[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

I hate myself and my life

twitchquotes: I hate myself and my life, but instead of improving either of those things, I'm drinking alone while watching a rich, balding vegan play children's card games for 15 thousand other losers FeelsBadMan
twitch chat
July 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

Middle finger

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘ ░░░▄▀▀▀▀▄▒▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▄▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░ ░░▐▒▄▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▄▄▄▒▒▒▒▒▀▄▄▐░░ β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–€β–’β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–„β–’β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–’β–Œβ–€β–β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘ ░░░░▐▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐▒▒▀▒▐░░░ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▄▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░░░ β–‘β–‘β–„β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ ▀▒▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░▄▄░░░ ░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░▐░░▐░░ ░░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▄▄▄▄▄▀░▄▄▐░░▐▄▄ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β– ░░░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐▐ ░░░░▐░░░░░░░░▐
June 2017

Paint me like one of your French grills.

twitchquotes: ∠( ᐛ γ€βˆ )οΌΏ Paint me like one of your French grills.
twitch chat
March 2016

DWG KIA logo

β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β£€β£€β£Ύβ£·β£€β£€β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „ β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β’€β£ β£΄β£Ώβ Ÿβ’»β‘‡β’Έβ‘Ÿβ »β£Ώβ£¦β£„β‘€β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣾⑿Ⓙ⣿⣿⠄Ⓒ⑇Ⓒ⑇⠄⣿⣿⑿Ⓙ⣷⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β „β „β „β£Ώβ Ÿβ’»β‘‡β’ β£„β ˆβ£Ώβ „β’Έβ‘‡β’Έβ‘‡β „β£Ώβ β£ β‘„β£Έβ‘Ÿβ »β£Ώβ „β „β „β „ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⠄Ⓒ⑇Ⓒ⣿⠄⣿⠄Ⓒ⑇Ⓒ⑇⠄⣿⠄⣿⠿Ⓕ⑇⠄⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⠄Ⓒ⑇Ⓒ⣿⠄⣿⠄Ⓒ⑇Ⓒ⑇⠄⣿⠄⣿⑄Ⓒ⑇⠄⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⠄Ⓒ⑇Ⓒ⑿⠄⣿⠄Ⓒ⑇Ⓒ⣧⠄⣿⠄Ⓙ⑇Ⓒ⑇⠄⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⠄Ⓒ⣧⣄⣀⣢⣿⠄⣾⑇Ⓒ⣿⠄⣿⣢⣀⣠⣼⑇⠄⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⠄Ⓒ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠙⠇⠸⠋⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⑇⠄⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⠄Ⓒ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣢⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⑇⠄⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β „β „β „β£Ώβ „β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ ‰β‘Ώβ ›β’©β£Άβ ˆβ‘Ώβ’Ÿβ£©β €β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘‡β „β£Ώβ „β „β „β „ β „β „β „β „β’Ώβ£¦β£„β‘ˆβ ›β Ώβ£Άβ£Ύβ£Ώβ£Άβ£Ώβ£Άβ£Άβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ύβ Ώβ ›β’β£ β£΄β‘Ώβ „β „β „β „ β „β „β „β „β „β ‰β ›β Ώβ£Άβ£€β‘€β ‰β »β’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ώβ Ÿβ ‰β’€β£€β£Άβ‘Ώβ ›β ‰β „β „β „β „β „ β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ˆβ ™β »β£·β£¦β£„β ˆβ β£ β£΄β£Ύβ Ÿβ ‹β β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „ β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ‰β ›β’Ώβ‘Ώβ ›β ‰β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „
July 2021

SPAM THIS CRUSTACEAN FOR HBOX ELIMINATION

twitchquotes: SPAM πŸ¦€ THIS πŸ¦€ CRUSTACEAN πŸ¦€ FOR πŸ¦€ HBOX πŸ¦€ ELIMINATION πŸ¦€
twitch chat
June 2019

Rhyme Chant

Super Smash Bros

Text-to-Speech Playing