[Copypasta] An exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke

Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin. Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time. I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.
April 2022
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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His name was Norman Reedus

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. Iโ€™ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but weโ€™d always threaten to move tables so heโ€™d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Likeโ€ฆeven after class weโ€™d ask him about that stuff and be like โ€œdude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,โ€ and heโ€™d always look at us like we were crazy and say โ€œwhat the hell are you talking about?โ€ Iโ€™ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
April 2021

Deserverinos my Bestest Doritorinos

twitchquotes: สœแด‡สŸสŸแด แด›สœษชs ษชs ส€แดสŸสŸแด€ษดแด… sแดษชแด›สœ แด„ส€แด‡แด€แด›แดส€ แดา“ แด…แดส€ษชแด›แดs sแด˜แด‡แด€แด‹ษชษดษข า“ส€แดแด ษขส€แด€แด แด‡. ษช แด„แดแดแด‡ แด›แด sแด€ส แด›สœษชs แดแด€ษด แด…แด‡sแด‡ส€แด แด‡ส€ษชษดแดs แดส ส™แด‡sแด›แด‡sแด› แด…แดส€ษชแด›แดส€ษชษดแดs, ษช แด›สœษชษดแด‹ แด›สœแด€แด›s สœแดแดก แด›แดกษชแด›แด„สœ แด„สœแด€แด› แดœษดแด…แด‡ส€sแด›แด€ษดแด…แด‡ส€ษชษดแดs แดส แดแด‡ssแด€ษขแด‡ส€ษชษดแด. แดสœ แด€ษดแด… แดส™สŸษชษขแด€แด›แดส€ส แด˜สŸs ษดแด แด„แดแด˜ส แด˜แด€sแด›แด€ส€ษชษดแด.
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July 2014
imaqtpie

I love Carl from Brawl Stars

Guys, Iโ€™m literally detecting seismic activity. I never wanted to rock with anyone more than I want to with Carl. That perfect, chiseled body. Those bountiful hills. The majestic mountains of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I'll never rock with him, pass my sediment through him, and have him birth a set of perfect hot springs. I'd do fricking ANYTHING for the chance to get Carlโ€™s rocks off. A N Y T H I N G. And the fact that I can't is quite honestly too much to fricking bear. Why would Supercell create something so perfect? To fricking tantalize us? Fricking laugh in our faces?! Honestly guys, I just fricking can't anymore. Frick.
December 2020

Muffet from Undertale

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘ โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
March 2016

Eggplants appear after every word

twitchquotes: Guys ๐Ÿ† I ๐Ÿ† Was ๐Ÿ† On ๐Ÿ† Pornhub ๐Ÿ† And ๐Ÿ† I ๐Ÿ† Clicked ๐Ÿ† On ๐Ÿ† A ๐Ÿ† Link ๐Ÿ† That ๐Ÿ† Said ๐Ÿ† Local ๐Ÿ† Milfs ๐Ÿ† In ๐Ÿ† My ๐Ÿ† Area ๐Ÿ† And ๐Ÿ† Now ๐Ÿ† Eggplants ๐Ÿ† Appear ๐Ÿ† After ๐Ÿ† Every ๐Ÿ† Word ๐Ÿ† . ๐Ÿ† What ๐Ÿ† Do ๐Ÿ† I ๐Ÿ† Do ๐Ÿ†? ๐Ÿ†
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August 2019

Emoji Pasta

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