[Copypasta] I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020
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RIP Joe the Spider

I know this is really stupid but Iโ€™m sad about it. Yesterday I had a friend come over. Iโ€™m a girl who lives alone so I guess some โ€œdudeโ€ stuff hasnโ€™t been done around the house. Context: I have a spider named joe. Heโ€™s a dandy long leg. Heโ€™s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust. Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said โ€œyouโ€™re welcomeโ€. Iโ€™m super confused. So I ask โ€œfor what?โ€ He says โ€œI just killed a big ass spider for youโ€. I couldnโ€™t even contain myself. I just yelled โ€œYOU KILLED JOE?!โ€ And started tearing up. I didnโ€™t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy. My friend was distraught. Heโ€™s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house. I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joeโ€™s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure. RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
May 2022

The mighty DONGER

twitchquotes: แ•™ DansGame โ•ฑ He is faster แ•™ DansGame โ•ฑ He is stronger แ•™ DansGame โ•ฑ Who is he? แ•™ DansGame โ•ฑ The mighty DONGER แ•™ DansGame โ•ฑ
twitch chat
February 2016
Riot Games

boatyVV

โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ”€ โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ”€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–ˆ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–โ–’โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–—โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–›โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–’โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–’โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–“โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–’โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–“โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–’โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„ โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–›โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–ˆ โ”€โ–ˆโ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€
ascii art
September 2018

He fills my butt with his Blood Thirster

twitchquotes: I sแด˜ส€แด‡แด€แด… แดส ส™แดœแด›แด›แด„สœแด‡แด‡แด‹s า“แดส€ QT. Hแด‡ แด˜แด‡ษดแด‡แด›ส€แด€แด›แด‡s แดแด‡. I แด„แด€ษด า“แด‡แด‡สŸ แดส ส™แดœแด›แด› แด›แด‡แด€ส€ษชษดษข แด€s แดส แด‡สแด‡s sแด›แด€ส€แด› แด›แด แดกแด€แด›แด‡ส€. I แดกแด€ษดแด› แด›แด แด˜สŸแด‡แด€sแด‡ สœษชแด. Hแด‡ ส€แดแด€ส€s แด€ แดษชษขสœแด›ส ส€แดแด€ส€ แด€s สœแด‡ า“ษชสŸสŸสŸs แดส ส™แดœแด›แด› แดกษชแด›สœ สœษชs BสŸแดแดแด… Tสœษชส€sแด›แด‡ส€.
twitch chat
July 2014
imaqtpie

Dropping viewers

twitchquotes: PepeLaugh ๐Ÿ‘‰ ๐Ÿ“‰ viewers
twitch chat
July 2019
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