[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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GME to the moon

.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ ✦        γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€Λšγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€*γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆ β€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ ✦ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€,       .γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€οΎŸγ€€β€‚β€‚γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β˜€οΈif we holdγ€€γ€€. ,γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€Šβ€Šγ€€β€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€Šβ€Šγ€€β€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆ ✦        ,γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆβ€Šβ€Šβ€ŠπŸš€ gme γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€γ€€,γ€€γ€€γ€€ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€β€Šβ€Šβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€Šβ€Šγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€Λšγ€€       ,γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šγ€€β€Šβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€ β€ˆγ€€γ€€β€‚β€‚β€‚β€‚γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€* γ€€γ€€         ✦ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šβ€Šγ€€β€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆβ€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.           . γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ πŸŒ‘ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€Šβ€Šβ€Šγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€ Λšγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€οΎŸγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€. γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€ 🌎 ‍ ‍ if we sell ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,γ€€ γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€* .γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€ ✦ Λšγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€*γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€β€ˆ β€ˆγ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€γ€€.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

Clean All The Things

β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β”€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β”€β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β”€β”€β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–„β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–„β”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–„β”€β”€β”€β–„β–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–„β”€β”€β”€β–„β–€β”€β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–€β–€β”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β–„β–€β–„β–„β–€β–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β–ˆ β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–„β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–€ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–€β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–“β–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–Œ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–Œ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–Œ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–Œ ──────────▄▀▀▀▀▀▀▄ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–„β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β–€β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–Œβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–Œ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β–„β–€β–„β–„β–€β–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–Œ β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–€β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆ
September 2021

KKona boy I was at that darn there

twitchquotes: KKona boy I was at that darn there hootenanny shindig gitten down on some damn there squaredancin, when a fine belle asked me for a dance. Couldn't see nuthin, the damn barn dint have no damn light fixtures. But I knew she was prettier than fresh cooked stew from mama. Boy I tell you, I said yes faster than a one legged gator on a tractor boy I tell you. Once we had a darn tootin time in that darn there doe-see-doe, i took er out 'hind the hay bales. Mmm boi I tooker pants off faster than a hot knife through butter yessir. Lets just say i gave er the ol' Tennessee One Two. We both laid down right there on the spot mmmmboy. Held er nice an tight til mornin light. Opened my eyes and I couldnt believe what I saw! It was my damn sister the whole darn time. I aint opposed to it KKona
twitch chat
October 2018

When you copy messages don't copy the name

twitchquotes: Jimmy_Swaggart: ForsenIsNeverLucky: FailFish DONT COPY THE FailFish NAME WHEN YOU FailFish COPY THE PASTA FailFish
twitch chat
May 2015

Classic

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday: I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a β€œbukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling β€œETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
August 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing