[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Ten reasons why you can't move to Scotland

Tin resins why ye canae move tae Sco'land. Win - We dinnae want ye here Tae - Yer nae hard enough Threh - Ye wouldnae like the wither (and ye wouldne ken hoo tae describ it - dreich, drookit, haar, etc) Fir - Yer a dafty who couldne git intae oor big skels and dinnae ken aboot the Sco'ish Enlightinment Fiv - Yer a big girruls blouse and cannae keep up wi oor drinkin Sex - Yed get snapped in hoff if ye played fitbaw wi us sivvun - Ye coodnae handle the patter It - Wae dinnae wint ye drivin up the hoos prices Nin - Yer pribly a jobbyjabber who likes it it in the backsie Tin - Oor wimmun boke at the sight of ye If somehoo ye dae mit the abuv requirmints then ye can enter but ye must promis to vote fi SNP, the ONLY party that trilly represents Sco'land. Fuck off hame any English cunts.
September 2021

WutFace alternative

⣿⣿⡿⣫⣾⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⡇⠱⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣤⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣛⡩⣩⣭⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠞⣛⣛⣛⡲⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⡾⣡⣾⣿⣷⣹⣿⣿⡿⣪⡻⠟⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡹⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⣼⡇⣿⣻⣿⠟⡛⢿⣿⣾⣿⡇⢰⣍⢻⡿⠛⢿⣿⡭⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣧⣄⡀⣿⡇⣮⣽⣿⣮⣉⣾⣿⣿⣿⣇⡸⣿⣿⣆⠛⣰⣿⣾⡿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣇⡼⣄⣿⣿⡄⠙⢿⣏⣿⣿⡮⠁⣉⣾⣷⡈⠃⢿⣿⣬⡭⠝⣀⣿⠄⠄⠐ ⡆⡇⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠓⠛⣉⣉⣉⣉⣙⣛⠓⠾⣟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠙ ⠁⡇⣞⣿⡿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠈⠉⠙⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⣶⣌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢗⢴⣆⢣ ⠸⣇⡻⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣷⡌⢿⣿⣿⣿⢸⠼⣣⣾ ⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠛⠈⣿⡫⡼⢠⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣇⠄⣀⣠⡀⠄⠄⠴⠾⠿⠿⠶⠶⣦⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢨⠯⢁⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣦⢒⠤⣅⡶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣮⣍⠢⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⡐⠫⣉⡿⣬⡞⢿⣿⢯⠽⣶⡽⢟⣛⢖⣨⣛⠛⢃⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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Annoyed Anime Girl

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April 2020

Idk what it is with you guys but you keep upvoting anything with the word cum sex or dick in it

Idk what it is with you guys but you keep upvoting anything with the word cum sex or dick in it. I came here for subtle wall of texts where you couldn’t tell if it was real or fake. Now these 10k upvoted cumshit copypastas are just upvoted, never pasted. You don’t actually see any of them in the wild it’s a truly sad state. See for yourself sort by top this year and it’s all sex like fr is it that funny?
September 2021

Fulfill my dreams of being an industrial vacuum

twitchquotes: Hello Reynad, big fan here trying to fulfill my dreams of being an industrial vacuum for constipated hospital patients, any tips on sucking ass?
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January 2015
Reynad
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