[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Failed Tanner

twitchquotes: So you're going by "moonmoon_ow" now buddy? Haha what's up cool guy, it's Tanner from Highschool. Remember me? I'm so sorry me and the guys gave you a hard time in school. My therapist says I was jealous of your big brain, lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the girl you had a crush on? We married but divorced this year. She took the dog. I'm unemployed and I drive the same mustang GT from senior year. I'm lucky if its starts. Things really changed huh? Could you loan me a sub?
twitch chat
August 2019

Tanner from High School

I am a manager for many twitch celebrities

twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Tyler fatigue from nutrient deficiencies

twitchquotes: @loltyler1 your lack of fruit intake is not the reason for your deficiencies in certain vitamins and minerals, namely Zinc, Magnesium and Vitamin D3. If you are deficient in these you can experience fatigue, brain fog and low testosterone levels. Zn is found in great amounts in red meat and oysters while Mg is found in leafy greens. If you are unable to eat these foods, I suggest buying a Chelated Zinc and a Magnesium Glycinate supplement. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
twitch chat
February 2019
Tyler1

Debunking the existence of females

"FEMALES" DON'T EXIST!!!!!!๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ A "FEMALE" is a fake person designed by the ๐ŸคฎGOVERNMENT๐Ÿคฎ to enslave men!!!!๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ PROOF๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘‰ "FEMALE" stands for; F ake E ngineered MALE !!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ So be ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฐCAREFUL๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฐ around someone who claims to be a ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก"FEMALE"๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก because they might be a ๐Ÿ˜ฑSPY๐Ÿ˜ฑ sent by the ๐ŸคฎGOVERNMENT ๐Ÿคฎ ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ If you ๐Ÿ˜กDONT๐Ÿ˜ก farward this to 20 ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿฆฑpeople๐Ÿง’ ๐Ÿ˜จLITTLE TOMMY๐Ÿ˜ฑ will crawl out of your sink and eat Your eyeballs ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚
November 2021

Emoji Pasta

The Battle of Gamestop rages on.

The Battle of Gamestop rages on. Pre-market we could hear the bears in no-manโ€™s land, baiting us towards higher prices so the shorts could do their dirty work. I was stationed at the 13.80 line, and knew the morning was going to be hot. I shoveled a breakfast of tendies and said a quick prayer to Father Cohen. When the bell rang, the bears surged into our trenches. Blood and rainbow fur filled the air and littered the ground. The Diamond Division has seen worse days, and we held firm. As the bears retreated we gave chase to retake ground weโ€™d lost in the past week. As I caught my breath near the 14.50, I could see bodies everywhere; paper hands who had fallen in earlier battles. One of them groaned and reached a hand towards me. I spat on him and kept moving. No honor in retreat, and no sympathy for self-inflicted wounds. This war wonโ€™t be won in a day, but it will be won. Tell my wifeโ€™s boyfriend to tell her I love her.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Text-to-Speech Playing