[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Your journey to casualness is almost complete

twitchquotes: Trump and Massan watch Kripp together in silent amusement as he slowly enters TSM's lair. "Kripp" Trump announces, "your journey to casualness is almost complete. Henceforth, you shall be known as, Casualarrian." Kripp bows down before him, and says " It is my destiny."
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

I put sushi in my husband’s butthole while he was asleep

He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
May 2022

Hank from Breaking Bad

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠖⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠋⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠙⢦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⡿⢁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠸⣷⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡧⢕⠂⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠏⠃⠈⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠈⠀⠀⠀⠐⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣴⣶⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣴⣴⣄⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⠌⣻⣦⣤⡀⢀⣤⡠⢔⡀⢀⣀⣉⢻⢿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⠋⡟⠙⠛⠚⠘⠋⢉⠁⠈⠙⠋⠃⠿⠟⠛⠩⠹⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡎⡐⠙⠓⠚⠉⠠⣾⡆⠀⢰⠀⠒⠒⠒⠂⡀⢺⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡁⠀⠀⠀⡤⠔⡎⠂⠀⠈⡖⣀⡀⠀⠀⠨⠄⢿⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣷⣿⣧⣠⡖⠁⠀⣿⣧⣀⣀⣠⣷⠀⠉⢦⣤⣤⣷⡗⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣸⠉⠛⢿⣶⣄⡨⠻⢿⣿⣿⣅⣄⣶⣾⠿⠛⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣦⠀⠀⠈⠻⢍⠙⠉⠋⠋⠉⡿⠋⠀⠀⣼⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠞⣦⠀⢬⢧⣄⣀⡁⠉⣀⣠⡽⠁⠀⡼⠅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣧⣄⡉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠀⢠⣼⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣷⡄⠈⠀⠀⢀⢀⣤⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⠶⠼⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣶⣶⣶⣦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡱⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠟⠛⠁⠄⠂⠀⠓⠋⢟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⠜⢖⣁⣀⣀⡀⠀⢀⣐⢠⣴⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣛⠿⠻⠉⠯⣉⠠⠹⠚⠺⠿⢿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢐⣿⣿⡿⡿⣿⣷⠆⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣼⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡶⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡟⠻⣋⢉⣉⠁⣀⢀⣄⣠⣄⡀⠀⣉⣉⣙⠻⢻⣿⣿⡷⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣾⡏⠑⠓⠉⢉⣾⣿⣿⣿⣯⠑⠚⠓⢛⣾⣼⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⡿⠻⠠⢤⣔⣼⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣲⣄⠀⠘⠻⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣧⠀⣀⠟⠃⠡⣿⠿⠞⠽⣿⠈⠛⣶⣀⣇⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣾⣯⠃⢠⣴⣦⠀⠀⣠⣴⣦⡀⠘⣿⡷⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣾⡇⢠⡿⡿⠻⠁⢠⠸⠻⢿⢷⠀⢸⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡇⠊⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣦⣤⣀⠃⣾⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣧⣬⡶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣦⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⡿⡛⢟⢶⣶⣽⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⢶⣴⡿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
August 2021

Called my overweight female friend a heckin chonker today and now she won’t talk to me

My female friend was crying about how fat she was and I was trying to comfort her by telling her that she didn’t look that fat but she kept accusing me of lying to make her feel bad so I thought that saying “maybe your just a heckin chonker” would cheer her up and lighten the mood but she just looked at me and left. I hope she realised that I was only being nice and that she is being irrational.
August 2021

Type Pepega to activate

twitchquotes: ———————————————————————— TwitchVotes You have been gifted FREE BRAIN DAMAGE. Type Pepega to activate————————————————————————
twitch chat
March 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing