[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Just a feller out on the farm

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⡿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⢿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⡇⠀⠀ KKona ⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣧⣇⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⣷⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣀⠀⣠⣤⢀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿⣄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⣿⣷⠀⠀ ⣸⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡷⠀ ⠻⢿⣿⡏⠀⠀⣶⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣧⣀ ⠀⠀⢹⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣉⡉⠉⠉⠉⠉⢙⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⠛⠓ ⠀⠈⠛⠛⠛⠓⠒⠚⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠟⠿⠷⠶⠶⠾⠿⢿⠿⠿⠿ Don't mind me, just a feller out on the farm.
March 2019

Classic

I'M SO STUPID I'M GONNA SHIT

twitchquotes: YOU SHOULD OF LEROYED OH GOD I'M SO FUCKING STUPID I'M GONNA SHIT
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked...

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out
March 2017

Classic

Hey guys, this is my very first MEME

twitchquotes: Hey guys, this is my very first MEME. Hope you guys like it! Thanks for listening.
twitch chat
September 2016

xqcT

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⣾⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣀⠀⣀⣴⣶⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠁⠈⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠑⠀⠀ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠶⠾⠷⠶⠶⠶⠒⠒⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠦⢠⠖⠲⠶⢶⣿⣶⡄ ⣼⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠖⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⠙⠸⡏⠀⠀⠰⠀⣈⣿⠇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣴⣶⡿⣀⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣿⣶⣶⣿⣿⠿⠋⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣴⣶⣶⣬⠻⣿⣿⣧⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀ ⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠘⢿⣿⣿⣷⠘⠿⣿⣯⣽⣾⣿⠿⠋⣉⣤⣴⣶⡆⢹⣿⣿⡆⠀ ⣀⠽⣿⣿⣿⣷⡆⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀⣀⠀⠀⠈⣀⣴⣾⣿⣿⠿⠛⠁⣈⣉⠛⠁⠀ ⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⠁⣈⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⠿⠟⠉⣀⣤⣶⣿⠿⠛⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠁⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣶⣶⡄⢹⡿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡃⠸⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
December 2020
xQcOW
Text-to-Speech Playing