[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE MODS

twitchquotes: ー═┻┳︻▄ξ(╬ಠ益ಠ)ξ▄︻┻┳═一 "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE MODS!"
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November 2014
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Szechuan sauce at McDonald's

"Hey, do you guys have szechuan sauce?", I ask the low IQ minimum wage slave. "N-no, sir. We just ran out", he muttered. I was overcome with a primal rage. I jump on the counter, screaming "I'm Pickle Rick!”. The 200 IQ crowd chanted in unison, “WUBBALUBBA DUB DUB” whilst beating their chests towards the cowering worker. I put my shirt over my head and let out the purest REEE to show my devotion to Rick. Everyone else REEEs as well. Yes, my brothers, let it all out. The manger comes in and calls the police, he doesn’t understand the mature and intellectual nature of our cries. We Naruto run to the next McDonalds store as we search endlessly for that sauce.
October 2017

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⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢩⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡧⣦⠄⢧⡙⢿⣟⢁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⢿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣦⡈⠂⠄⠸⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⠰⢠⣼ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⢒⣂⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢛⣻⣿⣿⡟⢁⣠⣴⣶⣶ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⢇⡄⣆⣤⣀⣦⡄⢈⣉⣛⣭⡀⠙⠭⡛⠿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣷⡾⣼⣿⠈⠉⠄⠄⠈ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣥⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⡿⠿⠄⠈⠛⢟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣄⣀⡲⢦⣤⣼⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄ ⠛⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣟⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢡⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄ ⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣉⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄ ⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠙⠛⠉⠁⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄
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YOU DISCONECTED FROM THE SERVER. RELIABLE PACKET WAS NOT ACK'D

twitchquotes: The game is great. my favorite part is YOU DISCONECTED FROM THE SERVER. RELIABLE PACKET 1 (size=13) WAS NOT ACK'D AFTER 7505MS (9 RESENDS) haha 10/10
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September 2020

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twitchquotes: OCEAN MAN 🌊 😍 Take me by the hand ✋ lead me to the land that you understand 🙌 🌊 OCEAN MAN 🌊 😍 The voyage 🚲 to the corner of the 🌎 globe is a real trip 👌 🌊 OCEAN MAN 🌊 😍 The crust of a tan man 👳 imbibed by the sand 👍 Soaking up the 💦 thirst of the land 💯
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Emoji Pasta

Text-to-Speech Playing