[Copypasta] I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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You cheated not only the game, but yourself

twitchquotes: You cheated not only the game, but yourself. You didn't grow. You didn't improve. You took a shortcut and gained nothing. You experienced a hollow victory. Nothing was risked and nothing was gained. It's sad that you don't know the difference.
twitch chat
April 2019

Classic

Putin v2

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣦⣤⡀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⣼⠀⠀⢨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⡄⠄⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠺⢰⣦⡄⠀⠠⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⢸⡋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣯⡀⠀⠠⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢺⠇⠀⣬⣶⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡈⠀⠀⠈⢻⠋⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠴⠸⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣈⣈⣽⣿⣶⣿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠘⣷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠐⠙⠛⠛⣩⣵⣿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠿⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣶⣄⣤⣤⣐⣾⣿⣿⣿⡆⠈⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠈⢹⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠈⢹⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
March 2022

This is a routine PokiW check

twitchquotes: Hello sir. Do you know why I've stopped you? You haven't done anything wrong. This is just a routine PokiW check, sir. May I see your Twitch sub badges and username, please? Thank you. Now let's see that PokiW, hmm? Go ahead, type it in chat. No funny business. Dot the I and capitalize the W. I better not see an emote, son. Or you're off to jail.
twitch chat
September 2021
Pokimane

I want to fuck myself!

Now before you guys assume, i am not gay. I was messing around with a selfie of myself on faceapp and decided to use the female filter. As soon as i clicked the icon, my life was changed forever. Those lusious lips, the well defined jawline, the adorable eyes and those perfect eyebrows instantly gave me a hard on. Before i knew it, i was stroking my cock faster than i had ever before. Within 2 minutss i had already cummed 5 times coating my whole bed with a layer of semen and my balls were drier than the shaharan desert. Could any of you nerds please find a way to bring my waifu to lifue. Thanks uWu.
September 2021

Kripp's warmup show

twitchquotes: Hey Reynad, thanks for being Kripp's warmup show. Here's a donger bill [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] to go buy your whole family roofs
twitch chat
April 2015
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing