[Copypasta] I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020
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Please quit calling it "Victory Fap"

twitchquotes: Would you guys please quit calling it "Victory Fap"? I find it very offensive, and I'm sure Rania does too, that you think Kripp can only become aroused through dominance in a child's card game. Please grow up chat, thanks
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

Silence Liberal

โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆ โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€
ascii art
February 2021

Stroll in my local GameStop

stroll into my local GameStop looking to pick up a copy of Binding of Isaac grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register "Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..." she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves her eyes widen as she reads the game's title "Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!" I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind "Hahaha look at what this โ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅ is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of โ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅ!" I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing "Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady." "โ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅ you โ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅโ™ฅ!" I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them "As you wish..." I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react he bellows and charges forward I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back "...requiescat in pace..." As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers "So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...? "No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..." I sheath my sword "You're not my type." skate away on my Heelys
January 2021

Classic

Kniferino to cut off your dongerino

twitchquotes: แด‹ส€ษชแด˜แด˜ แด›สœษชs ษชs สœแด€า“แดœ! ษช แด€แด แด„แดแดษชษดษข แด›แด แด‡sษขษด แด€s แดกแด‡สŸสŸ, แด€ษดแด… ษขแดœแด‡ss แดกสœแด€แด› ษช แด€แด ส™ส€ษชษดษขษชษดษข แดกษชแด›สœ แดแด‡? แด€ สŸษชแด›แด›สŸแด‡ แด‹ษดษชา“แด‡ส€ษชษดแด แด›แด แด„แดœแด› แดา“า“ สแดแดœส€ แด…แดษดษขแด‡ส€ษชษดแด า“แดส€ แด„สœแด‡แด€แด›ษชษดษข แดษด แดแด‡! ษชา“ ษช sแด‡แด‡ แด€ sแดœแด„แด„แดœส™แดœs แดกษชแด›สœ สแดแดœ ษช แด€แด ษขแดษชษดษข แด›แด sแด›แด€ส€แด› แด…แด€แด›ษชษดษข แด›ส€แดœแดแด˜! แด…แดษดแด› แดแด€แด‹แด‡ แดแด‡ แด…แด แด›สœแด€แด› แด›สœแดแดœษขสœ. แด˜สŸแดข แด„แดแดแด‡ ส™แด€แด„แด‹.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Please refrain from spamming anymore

twitchquotes: Chat, you do realize that your spam does not help my stream experience. It actually ruins it. I know it is hard to take in, but please refrain from spamming anymore. Do not make me repeat myself. I'm warning you chat.
twitch chat
September 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

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