[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Anduin and Uther

twitchquotes: Anduin is standing outside, looking through the window. He sees how Ben Brode SCAMAZes Tyrande. A small tear runs down his face. "Since Tyrande is the new Priest hero, nobody will ever fulfill my wishes and desires..." A muscular hand lays down on Anduin's shoulder. He turns around and gasps. It's Uther, the Lightbringer himself. "Don't worry, I will make sure you will get my Blessing of Might". Anduin's sorrow immediatly vanishes as he is about to receive his blessing. Uther smirks and reveals his 5/3 Assbringer. "Wow..." Anduin says. Uther slams his Assbringer into Anduin's 1/1 Lightspawn. "Well Played" Uther yells as he Consecrates all over Anduin's face. "BY THE HOLY LIGHT!"
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October 2016

Hearthstone

PepegaPirate

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠔⠊⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠐⢦⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠖⠁⢀⣾⣆⡰⠶⡷⠶⣀⣾⣄⠄⠈⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⡄⠄⠠⢤⣤⠔⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⢧⣤⢣⣤⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠣⢤⡠⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠘⠦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⡟⠻⣿⣿⡿⠻⡟⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠞ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢢⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡠⠊⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠢⣤⣤⣴⣶⡶⢶⣶⣶⣶⣆⢒⣤⣤⠄⢠⠤⠤⠚⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣎⢻⣿⠁⡀⣿⡎⣿⣿⣀⣃⠧⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣠⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡹⡼⢿⣠⠵⠿⣑⢿⣟⣛⠤⣩⡁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢠⣿⣿⣿⢏⡜⡻⣷⡽⣿⣷⣭⣿⣮⣽⣯⣽⣿⣿⣷⣤⣾⡿⠟⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠻⣿⣿⣿⣌⢷⣙⠾⠯⣒⡿⠭⣝⣛⣛⣛⣛⠛⠭⠭⠟⢣⠌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠻⣿⣿⣿⣮⣟⠷⣦⣤⣝⣛⠲⠶⠶⠒⢂⣀⠠⠄⠐⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠙⠿⠿⢿⣿⡷⠶⠭⠭⠭⠵⠶⠒⠋⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
June 2021

Pepe

Hearthstone vs MTG Online

twitchquotes: Tbh, this game is too boring for anyone to understand. Hearthstone is already boring enough to the extant that pretty much no one can sit through it unless youre at a professional level. This is just to unfathomably boring. I know this is an indie game, but seriously if anyone think that this garbage can compete with an older game like HS, youre mistaken.
twitch chat
March 2018

Hearthstone

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and please at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme trannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to shit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
March 2021

I sexually Identify as

Harambe Rick Harrison

twitchquotes: Hi. I'm Harambe, and this is my Zoo. I live here with my old zookeeper and banana, Big Yellow. Everything in here has a heart and a mind. One thing I've learned after 17 years - you never know WHAT is gonna come over that enclosure.
twitch chat
August 2016

Rick Harrison

Classic

Harambe

Text-to-Speech Playing