[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

xqcF emote

⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⡶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣆⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣦⣄⢀⡠⠤⠶⠶⢶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢻⣿⣿⣯⡤⠤⣤⣤⡤⠤⠾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⡠⢤⣤⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣼⣿⣿⣋⡀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠂⠀⢹⣿⣿⠙⠸⡁⠀⡆⠈⡙⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⡟⠸⠀⠀⠀⢠⣭⣉⡛⠻⠿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢁⠃⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠆ ⢻⣿⣿⣟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠯⢿⣿⠿⠿⠿⢿⡏⡌⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⡟⠿⣿⣿⡿⠀ ⣦⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣴⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⡤⡰⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣏⠁⠀⢼⣿⠃⠀ ⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢡⡇⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣧⣶⣿⡏⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣦⣌⣹⣿⣿⣿⠏⠉⠉⠈⠁⣾⠀⣷⣦⣤⣈⡉⠛⠻⠿⠿⠁⠀⠀
February 2021
xQcOW

Kripp suffers from Casualitis

twitchquotes: Romanian doctor say in thick accent, "He suffer from Casualitis, too many salts in blood." OJ is injected into the Kripp, but he continues to mumble "Really bro," and "Wow," numerous times. A priest enters and rips a bag of pepperonis over the Kripp. Papparin say "Drink with me friends," and offer cappucino to all.
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

My boyfriend doesnt know (from r/trueoffmychest)

At the beginning of this month, my boyfriend received an email from his brother with the subject "Dude check this out" and a Google Doc called "!!NEW RAP!!". When my boyfriend opened it, all that was on the doc was a picture of Nikocado Avocado’s asshole. When my boyfriend texted his brother about receiving his email, he replied "what email?". They’ve been going back and forth since about the email, my boyfriend’s brother saying he never sent an email and my boyfriend thinking he’s keeping up the act. What my boyfriend doesn’t know is I sent the email. I made an almost identical looking email, one letter off, and even managed to find the exact email profile picture from his brother’s LinkedIn. Now it kills me every time I see them go at it. I’m literally pissing myself as I write this.
May 2022

Reddit

Ben Shapiro counts to one million

So today, for the first time, my little toddler finally counted to ten. Everyone was celebrating, saying how proud they are in my kid, and then Ben Shapiro kicks open the door. "Oh you think it's impressive that they can count to ten? I can count to one million." and then proceeded, in my living room for the next two weeks, to count to one million. He then said "yep, another libtard destroyed" and then curbstomped my kid.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

It makes no sense!

twitchquotes: I don't know why people have to copy/paste other people messages. It makes no sense!
twitch chat
April 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing