[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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FeelsOkayMan

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢋⣥⣴⣶⣶⣶⣬⣙⠻⠟⣋⣭⣭⣭⣭⡙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣴⣿⣿⠿⢟⣛⣛⣛⠿⢷⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢁⣾⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠷⠥⠱⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠮⠤⣌⡙⢿⣿ ⣿⡿⢛⡁⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⡫⢕⣪⡭⠥⢭⣭⣉⡂⣉⡒⣤⡭⡉⠩⣥⣰⠂⠹ ⡟⢠⣿⣱⣿⣿⣿⣏⣛⢲⣾⣿⠃⠄⠐⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠁⠃⢸⣿⣿⡧ ⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣊⠙⠳⠤⠤⠾⣟⠛⠍⣹⣛⣛⣢⣀⣠⣛⡯⢉⣰ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡶⠶⢒⣠⣼⣿⣿⣛⠻⠛⢛⣛⠉⣴⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⡛⢿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡈⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⡻⢷⣍⣛⠻⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢇⡘⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣝⠻⠶⣬⣍⣛⣛⠓⠶⠶⠶⠤⠬⠭⠤⠶⠶⠞⠛⣡⣿ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣬⣭⣍⣙⣛⣛⣛⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠛⣠⣿⣿ ⣦⣈⠉⢛⠻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⣁⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⣮⣭⣁⣒⣒⣒⠂⠠⠬⠭⠭⠭⢀⣀⣠⣄⡘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
December 2021

The waiter says "Say When", grating the parmesan cheese over my pizza

The waiter says "Say When", grating the parmesan cheese over my pizza. Foolish mistake. Anyone should know that there is no "when". As parmesan fills the restaurant, the pizza only gets better. After only an hour, the restaurants interior its completely filled with parmesan, killing twenty. But the resuraunt is only the beginning. Next the USA will be taken by parmesan, a force stronger than anyone could have anticipated. After that comes the world. Consider this a warning, to get to a foreign planet immediately. At least that will provide temporary safety, until the parmesan rises to mars. At that point, there will be enough cheese on my pizza, and I will be ready to eat.
August 2021

My name is Van, I'm an artist

twitchquotes: My name is Van, I'm an artist, I'm a performance artist. I'm hired to people to fulfill their fantasies, their deep dark fantasies. I was gonna be a movie star y'know, modeling and acting. After a hundred and two additions and small parts I decided y'know I had enough, Then I got in to Escort world. The client requests contain a lot of fetishes, so I just decided to go y'know... full ♂Master♂ and change my entire house into a dungeon... ♂Dungeon♂Master♂ now with a full dungeon in my house and It's going really well. Fisting is 300 bucks and usually the guy is pretty much hard on pop to get really relaxed y'know and I have this long latex glove that goes all the way up to my armpit and then I put on a surgical latex glove up to my wrist and just lube it up and it's a long process y'know to get your whole arm up there but it's an intense feeling for the other person I think for myself too, you go in places that even though it's physical with your hand but for some reason it's also more emotional it's more psychological too and we both get you know to the same place it's really strange at the same time and I find sessions like that really exhausting. I don't know I feel kinda naked because I am looking at myself for the first time, well not myself but this aspect of my life for the first time and it's been harsh... three to five years already? I never thought about it... Kinda sad I feel kinda sad right now, I don't know why
twitch chat
August 2019

Buying calls on Gamestop

I can't believe that after fifteen years of trading, my best trade of all time is going to be buying calls on fucking Gamestop.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

How can this guy call himself a professional streamer

twitchquotes: 😡 How can this guy call himself a professional streamer when he CLEARLY has no clue about what he's doing. You're supposed to kill the application process tree not alt+f4 like a fucking monkey FailFish Seriously I'm done watching this guy and if I see any one of your fuckers copypaste this I'll delete my account 😡
twitch chat
June 2017
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