[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Hello Reynad, this is your Mother

twitchquotes: Hello Reynad, this is your Mother. I heard earlier that you are going out with this new boy. I am very concerned. I dont like that Bro-Fister Kripp and I dont think you should hang out with him anymore. Whatever happened to that Tides boy? He had the nicest smile. Please copy paste this message so that my daughter can see this. -.--.-
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad

Cinco de Mayo Emoji Pasta

HOLA👋🏻 all you dirty little TACO🌮SLUTS😘🤣do you know what day it is?!🤔 I smell immigrants🙎🏾‍♂️🙋🏽‍♂️ and CULTURAL APPROPRIATION🙅🏼 so it must be SINKO DE FUCKING MAYONNAISE😩💦🍻🌮❤️🌯 Hide your KIDS👨‍👩‍👧‍👦, hide your BURRITOS🌯, and get your CUMMIES READY😩cause DADDY TRUMP🇧🇪is coming to deport us all🤷🏽‍♂️🙆🏾 But DONT FORGET to drink TACOS 🌮 and eat TEQUILA 🍸because the only way for you FILTHY CUMSLUTS to stay in America🇺🇸is to PARTYYY🎈🎉🎁😍💦😩 So send this to CINCO(5 you dumb bitch) of the SLUTTIEST😏 jars of MAYO you know and if you DONT ❌get any back you get NO 🚫🚫CULTURAL CUMMIES 😭🤷🏽‍♂️🌮💦😩
May 2022

Cinco de Mayo

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

Unidan "jackdaw is a crow"

Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens. So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?
October 2021

Classic

Putin v3

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⡀⢀⠄⡀⡀⠠⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠠⢀⠄⡅⢔⠰⡨⢢⢡⢑⠔⠅⠕⠄⠅⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠅⢔⠨⢐⠅⡌⢆⢣⠪⡪⡘⡌⡮⡱⡡⣊⢌⢀⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⡐⢄⠕⡡⡘⢔⢱⢨⢪⢪⢪⢪⡺⣪⢞⢮⢫⢮⢺⢔⢆⡢⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠐⠈⠄⡠⡊⢌⠢⡑⡌⡆⡇⡇⡇⡇⣇⢗⣝⢮⡺⣪⡳⣹⡪⣞⢵⢝⡵⡝⣕⠡⢀⢂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⢊⢂⠁⡔⡌⡢⢑⠌⡢⡱⡸⡸⡸⡪⡺⡸⣕⢵⡳⣝⢮⡺⣪⢞⣵⣫⡳⣕⢯⡺⡬⠄⠕⡕⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⡇⡇⡂⢢⢣⢣⠨⡂⡊⢔⢕⢱⡱⡝⣜⢝⡺⣜⡵⣝⢮⡳⡽⣵⣻⡺⣼⡺⡵⣳⢝⡮⡃⡕⡺⢄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢸⡱⡱⡨⢪⢪⢢⠡⢂⢊⠢⡱⡱⡱⡝⡮⡳⣝⢞⢮⢗⡯⣯⢯⣗⡯⣟⣮⢯⣟⢮⡳⣝⢇⢇⢎⢵⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣕⢵⢣⢣⢑⢅⢆⢃⠢⠡⡡⡱⡱⡹⡪⡯⣺⢕⡯⣫⢯⢾⢽⢽⣺⢯⣗⡯⣗⣗⢗⣝⢮⡫⣏⢮⢒⢅⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⠮⡪⢪⠪⠢⡃⡪⡂⠅⢕⠰⢱⢸⢸⡱⣝⢮⡳⡽⣪⢏⡯⡯⣟⡾⣽⣺⢽⣳⡳⣝⢮⡳⣫⣳⢳⡱⡱⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⡃⡫⢔⢨⢕⢕⢔⢌⢌⠢⡑⡱⡘⢜⢜⢮⡳⣝⣞⢵⣫⢿⢽⣺⡽⡾⣾⢽⣳⢯⢮⡳⣝⣕⢗⢵⡑⡕⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠐⠢⡱⡐⢕⢵⣑⡑⢕⢐⠕⠸⠰⡑⠕⢕⢕⠽⡕⣏⢗⢽⢝⢽⠺⠽⠽⢽⢻⢽⢽⢵⢽⡸⣪⢳⢱⢱⡱⡽⡡⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠨⠈⢆⢊⢎⢖⢂⠃⠡⠐⠈⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢑⢹⢘⣜⢕⠑⡈⠄⡈⣈⣐⠨⠘⡜⢕⡳⣝⢮⡳⡱⡱⡵⡯⡪⠂⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠅⢂⠑⡕⡕⠄⡢⢀⠄⠠⠄⠁⠁⡌⠠⢠⠄⠸⣸⣺⡪⣐⠅⢢⢈⠄⢬⢍⣆⢧⣳⡽⡮⣺⡪⡺⣘⢼⣝⠆⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠨⡢⡢⡣⡳⢑⢰⢐⠠⡊⡪⣢⡣⡪⡰⠑⡀⠨⣪⢷⣝⡮⡫⡪⣪⢾⢝⣯⢾⣝⣗⡯⣟⢮⡪⡯⡷⣗⡯⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢕⠄⡇⡣⡑⠔⢅⠇⡇⡏⡖⡕⡕⣌⢂⠂⠌⢮⢷⡳⡯⡯⡾⡵⣫⢯⢞⣗⡷⡯⣯⡳⣱⢱⢝⡽⣺⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠡⡡⢱⢐⠨⠨⠐⡡⢃⢇⢇⡏⡞⡔⡐⠠⢑⢽⢽⢽⢽⢽⢽⣝⢗⡯⣟⢾⢽⢝⡞⣜⢜⢜⣽⣺⠎⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠊⠃⠂⡐⠄⠅⡐⡈⡢⡃⢇⠕⡢⠄⠨⢘⢮⢯⢯⣳⡫⡗⣗⢽⢝⡮⡯⡮⡣⡏⣎⢎⠞⠺⠊⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⡁⢂⠐⡈⡢⢑⠅⡕⡐⠈⠨⡨⢯⣻⢽⣺⢺⡺⡪⣏⢷⢽⢕⣯⡫⣞⢜⢜⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡁⠄⠄⠂⡂⠌⠄⢕⢐⠌⢄⠄⠨⠨⢘⢥⢅⡵⣝⣝⢮⡳⡽⣝⡮⣺⢪⢎⣗⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢂⢀⠡⠄⠌⠌⢂⢂⠪⠐⡌⢰⢰⢘⢼⢝⣞⢞⣞⡵⡯⣞⢵⣫⢮⡳⡣⡳⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⡀⠐⠄⠊⠄⠨⠐⠠⠈⠌⠘⠜⠵⡢⢳⢹⢜⢕⠕⠱⡹⡪⡳⣕⣳⢹⡸⠅⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢄⠡⠁⠠⠄⠄⡀⠄⠐⠔⠔⠔⡢⠦⣒⢎⣎⢦⢢⢩⡫⣎⢮⢣⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣇⠄⠐⠠⠄⠁⠄⠡⢀⢂⢅⢔⢄⣆⣆⢕⢵⡹⣪⡳⣕⢵⢱⢕⢇⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠱⡿⣵⣀⠄⠄⠄⠈⠨⠨⡂⢇⢎⢕⢎⢞⡽⡵⣝⢮⢺⢸⠸⡘⣜⢼⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⣺⣳⣧⣄⡀⠄⠄⡀⠂⠌⡂⠕⢌⠊⢎⠪⠪⠪⡊⡆⣕⣕⢧⣓⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢪⢞⣾⡽⣷⣮⡄⠐⠄⡂⠌⢌⠢⢑⢐⢄⢅⢇⢇⣗⣕⢗⡵⣽⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⡾⣽⣯⣷⣿⡿⣮⣰⢱⡱⣜⢔⡑⡜⣜⢮⣣⡳⣪⢷⣽⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⡷⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣮⣗⣽⢵⢕⣕⢮⡺⢝⣵⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣯⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣵⣏⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠉⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠁⠠⠄⠄⠄⠈⠽⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡵⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠈⠄⠄⢸⣹⡪⣿⣿⣿⡂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣯⣿⣢⣄⠄⠄⠄⠑⠠⢸⣿⣿⣮⢞⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
April 2022

Reacting to content takes skill

twitchquotes: Reaction when done right is a true artform. The sheer effort, persistence and dedication it takes for someone to master the craft is astounding. The skill and talent of the contestants on masterchef pales in comparison to the skill and talent of the true master watching them, pausing at the precise moment to achieve the pinnacle of comedy by releasing gas audibly from his colon. It is truly exhilarating, even a little arousing, to witness a true master of reacting at work.
twitch chat
December 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing