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Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin. Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time. I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.

I was only nine years old. I loved Morbius so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Morbius every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Morbius is love", I would say, “Morbius is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Morbius. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Morbius. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, “It’s morbin time". He grabs me with his powerful morby hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Morbius. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Morbius. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Morbius. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Morbius looks him straight in the eye, and says, "Get morbed". Morbius leaves through my window. Morbius is love. Morbius is life.

This leads to the very mysterious question: "Who asked?" Well, to understand the question, we have to understand the answer: So this very particular question is asking about who asked, the question is divided into two parts: Who & asked "Who" is what is called an "Interrogative word" which specifies the answer to make it suitable for the question, the "Who" here is specifying a person/human/homo sapiens/guy which has a brain to think about the surrounding stuff which surrounds him, which distinguishes the person/human/homo sapiens/guy from animals, plants, extraterrestrial creatures, or objects, so the answer should be as I said in the abstract: A human. Second: "asked" is a verb in the second condition of the forms of the verb, which are divided into three types: Regular, Past, or Past participle. and the verb "asked" is in the "Past" condition, which talks about the time that is gone and no longer exists. The original form of this particular verb is "ask", which is to say something in order to obtain an answer or some information. So, to summon what the answer wants from the previous two points, it's that: The answer wants to understand and know about the person/human/homo sapiens/guy who wanted to say something in order to obtain an answer or some information. So, in order to answer this question, we will have to identify two points: First: What was the question that the subject of the answer to the question "Who asked?" asked? Well, to understand this question, we will NOT have to understand what is the answer. We will just have to understand the definition of "Question" The "Question" is A sentence worded or expressed so as to elicit information. Questions could be identified using the "Interrogative Words", which we talked about earlier. these "Interrogative Words" are nine, which are: Who, What, Where, Why, Which, When, Whose, Whom, and How. We are going to explain each individually: As we said earlier: "Who" is specifying a person/human/homo sapiens/guy who has a brain to think about the surrounding stuff which surrounds him, which distinguishes the person/human/homo sapiens/guy from animals, plants, extraterrestrial creatures, or objects, so the answer should be as I said in the abstract: A human. "What" is specifying a non-person/non-human/non-homo sapiens/non-guy who either does not have a brain that he can understand and think properly with, like plants, or objects, or they have a brain, either that their brains cannot understand and think properly, like animals, or their brain can understand and think properly, but their species/type is rather different from the society, like extraterrestrial creatures, so the answer should be as I said in the abstract: A(n) animal, plant, extraterrestrial creature, or object. "Where" is specifying a place, city, country, continent, etc. where something happens, or some(one/person/human/homo sapiens/guy), plant, animal, extraterrestrial creature or object which exists in a place, city, country, continent, etc. "Why" is specifying a reason for doing something. "Which" is specifying a choice of either two or more choices that the receiver of the question usually chooses. "When" is specifying a time in which either something already happened, or something will happen in either near, or far future, for example: "When will anyone save me as I was captured by MatPat for trying to comment a joke about his video?" "Whose" is specifying a person/human/homo sapiens/guy who has a brain to think about the surrounding stuff which surrounds him, which distinguishes the person/human/homo sapiens/guy from animals, plants, extraterrestrial creatures, or objects, and that person/human/homo sapiens/guy owns something, or someone ( if he is a human trafficker ), and the sender of the question is trying to find who owns that something, or someone. "Whom" is an old-fashioned term, not often used today. Many native English speakers are less than clear about its accurate use. In fact, the word serves the same purpose as "Who" questions, which as we said: specifies a person/human/homo sapiens/guy who has a brain to think about the surrounding stuff which surrounds him, which distinguishes the person/human/homo sapiens/guy from animals, plants, extraterrestrial creatures, or objects, so the answer should be as I said in the abstract: A human, but tends to be used when it is the object of the verb. With modern English, there is no real need to use the term. "How" could be referring to the way something is done or refers to the status of the receiver of the question. Now, let's get back to where we were talking: Questions can be different, and many, and the possibility of guessing the question could be high or low according to the frequency of using it, but guessing a question which was asked for the first time is very difficult, so, it is not specific what was the question that the subject of the answer to the question "Who asked?" asked. Second: What is the purpose of the question "Who asked?"? Well, it could be referring to roasting someone as the humor of "No one asked.", and it could be referring to actually asking a question about who asked the question. So, here's the answer to the question "Who asked?": It could be anyone who made something unlikely for the others or someone who asked a question which could be a hint to treasure, or a last "sentence" from somebody, or something else. (s)He could be you. (s)He could be me. (s)He could be Elon Musk. (s)He could be even your mom. as long as they have made something unlikely for the others or they have asked a question which could be a hint to treasure, or a last "sentence" from somebody, or something else.

A PROTESTOR STOOD UP AGAINST POLICE BRUTALITY IN LEGO CITY START THE UNMARKED POLICE VAN HEY! BUILD THE UNMARKED VAN AND OFF TO THE KIDNAPPING PREPARE THE INFANTRY, OPEN THE BACK DOOR AND MAKE THE UNLAWFUL ARREST THE NEW MILITARIZED POLICE COLLECTION FROM LEGO CITY

Happy 🦃 Thanksgiving 🦃! Guess what 😯❓it’s that time ⏰ of year 🗓 to gobble 🦃 gobble 🦃 gobble 🦃 up ⬆️ those dicks 🍆 chicks 🐥 and bicks 🤨 (big dicks) 🍆😫😫😫😫 I bet 😏 you’re all 😤😤😤 HORNY-copia 🌽 🥔🥕🌶🍆♋️👀👉👌 for SKANKS-giving 🤪😔🤤🤤😃😁😁 you’ll be saying 💬 thanks 🙏 for giving me all 😫 this 😫 COCK 🥳🥳🥳🥳 send this to 🔟 of your thiccest sluts with those hot 🥵 hot 🔥 tasty 🤤😋 peach pies 🥧 🍑 😏😏 if you know 🤔 what I mean ☺️😘😋 if you get 1️⃣ back 🙄🤬😡 then you and that slut 🤤🤤🤤😫😫😫 have to appropriate Native American culture together 😔🪶🏕 if you get 3️⃣ back 😈🤑 you’re going to get your turkey 🦃 eaten 😋😋😉😉😏 tomorrow night 😱😱😱😱 if you get 5️⃣ back 👀👀 you will be eating your cousin’s 👶🏻 peach 🍑 pie 🥧 just like you’ve always 💯💯💯wanted 😋🤤🥵 if you get 7️⃣ back 🛶 you’ll become 😲😲 a pilgrim 🎩👞 and be the villain 🦹‍♀️ of American 🇺🇸 history 📖📕📚 😔😔😔 if you get all 1️⃣0️⃣ back 🤯😱🤯😱🤯😱🤯 you’ll be feasting 🤤😏 this thanksgiving 👀👀 in more ways than one 😫😏👀🚼💘 okay you sexy 😇 sexy 😈 gobbling turkey poos 🦃🦃🦃 it’s time ⏰ for me to go ➡️ atone 🤣for the sins ✝️ 😔of my ancestors💀💀💀👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼🤰🏼🤱🏼👩‍👧🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

Did you ever hear the tragedy of the man who fell into the river in Lego city? I thought not. It's not a story the Playmobils would tell you. It's a LEGO legend. Man Lego was a Dark Lord of building, so powerful and so wise he could use the bricks to influence the constructions to create rescue helicopters… He had such a knowledge of building that he could even keep the ones he cared about from falling. The dark side of the LEGOs is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice threw him into the river in LEGO city. Ironic. He could rescue others from the river, but not himself.

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

It seems like the more I (13 M) play Amongus, the more my family tries to embaras me. The other day, I overheard my dad (49 M) say that he needed to "complete tasks" while working at home😯🤬 don't worry it gets worse. Then I hear my Mom (42 F) say that the amount of time I spend on my computer is "suspiscios." Ummm ok so (#1) ur too good to say "sus" 🤔 and (#2) u dont even play amogus??? 😂😂😂. Even my moms work friend (28 M or somthing idk) came over yesterday to "look at her vents" I'm not even making this up 🙄🙄🙄 But then the worse part😑 every sunday my granpa (69 M) comes over. He reminisces about his "Crewmates" from his Navy days and apparently a few of them died so u cry about it at dinner? Just start a new game FFS 😆 but he's lying so uhhh we get it bro: u just want attention 😯😅🤣 The problem is NONE of them even Play Omungus. How do i tell em that being a poser is a cringe Brie Larson unholesome Black History Month anti-chungus move?

Using my alt account because of personal reasons. So anyway, I[69M(literally)] am a high government official of a country with a strong military. Anyway, I am clinically diagnosed with Invasiontia[for anyone who doesn't know it's meaning, it basically means my mind forces me to invade countries, very few people are diagnosed with it(like Adolf Hitler), so i guess it makes me quirky uwu], so i really can't be the one to blame. I do what i like, usually, but people often judge me for living my life on my own terms. My distant relative, who has a history of playing fortnite and being antivax, being a furry, pedophile, and being a baby yoda hater called me today and abused me verbally, and told me what i was doing was wrong. I was heartbroken by their words. Not only that, Emily[She/They 13 diagnosed with 255 mental illnesses] made a really mean tweet against me today. She compared me to Hitler (I know Hitler and I have the same mental illness, but it doesn't mean I am as much of an asshole like he is, right?). All this negativity is severely affecting my mental health(i come from a country where mental health isn't given a lot of importance and also my country isn't very supportive of gay people), and i am now contemplating suicide by shooting myself in the head. Everyone thinks i am an asshole, what do you think reddit? AITA?

Hello everyone, concerned father here. Recently my 7 year old son discovered the video game “Among Us” after playing it on his computer. While i didn’t mind at first, it soon began to affect his character. Within a week, he had been screaming 'sus’ in his sleep. When asked to do his homework, he called me a stupid father and said ‘kicked’. His grades have been dropping heavily since that day and whenever i refuse to give him my credit card for cosmetics he threatens me saying he’ll “eject” me. Yesterday I entered his room to witness him listening to extremely loud rave 'Among Drip’, he put a bunch of pillows in his shirt to make himself look big and now calls himself a “crewmate”. He refuses to go to bible study unless we use “vent” to get there. I don’t know what that is but he refuses to take any form of transportation except that. Please I am so concerned, what do I do?

I just nutted to your comment. # FAQ ## What does this mean? The amount of cum (semen) on my phone and Reddit phone has increased by one. ## Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of cum. These include, but are not limited to: • ⁠you being a femboy, • ⁠Spreading sti infections, • ⁠Sarcasm correctly flagged with a /s. ## Am I banned from the Reddit? No. But you should make comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to not cum. ## I don't believe my comment deserved a nut. Can you un-nut to it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a nut. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot your nut on me. I tend to respond to Being shot with nut within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of nut appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception. ## How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the nut and move on. your behavior will be nutted to on Reddit.com. I will continue to nut until you stop being so hot 😩 Remember: I’m horny uwu

Let’s say that, hypothetically, you really did have unlimited breadsticks. Now, since they are unlimited, that means that you will never run out. However, on Earth there is a limited supply of the materials required to make breadsticks. Thus, if I were to attempt to eat as many breadsticks as possible, I would not be able to as eventually you would sell out, am I correct? Now that we have established that there are infinite breadsticks but finite supplies to make them, would it not be reasonable to conclude that you are either breaking the laws of physics, or are lying to me? And since one cannot break the laws of physics, logically you must be lying to me. Facts don’t care about your feelings liberals, you have committed the crime of false advertising and must give me free food or I will inform the authorities.