[Copypasta] I’m struggling to accept religious people as human (/r/atheism parody)

This has been growing in me for a while, but the more I see what’s going on in africa and the middle east, and all the bullshit around the world in the name of religion, I’ve gotten to a point where I’m looking at all religious people as not even human. I don’t know if I quite see them as livestock or wild animals or whatever, but it’s pretty close to it. I still don’t understand why people say to respect other people’s religious beliefs. I certainly don’t. I actually think religious beliefs should be mocked, ripped apart, criticized relentlessly, and actually probably be made illegal. I hope to see a future where believers are looked at as mentally ill and mentally retarded, who need to be locked up and treated, or sent to jail. I’m just so disgusted by all of them.
June 2021
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How do I get my husband to stop going ‘Goblin Mode’ during sex?

How do I get my husband to stop going ‘Goblin Mode’ during sex? TLDR; My husband says ‘Goblin Mode activated’ when we start to have sex, growls and acts like a caveman, and then says ‘Goblin Mode off’ when we stop, and then pretends not to remember afterward. I really love my husband and he’s always been great in bed. But recently he’s been acting really weird. So, a couple of days ago, my son went on a rampage through our house and said he was in ‘Goblin Mode’. We didn’t really know what to do with him, so we sent him to live with my parents so he can go to a special needs school. My husband a really great relationship with our son and loved him more than anything. Naturally, he was upset when he had to leave. He’s an incredibly tough man, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen him cry. I think since then, he’s been a little emotionally unwell. I’ve heard him muttering, ‘Goblin’ repeatedly when he didn’t notice me, staring blankly into his food, and just going alone by himself to do who knows what. I feel awful for him, but we both agreed that this was for the best. Last night, the day after our son went away, we decided to have sex to relieve our stress. However, my husband said ‘Goblin Mode activated’, starting growling, and went wild having sex with me. Admittedly, it was some of the best and most experimental sex I’ve ever had, but I’m worried that something might be going on with my husband. Any advice? Edit: The problem isn’t the ‘Goblin Mode’, it’s that he could be ill
July 2022

Confessions

Classic

Half Life 3

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠴⠋⠹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠈ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⢼⡃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣿⣿⣿⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⣷⠀⠀⠀⢀ ⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠙⠓⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⣾ ⡏⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⣰⡆⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣇⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣏⣀⣀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠈⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
May 2021

Deez Nuts

⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣤⣤⡄⠀⣤⣤⣤⣤⠀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠈⢻⣧⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⠀⠀⣿⠛⠛⠓⠀⠀⣠⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⢀⣀⣾⠏⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡄⠀⢸⣿⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠛⠛⢻⡟⠛⠋⣴⡟⠋⠛⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠘⣿⡄⢸⣿⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠙⢿⣦⣄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠈⢿⣾⣿⠀⢸⣇⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣷ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⠀⠀⠈⠿⠿⠀⠈⠻⠶⠶⠾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠸⠇⠀⠀⠻⠶⠶⠿⠃
April 2022

So I’m an AMC shareholder

So I’m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I can’t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now I’m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

A physicist called Octavian

twitchquotes: The year is 2027. A physicist called Octavian has created the first inter-dimensional portal capable of exploring alternate galaxies. "Finally, I have done it..." he says as he steps into the portal. He enters a room where he sees himself giving a "Brofist" to his computer. His only reaction: " FailFish ".
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing