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I used to be a real ad
1420 copypastas found.

Sigma male schedule

2:00 am- Wake up 2.05am-Cold shower 2.15am-breakfast,almonds, breast milk bought off Facebook, 50mg adderall 2:30am- begin workout,incline bench 2 plates,12x12 with 30 seconds of rest, no warmup. 2:45am-edging,4hrs (for disipline) 6:45am-cold shower 7:00am-begin sprint to work 8:00am-arrive at work 8:05am-get called into boss' office 8:06am-get fired from job for "repeated inappropriate comments" and "predatory behaviour" 8:10am-sprint back home 9:10am- lunch-raw cod, berries foraged on the way home, small pebbles (for digestion),50mg of adderal 9:10am-edging(as punishment) 3:00pm- bed time
August 2021

I've been unvaccinated for 9 months now

I've been unvaccinated for 9 months now, moving from place to place, keeping ahead of the vaxmaxers, never staying anywhere too long, never letting my face become known. "It's great being vaxmaxed isn't it" the shopkeep says vacantly, to nobody in particular. In keeping with the act I reply to the Heinz Baked Beans Substitute 6 Pack (No Plastic) in my hand, something unrelated, with what I hope is a slightly bemused tone. It takes a lot longer to do my shopping these days, I can't simply march through the shop in an orderly fashion, taking what I need in a single trip, I have to absent mindedly shuffle back and forward between the aisles, never really displaying any intent. As unpresent as they are, the vaxmaxed would notice if I was too focused, too alert. A loud smashing sound in the distance almost blows my cover, I notice, and focus on the sound. The vaxmaxed around me slowly aim their distant gaze on me, but I'm able to save myself, I continue my neck jerk and turn it in to a series of spasms, I drop to the floor convulsing, the vaxmaxed around me quickly lose interest and continue on with their day. "That means it's working" one elderly lady comments to her milk as she passes. I continue the charade long enough to filter out most of the vaxmaxed sharing the aisle. It takes a while, and no insubstantial amount of sweat on my part, but I make it to the checkout. A morbidly obese woman directs the horde at the tills, seemingly oblivious to the cacophony of aberrant scan noises and blinking red lights above the entirely self service super checkout. I wait dutifully, not wanting to be noticed, not wanting to be set upon by the Asda Security Vax Checker team, it had taken all my best bluffing to get past them at the door, I almost chuckled when they believed my vax card was in the post but it was quickly stifled, a chuckled would have given me away, a chuckle would have seen me held down and injected with science juice.
April 2022

COVID

Coronavirus

Kripp's mods put Stalin to shame

twitchquotes: ☭ ☭ ☭ ☭ Nᴏsᴛʀᴏᴠʏᴀ Kʀɪᴘᴘ, Tʜɪs ɪs Cᴏᴍʀᴀᴅᴇ Sᴛᴀʟɪɴ ᴄᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ғʀᴏᴍ 1952. I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ I ᴡᴀs ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍʏ Gʀᴇᴀᴛ Pᴜʀɢᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏᴅs ᴘᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ sʜᴀᴍᴇ. I'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴄʀᴜɪᴛ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴛᴏ ʀᴜɴ ᴍʏ ɢᴜʟᴀɢs. Bᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ Rᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀɴ Dᴇᴀᴅ ☭ ☭☭ ☭
twitch chat
June 2014
Kripp

You have to have a very high IQ to understand Bitcoin

sigh To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Bitcoin. Its future applications are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of computing and economics most of its possible functions will go over a typical investor’s head. There’s also Sitoshis’s free market outlook, which is deftly woven into his creation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Robert Malthus, for instance. The shills understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of this coin, to realise that it is not just speculation - it says something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Bitcoin truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the brilliance in Satoshi’s brilliant programming method - the “Blockchain,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Haber and Stornetta's Merkle trees. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as our lord and savior's genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂 And yes, by the way, i DO have a Bitcoin tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎
September 2021

Cryptocurrency

Bitcoin

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter?

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter? I’ve never heard that joke before, but it’s so genius! You sir, or madame, or helicopter, are the absolute most hilarious and original person I have ever seen in my entire life. Move over, Jerry Seinfeld. Get lost, Brian Regan. Out of the way, Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation #53. There’s a new funniest man in town. Holy shit, I just can’t get over this joke. I’m giggling and guffawing harder than ever before. You should win an Oscar and an Emmy and a Grammy and a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award. Attack helicopter gender! Wow! So funny! Take that, liberals! Haha. Every night since I was born I have looked up to the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and wondered, “I hope one day I can be as funny as the attack helicopter gender guy.” I will tell my children, and my children’s children, all about the absolute hilarity that went down just now. You just broke the Guinness World Record for funniest and most original jokester on the planet. I’m fucking simultaneously shitting and cumming because this joke is just so funny. Holy shit. That was an amazing joke, my guy. I’m gonna make a subreddit dedicated entirely to this one joke. It’s gonna get thousands of members! History books will forever remember the time you said, “I identify as an attack helicopter.” It’ll go right there in the important quote book, right between Patrick Henry and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I just can’t believe I was here to witness such grandeur. I was here! I think I’m going to make a whole religion based on worshipping you, my glorious and hilarious attack helicopter God. This is just so funny I can’t believe it! Hahahahahahahahahaha! I think I’m going to go to the hospital and fucking die from laughing to hard, but that’s okay! This is even funnier than that guy who said he identified as a toaster! Can you believe it? I never thought that very different joke could be topped, but here we are! Did I mention how funny and original that joke was? Ah, well done, sir, or madame, or helicopter. This is an experience I won’t forget any time soon. Ha. Haha. Ha. Lol. Lmao. Haha. Jajaja. Lmfao. Rofl, rotfl, ha.
June 2021

Kripp and another language

twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

[This post is hidden]

twitchquotes: You must pay for the Social Media Package with your internet service provider to view this post. Package includes, but is not limited to: Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Reddit, Tumblr, and more. Offers start at $3.99 per month per household. Minimum one-year contract. Exclusions may apply. $15.99 activation fee per device. See site for details.
twitch chat
December 2017

Net Neutrality

We are sending you to India to marry your beautiful cousin

twitchquotes: Hello Michael, this is your mother. I write here to inform you that your father and I do not approve of your timewaste playing childrens game for the internet. Therefor we are sending you to India to marry your beautiful cousin Venkatanarasimharajuvaripeta and work as a train conductor..
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

GME bank consultation

Short story-time for amusement reasons only: some days ago, I went to my bank (Austria). I am the owner of quite a number of GME shares and my broker app is actually just the bank-intern bond trading app, where I need to pay transactional feed everytime I buy (what is sell?) GME shares. I informed myself about the reasoning of those transactional fees beforehand and found out that by paying them, I have the right of consultation by my bank about the shares they‘re trading/I‘m buying. So, I went to the main national building of my bank, they were really friendly at the beginning, enthustiatically, I mentioned GME to them and that I wish for professional consultation about the financial details involved with that stock (I am not a financial guy, actually, I don‘t exactly know what‘s going on, it‘s all pretty crazy to me). Suddenly, their posture and mimick changed pretty suddenly. I was told, they are not allowed to consult about GME. To my question, why this was the case, they told me, because GME is „too irrelevant for the big stock market“. They are „aware of the past short squeeze, but one should no longer focus on GME“. They acted as if GME was some „childish financial playground“ that should be forgotten about. When I confronted them with the huge recent naked short attacks and if they could explain to me possible effects of them if they were not covered, they just repeated themselves how „GME is not relevant, please focus on stocks like Apple or Amazon to be safe“. I left the bank, buying more GME shares.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

Kripps anguish in his expression is palpable

twitchquotes: Kripps anguish in his expression is palpable, his gray eyes burning. 'im going to CHUGGA,' he murmurs, his voice full of longing. I brace my self for his cold hard thrust. his ice lance pierces. As he presses closer, my breathing quickens. He has lethal, my body explodes.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

Interactive Game

twitchquotes: ( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮ Hey Kripp, here's an "interactive game" for you. ( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Hello Kripp, this is Juan Jose Manuel Torres Esteban Rodriguez Ochoa Martinez Lopez Jr

twitchquotes: нello ĸrιpp, jυan joѕé мanυel тorreѕ eѕтeвan rodrιgυez ocнoa мarтιnez lopez jr. нere. ι no lιĸe yoυr cнaт. pleaѕe ғrιendѕ, no мore ѕpaммerιno ιn cнaтerιno oĸ aмιgo? or elѕe ι нop вorderιno. no cappυccιno.
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

what's the Aura appeal?

twitchquotes: what's the Aura appeal? I have nothing against him personally, but I went to his stream twice and both times 12 year olds were spamming copy pastas and overlong donation messages
twitch chat
July 2020
Aurateur

We truly do live in a society

twitchquotes: I only have Joker art, because I'm so oppressed by society EZ I'm a fucking chad, me and joker are practically the same person, I relate to him so much. We both hate society and people. We both want to see the world burn. And we both think all women are lying bitches, no this is not because I don't have a gf, they all think me living in my mom's basement at 30 is cute! >:( We truly do live in a society.
twitch chat
July 2020

99% of y'all don't know what people going through

twitchquotes: R.I.P to that girl you called a slut in class today, she was a virgin. the pregnant girl walking down the street, she got raped. the boy you called lame he has to work to support his family. the girl you pushed down the other day, she's already being abused at home. the girl you called fat, she's starving herself. the boy you made fun of for crying, his mother is dying. think you know them? You have no idea... Guess what? 99% of y'all don't know what people going through
twitch chat
January 2019

Tote Vrump

twitchquotes: (⌐ ͡■ ͜ʖ ͡■) So kripp, decided to come back to hearthstone? Well too late. I will remember these past two days. Next year you'll beg... "Please vote for me, I'm Educational"... You know what I'll do? Tote Vrump (⌐ ͡■ ͜ʖ ͡■)
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

French word for grape is raisin

twitchquotes: you know whats strange about english, you guys have a word for dried grapes: raisins. but the strange thing is that in french the word grape is litteraly raisin, but we dont have a word for dried ones, we just say dried grapes but in French so raisin sec BUT THATS NOT EVEN THE THE CRAZY PART because do you know what we call a bunch of grape together? a GRAPPE so a bunch of grape in french is Grappe de raisins 🤔
twitch chat
May 2019

Grand Dragon Jebodiah Pasterino

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, this is the Grand Dragon of the KKK, Jebodiah Pasterino. I see you're wearing one of our signature white hoods. We at the KKK do not associate with casuals such as yourself. Please remove the hood or we will take legal action.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

That hunk of a man is an E-sports athlete?

twitchquotes: That hunk of a man, [insert Cyber sportsman here], is an E-sports athlete? Unbelievable. Kreygasm He could be a Calvin Klein model. Kreygasm Or a pro footballer with a ripped physique like that. Kreygasm That is by far the hottest Cyber sportsman to ever grace the esports industry. Kreygasm
twitch chat
October 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing