[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

French word for grape is raisin

twitchquotes: you know whats strange about english, you guys have a word for dried grapes: raisins. but the strange thing is that in french the word grape is litteraly raisin, but we dont have a word for dried ones, we just say dried grapes but in French so raisin sec BUT THATS NOT EVEN THE THE CRAZY PART because do you know what we call a bunch of grape together? a GRAPPE so a bunch of grape in french is Grappe de raisins 🤔
twitch chat
May 2019

Shrek is love. Shrek is life

I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
February 2021

Shrek

Classic

Chika dance

⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⢀⣴⡾⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠺⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡀⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⡟⢀⣴⣿⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷ ⢸⣿⣿⠟⣴⣿⡿⡟⡼⢹⣷⢲⡶⣖⣾⣶⢄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣼⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⢫⣾⣿⡟⣾⡸⢠⡿⢳⡿⠍⣼⣿⢏⣿⣷⢄⡀⠄⢠⣾⢻⣿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⣡⣿⣿⡟⡼⡁⠁⣰⠂⡾⠉⢨⣿⠃⣿⡿⠍⣾⣟⢤⣿⢇⣿⢇⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣱⣿⣿⡟⡐⣰⣧⡷⣿⣴⣧⣤⣼⣯⢸⡿⠁⣰⠟⢀⣼⠏⣲⠏⢸⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠟⣁⠄⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣼⢟⢀⡼⠃⡹⠃⡀⢸⡿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟ ⣿⣿⠃⠄⢀⣾⠋⠓⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣾⣅⢔⣕⡇⡇⡼⢁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢣ ⣿⡟⠄⠄⣾⣇⠷⣢⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣀⡈⠙⢿⣿⣿⡇⡧⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢏⣾ ⣿⡇⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢻⠇⠄⠄⢿⣿⡇⢡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣼⣿ ⣿⣷⢰⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢰⣧⣀⡄⢀⠘⡿⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣼⣿⣿ ⢹⣿⢸⣿⣿⠟⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⣉⣤⣿⢈⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⣾⣹⣿⣿ ⢸⠇⡜⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣱⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⢳⠃⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⣰⡗⠹⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣅⣥⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠄⠄⣾⡌⢠⣿⡿⠃ ⠜⠋⢠⣷⢻⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣛⣥⣾⣿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠄⠄
April 2019

Weebs

BatChest

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠚⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⠂⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠐⠂⠄⠐⠂⠙⠻⢿⠟⠛⠄⠒⠈⠄⠒⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⢀⣠⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣧⢀⣀⠄⢀⣆⣠⡀⠄⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣼⣿⣿⣜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡙⠉⠙⠋⠉⣹⣿⢿⡿⡿⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠘⠛⠑⠋⠄⣀⣀⣠⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠄⠈⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⢕⠠⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⣹⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠈⠂⠄⠛⠯⠥⠒⠁⠄⠄⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⡀⠄⠐⠄⢤⣤⢴⠚⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⣀⣀⠄⢀⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
October 2021

Emote

AngelThump

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠦⣄⠀⣠⠖⠋⠉⠉⠉⠛⢦⣀⡤⠒⠲⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠎⠀⠀⠈⣿⡅⢉⣦⣀⣀⡀⡂⢰⣿⡄⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣀⡠⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢷⠘⠛⠃⠙⠛⠃⠙⠓⢁⡇⠀⠀⡀⠀⠈⠑⠦⢄⠀ ⠀⠛⠤⠤⣔⢁⡴⠧⠚⠉⠙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠞⠉⠁⠑⠚⠢⠤⠕⠚⠁⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠙⠓⠒⠒⠚⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
September 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing