[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Cum

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June 2021

Wait Aurateur is actually bald?

twitchquotes: I’ve been blind since birth. After restorative eye surgery I got a new lease on life. I can drive, watch TV, see the sunset. But more importantly, I can finally truly watch my favorite twitch streamer, Aurateur. From the sounds of it he is a god gamer and the chat is so rambunctious it’s always a good time. Alright, time to log into twitch and see what he’s up to........ Wait this guy is actually bald? lmao I’m outta here
twitch chat
November 2020
Aurateur

Well met m'ladies of Twitch Chat

twitchquotes: Wᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇᴛ ᴍ'ʟᴀᴅɪᴇs ᴏғ Tᴡɪᴛᴄʜ Cʜᴀᴛ! I'ᴍ ᴀɴ ᴇʟɪɢɪʙʟᴇ, ғᴀsʜɪᴏɴᴀʙʟᴇ (ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴛᴇsᴛ ᴛᴀɪʟᴏʀᴇᴅ ғᴇᴅᴏʀᴀs) ʙᴀᴄʜᴇʟᴏʀ, ᴡʜᴏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏs ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɴᴇsᴛ Dᴏʀɪᴛᴏs (Cᴏᴏʟ Rᴀɴᴄʜ). Iғ ᴀɴʏ ʙᴜxᴏᴍ ғᴇᴍᴀʟᴇs (ɴᴏ ғᴀᴛᴛɪᴇs) ᴀʀᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ sᴇx, ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ sᴇɴᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴀ Tᴡɪᴛᴄʜ PM.
twitch chat
May 2015
Tempo Storm

PogOff

⠄⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⣾⣿⠿⠛⣉⣁⣤⣤⣤⣤⣬⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⣿ ⣾⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣤⡈ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⢋⠉⠩⠉⢩⣙⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠶⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣶⣏⣁⡁⣐⣆⠈⢻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣥⣤⡌⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣭⣭⣿⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢀⣿⣿⡿⢁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⣴⣿⣿⠏⢡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡈⠙⠛⠛⠻⢃⣼⣿⣿⠏⣐⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡜⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢳⣾⣿⣿⠋⣼⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⢀⣾⣿⣆⠹⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠁ ⣿⣿⡟⣀⣿⣿⣿⠛⣠⣄⢹⣿⣿⣧⣤⣄⣀⣤⣶⣾⣿⡿⣿⡆⢻⡟⠁⢀⡀⠄ ⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⢣⣾⣿⣿⠄⠉⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠃⠉⠉⠛⠃⠉⠈⣾⣷⠾⠟⠁⢠ ⠈⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣶⣆⢰⣶⣶⣶⣶⠶⠒⢀⣀⣄⣠⣴⡟⠁⠄⠄⣰⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⠿⠿⠏⣾⡿⠃⠈⠉⠉⠛⠄⠘⠛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣠⣾⣿⣿
January 2022

Emote

I'm reporting all of you spammers to the Twitch CEO

twitchquotes: Ok chat I've had it. I will be reporting all of you spammers to my dad (Twitch CEO btw) and he will be banning you from Twitch. So keep it up if you want to be banned, you have only yourself to be blamed
twitch chat
June 2019

I hate Twitch Chat

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