[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Pizza anytime

twitchquotes: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᴘɪᴢᴢᴀᴀᴀᴀ. ᴘɪᴢᴢᴀ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ ᴘɪᴢᴢᴀ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴘɪᴢᴢᴀ ᴀᴛ sᴜᴘᴘᴇʀᴛɪᴍᴇ. ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴘɪᴢᴢᴀs ᴏɴ ᴀ ʙᴀɢᴇʟ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴇᴀᴛ ᴘɪᴢᴢᴀ ᴀɴʏᴛɪᴍᴇ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Derpo Spamu-desu

twitchquotes: Hello my name is Derpo Spamu-desu, I am the last spamurai ........... if you wanna be part of this ancient japanese tradition spam your ascii and troll texts all over twitch. May the spam be with you! ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
twitch chat
January 2015
imaqtpie

Google employees complaints

Reading Google employees complaints about workplace is like watching Becky cry on social media how her life's ruined when she only got a new Hyundai for graduation instead of the audi she asked. Bitch give me that 300k job and I will deal with "my voice not being heard" all day every day.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

BatChest

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠚⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⠂⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠐⠂⠄⠐⠂⠙⠻⢿⠟⠛⠄⠒⠈⠄⠒⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⢀⣠⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣧⢀⣀⠄⢀⣆⣠⡀⠄⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣼⣿⣿⣜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡙⠉⠙⠋⠉⣹⣿⢿⡿⡿⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠘⠛⠑⠋⠄⣀⣀⣠⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠄⠈⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⢕⠠⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⣹⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠈⠂⠄⠛⠯⠥⠒⠁⠄⠄⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⡀⠄⠐⠄⢤⣤⢴⠚⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⣀⣀⠄⢀⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
October 2021

Emote

God I want Winston's fat hairy ass on me right now

twitchquotes: God I want Winston's fat hairy ass on me right now. FeelsBadMan I want his scientist ape body all over me every day, it brings me to orgasmic relief that he could yell "OH YEAH" or "THE POWER OF SCIENCE" to me at anytime. moon2GASM If Activision Blizzard made Winston sexdolls I would buy them all for myself and never leave my mom's basement. Winston is so fucking smart, I want him to teach me science and I'll teach him about fetishes. Fuck I just want Winston to be real. FeelsBadMan 🔫
twitch chat
June 2017

Overwatch

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