[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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What you guys have no Szechuan sauce?

What you guys have no Szechuan sauce? I WANT SZECHUAN SAUCE! WHERE'S MY SZECHUAN SAUCE??!! I'M PICKLE RICK!!!!!!!! WUBBALUBBADUBDUB!!!!!! I'M PICKLE RICK!!!! REEEEEEEEE!!!! REEEEE!!!! REEEEE!!!! IM PICKLE REEEEEEEEE!!!! REEEEEE!!!!! REEEEE!!!!!!
December 2020

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i forgor 💀

nah, you forgor 💀 how to be funny. you forgor 💀 how to be original. you forgor 💀 how to be a decent human being in society. "i rember 😁" yeah, you rember 😁 the reason your parents divorced. you rember 😁 the reason why youre alone. you rember 😁 why nobody likes you. shut up lmao
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My wife told me to talk dirty to her

So the wife and I were getting into it and she told me to talk dirty to her. So I called her a filthy slut. She said “dirtier!” So I smacked her around and told her I was going to use her like the cheap whore she is. She said “dirtier!” So I said “I’m gonna stick some SQQQ in your portfolio. I’m gonna put it in long and deep. I’m gonna fill you up with way OTM SPY puts.” She then slapped me, packed a bag and took the kids. I think we’re getting a divorce.
April 2021

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YOU DON'T GET TO TENTACLE ME OCTO-CHAN!

twitchquotes: ⧹╲⎝⧹ PunOko ⎠╱⧸⎠ Squid1 Squid3 Squid2 Squid4 YOU DON'T GET TO TENTACLE ME OCTO-CHAN! ⧹╲⎝⧹ PunOko ⎠╱⧸⎠
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July 2017

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Classic

Dr DisRespect

⣿⠄⡇⢸⣟⠄⠁⢸⡽⠖⠛⠈⡉⣉⠉⠋⣁⢘⠉⢉⠛⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⣶⣷⣤⠄⣠⠖⠁⠄⠂⠁⠄⠄⠉⠄⠄⠎⠄⠠⠎⢐⠄⢑⣛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠓⠨⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠐⠅⠄⠉⠄⠗⠆⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡣⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣤⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⡙⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠔⠿⡿⠿⠒⠄⠠⢤⡀⡀⠄⠁⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⡖⠄⠁⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣽⠟⡖⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣠⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⣧⠄⠂⠸⣈⡏⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡞⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⡿⢻⡿⣻⣶⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡷⡂⠄⠄⠁⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠙⠛⢿⣿⡇⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣶⣶⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⡿⠁⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣄⢈⣿⡇⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣯⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣥⣬⣿⣿⣟⣿⠃⠄⠨⠺⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⠱⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣬⣸⡝⠿⢿⣿⡿⣿⠻⠟⠻⢫⡁⠄⠄⠄⡐⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⡜⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠆⡐⡇⢿⣽⣻⣷⣦⣧⡀⡀⠄⠄⣴⣺⡇⠄⠁⠄⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠡⠱⠄⠄⠡⠄⢠⣷⠆⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣾⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠠⠁⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⢀⣲⣧⣷⣿⢂⣄⡉⠄⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣻⣯⠿⠟⠋⠉⢰⢦⠄⠊⢾⣷⣮⣽⣛
November 2018
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