Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas
Hearthstone is unfair!
twitchquotes:
HEARTHSTONE IS UNFAIR! FACE WARRIOR IS IN THERE! PATCHES IN HIS POSSESSION! PLO TTING HIS AGGRESSION!
HEARTHSTONE IS UNFAIR! FACE WARRIOR IS IN THERE! PATCHES IN HIS POSSESSION! PLO TTING HIS AGGRESSION!
twitch chat
Hearthstone
Trolling My Church with Among Us
So today at church the pastor was preaching about the crucifixion of Jesus and when he said that Judas would betray Jesus, I blurted out "JUDAS IS THE IMPOSTER! HE'S SUS!" and did a big wide grin (like the "when the imposter is sus" meme). The pastor then said "What are you talking about?" So I yelled "EMERGENCY MEETING! HE DOESN'T GET THE AMONG US REFERENCE!" and then I explained the joke. The pastor, not amused, told me to sit down. I sat back down but then later when he said that Jesus was accused of blasphemy and crucified I couldn't contain myself and I yelled out "JESUS WAS NOT THE IMPOSTER!" and when the pastor told me to stop disrupting I said "THE PASTOR IS SUS, HE DOESN'T GET IT" and I then told everyone to download Reddit for funny Among Us memes. That's when the pastor told me to leave for causing disruptions. I said "WAIT! I'M NOT SUS THOUGH! WHY ARE YOU EJECTING ME?" and then I said "WHEN THE PASTOR IS SUS!" And did the hilarious grin from the meme. After that I got kicked out but it was worth it because I just trolled them all with Among Us.
Trolling with Among Us
Among Us / Amogus
forsenPirate
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠑⠢⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⣤⣾⢿⣿⣧⢠⣤⡀⠄⠄⠉⠒⠠⢄⣀⣀⣀⣻⣿⣿
⠑⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣳⣿⣷⣿⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠈⠒⠤⠄⢀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠟⠁⠷⠾⠝⠶⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢘⣵⡶⠶⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⠄⠾⠿⣶⡄⣤⣤⣤⣤⠄⠄⢀⣀⠄⠰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣯⣴⢦⣼⢳⡄⣿⣿⢫⣿⣀⠘⡛⢿⡛⢷⣤⣜⡻⣿⣿⣿⠋⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣜⣫⣿⢶⣟⡽⣿⠡⣶⣗⡲⠖⣯⠼⣿⡿⢗⣨⣿⣿⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⠿⣏⣾⡿⠗⠿⠷⠉⢻⣿⣿⣶⣶⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⡟⣤⠟⢻⢥⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣚⠕⠄⠤⣬⣿⣤⣤⠄⠄⠌⠳⣽⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠞⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡦⢄⣉⢀⣠⣴⣶⣾⣶⣿⡗⢹⣿⣏⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢐⣮⣍⠙⢿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣠⣬⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⢸⣟⠸⠿⠋⣴⣶⣄
⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⣿⡟⠃⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠛⠃⠐⠉⠁⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿
⡤⠚⣠⣾⣿⠟⠄⣤⢠⣤⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣀⣴⣿⠿⠉⠄⠄⡟⠘⣿⠄⠻⠾⠷⠶⣶⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
Forsen
Emote
Catch ya in the gym... not
twitchquotes:
moon2EZ sup nerds 
*sips Monster Energy Drink*. Name's Kyle, and you losers wish you were me. All I need in this world is my sick JUUL Vape pen, a 12 pack of Monsters, and some drywall to punch. I only wear the finest Tapout and Affliction T-shirts and I'm the best fry cook Applebee's has ever had. While you waste away your day on this fucking bald guy's nerd chat, I'll be talking to tons of hot babes on my MetroPCS iPhone. Anyways, stay mad losers, I'm outta here moon2EZ Catch ya in the gym... not
*sips Monster Energy Drink*. Name's Kyle, and you losers wish you were me. All I need in this world is my sick JUUL Vape pen, a 12 pack of Monsters, and some drywall to punch. I only wear the finest Tapout and Affliction T-shirts and I'm the best fry cook Applebee's has ever had. While you waste away your day on this fucking bald guy's nerd chat, I'll be talking to tons of hot babes on my MetroPCS iPhone. Anyways, stay mad losers, I'm outta here moon2EZ Catch ya in the gym... not
twitch chat
MOONMOON
Pro players that go to tournaments are not the best
twitchquotes:
The "pro" players that go to tournaments and stuff are NOT the best players in the world, not even close. These are just the best players of the type of losers who have the personality deficiency that compels them to actually go to gaming tournaments.
twitch chat