[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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later dweebs

twitchquotes: wow! almost 16k people sitting inside watching some dude play video games on Memorial Day LMAO. bout to hit the pool with some dime I matched on tinder and her friends to play beerpong. she wants me so bad its not even funny haha. not gonna smash til i get something to eat tho cause sex kills gains. have fun watching the stream i guess lol. later dweebs
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May 2018

Kripp reviews a card

twitchquotes: ☐ I got the beast in my sights ☐ Hoot hoot ☐ That belongs in a museum ☐ Let me change your mind ☑ I looked at this card originally, and I thought, you know, it’s a card, and you play this card. The card will be that card that you’ve played, so you’re playing a card. So it is one thing to play a card if your opponent doesn’t really have any cards. The card will screw up the card pretty hard, and that means it’s a pretty good card.
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Quarantine? More like quaran time

twitchquotes: Quarantine? More like quaran time 🕋🕋🕌👏 may allah bless you
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Hey teacher I was wondering, what is a ratio

Hey teach I was wondering, what is a ratio. You see yesterday when I was on Twitter Dot Com I got HELLA ratio'd because I don't know how to spell whens day. I mean really why should I care about english like really its like americaneese and America is super racist they had slaves. Anyways teach back to what I was asking how the fuck do I get my twitter unsuspended.
May 2021

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⠀⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠀⠁⣿⢳⠁⢈⢰⡦⠈⠀⢻ ⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠀⡘⠀⢰⠛⢠⣴⣄⣌ ⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⢠⣠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⠈⣡⠻⢹⢿ ⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⡀⣀⣼⣟⣿⢵⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣠⠀⠢⣽ ⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⣌⢖⣰⠊⠁⢸⣿⡟⠈⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡄⢰⢺ ⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⢴⢖⣠⣣⣴⣿⢿⡇⣈⠐⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢠⣸ ⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠋⠅⠀⡀⢼⣿⠯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣼⣿ ⡿⠁⠸⣄⣦⡀⠀⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⡤⠄⠄⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⢸⣿ ⠇⠀⠀⡹⢿⡏⠀⣾⣿⣟⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠎⠉⠉⠉⠛⣤⣿ ⡆⠀⡀⢣⢈⡟⠠⠻⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⢸⣶⣷⣷⣧⡄⠀⠀⢿⣧⢀⡀⠀⠉⢡⣿⣿ ⣿⣦⡀⠘⢼⠃⣠⡲⠛⢿⡿⣿⡀⡀⠀⠹⣿⣿⡟⠀⠠⣤⠘⣿⣶⣿⣶⡾⣳⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⣿⣶⡌⠰⡅⠌⠠⠈⠈⠙⢙⠑⢰⠀⠨⠟⠀⠀⣴⢌⡅⢻⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢇⣿⣿⠣⢿⣮⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠈⠁⣶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⢡⣺⣿⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣾⣿⣏⠐⣿⢟⡈⠂⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣢⣼⣸⣿⡿⢈⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠃⡀⠈⠑⠁⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠲⠀⠀⠄⣀⠀⣸⣷⣮⣍⠃⢹⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢀⣾⣷⣶⣌⠀⠠⠀⠀⢀⠍⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠈⠙⠋⢰⡝⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⣼⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⡀⢀⣼⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣯⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠌⠓⡀⢰⣮⣾⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⣹⣿⣿⣿⠗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠈⠝⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡏⠀⣿⣿⣿⠿⠃⢀⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⢠⣶⣾⣮⣙⡻⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⡼⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⡑⡝⣿⣿⣿
September 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing