[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Rick Astley paradox

twitchquotes: If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie Up, he won’t give it to you because he’s never gonna give you Up. However, by not giving you Up like you asked for it, he’s letting you down. This is known as the Astley paradox.
twitch chat
June 2020

Classic

Keepo

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November 2014

xQc is bad at RP

twitchquotes: i've been watching xQc since pog champs 3 but after watching this disgusting attempt at "RP" i cannot support this streamer anymore, i am unfollowing and sending clips to NoPixel Staff Immediately
twitch chat
February 2021
xQcOW

Wojak

───────▄▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄ ────▄▀▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▄ ──▄▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▄ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„ β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œ β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œ β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–β–Œ β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œ β”€β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€ β”€β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€ β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€ β”€β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€ β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„
September 2018

Misogynist Pig Kripp

twitchquotes: you have an "!imgay" response but don't have an "!imbi", "!imtrans*", "!imfurry", "!imreallyacat", or "!imfeminist" response? misogynist pig kripp
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing