Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
I used to be a real ad
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She needs a man that can treat her right
twitchquotes:
What the fuck man. I'm literally sitting here on the verge of tears. Slaving away in this dead end job saving up for the end of the month splash. I was this close. Maybe I should have done that overtime, if I could get her that money earlier I might have been able to convince her in the dono message. She needs a man that can treat her right, a man like me. I would open the car door for her EVERY TIME, I would pull out her chair at a restaurant, I would lay my twitch hoodie over puddles to protect her from the filth.
twitch chat
Simps
👅HAPPY NEW YEARS SLUTS 🍆
👯hey SlutS! 👯💅 Now that we got our yearly 🎁 FUCK 👊🏼from good ole Saint DICK 🎅🏾 it’s FINALLY New Years Eve!!!🗓🍾👅 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣0️⃣ was a LONGG 🍆🍆 and HARD 😉✊🏻😫 year.... we laughed😂😆👌🏼 We cried 😢😖👎 We coughed 💦🤒🤧 we fucked GOOD👍🏻 dick🍆 and 😵😵BAD 😔 dick, 😫 BUTT 🍑 now let’s 👏👏Celebrate 🙌🎉 and watch that 💦🍆BIG 👅 BALL 😎👌🏼 Drop 👄👄 on us! 💃💃 So spread 👐🏽 those 👐🏽 legs 👐🏽 and count down ⬇️ from 🔟 until your man 💪🏾 pops 🎉 his CORK 🍾🍾 into that thirsty 👅thirsty 👅 hole! 🥰🥰 Send this to 2️⃣1️⃣ COCK-BEGGING ✊🏻🍆 WHORES to get BUTTFUCKED 🍑😱 for the next 3️⃣6️⃣5️⃣ days 😍😍😍
Emoji Pasta
New Years
Holiday Emoji
NSFW
Holiday
Kripp, this is Lucky Sanders!
twitchquotes:
Oh my god, Kripp, I've finally found you! This is Lucky Sanders! We served together in 'Nam, remember? I was the field medic in your squad! Man, I remember how you used to always volunteer to take out those Charlie sharpshooters even though I said I could handle them with my M60. "Never, Lucky," you would say. "You're too valuable to the squad." I saw you swim through stream after stream, leaving a trail of dead snipers behind you. Thank you, Kripp. You fought that war perfectly.
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
Four Asians streamed together in harmony...
twitchquotes:
(`.´) Trump. (`.´) Amaz. (`.´) MaSsan. (`.´) Hafu. A few months ago the four Asians streamed together in harmony. Then, everything changed when ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°) Forsen's Snus Brotherhood attacked. Only (◉ل͟◉) Reynad, master of the Salt could stop them, but when Twitch needed him most - he was too busy complaining on stream. ( ͠°ل͟ ͠°)
twitch chat
Kripp
peepoClap
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