[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Is there a card stronger than Magma Rager?

twitchquotes: Is there a card stronger than Magma Rager? And I'm referring to a Don Han'Cho'd, Blessed Champion'd Magma Rager, with a pre-nerfed Master of Disguise stealth, a Wee Spellstopper on one side, a Dire Wolf Alpha on the other side, an Ancestral Spirit, a Murloc racial tag, golden animations, a pre-nerf Blood Imp supporting it, with Windfury, Charge, Taunt and Divine Shield, Deathrattle: Replace your hero with the above-described Magma Rager?
twitch chat
December 2016

Hearthstone

Wasting time on Twitch, must be me

twitchquotes: No job ✔️ 4Head No girlfriend ✔️ 4Head No friends ✔️ 4Head No talents ✔️ 4Head Wasting time on Twitch ✔️ 4Head Must be me 4Head
twitch chat
May 2017

Classic

The LoL player couldn't deny

twitchquotes: A Dota player and a LoL player walks into a bar. The Dota gamer turns around to the LoL gamer saying, "LoL sucks!" The LoL player couldn't deny. BrokeBack
twitch chat
March 2016

Dota 2

Find out how old is your waifu

twitchquotes: 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 24 26 28 30 find out how old is your waifu ⎝ PedoBear
twitch chat
June 2016

Jacked Impostor

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠯⠀⡖⠒⠒⠠⠤⣄⡀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣶⡆⣶⣶⣿⡏⣦⢁⣄⢿⣿⢰⣶⣶⡌⣿⡏⢰⣶⣦⡄⢠⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⢳⣦⣽⣿⢱⣶⣶⡌⣿⡇⢰⣶⣶⠈⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⢸⣿⢸⣿⠸⠿⠿⢃⣿⡇⢸⣿⣇⠂⠈⠑⠒⠦⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⡇⣿⡇⠈⢩⣭⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⣛⣃⣛⠛⣿⣅⣿⢸⣿⢸⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡘⣛⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢀⣶⣸⣿⣿⣿⣜⣛⣛⣡⣿⣇⣸⣷⣍⡻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠁⠱⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣻⠟⢁⡇⠂⠀⠀⢻⣷⣤⣄⣀⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⣠⢧⠀⢐⡀⠀⡿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⣟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢉⡍⠀⠈⣽⣿⣿⣿⠒⠛⠉⠀⢳⢼⡇⠀⣇⣈⡍⢉⣄⢼⣥⡀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⠿⠿⠒⠋⠁⠀⠉⠉⠉⣿⣿⣿⡛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣨⣤⣄⡠⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⠉⠛⠃⠀⠀⠙⡀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⣶⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢄⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⡟⣀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⢽⠃⠀⠓⠄⣰⣿⡍⢿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣝⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⢼⠀⡄⠀⢀⣿⠿⡃⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⣀⣀⣀⣴⠳⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⠛⠻⡻⣄⠀⢸⡉⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣇⢸⡆⠇⠀⡞⠁⡕⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⡿⠛⠉⠉⠁⠈⣶⠉⠛⠛⠲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠘⢜⡢⠀⠛⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠸⠇⠀⡄⠀⠘⠅⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⠿⣿⣄⣠⣤⡄⠀⠐⠛⠛⣿⣟⠓⠀⠀⡀⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡱⠀⠀⢺⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠙⣄⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⡻⠀⠀⢹⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡟⢡⢿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢱⡀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣶⣤⣤⡙⢿⣧⠐⠦⣬⣄⣀⡀⠠⠶⠒⠛⣿⠟⠁⠀⠰⢦⣿⠗⠃⣰⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡤⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⡿⢿⣿⣿⡌⠏⣷⣤⣨⣿⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣧⣾⠃⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⣠⣼⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿ ⣿⡏⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣞⠐⠈⠻⣿⣿⣤⣀⠤⠤⠤⢿⠿⠆⠠⠶⢶⣿⡟⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⣿⣯⠿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣯⣯⡀⠀⠸⣿⡍⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⡿⣿ ⣿⣧⣿⡿⡇⠙⢄⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡞⣷⡀⠀⢸⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠄⠀⠀⣼⠟⠘⢰⣿ ⣿⣿⣾⣷⠀⠀⠀⠱⣄⡈⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣦⡈⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⣼⠟⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢐⠀⡰⠁⠀⠀⣼⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠹⡇⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠈⣷⢻⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡟⠀⡏⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢸⡼⠁⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣻⣷⣀⣀⣀⣃⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣃⣴⣎⣀⣙⣄⣻⣿⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣰⠄⣺⣁⣸⣇⣀⣰⣶⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣹⣇⣀⣀⣰⣿⣿⣿
March 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Text-to-Speech Playing