Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
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So you're going by "PBE Reckful" now nerd?
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So you're going by "PBE Reckful" now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's TideOfTime from Hearthstone. Remember me? Me and the boys would whoop your ass in Heartstone. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember when you missed lethal in the TFT Tourny? LUL, kidding nerd, its Tanner again. Anyways I gotta dip Gym is calling peace nerd.
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Reckful
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Imagine Fortnite Jonesy in Smash
Imagine this: You're watching the new Nintendo Direct. As it begins you hope to see the new smash reveal, and are hoping you get the character you so desperately wanted, whether it's Crash Bandicoot or Sora. The trailer begins with the classic smash opening. As you watch the trailer, you begin to feel hope that your dream may have come true. But then, at the part where the character is revealed, you hear a bus horn, and wonder "Is it coming from outside?" But no. It's from the trailer. You watch a manly figure drop out of the sky, landing gracefully in front of the characters he is about to defeat. It gazes upon his sharp-bladed pickaxe, his luxurious blond hair, and his shining silver dog tags. As the sun fades away, you finally see who it really was: It was Jonesy from Fortnite. It's a long shot, I know. But imagine.
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Jared, one final ff
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The year is 2027, Jared has just returned from his third tour in North Korea. Each time he fired his rifle he whispered the same word, "/ff". He looks down to the 9mm in his belt and dreams of seeing imaqtpie and Dom one last time, one final "/ff'
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Annie Bot
Boosted Animal Jared
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Joe Biden eat hot chip and lie
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He lets out a sigh and then a plastic smile. “Under the Biden administration,” he says, carefully “There will be a few new rules. It will be forbidden to cook,” The crowd gasps. “Everyone will have to eat McDonalds,” Jill hangs her head in shame. “You may have to charge your phone. You may have to twerk. Hell, you may even have to be bisexual.” An uproar starts in the crowd, but Biden ushers a silence with his next words “But it will all be worth it when we as a people can eat hot chip and lie. Thank you.” Biden leaves the podium to a thunderous applause. America is saved.
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I want to fuck the Samsung girl
Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.