[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

SKROINK!

twitchquotes: [ ᕤ ಠ (oo) ಠ ]ᕤ ︵┻━┻ SKROINK! [ ᕤ ಠ (oo) ಠ ]ᕤ ︵┻━┻
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Memeing harder than anyone I've ever seen on this website

twitchquotes: wow dude you just memed harder than anyone i've ever seen on this website. How many memes did you acquire before graduating from Memeing University? Do you meme over 9000 times a day, because the fact that you are such an expert memer points in that direction. God damn I have never seen a meme as epic and dank as this in my entire life, and i am quite the meme master myself, creating over 500 popular memes on the mememunity s4s and danking and memeing for the last five years (though you obviously experience time in meme years at this point, which makes me meme my meme to you sir, i mean meme) I really wish i could meme as hard as you because than my meme would meme and then memes would be dank as a meme! rite, amirite? lol and lel and kek but really sir, thank you for being dank as *** and posting such sweet meme as this, it made me meme until my meme went memeside out and meme'd me harder than a meme memeing meme you fuggin meme :D
twitch chat
November 2014
TheRace

I would like to inform you that I busted a huge nut to your shot

I would like to inform you that I busted a huge nut to your shot. My earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen anyone in the near vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or will ever produce, shot out so hard that it ripped my dick apart by my übernut accelerating to 7% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused my building to collapse, and every female in the city to fall pregnant with my children. As I lay dying under the rubble, I rest assured knowing every one of my sons will repeat this glorious act.
January 2024

ZULUL RUNNING LOW ON COMMANDOS

twitchquotes: ALO ALO 📞 ZULUL RUNNING LOW ON COMMANDOS 📞 ZULUL NEED BACKUP 📞 ZULUL VI VON 📞 ZULUL
twitch chat
July 2019

Red sus. Red suuuus

Red sus. Red suuuus. I said red, sus, hahahahaha. Why arent you laughing? I just made a reference to the popular video game "Among Us"! How can you not laugh at it? Emergeny meeting! Guys, this here guy doesnt laugh at my funny Among Us memes! Lets beat him to death! Dead body reported! Skip! Skip! Vote blue! Blue was not an impostor. Among us in a nutshell hahahaha. What?! Youre still not laughing your ass off? I made SEVERAL funny references to Among Us and YOU STILL ARENT LAUGHING??!!! Bruh. Ya hear that? Wooooooosh. Whats woooosh? Oh, nothing. Just the sound of a joke flying over your head. Whats that? You think im annoying? Kinda sus, bro. Hahahaha! Anyway, yea, gotta go do tasks. Hahahaha!
October 2020

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing