[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

HEY ADVERTISERS YOU'RE ONLY PROMOTING TO ONE PERSON

twitchquotes: Jebaited HEY ADVERTISERS Jebaited YOU'RE ONLY PROMOTING TO ONE PERSON Jebaited NEED PROOF? Jebaited I'LL POST THIS ON MY OTHER ACCOUNTS Jebaited
twitch chat
November 2017
TwitchPresents

YuGiOh Ad Marathon

Bitcoin

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘
August 2018

Kripp wins Best Actor

twitchquotes: It is the 2018 Oscars and Tom Hanks stands at the podium to announce Best Actor. β€œBoy,” he says, β€œwe got a real competition this year! Johnny Depp, Leo DiCaprio, George Clooney, anyone could win!” The world holds its breath to see who will win the most prestigious acting award in the world. β€œWow!” says Hanks. β€œI don’t believe it! The winner is Kripparrian in his β€˜Unsponsored’ Hero Academy 2β„’ Stream!”
twitch chat
March 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

Cybrix's voice

twitchquotes: ＀ear οΌ£ο½™ο½‚ο½’ο½‰ο½˜οΌŒ οΌ© ο½ˆο½ο½–ο½… ο½‚ο½…ο½…ο½Ž ο½“ο½…ο½–ο½…ο½’ο½…ο½Œο½™ depressed over ο½”ο½ˆο½… ο½Œο½ο½“ο½” ο½ο½ο½Žο½”ο½ˆ ο½ο½Žο½„ ο½ˆο½ο½–ο½… ο½ƒο½ο½Žο½”ο½…ο½ο½ο½Œο½ο½”ο½…ο½„ ο½“ο½•ο½‰ο½ƒο½‰ο½„ο½…οΌŽ 1fter ο½ˆο½…ο½ο½’ο½‰ο½Žο½‡ your ο½–ο½ο½‰ο½ƒο½…οΌŒ οΌ© ο½Žο½ο½— ο½’ο½…ο½ο½Œο½‰ο½šο½… οΌ© ο½ˆο½ο½–ο½… ο½Žο½ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½Žο½‡ ο½Œο½…ο½†ο½” to ο½Œο½‰ο½–ο½… for ο½ο½Žο½„ ο½—ο½‰ο½Œο½Œ ο½‹ο½‰ο½Œο½Œ ο½ο½™ο½“ο½…ο½Œο½† ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½“ ο½—ο½…ο½…ο½‹οΌŽοΌŽοΌŽοΌŽ οΌ΄ο½ˆο½ο½Žο½‹ο½“ for ο½ο½ο½‹ο½‰ο½Žο½‡ my ο½„ο½…ο½ƒο½‰ο½“ο½‰ο½ο½Ž so easy OpieOP
twitch chat
June 2014
Kripp

RIP Kattarian

twitchquotes: 2003-2014 R I P Kattarian, you will be missed. I know Kripp would do unspeakable sexual things to you off stream and he killed you in a salt rage after getting top decked and then tells us that you are "temporarily gone" but just know this, chat loved you and we know you're in a better place safe from Kripp's evil
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing