[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

It's not gay if it's ANIME

twitchquotes: IT'S KappaPride NOT KappaPride GAY KappaPride IF KappaPride IT'S KappaPride ANIME KappaPride
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July 2017

KappaPride

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and please at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme trannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to shit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
March 2021

I sexually Identify as

NaM with okay hand

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⡛⠛⠻⠟⠛⠛⠟⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢫⣶⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢱⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣆⣄⠄⠄⠈⢶⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡏⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠦⠄⠄⠙⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠤⡽⣿⣿⡷⠛⢲⡂⢀⠄⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣇⠈⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⠈⣿⣮⣶⣾⡇⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⠉⣀⣤⡀⠙⠄⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⡄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⡟⡀⡾⣽⣿⣿⡇⢠⡀⣿⣿⡇⠈⢿⣿⠏⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⡀⣆⡟⠁⠄⠖⠎⢻⣿⢧⣿⡇⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣈⠁⢠⣠⢾⣿⠏⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡙⠓⣩⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
January 2019

YEP COCK is modern expression of bacchic spirit

twitchquotes: Those plebs simply dont get it, all those who oppose YEP COCK are nothing more than a band of simpletons. YEP COCK is modern expression of bacchic spirit. YEP COCKER entering a chat is like priest of Dionysus Enorches, wielding a thyris and bearing wreath of grapevine. As the elder priest leading cultists in state of bacchic haze to sacred Eleusis YEP COCKER announces the unbridled joy of YEP COCKERY by the simple sign of YEP COCK which lets everyone forget of their quotidian struggles.
twitch chat
June 2020

Our Salt, who art in hearthstone

twitchquotes: BlessRNG Our Salt, who art in hearthstone, hallowed be thy game, your kripparian comes, your aggro decks be done, on constructed as it is in arena. BlessRNG Give us today our daily meme deck. BlessRNG And forgive us our rng bullshit, as we also have forgiven others rng bullshit. BlessRNG And lead us not into Smorc, but deliver us from the evil aggro decks. Amen BlessRNG
twitch chat
December 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing