[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Are you going to pay for another pizza?

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp! So here I was enjoying my favorite food (pizza) and watching your stream having a good time when it started to taste extra salty. It turns out you were being super salty and now have ruined my pizza. Are you going to pay for another pizza or will I have to call the cops? This is serious.
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twitchquotes: I have noticed that, although this subreddit has 179,776 readers, I am not receiving 179,776 upvotes on my posts. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to click 'upvote'. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to upvote my most recent posts. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
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CEO of Campbells Tomato Paste

twitchquotes: (โ–€ฬฟ ฬฟฤนฬฏโ–€ฬฟ ฬฟ) Hello Kripp i am CEO of Campbells Tomato Paste. This stream is now under my control i bought all rights to paste and pastarino products if anyone copy and pastes again i will sue you so dont copy and paste (โ–€ฬฟ ฬฟฤนฬฏโ–€ฬฟ ฬฟ)
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twitchquotes: ๐Ÿ“œ โœ๏ธ Sadge ๐“œ๐”‚ ๐“ญ๐“ฎ๐“ช๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฝ ๐“ซ๐“ป๐“ธ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ป, ๐“˜ ๐”€๐“ป๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎ ๐”‚๐“ธ๐“พ ๐“ฒ๐“ท ๐“ญ๐“ฎ๐“ฎ๐“น ๐“ถ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฌ๐“ฑ๐“ธ๐“ต๐”‚. ๐“˜๐“ฝ ๐“ช๐“น๐“น๐“ฎ๐“ช๐“ป๐“ผ ๐“ฝ๐“ธ ๐“ถ๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ช๐“ฝ ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ฎ ๐“ฒ๐“ผ๐“ท'๐“ฝ ๐“ช๐“ท๐”‚ ๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ด ๐“ต๐“ฎ๐“ฏ๐“ฝ
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