[Copypasta] If your girlfriend cheats on you

twitchquotes: If your girlfriend cheats on you, you need to understand that you lacked something that made her cheat, so instead of leaving her for another girl, find out the error in yourself, apologise to her and be a Better man. ✌
twitch chat
June 2019
Found on Twitter: https://twitter.com/pattyamaka_/status/1032616980765978624
I used to be a real ad
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I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missile. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of delivering a W78 nuclear warhead with an explosive yield of 3x500 kilotons of TNT anywhere on the planet at Mach 23. People say to me that a person being a Minuteman III is impossible and I’m incredibly destructive but I don’t care. I’m having Air Force Global Strike Command install new three-stage solid-fuel rocket engines and give me an $86 billion upgrade on my 59 foot body. From now on I want you guys to call me "ICBM" and respect my right to be in service until at least the 2030s. If you can’t accept me you’re missileophobe and need to check your local AFB for missile silos. Thank you, and I'll see you in WW3.
twitch chat
May 2017

I sexually Identify as

Dog food lid

twitchquotes: Hello everyone! I'm entering streams to say something random! Did you know "dog food lid" backwards is "dildo of god"? Good bye everyone!
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

DANK MEMES, ATTEND ME

twitchquotes: ( ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง DANK MEMES, ATTEND ME (ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง (ง ◉◡◔)ง READY, CHAT! (ง ◉◡◔)ง
twitch chat
March 2015
Reynad

Kripp's gotta hit up the bathroom

twitchquotes: "Give me a second, guys," Kripp says. "Gotta hit up the bathroom" He turns down the volume on his microphone, and immediately gives Dex a swift kick down the stairs. As Dex yelps loudly in pain, Kripp overturns the nearest chair, yelling "Fuck this game!" as loudly as he can. Rania tries to calm him down, but Kripp swiftly bodyslams her onto a glass coffee table. After taking a few deep breaths, Kripp wipes the blood off of his face, sits back down at his computer, and resumes his stream.
twitch chat
January 2018
Kripp

Classic

I whispered into his ear, my word a soft caress: "LEGAL"

twitchquotes: Hᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏᴏʟs ʜᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅᴇᴅ, ʏᴇᴛ ʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏᴛ sᴇᴇ ɪᴛ. I ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ʜɪᴍ ᴛᴏ sᴜᴄᴄᴇᴇᴅ sᴏ ʙᴀᴅʟʏ, ʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ɴᴇᴀʀʟʏ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ. Bᴜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ғɪɴɪsʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴊᴏʙ ʙʏ ʜɪᴍsᴇʟғ. Bᴀᴍʙᴏᴏᴢʟᴇᴅ ʙʏ ʜɪs ᴏᴡɴ ᴍɪɴᴅ. I ʜᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʟᴘ ʜɪᴍ, ᴛᴏ ᴇɴsᴜʀᴇ ʜɪs ᴠɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ. Sᴏ I ᴡʜɪsᴘᴇʀᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʜɪs ᴇᴀʀ, ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴀ sᴏғᴛ ᴄᴀʀᴇss: "LEGAL".
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp
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