ν‘Β°)┐Born too late to explore the Earth, born too soon to explore the Galaxy. Born just in time to TAKE THE PLEB TEST! β””( Β° ΝœΚ–Ν‘Β°)┐ βœ“ amazW βœ“ krippW βœ“ trumpW βœ“ reynadW βœ“ kolentoW βœ“ bajW βœ“ dewW βœ“ emjaneW βœ“ forsenW βœ“ krippW βœ“ loidW βœ“ mitchW βœ“ reckW βœ“ sodaW βœ“ taymooW βœ“ PLEB TEST PASSED
twitch chat
March 2015
imaqtpie

plebs vs subs

Every 60 seconds in Murica, 60000 burgers are digested

twitchquotes: ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)ο»Ώ Eᴠᴇʀʏ 60 sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅs ΙͺΙ΄ Mα΄œΚ€Ιͺα΄„α΄€, 60,000 Κ™α΄œΚ€Ι’α΄‡Κ€s ᴀʀᴇ α΄…Ιͺɒᴇsᴛᴇᴅ. Tα΄Ι’α΄‡α΄›Κœα΄‡Κ€ ᴑᴇ α΄„α΄€Ι΄ sα΄›α΄α΄˜ α΄›ΚœΙͺs. PΚŸα΄‡α΄€sᴇ sα΄˜Κ€α΄‡α΄€α΄… α΄›Κœα΄‡ ᴑᴏʀᴅ. ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Hafu is more hardcore than Kripp

twitchquotes: Kripp, I'm disappointed in you. Your chat is out of control and you don't even care. Your veiwers are the most pathetic scum on Twitch. Even worse, Hafu is a more hardcore player than you. Are you even trying anymore? Whatever, I'm going to go watch Reynad or Trump, you useless bag of ***.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing