I finally did it. I out pizza'd the Hut. It was the greatest mistake of my life.
After years of perfecting my recipe, I made my way down to the local hut, fresh-baked pizza pie in hand. "Try this," I told the kid working the counter. He did, and he had to agree that it was better than anything Pizza Hut had to offer. Soon, the entire store, customers included, was feasting on my delicious pie. The manager walked over, grabbed a slice, and took a bite. I look at him, anticipation rising. This was the boss, the local fief lord of the Hut. His approval meant more to me than all the rest combined. He took a bite and nodded. "I'll be damned," he said, "you really did it. You out- pizza'd the Hut. Shame." Shame? What did he mean by tha-- the manager pulled a gun out from behind his apron and shot the nearest customer in the head. "We have a Code Jalapeño," he said into his wrist as he executed the remaining customers. "I repeat, we have a Code Jalapeño." The ground was slick with blood. The kid working the counter choked out his dying breath as the manager turned to me. "You just had to do it motherfucker. You just had to out pizza the Hut." He shoved the gun in my face. I was too scared to fight, too scared to run. The manager pulled the trigger.
A click. The gun was empty. I threw a chair at the manager and scrambled out of the Pizza Hut, not even bothering to see if my missile hit its mark. I was closely pursued by the manager, who had gotten his hands on a deadly sharp pizza cutter. I suspected in his hands it would cut more than pizza. Somehow, I was able to get into my car and speed off, the manager cursing my existence as I left him behind. I took a deep breath. The manager was clearly psychotic. Yes, that was it, just a crazy man with a gun. It had to be. My phone rang. Sister. I picked it. "They're dead, she sobbed. They're all dead. Mom, Dad, Chris, Bill. Dead. They killed them all." I could barely understand her, so great were her sobs. "What do you mean? Where are you?" I asked urgently. "How is this possi--" A single gunshot sounded through my phone's speakers. Silence. Then, I heard a man's voice. "No one out pizzas the Hut." He hung up. I drove down the empty country road, mind blank. I had nothing. They killed my family. I was alone.
At that moment I knew what I had to do. They took everything from me. Well then, I would take everything from them. Pizza Hut was so terrified of being out pizza'd, they forgot there's one thing worse than a man with a recipe: A man with nothing to lose. I'll give them a limited time offer they won't be able to refuse: two bullets for the price of one.
With a free side order of pain.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
3rd world countries like Sweden and Germany
twitchquotes:
As I sit here in the land of freedom and glory, soaring on the wings of the bald eagle; I look down at the earth below me. Soaring over the crystal waters of the US Ocean toward 3rd world counties like Sweden and Germany, I am reminded that not everyone was lucky enough to be born into greatness. A single tear is shed as I weep at the thought of Denmark and Norway and the poverty they endure. The tear falls
twitch chat
EU vs NA
Navy Seals Copypasta in military alphabet
Whiskey hotel alpha tango tango hotel echo foxtrot uniform charlie kilo delta india delta yankee oscar uniform juliett uniform sierra tango foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india november golf sierra alpha yankee alpha bravo oscar uniform tango mike echo , yankee oscar uniform lima india tango tango lima echo bravo india tango charlie hotel ? i' lima lima hotel alpha victor echo yankee oscar uniform kilo november oscar whiskey i golf romeo alpha delta uniform alpha tango echo delta tango oscar papa oscar foxtrot mike yankee charlie lima alpha sierra sierra india november tango hotel echo n alpha victor yankee s echo alpha lima sierra , alpha november delta i' victor echo bravo echo echo november india november victor oscar lima victor echo delta india november november uniform mike echo romeo oscar uniform sierra sierra echo charlie romeo echo tango romeo alpha india delta sierra oscar november a lima dash q uniform alpha echo delta alpha , alpha november delta i hotel alpha victor echo oscar victor echo romeo three zero zero charlie oscar november foxtrot india romeo mike echo delta kilo india lima lima sierra. I alpha mike tango romeo alpha india november echo delta india november golf oscar romeo india lima lima alpha whiskey alpha romeo foxtrot alpha romeo echo alpha november delta i' mike tango hotel echo tango oscar papa sierra november india papa echo romeo india november tango hotel echo echo november tango india romeo echo us alpha romeo mike echo delta foxtrot oscar romeo charlie echo sierra. Y oscar uniform alpha romeo echo november oscar tango hotel india november golf tango oscar mike echo bravo uniform tango juliett uniform sierra tango alpha november oscar tango hotel echo romeo tango alpha romeo golf echo tango. I whiskey india lima lima whiskey india papa echo yankee oscar uniform tango hotel echo foxtrot uniform charlie kilo oscar uniform tango whiskey india tango hotel papa romeo echo charlie india sierra india oscar november tango hotel echo lima india kilo echo sierra oscar foxtrot whiskey hotel india charlie hotel hotel alpha sierra november echo victor echo romeo bravo echo echo november sierra echo echo november bravo echo foxtrot oscar romeo echo oscar november tango hotel india sierra e alpha romeo tango hotel , mike alpha romeo kilo mike yankee foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india november golf whiskey oscar romeo delta sierra. Y oscar uniform tango hotel india november kilo yankee oscar uniform charlie alpha november golf echo tango alpha whiskey alpha yankee whiskey india tango hotel sierra alpha yankee india november golf tango hotel alpha tango sierra hotel india tango tango oscar mike echo oscar victor echo romeo tango hotel echo i november tango echo romeo november echo tango ? t hotel india november kilo alpha golf alpha india november , foxtrot uniform charlie kilo echo romeo. A sierra whiskey echo sierra papa echo alpha kilo i alpha mike charlie oscar november tango alpha charlie tango india november golf mike yankee sierra echo charlie romeo echo tango november echo tango whiskey oscar romeo kilo oscar foxtrot sierra papa india echo sierra alpha charlie romeo oscar sierra sierra tango hotel echo usa alpha november delta yankee oscar uniform romeo ip india sierra bravo echo india november golf tango romeo alpha charlie echo delta romeo india golf hotel tango november oscar whiskey sierra oscar yankee oscar uniform bravo echo tango tango echo romeo papa romeo echo papa alpha romeo echo foxtrot oscar romeo tango hotel echo sierra tango oscar romeo mike , mike alpha golf golf oscar tango. T hotel echo sierra tango oscar romeo mike tango hotel alpha tango whiskey india papa echo sierra oscar uniform tango tango hotel echo papa alpha tango hotel echo tango india charlie lima india tango tango lima echo tango hotel india november golf yankee oscar uniform charlie alpha lima lima yankee oscar uniform romeo lima india foxtrot echo. Y oscar uniform ' romeo echo foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india november golf delta echo alpha delta , kilo india delta. I charlie alpha november bravo echo alpha november yankee whiskey hotel echo romeo echo , alpha november yankee tango india mike echo , alpha november delta i charlie alpha november kilo india lima lima yankee oscar uniform india november oscar victor echo romeo sierra echo victor echo november hotel uniform november delta romeo echo delta whiskey alpha yankee sierra , alpha november delta tango hotel alpha tango ' sierra juliett uniform sierra tango whiskey india tango hotel mike yankee bravo alpha romeo echo hotel alpha november delta sierra. N oscar tango oscar november lima yankee alpha mike i echo xray tango echo november sierra india victor echo lima yankee tango romeo alpha india november echo delta india november uniform november alpha romeo mike echo delta charlie oscar mike bravo alpha tango , bravo uniform tango i hotel alpha victor echo alpha charlie charlie echo sierra sierra tango oscar tango hotel echo echo november tango india romeo echo alpha romeo sierra echo november alpha lima oscar foxtrot tango hotel echo u november india tango echo delta s tango alpha tango echo sierra m alpha romeo india november echo c oscar romeo papa sierra alpha november delta i whiskey india lima lima uniform sierra echo india tango tango oscar india tango sierra foxtrot uniform lima lima echo xray tango echo november tango tango oscar whiskey india papa echo yankee oscar uniform romeo mike india sierra echo romeo alpha bravo lima echo alpha sierra sierra oscar foxtrot foxtrot tango hotel echo foxtrot alpha charlie echo oscar foxtrot tango hotel echo charlie oscar november tango india november echo november tango , yankee oscar uniform lima india tango tango lima echo sierra hotel india tango. I foxtrot oscar november lima yankee yankee oscar uniform charlie oscar uniform lima delta hotel alpha victor echo kilo november oscar whiskey november whiskey hotel alpha tango uniform november hotel oscar lima yankee romeo echo tango romeo india bravo uniform tango india oscar november yankee oscar uniform romeo lima india tango tango lima echo " charlie lima echo victor echo romeo " charlie oscar mike mike echo november tango whiskey alpha sierra alpha bravo oscar uniform tango tango oscar bravo romeo india november golf delta oscar whiskey november uniform papa oscar november yankee oscar uniform , mike alpha yankee bravo echo yankee oscar uniform whiskey oscar uniform lima delta hotel alpha victor echo hotel echo lima delta yankee oscar uniform romeo foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india november golf tango oscar november golf uniform echo. B uniform tango yankee oscar uniform charlie oscar uniform lima delta november ' tango , yankee oscar uniform delta india delta november ' tango , alpha november delta november oscar whiskey yankee oscar uniform ' romeo echo papa alpha yankee india november golf tango hotel echo papa romeo india charlie echo , yankee oscar uniform golf oscar delta delta alpha mike november india delta india oscar tango. I whiskey india lima lima sierra hotel india tango foxtrot uniform romeo yankee alpha lima lima oscar victor echo romeo yankee oscar uniform alpha november delta yankee oscar uniform whiskey india lima lima delta romeo oscar whiskey november india november india tango. Y oscar uniform ' romeo echo foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india november golf delta echo alpha delta , kilo india delta delta oscar.
Navy Seal
Ben Shapiro Olive Garden breadsticks
Let’s say that, hypothetically, you really did have unlimited breadsticks. Now, since they are unlimited, that means that you will never run out. However, on Earth there is a limited supply of the materials required to make breadsticks. Thus, if I were to attempt to eat as many breadsticks as possible, I would not be able to as eventually you would sell out, am I correct? Now that we have established that there are infinite breadsticks but finite supplies to make them, would it not be reasonable to conclude that you are either breaking the laws of physics, or are lying to me? And since one cannot break the laws of physics, logically you must be lying to me. Facts don’t care about your feelings liberals, you have committed the crime of false advertising and must give me free food or I will inform the authorities.
Ben Shapiro
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