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Imagine this: You're watching the new Nintendo Direct. As it begins you hope to see the new smash reveal, and are hoping you get the character you so desperately wanted, whether it's Crash Bandicoot or Sora. The trailer begins with the classic smash opening. As you watch the trailer, you begin to feel hope that your dream may have come true. But then, at the part where the character is revealed, you hear a bus horn, and wonder "Is it coming from outside?" But no. It's from the trailer. You watch a manly figure drop out of the sky, landing gracefully in front of the characters he is about to defeat. It gazes upon his sharp-bladed pickaxe, his luxurious blond hair, and his shining silver dog tags. As the sun fades away, you finally see who it really was: It was Jonesy from Fortnite. It's a long shot, I know. But imagine.

WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS NOT A SELL-OFF. Melvin Capital is going to throw a lot of tricks at us that will make it look like the stock is dropping. Don't fall for it. Do not sell if you see any of these things happen: GME drops by 30% or more after hours SEC filings show that shorts have all exited their positions GME drops below $1 a share The Gamestop locations near you start closing GME files for bankruptcy GME is delisted from the stock exchange Your bank forecloses on your home for late payment Your children have children of their own who grow up and become investment bankers and tell you that you should stop telling people you're "diamond handing" a company that went out of business 30 years ago These are classic hedge fund tricks.

Hey! I noticed you are fucking retarded Hey! I noticed you are fucking retarded. I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Saying the most unfunny shit is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Fucking dumbass, mentally challenged retards do that and, you don’t want to be seen as a spastic little schizo, do you? If I catch you using shitty memes in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a report to a mental hospital. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin with, i know your white little ass is gonna get raped in there, and you don’t want that to happen. Also everyone is going to see your shriveled up balls dangling as a big black man named Requis fucks the shit out of you. If you were to continue the use of retarded wording, I would be forced to personally come and beat the shit out of your little tranny faggit ass. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to pay a hobo to stab you to death with a razor blade. I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that. But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on the server! Have a blessed (and hopefully retarded free) day, stranger.

I wore a mask at Target today. Three of my lungs collapsed as I got carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing in my own bacteria. A brave patriot wearing an Affliction shirt, a MAGA hat, and sweet wrap around sunglasses saved me by giving me CPR. I thanked him and asked if he was a doctor and he said "who needs doctors when we have our fellow Americans, the ones who are here legally I mean." I hugged him and threw my mask on the ground. The Star Spangled Banner played on the speaker system as everyone in the store ripped off their masks and threw them on the ground, chanting "down with communism!" God, Jesus, and all the angels looked down upon us from Heaven and clapped.

Imagine being Bill Gates right now. You spend 30 years of your life and $50 billion of your own dollars supporting humanitarian causes. You directly save hundreds of thousands of lives in South East Asia by providing anti malaria netting to half of a continent, you drop infant mortality rates throughout the entire developing world by funding vaccine programs including vaccinating 40,000,000 children for polio, and, amongst a plethora of philanthropic endeavors, you fund free educational platforms like Khan Academy so people can have free access to high quality education. Then after donating half of your wealth to charity and pledging 90% of the remainder to charity in your will.. Arguably doing more to better life on earth for humanity than any other human being to ever live. You then hop on the internet only to find a million scientifically illiterate fucking imbeciles that are using the very computers you pretty much invented in the first place to call you a child murdering arch villian antichrist because they watched a YouTube video made by some other yokel with the comprehension of a fucking potato.

Trump wins the election by one vote. He tries to find out who the last vote was. It was Biden. He then says to Biden “after all this you still voted for me?” Trump then changes his vote to Biden which then makes it a tie. They both get very emotional. Biden then leans in and makes out with trump on national television. They run away and live the rest of their lives together. Which leaves Kanye west as the 46th president of the United States.