[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth

twitchquotes: High in orbit, the Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth. They prepare to enslave the world and mine it for all its salt, but the scanners detect an abnormally high concentration inside a tiny shack in Greece. The invasion won't be necessary. "Lock onto him with the RNG disruptor," says the captain, greedily. "Soon we shall have all the salt we need."
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

Classic

salty

Minion Joker

โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–€โ–€โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–€โ–€โ–„ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ–ˆโ–„โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–„โ–ˆโ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–โ–“โ–“โ–Œ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ–Œ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–โ–“โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–„โ–“โ–Œโ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–Œโ•โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ•โ–โ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆโ•โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ•โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆโ•โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ•โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆโ•โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ•โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆ โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆโ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ–ˆโ•โ•โ–ˆโ–„ โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œโ”€โ”€โ–โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–Œ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€
September 2021

If Harambe and my girl both drowning

twitchquotes: If harambe ๐Ÿ’ and my girl ๐Ÿ‘ง ๐Ÿ˜ both drowning ๐Ÿ˜ฑ ๐Ÿ‘‹ and I can only save one ๐Ÿ˜ค ๐Ÿ˜ฌ Catch me at my girl funeral ๐Ÿ˜” ๐Ÿ‘ป ๐ŸŒน with my dick out ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ˜Ž ๐Ÿ†
twitch chat
August 2016

Emoji Pasta

Harambe

Kripp and Arthus

twitchquotes: ๏ผญ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝ“๏ฝ๏ฝŽ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ„๏ฝ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝ™๏ฝ๏ฝ• ๏ฝ—๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝŽ๏ผŒ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ–๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ™ ๏ฝ—๏ฝ…๏ฝ‚๏ฝ“๏ฝ‰๏ฝ”๏ฝ…๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ๏ฝ† ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ”๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝŽ๏ฝ…๏ฝ” ๏ฝ—๏ฝˆ๏ฝ‰๏ฝ“๏ฝ๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ…๏ฝ„ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ…๏ผš ๏ผซ๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ผŽ๏ผญ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝƒ๏ฝˆ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŒ๏ฝ„๏ผŒ ๏ผฉ ๏ฝ—๏ฝ๏ฝ”๏ฝƒ๏ฝˆ๏ฝ…๏ฝ„ ๏ฝ—๏ฝ‰๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝ„๏ฝ… ๏ฝ๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ™๏ฝ๏ฝ• ๏ฝ‡๏ฝ’๏ฝ…๏ฝ— ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ”๏ฝ ๏ฝ ๏ฝ‡๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ…๏ฝ’ ๏ฝ๏ฝ† ๏ฝˆ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ„๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ…๏ฝŽ๏ฝ…๏ฝ“๏ฝ“๏ผŽ๏ผฒ๏ฝ…๏ฝ๏ฝ…๏ฝ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ผŒ ๏ฝ๏ฝ•๏ฝ’ ๏ฝ†๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŒ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ—๏ฝ๏ฝ™๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ๏ฝ™๏ฝ…๏ฝ„ ๏ฝˆ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ„๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ… ๏ฝ—๏ฝ‰๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ ๏ฝ†๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝ…๏ฝŽ๏ฝ„๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ„ ๏ผฉ ๏ฝ‹๏ฝŽ๏ฝ๏ฝ— ๏ฝ™๏ฝ๏ฝ• ๏ฝ—๏ฝ‰๏ฝŒ๏ฝŒ ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ…๏ฝ–๏ฝ…๏ฝ’ ๏ฝ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ“๏ฝ•๏ฝ๏ฝŒ ๏ฝ“๏ฝƒ๏ฝ’๏ฝ•๏ฝ‚๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ… ๏ฝ“๏ฝˆ๏ฝ‰๏ฝ”๏ผŒ ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ•๏ฝ” ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ”๏ฝ’๏ฝ•๏ฝ…๏ฝ“๏ฝ” ๏ฝˆ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ„๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ…๏ฝŽ๏ฝ…๏ฝ“๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ‰๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝ“๏ฝ๏ฝŽ ๏ฝ‰๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ…๏ฝŽ๏ฝ”๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ”๏ฝ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‡ ๏ฝ™๏ฝ๏ฝ•๏ฝ’ ๏ฝ–๏ฝ‰๏ฝ…๏ฝ—๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ“๏ผŽ ๏ผฉ ๏ฝ”๏ฝ…๏ฝŒ๏ฝŒ ๏ฝ™๏ฝ๏ฝ• ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ‰๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ†๏ฝ๏ฝ’ ๏ฝ—๏ฝˆ๏ฝ…๏ฝŽ ๏ฝ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝ„๏ฝ๏ฝ™๏ฝ“ ๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ”๏ฝ ๏ฝ๏ฝŽ ๏ฝ…๏ฝŽ๏ฝ„ ๏ฝ™๏ฝ๏ฝ• ๏ฝ“๏ฝˆ๏ฝ๏ฝŒ๏ฝŒ ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ๏ฝ” ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ… ๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ“๏ฝ•๏ฝ๏ฝŒ๏ผŽ
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing