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I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today

I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine caused my the impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of New Jersey to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions.
August 2021

Hey guys I'll be playing HS today

twitchquotes: BrokeBack Hey guys I'll be playing HS today BrokeBack Watch as I play children cards and whine about RNG for 6 hours BrokeBack How fun and interactive! BrokeBack Please join the 5 dollar club for more amazing content BrokeBack
twitch chat
August 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

​​I've seen Tenz play, he doesn't even use a monitor

twitchquotes: ​​I've seen Tenz play, he doesn't even use a monitor. He visualizes the map in a detailed rendering, completely in his mind. He has a biological wallhack; his godlike perception highlights all enemies within light-years. His eyes are closed as his mouse gracefully swerves across the table, making immaculate twitches as he flicks from head to head. The bullets that escape his gun barrel are surgical; each making a deadly strike in between his opponent's eyes. His spray control is otherworldly, his crosshair erratically jolting across the screen as his wrist muscles perfectly predict the next bullet's location. Time literally stops as he peeks, sunlight curving as his trigger finger impacts his left mouse button, sending enemies to a digital shadow realm before they even know what happened. He is un-killable. He is undefeatable. This "man" is the epitome of eternal.
twitch chat
June 2021
TenZ

Valorant

Same

twitchquotes: The time was 1:53 AM. This is the last game of my plat promos. The season will end in 7 minutes. We're down by bot turret with our team as we push our lead. I see Scott rolling in as Rammus, traveling at a speed that would put Sonic himself to shame. His words echo through my $5 earbuds. "I'M GOING IN!" I pause to take in the world around me. I can do anything right now. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual limits no longer apply to me. I gather the strength in my forefinger as I slowly lift it over my R key. I say...no, I yell, with the ferocity of a million suns, the single word that could be heard around the world. "Same!" Galio prepares himself before leaping into the air, and delivering a devastating blow to the enemies' backline. We did it. The enemy team retreats back into their low elo. I was platinum. With a farewell to Scott for his outstanding work, I drag myself to my bed, ready to fall asleep. My phone chimes. Checking the notifications, I saw only one. A text from Clown9 Sneaky. The message brought a tear to my eye. The message simply read: “I’m proud of you.” Now very emotional, I typed a reply. "Same."
twitch chat
July 2020
Sneaky

League of Legends

Twitch Chat Examination Team

twitchquotes: Hello this is the Twitch Chat Examination Team here with anther experiment. We are testing how quickly a message typed into chat is copied and pasted by the mindless hordes. Please, if you're reading this, spread awareness for our cause.
twitch chat
March 2015
imaqtpie
I used to be a real ad

Absolutely appalled at it, 12 mins or so of pure shit

December 2020

Belle Delphine

Useless Spotify ad

twitchquotes: Thanks for listening to Spotify. No, really. You could've listened to the radio. You could've spun some vinyl. You could've played a cassette tape. You could've listened to an eight track tape, if you knew what an eight track tape looked like. But you listened to Spotify. Thanks for that. And you still have hundreds of more playlists to enjoy
twitch chat
May 2020

Kappa clap

twitchquotes: Kappa //
twitch chat
May 2017

Kripp will baby rage no matter the game!

twitchquotes: Hearthstone? BabyRage Artifact? BabyRage it's all the same! BabyRage Kripp will baby rage BabyRage no matter the game! BabyRage
twitch chat
December 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

neverlucky

Artifact

Just hit gold and I feel really dangerous IRL

twitchquotes: Last night I hit Gold rank in League of Legends, Summoner's Rift for the first time. Today, when I went on my walk to my standard retail job, idk I felt like I had this new edge to me that wasn't there before. I went from a triangle to a square pretty much. Have any other LoL overachievers ever felt this way before? It's like my rank is strapped to my waist and now whenever people are at risk of passing me on the sidewalk, they skirt over to the other side in a tizzy. At work, someone tried to shoplift some Almond Joy. When I caught him, I yelled "hey!" And he looked at me and scoffed, like, "whatever dude, don't be a hero." I put a hand on my hip and said "I'm not a hero, I'm a jungler." He dropped the candy bar and ran to his getaway vehicle. I recorded the plate and called the police.
twitch chat
January 2020

League of Legends

Waiting for adblock to be disabled

This is why I say the LCS has been going downhill

twitchquotes: This is why I say the LCS has been going downhill. They bring a TFT player onto the analyst desk for a summoner's rift game. He clearly has no idea what's going on. "Scarra" is it? Has anyone heard of this guy?
twitch chat
August 2019
Riot Games

League of Legends

15 camels

twitchquotes: Hey Forsen, this Ali Muhammed from ISIS camp in Syria. Because you played that Skrillex song defiling our god we will now bomb your home unless you pay us 15 camels.
twitch chat
January 2015
Forsen

AITA for wanting to play Fortnite?

My mum (82F) told me (12M) to do the dishes (16) but I (12M) was too busy playing Fortnite (3 kills) so I (12M) grabbed my controller (DualShock 4) and threw it at her (138kph). She fucking died, and I (12M) went to prison (18 years). While in prison I (12M) incited several riots (3) and assumed leadership of a gang responsible for smuggling drugs (cocaine) into the country. I (12M) also ordered the assassination of several celebrities (Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and Jeffrey Epstein) and planned a terrorist attack (9/11). Reddit, AITA?
March 2021

Fortnite

Am I The Asshole?

I've never even heard or seen moonmoon

twitchquotes: I've never even heard or seen moonmoon but I really hope he isn't as bad as his dumbfuck subs are. I know I'm generalizing but I don't really care, the past few days that I've had to see moonmoon subs spam their same stupid fucking copypasta has been the worst chat experience I have ever had to witness, waving around the 5 dollars they got for doing chores around the house once, trying so hard to fit into their smeg xD spamming clique, it's honestly so obnoxious I want to drink bleach right now.
twitch chat
June 2017
MOONMOON

XQC's chat makes me sick

twitchquotes: Don't you guys feel any embarrassment? Being trash in chat and in TTS all day and being full of shit while XQC is trying to give us juicer content? A lot of you guys are a disgrace to me and to others who're trying to enjoy the stream. You people make me sick
twitch chat
June 2020
xQcOW
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

It's not gay if it's ANIME

twitchquotes: IT'S KappaPride NOT KappaPride GAY KappaPride IF KappaPride IT'S KappaPride ANIME KappaPride
twitch chat
July 2017

KappaPride

Solo is one of my favorite Star Wars movies

twitchquotes: Action-packed, fast-paced while exploring deeper themes of oppression, power, and values... what's not to love?! Solo is personally one of my favorite Star Wars movies. Plenty of throwbacks to the old films while offering some foreshadowing. [$0.25 deposited in your PayPal™. Remember to delete this part before posting]
twitch chat
September 2018

sellout

I'm better than professional valorant players

Wait, these are PROFESSIONAL valorant players? I'm better than all of them and I'm in bronze. I purposely empty my vandal clip down to 1 bullet because I kill all my opponents with 1 tap ease. Tenz looks like he could use some lessons from me directly. I'm bronze by the way.
August 2021

Valorant

LS, aka "Life Support"

twitchquotes: LS, aka "Life Support", is a dying streamer for CLG and a commentator for the LCK that is often ridiculed for playing the same 5 songs every stream and questionable tft game knowledge. He is specifically known for his varus one trick pony in low gold korean tft solo-queue.
twitch chat
July 2019
imls

League of Legends

I used to be a real ad

if SINATRAA and my girl both drowning (valorant)

twitchquotes: if SINATRAA👽and my girl👧😍 both drowning 😱 👋 and I can only save one😤😬Catch me at the Ascent B site🚪🔴 with my boy on phoenix 🌈🕰
twitch chat
June 2021
sinatraa

Valorant

Text-to-Speech Playing