[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

The default dance is truly a masterpiece

twitchquotes: The 🕺🏻default dance🕺🏻 is truly a 🖊masterpiece. Never❌in all of history🕖🕗🕘🕙🕚has such an artistic masterpiece🖊 ever been created. The choreography💃🏻 is possibly the most beautiful😍 sight👀 ever beheld by the human💁🏻‍♂️ eye👁. The sharp 🔪sound of the SLAP👏 when the player’s hands👐 collide perfectly 💯 with the beat of the song 🎵 sends a bone chilling☠️ shiver down my spine, every single time 🕘I hear it👂🏻. I find my self watching 👀my in-game 🎮avatar performing this phenomenal dance ritual 💃🏻for hours🕧 on end.
twitch chat
November 2018

Emoji Pasta

Fortnite

Sad Crewmate

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⢷⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⡿⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⡟⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿⠟⢿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⣴⠟⢻⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠁⠀⢸⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣴⠟⠁⠀⢸⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡿⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠻⢿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣀⣀⣠⣴⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢻⣶⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣶⡶⠂⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠉⠉⠙⠛⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⢹⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⠸⢿⣷⣄⣀⣀⣴⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣶⣤⣴⣾⣿⠋⠀⠀⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠋⠁⠀
January 2021

Among Us / Amogus

You have been permanently banned from this channel

twitchquotes: ———————————————————————— imGlitch You have been permanently banned from this channel ————————————————————————
twitch chat
January 2017

MODS

Classic

Having a daughter is the ULTIMATE SIMP

As a man who has a daughter, you are LITERALLY dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ULTIMATE AND FINAL SIMP. Think about it logically.
August 2021

Simps

agontfHi emote

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠛⣉⣥⣤⣤⣶⣶⣶⣤ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢋⣡⣤⣶⣶⣶⣷⣶⣶⣭⣽⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠟⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⣠⡿⠋⣉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟ ⢸⣿⣦⣝⢿⣿⢏⣴⣿⣄⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⡦⢩⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠈⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢙⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⠟⢠ ⠸⣿⣿⣿⣧⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡈⠄⢀⣀⣀⣙⣛⣛⡛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢠⣿ ⡆⢿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠹⣿⣿⣿⣷⡸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣘⣵⣿⣿⢿⠹⣿⣿⡏⣼⣿ ⣧⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠈⠙⣿⣿⣿⣮⣭⣭⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣃⣼⣾⣿⣿⡇⢻⣿ ⣿⣧⠉⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⢿ ⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⢠⣿▄▄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⡻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄
March 2021
AgonTFT

Teamfight Tactics

Text-to-Speech Playing