[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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The Black Rat, Rattus Rattus

twitchquotes: The Black Rat, Rattus Rattus, was first described by Henrik Ahnberg in his 18th century work β€œA Dong’s guide to Dota”. An elusive and hardy creature, the rat excels at damaging structures and retreating at the first sign of danger, only to begin its attack anew once the threat has passed. Unlike many of his peers, Ahnberg greatly respected the rat, finding many of its features similar to his own. His love for the rat became so great that he soon left the world of men and descended into the sewers to live among the rats, eventually becoming their king.
twitch chat
March 2015
AdmiralBulldog

Dota 2

Cybrix and Head Chef of Dominos

twitchquotes: OpieOP OpieOPγ€€οΌ¨ο½…ο½Œο½Œο½γ€€οΌ£ο½™ο½‚ο½’ο½‰ο½˜οΌŒγ€€ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½“γ€€ο½‰ο½“γ€€ο½”ο½ˆο½…γ€€οΌ¨ο½…ο½ο½„γ€€οΌ£ο½ˆο½…ο½†γ€€ο½ο½†γ€€οΌ€ο½ο½ο½‰ο½Žο½ο½“β„’γ€€ο½—ο½…γ€€ο½ˆο½ο½–ο½…γ€€ο½Žο½ο½”ο½‰ο½ƒο½…ο½„γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•γ€€ο½ˆο½ο½–ο½…ο½Žβ€™ο½”γ€€ο½ο½’ο½„ο½…ο½’ο½…ο½„γ€€ο½†ο½ο½’γ€€οΌ’γ€€ο½„ο½ο½™ο½“οΌŒγ€€ο½—ο½…β€™ο½’ο½…γ€€ο½Šο½•ο½“ο½”γ€€ο½ƒο½ˆο½…ο½ƒο½‹ο½‰ο½Žο½‡γ€€ο½”ο½γ€€ο½“ο½…ο½…γ€€ο½‰ο½†γ€€ο½…ο½–ο½…ο½’ο½™ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½Žο½‡γ€€ο½‰ο½“γ€€ο½ο½‹ο½ο½™γ€€ο½ο½Žο½„γ€€ο½—ο½…β€™ο½–ο½…γ€€ο½ο½’ο½…ο½ο½ο½’ο½…ο½„γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•γ€€ο½γ€€ο½ƒο½ο½ο½ο½Œο½…ο½ο½…ο½Žο½”ο½ο½’ο½™γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½γ€€ο½ο½†γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•ο½’γ€€ο½†ο½ο½–ο½ο½•ο½’ο½‰ο½”ο½…γ€€ο½”ο½™ο½ο½…γ€€οΌˆοΌΈοΌΈοΌ¬γ€€ο½ο½Œο½ŒοΌο½”ο½ο½ο½ο½‰ο½Žο½‡ο½“γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½οΌο½”ο½ο½ο½ο½…ο½„γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½οΌο½“ο½”ο½•ο½†ο½†ο½…ο½„γ€€ο½ο½‰ο½šο½šο½γ€€ο½ƒο½’ο½•ο½“ο½”οΌ‰οΌŽγ€€οΌ³ο½…ο½…γ€€ο½™ο½ο½•γ€€ο½“ο½ο½ο½ŽοΌγ€€OpieOP OpieOP
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Lazy gypsy man Kipparian

twitchquotes: Every days the lazy gypsy man Kipparian plays the game on computer when he make future wife Rania cook foods for him all day in kichen. Kripp stream can see Rania deliver food to him on Twich every day like slavery. Romani kripp must be stop rania is edcated woman who to good to be make food and babies for horrible gypsy man Kripparian all day. I be beg you all to help save good girl rania from life of barefeet in kichens.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Hey Reynad, its me, the lamp behind you

twitchquotes: Hey Reynad, its me, the lamp behind you. Do you remember when you used to turn me on all the time? Now that you're a big time gaming memester, I get as much use as the surfboard and your guitar. I miss you and I hope you use my 29 watts soon
twitch chat
March 2016
Reynad

You have been gifted a subscription.

twitchquotes: β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€” TwitchVotes You have been gifted a subscription. Type !claim to activateβ€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”
twitch chat
August 2018

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing