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Stimulus talks going well in 2946

The year is 2946, Robot Mitch McConnel and Cyborg Nancy Pelosi report stimulus talks going well. The Dow rewards them and hits 6.02 x 1023.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

A dirty joke from the 1400s...

A dirty joke from the 1400s... In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.” From “The Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini
May 2022
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This message legally certifies that I was here

twitchquotes: This message marks my place as a viewer at this moment, and hereby certifies that I "was here" for any and all subsequent significant events in the near future. This message contains no other particular information, and does not imply any endorsement of, nor involvement in, the events which occur. This message is signed by Twitch authentication and dated by chatroom timestamp, and hence is legally binding.
twitch chat
February 2022

Hey Kripp this is Juan Castro from Mexico

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp this is Juan Castro from Mexico. Me Englando is ferry bad but i just wantet to zay zat i crossed the river in a rubber boot to Murica to become a pro player! One day i saw ur stream and i see how handsome and good u are. Dat day i decided i wanna become like u! Zo i killed my wife sold her, bought a rubber boat and now im here! Zank u for inspiring me! One day i become good player and pimp like u! or else rapist like unle Benni No coparoni peperoni pastarino plz!
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Twitch Should Ban The Term “Live-Streaming”

twitchquotes: Twitch Should Ban The Term “Live-Streaming”. It’s offensive to dead people. My great grandparents are dead and I would like to show them some respect and have twitch ban the term “live-streaming”. It’s a slur used against dead people
twitch chat
December 2020
What happened to this ad? :(

I once had sleep paralysis

twitchquotes: i once had sleep paralysis and i imagined Kripparian slowly slithering up to me and i felt the brush of his wirey beard press against my chest and his boulder-like face was a miillimeter away from mine and he whispered "..He had the perfect cerds" then drained all my RNG power right out of my chest. I cried for days.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Lucentbark summon quote

twitchquotes: 🌳 THIS 🌲 IS 🌴 NOT 🎄 YOUR 🌲 HOME 🌳 INVADER 🌲
twitch chat
May 2019

Hearthstone

is that… a GIRL?!!!?

is that… a GIRL?!!!? Uhhhhhhhhhhhh girls? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh like, here? *starts sweating* uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *starts drooling* uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *wide eyed* UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *starts farting* UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *starts shitting with bloodshot eyes* UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *poopie leaking out of my shorts* UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *starts convulsing which makes the shit run down my shaved legs even faster* UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-UUU-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH-HHH *gets a boner* UUUHHH-UHHH-UHHHHH-UUUUHHHH-UHHHH-UUUUHHHHHHH-UUUUHHHHHHHHH-UHHHHH-UUUUUUHHHHHHHHH *passes out*
May 2022

Cybrix, could you please roleplay

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) Cybrix, could you please roleplay that when you die in game, you die in real life too? Thank you. (◕‿◕✿)
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

One condition: let me touch the Kripparrian

twitchquotes: Kripparian, I see you have less viewers than your sexual partner, Reynad. I can guarantee you 5,000 viewers, bringing your count above his. There is but one condition - you must come to my home and let me touch the Kripparian. No copy pasterino dongerino kappacino.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

80 billion dollars in twitch stocks

twitchquotes: 4 people broke into my house and held me hostage last night. Somehow they've heard I hold 80 billion dollars in twitch stocks and wanted me to withdraw it to a specific bank account. I had to explain for 2 hours how it's all fake money and that I've spent almost a week trading fake stocks just to gain nothing. They ended up calling me a fucking loser and left..
twitch chat
March 2019

Bowling simulator: E-Bowler

twitchquotes: Hello my name is Kenneth Jizbombski, president of Viral Games, Inc. Recently sales of our most popular Bowling simulator "E-Bowler" have plummeted. Please help my small company by going out and getting E-Bowler any way that you can. I want E-Bowler to spread infecting people with it's incredible gameplay!
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

I want to become a hearth

twitchquotes: I want to become a hearth. I know there’re people out there just like me, but I’m different. On November 14th, I’m moving to Jamestown; home of the hearths. I’ve cut off my arms, and now light myself on fire everywhere I go as training. I'm not be a hearth yet, but if you give me a chance, I will become the greatest hearth.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Enjoy your ban and never come here again

twitchquotes: hey guys when i ban ur ass for posting fucking stupid ass spam dont fucking come to me crying "wahh hwahh i got banned i wasnt doing anything i just asked what build he was going" no u didnt ask that shit u fucking posted huge ass copypasta enjoy ur fucking ban and never come here again
twitch chat
August 2014
imaqtpie

Memeing harder than anyone I've ever seen on this website

twitchquotes: wow dude you just memed harder than anyone i've ever seen on this website. How many memes did you acquire before graduating from Memeing University? Do you meme over 9000 times a day, because the fact that you are such an expert memer points in that direction. God damn I have never seen a meme as epic and dank as this in my entire life, and i am quite the meme master myself, creating over 500 popular memes on the mememunity s4s and danking and memeing for the last five years (though you obviously experience time in meme years at this point, which makes me meme my meme to you sir, i mean meme) I really wish i could meme as hard as you because than my meme would meme and then memes would be dank as a meme! rite, amirite? lol and lel and kek but really sir, thank you for being dank as *** and posting such sweet meme as this, it made me meme until my meme went memeside out and meme'd me harder than a meme memeing meme you fuggin meme :D
twitch chat
November 2014
TheRace
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I need a hyper improvement platform

twitchquotes: Micheal, in this brand new season full of unexpected challenges and adventures in the world that is solo q, what can I / We / YOUR VIEWERS use in order to maximise our game knowledge and as a result increase our chance of getting higher ranks, I need a hyper improvement platform man, hit me up!
twitch chat
January 2015
imaqtpie

I'm a level 20, diamond 1 smurf who mains ADC Taric

twitchquotes: What’s so special about this? Seriously, i am a level 20, diamond 1 smurf who mains adc taric. I was playing with a Morganna support vs a katarina, she did the same exact thing. Seriously, i see all morg mains make simple plays like these. Nothing INSANE about this basic hig-elo play, you cardboard scrubs. 
twitch chat
November 2014
Trick2g

Our dongers will never lower

twitchquotes: OUR BULLETS WILL ANNIHILATE YOU ⁞ つ: •̀ ⌂ •́ : ⁞-︻╦̵══╤─ OUR BLADES WILL PIERCE YOUR SKIN ᗜಠ o ಠ)¤=[]:::::> OUR BEASTS WILL RIP YOU APART ੧〳 ˵ ಠ ᴥ ಠ ˵ 〵ノ⌒. OUR WIZARDS WILL CURSE YOU FOR ETERNITY ༼∩ຈل͜ຈ༽つ━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ AND OUR DONGERS WILL NEVER LOWER
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen

Hello! My name is Reynad!

twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad
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You just entered a world of hurt

twitchquotes: Hey you mothef**ker. You just entered a world of hurt. I just found my wifes texts to 'The Kripp', talking about dongers, topdicks, and salt. I don't know what kind of fetish *** you're into but you better find it somewhere else. I'm coming for you. If any of you retards copy paste this I'll get you too.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
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