[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Among us crewmate with hat

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣴⣆⣠⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣻⣿⣯⣘⠹⣧⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠿⢿⣿⣷⣾⣯⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⠜⣿⡍⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⠁⠀⠘⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⡟⠃⡄⠀⠘⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣁⣋⣈ ⣤⣮⣿⣧⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣦⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⡿⠛⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⠈⢻⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣯⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⣷⡄⠀ ⠀⠀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⠀ ⠀⢰⣿⡟⠋⠉⣹⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀ ⠀⣸⣿⡇⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠛⢻⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣧⠀⠀ ⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⢿⣿⡆⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠸⣿⣧⡀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⠶⠀⢠⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⣽⣿⡏⠁⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⢹⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿⠁⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
May 2021

Among Us / Amogus

That's an extremely unfortunate loss Kripp

twitchquotes: That's an extremely unfortunate loss Kripp, even though you outplayed him on every possible level he still beat you, i've never seen anyone as unlucky as you that match, nor anyone as lucky as he was that match. It shouldn't even be legal for someone as bad as him to beat someone as amazing as you are at this game
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Classic

salty

hackermans

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣶⣾⣿⣶⣦⣤⣀⠄⢀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣷⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣯⣵⣾⣿⣿⡶⠦⠭⢁⠩⢭⣭⣵⣶⣶⡬⣄⣀⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⡀⠘⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠩⠶⠚⠻⠟⠳⢶⣮⢫⣥⠶⠒⠒⠒⠒⠆⠐⠒ ⠄⢠⣾⢇⣿⣿⣶⣦⢠⠰⡕⢤⠆⠄⠰⢠⢠⠄⠰⢠⠠⠄⡀⠄⢊⢯⠄⡅⠂⠄ ⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠘⢼⠬⠆⠄⢘⠨⢐⠄⢘⠈⣼⡄⠄⠄⡢⡲⠄⠂⠠⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣥⣀⡁⠄⠘⠘⠘⢀⣠⣾⣿⢿⣦⣁⠙⠃⠄⠃⠐⣀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⣵⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⣶⣾⣿⣿⡉⠉⠉ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣫⣥⣬⣭⣛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⣏⣙⠿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣍⣙⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣛⣩⣶⠄ ⣛⣛⣛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣙⠿⢿⣶⣶⣭⣭⣛⣛⣛⣛⠛⠛⠻⣛⣛⣛⣛⣋⠁⢀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣬⢙⡻⠿⠿⣷⣤⣝⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⠛⠛⣛⣛⠛⣡⣴⣿ ⣛⣛⠛⠛⠛⣛⡑⡿⢻⢻⠲⢆⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠟⡴⢻⢋⠻⣟⠈⠿⠿ ⣿⡿⡿⣿⢷⢤⠄⡔⡘⣃⢃⢰⡦⡤⡤⢤⢤⢤⠒⠞⠳⢸⠃⡆⢸⠄⠟⠸⠛⢿ ⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸
November 2021

Pepe

Ruining my twitch chat experience

twitchquotes: You guys are ruining my twitch chat experience. I come to the twitch chat for mature conversation about the gameplay, only to be awarded with kappa faces and frankerzs. People who spam said faces need medical attention utmost. The twitch chat is serious business, and the mods should really raise their dongers.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Hello there, Octavian! This is Kurt McGriff

twitchquotes: Hello there, Octavian! This is Kurt McGriff, executive producer for the Food Channel. We have reviewed your recent application to be a host of your own TV show on our network titled, "Salty Vegan Eats - A Pro Gamer's Way of Life" However, after further reviewing your claim of being an "extremely popular professional gamer" we found the evidence lacking. Mr. Octavian, casually playing a children's card game does not make you a "pro gamer." Have a nice day and good luck to your future endeavors.
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

salty

Text-to-Speech Playing