Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
I used to be a real ad
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Hyper improvement platform
twitchquotes:
Micheal, in this brand new season full of unexpected challenges and adventures in the world that is solo q, what can I / We / YOUR VIEWERS use in order to maximise our game knowledge and as a result increase our chance of getting higher ranks, I need a hyper improvement platform man, hit me up!
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imaqtpie
sellout
League of Legends
This scallywag's deck be kookoo bananas!
twitchquotes:
୧༼ಠ益▀ ༽୨ “This scallywag's deck be kookoo bananas!” ☑ “Me deck can nae scourge tis deck!” ☑ “This swab needed precisely them cards to send me deck to Davey Jones’ locker.” ☑ “He top-pillaged th' only card on the high seas that could best me.” ☑ “Thar was naught I could do.” ☑ “I weathered that perfectly” ☑ ୧༼ಠ益▀ ༽୨
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Hearthstone
This Copypasta Is CRAZY!
xqcS
⡿⣝⢮⢯⢾⢽⢽⢯⣟⣿⣻⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡯⣺⢕⡏⣗⢽⢽⢽⢞⡗⢯⢛⠚⠟⠻⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣫⢺⣸⣪⡳⣝⢕⢕⢵⣱⣣⡧⣇⣦⣢⣀⠄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡪⣓⢮⢾⡽⣮⢧⡣⡣⡑⠩⢙⣯⡃⠑⠙⠳⣆⡀⠈⠹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡪⡮⡯⡯⣿⢽⣯⣿⣺⢼⢜⡴⣝⢇⢀⠄⡀⢠⢩⠪⡢⣀⢉⠻⡿⣿⣿⡿⡿⢡
⡪⡺⡺⡽⣽⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣳⣷⢷⣕⡕⣕⢕⡑⡜⡜⣵⣷⣿⣯⡳⣝⢰⣿
⡪⣳⡫⡿⣽⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣽⣗⣯⣯⣾⡾⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⢸⣿
⢪⢒⢭⢯⣻⣻⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢃⣼⣿
⢕⢱⠱⡕⡯⡷⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣟⢟⠏⠏⡏⣟⡽⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢉⣾⣿⣿
⢕⢕⢱⢱⢱⡹⡕⡗⠯⡳⡫⡯⣎⢆⠄⢔⢝⣾⣿⣽⡳⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣾⣿⣿⣿
⠕⡌⡆⡧⣣⢧⡀⡨⣐⢈⠪⡚⢎⢗⢝⢌⢎⠯⢿⢿⡯⣷⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡱⢨⢪⢯⣞⣗⡷⣝⢜⣼⣿⣬⣦⣣⣕⣕⣆⡇⠅⡀⠉⠓⡯⣿⢿⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠨⢊⢮⢳⡳⡳⡯⡿⣽⢾⣝⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⣾⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠈⠠⢱⢱⢝⢝⢎⢯⡺⡽⣺⢽⢕⡏⡗⠕⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣀⣀⣀⣃⣃⣋⣓⣓⣑⣙⣊⣓⣙⣘⣊⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
xQcOW
Imagine complaining about aim assist
twitchquotes:
Imagine complaining about aim assist when u have a WHOLE mouse and a WHOLE table and a WHOLE hand to move around to track a player , meanwhile controller players use A THUMB and ARE LIMITED TO MOVING , We can’t move our little analog stick ALL AROUND THE TABLE , complaining BOTS.
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Fortnite
Please help, when I sneeze, it sounds like I'm saying the n-word
I'm not sure what to do. For my early life, it wasn't a huge deal. I lived in a mostly white family who didn't really care, and I stayed home from school when I was sick. But now that I'm in college, I'm terrified of what it could mean. Doctors won't help me. Every time I've asked, they think I'm making it up and doing it on purpose, and now that I've moved, my doctor is this 6ft tall african-american man. I haven't been to a check-up in over a year.
It's causing trouble with school too. The first instance was in chemistry. The professor told me to pass out some bunsen burners from the cabinet to the rest of the students. I got up and opened the cabinet, but it was super dusty inside, and before I could help myself, a huge sneeze forced itself out of my body. "N*GGA!" sounded across the classroom, and I just froze. My cheeks heated up as everyone just stared at me. I quickly said that I needed to go get a tissue and ran from the classroom. I was forced to have a meeting with my professor later, where she was adamant that she wouldn't have that kind of language in her classroom. I tried to explain that it was an accident and I didn't even have a reason to say the n-word while sneezing and gathering bunsen burners, but she was already mad so I think she zeroed in on my word choice and thought that I was inferring that other times I DID have a reason to say it. I didn't get kicked out but nobody wanted to partner with me for the rest of the semester, and I feel like the professor was a bit harsher on test questions.
The most recent event happened only yesterday, and I'm terrified of what it could mean. I was in line at the Chick-fil-A in the cafeteria, feeling like shit. I'd been sick for a day or two, and normally I don't go out because of my unique problem, but I was starving and just needed to grab a quick bite. Right as I got up to the counter, I felt a sneeze coming on, and knew I was screwed. Here's the thing. When I'm sick, the issue is 10x worse. The phlegm or something in my throat makes the n-word sound come out with a lower, R-sound at the end instead of the gasp that normally makes the A. So I'm standing there, about to order my 8pc nugget, when I spasm and unleash a full forced "N****R!" across the entire cafeteria. Everybody heard it. Literally everybody. The girl at the counter, who unfortunately was black, just looked so hurt and angry at the same time, not to mention I think I may have sneezed a little on her. I turned and bolted from the cafeteria. I ran straight back to my dorm; I saw a group of guys trying to follow me, but they couldn't get in to my specific dorm building. I recognized a few of them from my chemistry class. I've been in my dorm ever since. I'm terrified of leaving. I'm positive that if they see me again, they'll kick the shit out of me.
So that's my problem. I'm not sure how to prove my innocence and I don't think I'll survive another semester at this rate.