[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Stop the Rick and Morty copypastas

twitchquotes: Just shut the fuck up. This copypasta was never even funny to begin with. I've never even seen the show, and it was obviously a joke. What kind of idiot do you have to be to think that was ever said seriously? But it makes fun of something which is popular, and therefore popular to shit on among the contrarians on Reddit. Come on, really. I actually do have to wonder about the IQs of people who like that pretentious copypasta. You know, I sometimes can't help but superiorly smirk as I imagine their dumb faces struggling to understand words on a mere internet webpage. In fact, I sometimes find myself in paroxysms of ironic Schadenfreude as I envision the visages of the aforementioned Slow-in-the-minds waging war with the Cultural Artifact they proclaim to be analyzing, only to fall, slack-jawed, back into their insensate stupor, the proverbial Undiscovered Country, "from whose bourn no traveler returns" .
twitch chat
September 2017

Rick and Morty

UwU in the streets

twitchquotes: iโ€™m an UwU in the streets but an OwO in the sheets
twitch chat
February 2019

How come we can't ever invade a cool country (Generation Kill)

Look at this shit, how come we can't ever invade a cool country, like chicks in bikinis, you know, how come countries like that don't ever need Marines, I'll tell you why, it's lack of pussy that fucks countries up, lack of pussy is the root fucking cause of all global instability, if more hajis were getting quality pussy, there'd be no reason for us to come over and fuck em up like this, cause a nutbusting haji, is a happy haji.
March 2021

Just dropped down to say, I forgor

โ–ฌโ–ฌโ–ฌโ–ฌโ–ฌ.โ—™.โ–ฌโ–ฌโ–ฌโ–ฌโ–ฌ โ–‚โ–„โ–„โ–“โ–„โ–„โ–‚ โ—ขโ—คโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„ โ—ขโ—ค โ–ˆโ–„ โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–„ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€ โ•ฌ โ—ฅ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ—ค โ•โ•โ•ฉโ•โ•โ•ฉโ• โ•ฌโ•โ•ฌ โ•ฌโ•โ•ฌ just dropped down to say โ•ฌโ•โ•ฌ โ•ฌโ•โ•ฌ I forgor โ•ฌโ•โ•ฌ ๐Ÿ’€/ โ•ฌโ•โ•ฌ /โ–Œ โ•ฌโ•โ•ฌ / \
October 2021

I forgor

NA Test IF YOU TOUCH THE DORITOS

twitchquotes: [NA TEST] DoritosChip IF YOU TOUCH THE DORITOS U ARE FAT PogChamp โŽ
twitch chat
March 2017

Chat Test

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