[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

NOW RISE, DARTH DONGER

twitchquotes: ΰΌΌ Ν‘ΰΌΌΩ„ΝœΰΌ½ΰΌ½ NOW RISE, DARTH DONGER. /{β–€η›Šβ–€}\ Where is Reynad? Is he okay? ΰΌΌ Ν‘ΰΌΌ Μ―Κ–ΰΌ½ΰΌ½ It seems in your Spam, you killed him. /{β–€η›Šβ–€}\ What!? HE WAS ALIVE! I FELT IT. Noooooooooooo! ΰΌΌ Ν‘ΰΌΌΩ„ΝœΰΌ½ΰΌ½
twitch chat
September 2015
Reynad

We The Sus Music changed my dad

So my dad is a raging homophobe. When I was 7 yrs old he nearly beat me to death for sleeping in the same bed as my friend in Minecraft. He overheard me listening to this song and burst into my room. I braced for impact, fearing the worst. Instead he remained silent and I saw this strange look in his eyes that I'd never seen before. He just divorced my mom and told us he is moving to Puerto Rico with his longtime partner Antonio Banderas and he's not coming back. Thank you We The Sus Music!
June 2021

TempoStorm = Illuminati

twitchquotes: Those 2 names share 4 letters. Half way between 2 and 4 is 3. Hyp3d also has a 3 in his name. A triangle has 3 sides. Illuminati is a triangle. TempoStorm = Illuminati CONFIRMED MATH CANT BE WRONG GUYS
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

Spy from tf2 disguised himself as demoman

twitchquotes: Bruh wharf if, if the spy fromb tf2 disguised himself as demoman to get an N-word word pass.
twitch chat
May 2019

Surprised face

β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–ˆ β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆ β–β–‘β–Œβ–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–„β–€ β–‘β–Œβ–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β– β–‘β–β–‘β–€β–„β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–„β–„β–‘β–β–‘β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–€β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–ˆ
March 2015
Text-to-Speech Playing