[Copypasta] My dad works at twitch dude

twitchquotes: My dad works at twitch dude, he's a sr Vice President, and he oversees players accounts. If you don't unban me, I'll make sure he gets both you and majinphil permabanned. But if you unban me, I'll make sure you fit in the algorithms to always be in people's recommended feed. Your choice.
twitch chat
December 2018
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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You can't stop what's coming leafboy

You can't stop what's coming leafboy. I walk all over leaves every autumn, you think this year will be any different? Your flag is a fucking leaf. You chose the one part of the tree that dies every year. Not only that, but it's one of hundreds of leaves, thousands if it's a big tree. All dead come winter. Every winter. A vicious cycle. Totally insignificant. As soon as the tree has had it's way with you you are cast to the Earth to be trod by all other living things. Ants? They not only stomp about you, they will steal your corpse and use it for their people. Birds steal your lifeless shell with impunity. Leaves not only die once, but every year. A brave man dies only once, but leaves die a thousand deaths, or at least 20 or 30 if the tree lives that long. Perhaps more. Every year, leafs crunch beneath my boot. This year shall be no different. So it shall be written. So it shall be done. The day of the rake is at hand because every day is the day of the rake and has always been.
January 2021

When chat spam my kripp stream crashes

twitchquotes: Hey guys. I am living in poor family with low interneting and very cheap pc barely handle kripp stream at 5 fps and when chat spam my kripp stream crashes so please dont spam the chat thank you.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

You fool. The statement "It's opposite day" is paradoxical by nature.

You fool. You imbecile. You absolute buffoon. You cannot simply say "I'm gay! It's Opposite Day btw". The statement "It's Opposite Day" is paradoxical by nature. With the logic that everything said during Opposite Day is untrue, saying "It's Opposite Day" on Opposite Day negates that statement. Because the statement "It's Opposite Day" is now untrue, it is no longer Opposite Day and therefore your original remark is now correct. That means it IS opposite day, and a neverending cycle that is known as The Liar's Paradox is created. You were a complete idiot not to invoke the conditional clause. For example, if you were to say, "If it were opposite day, I'd be gay!" your statement would not be holed. You have been snared within a web of your own making. Listen to the sky crack and fall. The universe will implode on itself and it's your own fault.
September 2021

Bear

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–’β–„β–’β–€β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–„β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–β–β–„β–Œβ–Œβ–’β–’β–„β–β–„β–β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–’β–„β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–€β–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–€β–ˆβ–€β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–„β–β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–Œβ–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘ ░░░░░░░░▐▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░░ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘
ascii art
November 2014

This player doesn't even use a monitor

I've seen [insert player here] play, he doesn't even use a monitor. He visualizes the map in a detailed rendering, completely in his mind. He has a biological wallhack; his godlike perception highlights all enemies within light-years. His eyes are closed as his mouse gracefully swerves across the table, making immaculate twitches as he flicks from head to head. The bullets that escape his gun barrel are surgical; each making a deadly strike in between his opponent's eyes.
July 2022

CSGO

Valorant

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