[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Kripp will come in your room tonight

twitchquotes: hello my name is Kripp, i died to a top deck 10 rounds ago. unless u send this to copy and paste this 10 times, i will come in your room tonight and whine at you. i look like a 35 year old vegan without any luck. i will show up every night you have seven min to post it or else.
twitch chat
December 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

xqcLook emote

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⡤⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⠖⠉⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣶⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⢿⠇⠀⢰⣿⣿⣍⣀⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀ ⣾⣿⣿⣿⣄⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⡄⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠈⠉⠉⢁⣄⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣠⣼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⡄⠀⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣡⣦⣶⣄⠀⠈⠉⠛⠛⠻⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡻⣻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣄⣀⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⠄⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣷ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠏⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠈⠉⠉⠛⢻⣿⡉⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⠿⠋ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣷⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀
April 2021
xQcOW

Spam so I may stay warm

twitchquotes: Hello chat. My home is very cold and I do not know if I will make it through the night. Whenever the chat spams, my old laptop heats up very quickly. It is the only thing keeping me alive. Please chat, spam as much as possible so I may stay warm and survive the frigid night.
twitch chat
June 2019

Holding Galactic Virgins

Virgin Galactic Holdings changes name to Holding Galactic Virgins, and announces it’s changing its business model to extraterrestrial prostitution. Edit: SpaceX, not to be outdone, changes to SpaceSex
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Football

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⡀⠀⠙⠻⣿⣿⣷⣶⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠀⠈⠻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠻⡦⠈⠻⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠙⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡉⠻⠂⡀⠺⣦⣼⣿⣿⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣧⡈⠋⣠⡈⢻⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⡟⠻⡦⠈⠠⣦⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠺⣦⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣦⡀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⢿⣿⣿⣦⣄⠀⠈⠛⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
October 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing