[Copypasta] I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin I don’t know why but I just enjoy doing this. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with stress or something but I just do it about once every week. Generally I’ll carry around a sack and creep around in a sort of crouch-walking position making goblin noises, then I’ll walk around my house and pick up various different “trinkets” and put them in my bag while saying stuff like “I’ll be having that” and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice (“trinkets” can include anything from shit I find on the ground to cutlery or other utensils). The other day I was talking with my neighbours and they mentioned hearing weird noises like what I wrote about and I was just internally screaming the entire conversation. I’m 99% sure they don’t know it’s me but god that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind.
July 2022

Classic

Confessions

Krippis casualis

twitchquotes: Krippis casualis! o͡╮༼ ಠДಠ ༽╭o͡━☆゚.*・。゚
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

imagine how much weed Aang could smoke at once

Bro imagine how much weed Aang could smoke at once, like, he probably wouldn't even need a pipe to smoke a while oz of it he could just burn it with his firebending and use his airbending to bend the smoke into his lungs, which could hold a lot because he's an air bender, just imagine how much he could smoke, you pass him a full bowl and he just dumps it out into his hands and take the whole thing in one hit and asks for another, imagine how much weed he could go through in a single session since he's the Avatar and and could do as much as he wants since he won't green out he would just go into the Avatar state
January 2021

Service dog approaches you

twitchquotes: If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means the person is down and in need of help. Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.
twitch chat
April 2019

Kripp you're a good-for-nothing bully

twitchquotes: Kripp, this behavior of yours is disgusting and honestly makes me want to unsubscribe from you. You're a grown man who apparently has to beat up 12 year old free to play players just for a cheap laugh. I don't know who you think you are, but now I know that you're nothing but a good-for-nothing bully.
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing