[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

And for a moment the two felt unsalted

twitchquotes: I love salt too.” Reynad confessed, as he slipped his feminine hand into Kripp’s and smirked. “Are you trying to top-deck me?” protests Kripparroni, as Saltnad blushes, the boyish figure undressed before Kripp. “Weak tempo play, Reynad.” The two kissed, deeply and passionately, and for a moment the two felt unsalted.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

salty

I'm epic gamer style

twitchquotes: Yeah I’m not surprised your girl wants to leave you for me. Not my fault I’m fucking epic gamer style. Why wouldn’t she wanna be with me lol I have a 3.2 kd in Fortnite, backseat game in Twitch chats, and I reddit hard as fuck. Sorry for being too dope
twitch chat
May 2019

Drama Popcorn

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⠟⠛⠛⠻⣦⣠⣤⣤⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⠋⠁⠀⠙⣿⠶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⡾⠿⠀⢠⣶⠟⠻⢷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠁⠀⠙⣷⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣟⠀⠀⢀⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⢿⠟⠛⢷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢠⡾⠛⠋⠀⢰⡟⠉⢻⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡿⠟⠛⢷⡄⠀⠀⢹⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠸⣧⣄⡀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⢿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠟⠀⣀⣾⠇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡻⢿⣷⣦⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⣿⠿⣿⡷⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣇⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣄⡀⣀⣤⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⢰⣿⠇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⡀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⠙⠻⢿⣿⡿⠟⠋⢹⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⣼⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡇⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⡏⠀⢠⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⣼⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⣿⡿⠀⢀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣤⣀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⢰⣿⣿⡇⠀⣸⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠋⠀⠀⠈⣻⡿⠿⢷⣦⡀⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⢀⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣼⡿⠄⠀⠀⢰⡟⠁⠀⠀⢹⣷⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⡏⢀⣸⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣼⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⡇⠀⣾⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠸⣷⣄⣀⣠⣴⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣷⡿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠁⠻⠷⠶⢿⣦⣤⣴⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
April 2022

Something about Qtpie's play...

twitchquotes: i'm lying on my bed watching Qtpie stream.. my knees are up.. i'm trying to close my legs... but something about Qtpie's play makes me want to force my hands.. lower.. and lower.. i'm so embarassed...my fist is clenched so tight.. as i bite hard.. on my lips
twitch chat
January 2015
imaqtpie

I want thank chat for many message, help cover our trail

twitchquotes: Hello pals sorry for bad england. I come on website to speak to girl from village. Is place where she can speak without state see because message move fast. I talk with her once month. Cost twenty fennix money for half hour internet to talk. I want thank chat for many message, help cover our trail. No copy my heartfelt message please
twitch chat
September 2015
strifecro
Text-to-Speech Playing