[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Toast the rarity of your reveal card was nerfed

twitchquotes: Toast, this is Blizzard employee. The rarity of your reveal card was just nerfed to common. To get a rare card, please mention the new expansion at least 4 more times.
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July 2019
DisguisedToast

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when the impostor is sus (v2)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⡀⠈⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠻⣿⡄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠁ ⭕ ⠄⢹⣿⡗⠄ ⭕ ⢄⡀⣾⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠘⠄⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣧⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣰⣿⡿⠟⠃⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡛⠿⢿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⠿⢛⣿⣿⠿⠂⠄⢹⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡐⠐⠄⠄⣠⣀⣀⣚⣯⣵⣶⠆⣰⠄⠞⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⠿⠿⣻⡏⢠⣿⣎⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣛⣿⣿⣵⣿⡿⢹⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠿⠿⠋⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠹⡇⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠿⠿⠛⠋⠄⣸⣦⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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Listen up chat. I'm done with your shenanigans

twitchquotes: Okay, listen up chat. I'm done with your shenanigans. I try day in and day out to spam dank ass memes, and what do I get in return? Just the same old, unoriginal spam from you parrots. Chat is filled with just lul xD and 12 year olds cringing. I'm done. I'm out. And I swear to god, don't even think about copying this message
twitch chat
January 2017

I hate Twitch Chat

Vapogender

twitchquotes: VapeNation Vapogender: A gender that sort of feels like smoke. One can see it and understand it on a shallow level but if one tried to go deeper it disappears, and one is left with no gender and only tiny wisps of the gender one thought it was. VapeNation
twitch chat
November 2016

VapeNation

Mesmerized

twitchquotes: ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢉⣠⣴⣴⣦⣦⣄⡉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠐⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡂⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⡟⣽⠂⠈⠉⢢⡻⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⡖⠉⠄⠉⢷⣽⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣇⠻⠄⠄⠄⠸⠛⣹⣿⣧⡈⠻⠧⠄⠄⢀⠞⢹⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⣿⣷⣴⣤⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣶⣾⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⡅⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣙⡛⢛⣋⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢨⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠉⠉⠩⠍⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣯⠄⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⠁⡀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⢀⠈⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⠄⣽⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠘⠻⠿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⠿⠟⠃⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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April 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing