[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Diablo 2 was great Kripp

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) Diablo 2 was great Kripp, I especially loved the part where you mindlessly clicked in an endless, ball-numbing drone for hours on end as the screen flooded with indiscernible ***. (◕‿◕✿)
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

I'm epic gamer style

twitchquotes: Yeah I’m not surprised your girl wants to leave you for me. Not my fault I’m fucking epic gamer style. Why wouldn’t she wanna be with me lol I have a 3.2 kd in Fortnite, backseat game in Twitch chats, and I reddit hard as fuck. Sorry for being too dope
twitch chat
May 2019

I'm honestly considering uninstalling PUBG on PC

twitchquotes: (sponsored message) WOW! I love the way this game looks. The graphics are great and the framerate is perfect! I'm honestly considering uninstalling PUBG on PC and just moving over to mobile because this seems like the far superior product. Thank you Kripp for showing me this amazing new game.
twitch chat
April 2018
Kripp

sellout

PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds

FailFish

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠉⡉⠈⠙⠛⠋⢉⣙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢋⣭⣴⣶⣾⡛⡶⡶⢤⣾⣇⣈⣧⡤⠈⢙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣤⣶⣷⣿⣯⣉⣤⣴⢶⣴⣯⣽⣿⣿⣛⣿⣿⣧⠻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣃⢌⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡋⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣴⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢻⣿ ⣿⣿⣡⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡎⣿ ⡿⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢻⡟⣿⣿⠟⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿ ⠇⣧⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢹ ⣦⢿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡼ ⣿⣷⣌⢻⣿⠃⠀⣧⠀⠀⠀⡠⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⠙⠀⠀⡏⠀⠀⡐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢏⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡿⠃⠀⢀⣠⠔⠀⠀⣴⣶⣶⣦⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣼⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⣠⠟⠁⠀⣠⣾⣇⣠⣽⡏⠉⣿⣿⡿⢋⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠞⠁⠀⠀⣼⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠀⢠⣿⠯⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⣉⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡯⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⢀⣀⠁⠀⠀⠀⣴⡾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡄⣼⡿⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣥⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⢀⣠⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣥⣐⡲⡹⣒⣾⣴⠠⣬⣝⣛⣛⣿⣯⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⣝⣘⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2020

XL Super Sized Monster

twitchquotes: "Oh my God," gasped Raina. That thing is HUGE, its going to make me so wet!. Kripp smirked, "Yup." He began pumping furiously as the pressure built up and his Vegan strength began to dwindle. "Are you ready?" Kripp said cheekily. "I don't know about this, I think we should..." but it was too late. Kripp blasted her point blank, gentlely bruising her skin with a pressure rating well above 2. "Next time you can do me," said Kripp as he put away his XL Super Sized Monster.
twitch chat
March 2018
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing