[Copypasta] An exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke

Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin. Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time. I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.
April 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

HELLO

twitchquotes: ᕕ┌◕ᗜ◕┐ᕗ HELLO HELLO HELLO ᕕ┌◕ᗜ◕┐ᕗ
twitch chat
December 2014
strifecro

How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022

Attention all Smash Bros Gamers

twitchquotes: Attention all Smash Bros Gamers, Kirby is in great danger, and he needs YOUR help to save all the innocent characters murdered and possessed by Galeem. To do this, he needs a Warp Star and a couple of Maximum Tomatoes. To help him, all he needs is your credit card number, the three numbers on the back, and the expiration month and date. But you gotta be quick so that Kirby can secure the Spirits, and save billions of video game characters you know and love!
twitch chat
December 2018

Super Smash Bros

Shrug

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠴⠒⠒⠲⠤⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⢚⣂⡀⠈⠲⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡎⡴⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢎⠐⢟⡇⠀⠈⢣⣠⠞⠉⠉⠑⢄⠀⠀⣰⠋⡯⠗⣚⣉⣓⡄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⢠⢞⠉⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠓⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢧⠀⢹⣠⠕⠘⢧⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠘⠮⠔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣇⠀⢳⠀⠀⠘⡆⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡴⠋⠉⠓⠦⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⢦⠤⠤⠖⠋⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡄⠈⡇⠀⠀⢹⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠈⣆⠀⠀⠀⢱⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠁⠀⠀⠸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠳⠃⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⢏⠉⢳⡀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⠀⠑⠤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⠚⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠁⠀ ⠀⠀⣀⣤⡞⠓⠉⠁⠀⢳⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠙⠦⣤⣀⣀⡤⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⣰⠗⠒⣚⠀⢀⡤⠚⠉⢳⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⡧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠸⠵⡾⠋⠉⠉⡏⠀⠀⠀⠈⠣⣀⣳⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠁⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠓⠲⠤⠤⠤⠴⠚⠁⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
July 2022
Text-to-Speech Playing