[Copypasta] My dad works at twitch dude

twitchquotes: My dad works at twitch dude, he's a sr Vice President, and he oversees players accounts. If you don't unban me, I'll make sure he gets both you and majinphil permabanned. But if you unban me, I'll make sure you fit in the algorithms to always be in people's recommended feed. Your choice.
twitch chat
December 2018
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Came on the spider to kill it

twitchquotes: šŸ•·IšŸ•·wasšŸ•·masturbatingšŸ•·onešŸ•·timešŸ•·butšŸ•·thenšŸ•·IšŸ•·sawšŸ•·ašŸ•·spideršŸ•·andšŸ•·itšŸ•·freakedšŸ•·mešŸ•·outšŸ•·sošŸ•·IšŸ•·camešŸ•·onšŸ•·thešŸ•·spideršŸ•·inšŸ•·orderšŸ•·tošŸ•·killšŸ•·itšŸ•·
twitch chat
August 2019

Emoji Pasta

RIP Joe the Spider

I know this is really stupid but Iā€™m sad about it. Yesterday I had a friend come over. Iā€™m a girl who lives alone so I guess some ā€œdudeā€ stuff hasnā€™t been done around the house. Context: I have a spider named joe. Heā€™s a dandy long leg. Heā€™s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust. Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said ā€œyouā€™re welcomeā€. Iā€™m super confused. So I ask ā€œfor what?ā€ He says ā€œI just killed a big ass spider for youā€. I couldnā€™t even contain myself. I just yelled ā€œYOU KILLED JOE?!ā€ And started tearing up. I didnā€™t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy. My friend was distraught. Heā€™s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house. I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joeā€™s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure. RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
May 2022

Luigi's donger

twitchquotes: In 2018 Nintendo released official marketing art that featured Luigi in Mario Tennis, fans were able to figure out the length of Luigiā€™s penis by measuring the tennis racket compared to luigiā€™s bulge in the image. Since Tennis rackets are 28 inches long in real life, by measuring the pixels we were able to mathematically deduce that Luigiā€™s penis is 3.7 inches flacid.
twitch chat
December 2020

Hello gentleman, I have suffered a loss of 69K

Hello gentleman, I regretfully wish to share with you all that I shant comment on this Internet forum henceforth. As of the time of my arrival in this past autumn, I have suffered a loss of 69K. By the blessing of Lady Luck, I am still experiencing a positive net balance of 420%, so I have come to the conclusion I must liquidate my insignificant phallus account. I shall use this fortune for procuring a vaginal enlargement and acquire tremendous breasts for my OnlyAristocracy parchment. Or I may be devilish and maintain an investment position in TournamentCease. I am short of hours of leisure in life, training dogs to consume peanut butter from the reaches of my posterior and can not bare the rapid change of value of my investment holdings of 40 point 7 grand. I am aware that you, my peers of this financial derivatives Internet forum are filled with ecstasy to become privy to this, so copulate with yourself, I desire you all to be ablaze in nonheteronormative ursine hell in tandem with Sadam.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Hey Jon Snow, im drafting a rogue deck in arena

twitchquotes: Hey Jon Snow, im drafting a rogue deck in arena and i'm 29 cards in. Should I pick backstab (like you got backstabbed by your fellow brothers), betrayal (like how they betrayed you) or shiv (like how you got shived multiple times).
twitch chat
June 2015

Classic

Hearthstone

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing