[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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George Floyd BLACK LIVES MATTER

⣼⣿⣿⢿⡻⢝⠙⠊⠋⠉⠉⠈⠊⠝⣿⡻⠫⠫⠊⠑⠉⠉⠑⠫⢕⡫⣕⡁⠁ ⣼⡻⠕⠅⠁⣀⣤⣤⣄⣀⠈⠄⠁⠄⠁⣿⡮⠄⠁⠄⠄⡠⠶⠶⠦⡀⠈⣽⡢ ⣿⣧⠄⠁⠄⠔⠒⠭⠭⠥⠥⠓⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⡄⠁⠠⣤⠉⠉⣭⠝⠈⢐⣽⣕ ⣿⣷⡢⢄⡰⡢⡙⠄⠠⠛⠁⢀⢔⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣄⡈⠁⠈⠁⠉⡹⣽⣿⣷ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣬⣭⡭⠔⣠⣪⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣵⡒⠫⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣛⣥⣶⣿⠟⢁⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡙⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡫⠁⢀⠑⠓⠫⢝⢟⣿⣿⣿⣿⡻⠊⢉⣄⠈⠪⡫⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⠁⣰⣿⣿⣢⢤⣀⡀⠈⠉⠉⢀⠠⠪⢝⡻⣷⡀⠊⡪⡻⣿ ⡫⢟⣿⣿⣿⣿⡊⢠⣿⣿⡫⠚⣊⣡⠶⢦⣤⣤⠶⠞⡛⠳⣌⠫⡻⡀⠈⡺⢿ ⠪⡪⡫⢟⡿⣕⠁⡫⠝⠊⡴⠋⠁⠁⠐⠁⠂⠈⠐⠈⠈⠐⠐⠳⠄⠹⣇⠪⡻ ⠄⠁⠊⠕⡪⢕⢀⠞⠁⠄⣁⢀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣠⣀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⡆⠄⠆⢷⠕⡪ ⣄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⡎⠄⠁⢬⣮⣕⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡫⡪⡵⠄⠁⠄⠈ ⣿⣄⠁⠄⠁⠄⡣⠄⠁⣷⣯⣵⣢⠄⠄⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⣠⣬⣟⡕⠄⠁⢀⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡀⠁⠄⡎⠄⠁⠻⣿⣾⣯⣪⣔⢄⣀⣀⣀⡠⣶⣾⣽⣿⠃⠄⢀⣼⣿ ❤️🤍💙GEORGE FLOYD 1973 - 2020❤️🤍💙 ✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿 I CAN'T BREATHE ✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿 ✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿 BLACK LIVES MATTER ✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼✊🏻
March 2021

Let's get one thing about me "straight" up-front

twitchquotes: Let's get one thing about me "straight" up-front. When it comes to sexuality, I'm about as hetero as they come. If a gay guy came on to me, I'd be like, "No way, bro. I'm a straight-up party boy who's into chicks." Yup, one gay dude wouldn't stand a chance. It would take at least four or five gay guys strapping me down to make it inside me. Sorry, fellas, that's just how straight I am. And even then I wouldn't make it easy. I'd be like, "Hey look! There goes George Michael!" And they'd all shriek "Where?!" at once, and I'd make a break for it, and they'd be like, "He's getting away! Chase him! I want his butt!" But I wouldn't just give them my butt. They'd have to take it. And once they got me strapped down, I'd stop fighting it because that would be giving them what they want. And I don't want them to enjoy it. If anyone's going to enjoy it, it's going to be me. So, I'd just relax into it and taunt them by telling them how ripped and sexy I find them and letting them know how much I'm enjoying myself. So, even though I'd have a bunch of ripped guys all taking turns on my butt, I'd still be enjoying it. But only because I forced myself to. It's not like I could fight these guys off. There are too many of them and they want me too much. What am I, Chuck Norris?" I'm not against homosexuality, though. I say to each his own. You're free to do whatever you want.
twitch chat
February 2020

KappaPride

Now playing Who Asked (Feat: Nobody)

twitchquotes: now ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Who asked (Feat: Nobody) ───────────⚪────── ◄◄⠀▐▐⠀►► 𝟸:𝟷𝟾 / 𝟹:𝟻𝟼⠀───○ 🔊
twitch chat
February 2020

Classic

Who Asked?

Nigerian Prince Haseem

twitchquotes: Hi I am Nigerian Prince Haseem, i have 200 million dollars but cannot see, if you would do my runes i would share all my riches with you. Just email me your rune page and password
twitch chat
July 2014
Dyrus

So you're going by "PBE Reckful" now nerd?

twitchquotes: So you're going by "PBE Reckful" now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's TideOfTime from Hearthstone. Remember me? Me and the boys would whoop your ass in Heartstone. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember when you missed lethal in the TFT Tourny? LUL, kidding nerd, its Tanner again. Anyways I gotta dip Gym is calling peace nerd.
twitch chat
June 2019
Reckful

Tanner from High School

Text-to-Speech Playing