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Ten reasons why you can't move to Scotland

Tin resins why ye canae move tae Sco'land. Win - We dinnae want ye here Tae - Yer nae hard enough Threh - Ye wouldnae like the wither (and ye wouldne ken hoo tae describ it - dreich, drookit, haar, etc) Fir - Yer a dafty who couldne git intae oor big skels and dinnae ken aboot the Sco'ish Enlightinment Fiv - Yer a big girruls blouse and cannae keep up wi oor drinkin Sex - Yed get snapped in hoff if ye played fitbaw wi us sivvun - Ye coodnae handle the patter It - Wae dinnae wint ye drivin up the hoos prices Nin - Yer pribly a jobbyjabber who likes it it in the backsie Tin - Oor wimmun boke at the sight of ye If somehoo ye dae mit the abuv requirmints then ye can enter but ye must promis to vote fi SNP, the ONLY party that trilly represents Sco'land. Fuck off hame any English cunts.
September 2021

Chat would benefit from watching you play Xayah or Varus

twitchquotes: Hey Sneaky, I think chat would benefit from watching you play Xayah or Varus. We're all sex starved weebs and when you play Xayah and Varus we get to see you get your shit pushed in
twitch chat
March 2018
Sneaky

League of Legends

I used to be a real ad

Sneaky play more aggressive

twitchquotes: Im fUcKiNg tIrEd oF SnEaKy nOt pLaYiNg mOrE AgGrEsSiVe aNd tRy tO CaRrY GaMeS, hE SuPpOsEd tO StEp tHe fUcK Up, He iS AdC AnD BeEn pLaYiNg gAmE OvEr 7 yEaRs, LeT'S FuCkInG Go, AtLeAsT TrY To cArRy aNd mAkE PlAyS LiKe dOuBlElIfT AnD WiLdTuRtLe, If yOu fUcK Up tHeN U FuCk uP, bUt dOnT PlAy tHeSe sHiT AdC'S AnD ShIt pOsItIoNiNg iN FiGhTs aNd jUsT LeT ThE GaMe cOmE To yOu, TaKe fUcKiNg oVeR AnD OwN YoUr rOlE AnD CuRrEnT GaMe, He's tUrNiNg iNtO JuSt aNoThEr aVeRaGe aDc aGaIn. My rAnT Is oVeR
twitch chat
June 2017
Sneaky

League of Legends

Survival Arena Developer messages Kripp

twitchquotes: (Survival Arenaโ„ข Developer): Hey Kripp! Just popping on to make sure you started streaming our game on time. Remember to wear your Survival Arena shirt and don't forget our little 'arrangement' later tonight at the motel.
twitch chat
May 2017

sellout

Male music with vocals of Gachirian era

twitchquotes: Dear host EZY WineTime of digital streams EZY WineTime gentlemen from chat EZY WineTime ask you to include male music EZY WineTime with vocals EZY WineTime of Gachirian era EZY WineTime
twitch chat
September 2020

KappaPride

(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Who is Octavian Morosan

twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

ATTENTION ALL HALF LIFE GAMERS

twitchquotes: โš ๏ธ ATTENTION ALL HALF LIFE GAMERSโš ๏ธ Father Grigori is in great danger and needs your help to wipe out all of the headcrabs in ravenholm! To do this, he needs a shotgun and a gravity gun. To help him, all he needs is your parents credit card number and the three wacky numbers on the back, and the expiration date. But you gotta be quick so Father Grigori can achieve the epic victory Royale!!!!
twitch chat
November 2018

World War 2 in emojis

๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿค๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿฆณ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘€ ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธโžก๏ธ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ˜จ ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿฆณ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐ŸŽจ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿค๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™‚๏ธ ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿค๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™‚๏ธโš”โžก๏ธโš”๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐ŸŽจ๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿฆณ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐ŸŽจ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐ŸฆณโœŒโš”๐Ÿ†š๏ธโš”๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿค๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐ŸฆณโœŒ๐Ÿšข ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿฆณ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜โžก๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณโ™ฟ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ›ซ๐Ÿ›ซ๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ’ฃโžก๏ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธโ™ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธโ™ฟ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐ŸฆณโœŒโš”๐Ÿ†š๏ธโš”๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿฆฒ ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโš”๐Ÿ†š๏ธโš”๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜โžก๏ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ˜Ž ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ˜Žโ˜ข๐Ÿ’ฃ ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ณ
July 2021

Emoji Pasta

I, a god-level CoD player, could join the military

Ok. Listen up bud. Youโ€™re a kid, and youโ€™re getting cocky. You snuck in a few good quick scopes and got a few points ahead of me, but you have no chance. I am a Call of Duty god. I would be killing terrorists in Iraq if it werenโ€™t for the fact that I would punch the drill sergeant in the face if he even looked at me funny. So donโ€™t get cocky, bud. Or just like my kill/death ratio, youโ€™re going down, kid. As soon as I finish the campaign Iโ€™m tracking your IP, hunting you down and beating the crap out of you. Youโ€™ve been warned.
February 2021

Why did I marry this angry bald internet man?

twitchquotes: Itโ€™s 11 p.m. and i've finally gotten comfortable in bed. It's been a long day and finally being able to get some rest is such a luxury. But my peace is soon broken as my husband shouts from the other room "OH COME ON! That was such BULLSHIT! Fucking highrolled AGAIN." Why did i do this to myself. Why did I marry this angry bald internet man? I haven't slept properly in months for his constant yelling throughout the night. God help me.
twitch chat
September 2020
Kripp
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Now that all the girls stop reading this...

twitch chat
January 2015
imaqtpie

My daughter is dating a douche-bag (response to /r/cryptocurrency post)

My daughter is dating a douche-bag I don't know where I messed up, I thought I taught her well on what to look for in a man. The guy just showed up at my house and starting rambling on about how DCAing 30 dollars in 4 months into Safemoon helped him understand finance and geopolitics. I told him he was completely oblivious about being in a ponzi, this only unchained a what I believed to be a cocaine induced speech saying that Safemoon was going to be the next Bitcoin and he was going to moon while buying "lambos" for his friends because he was no "Bitch-ass paperhands". I'm a bank executive, so you can only imagine what a nightmare this is for me. Don't know what the point of this post is, is not like my daughter is going to stop dating that idiot anyways. I'm scared about my daughter's future.
September 2021

Cryptocurrency

Kripp paints and is one off lethal

twitchquotes: Discovering his inner-passion for painting, Kripp leaves Twitch for good and takes Rania and Dex on the road with him to pursue his dream. After six months Kripp realizes being an artist is a lot harder than playing video games. But itโ€™s too late. Homeless and starving, Rania hates Kripp, Dex hates Kripp, and, worst of all, Kripp hates Kripp. Buying a gun one rainy day, he puts it in his mouth and pulls the trigger. click He forgot to buy bullets. โ€œOne off lethal,โ€ Rania sobs.
twitch chat
February 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Hello this is Dan from the next room over

twitchquotes: Hello this is Dan from the next room over. Can you be quiet for 2 minutes it's almost 2am and I can still hear you. I have had a hard day doing REAL work for 13 hours and all I want is a bit of peace and quiet. LOL just kidding it's Tanner from highschool again, enjoy playing your kids games while I'm hanging out with Becca. We're watching re-runs of that time you lost that video game tournament. Peace out!
twitch chat
June 2019

Tanner from High School

AITA for saving a child from a dangerous situation?

I know this sounds bad, but hear me out. Earlier this month, I was walking home from the store as usual. I began smelling a feint burning smell and I heard muffled shouting ahead. I picked up the pace to discover the commotion. A building was on fire and a small child was standing by the second story window shrieking for help as flames rose behind him. Luckily, I had been doing parkour ever since I was a teen so I climbed up to his window and reached out to grab the child. He reached out for me as well and I hoisted him down on my back. When we reached the ground the child ran to his parents and they thanked me while hugging him. Later today I was visiting a friend in prison who happens to be serving a sentence for attempted murder of many children. He said I was an asshole and I shouldnโ€™t have saved the kid from the burning building. Ever since, I canโ€™t help but feel like kind of an asshole so I would appreciate to hear a third persons perspective on this. So reddit, AITA?
January 2022

Am I The Asshole?

(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Spending New Year on Twitch Chat

twitchquotes: No Friends BibleThump ๐Ÿ‘ No Girlfriend BibleThump ๐Ÿ‘ Spending New Year on Twitch Chat BibleThump ๐Ÿ‘ Must be us chat BibleThump
twitch chat
January 2018

All intensive purposes

I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like itโ€™s a peach of cake.
September 2021

A rabbit is a symbol of time

twitchquotes: A rabbit is a symbol of time, like the rabbit from Alice in wonderland carrying a stopwatch taking Alice to a different place (and time). Tides picked a rabbit to suit his name, as another world (other waves) combined with the stopwatch actually combines into his name. Or maybe he just thought the rabbit was cute. Also, rabbits eat their own shit.
twitch chat
July 2019
TidesOfTime

Its the final hand of the Mortdog High Stakes Poker Tourney

Its the final hand of the Mortdog High Stakes Poker Tourney. Kiyoon can be heard screaming "its a third??โ€ after losing the last hand. Only Raydiz and K3soju are left. Mort deals their cards. Soju smirks and says โ€œalright, betโ€. Ray, feeling confident, slides all his chips into the middle of the table โ€œfuck it, weโ€™re all in this roundโ€. Soju confidently throws down his cards โ€œ3 aces, KEWKโ€. Ray laughs and reveals his winning hand โ€œI have a straight flush, diamond 1 to diamond 5โ€
July 2022

Teamfight Tactics

I used to be a real ad

Hi Toast this is Mrs. Laurent - Fiora's mom

twitchquotes: Hi Toast this is Mrs. Laurent - Fiora's mom. I noticed you have been picking my girl for your team in gym class. Fiora has been having a really tough time since her dad and I split up, and I know how much it means to her. You could have been rerolling saying: "We're never taking Fiora." It warms my tired heart that you would show such kindness and give a struggling girl with a good, noble soul a chance. Bless you Toastfor never giving up on my dear little girl
twitch chat
July 2019
DisguisedToast

Teamfight Tactics

Text-to-Speech Playing