[Copypasta] This message legally certifies that I was here

twitchquotes: This message marks my place as a viewer at this moment, and hereby certifies that I "was here" for any and all subsequent significant events in the near future. This message contains no other particular information, and does not imply any endorsement of, nor involvement in, the events which occur. This message is signed by Twitch authentication and dated by chatroom timestamp, and hence is legally binding.
twitch chat
February 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

HELLO BLIZZARD I WANT TO REPORT A BUG

twitchquotes: πŸ“ž BabyRage HELLO BLIZZARD πŸ“ž BabyRage I WANT TO REPORT A BUG πŸ“ž BabyRage MY OPPONENTS ARE ALL NETDECKERS
twitch chat
February 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

Alright, Nario Quesadilla

twitchquotes: Alright, Nario Quesadilla. You had your fun bullying kids on quickplay and making them salty. Hope you feel proud, you’re not making ult online any better, personally I’m going back at watching ZeRo.
twitch chat
August 2019
NairoMK

Super Smash Bros

Sorry, I dropped my chess set

twitchquotes: β™— β™˜ β™Ÿ β™› β™• β™œ ♝ β™ž β™Ÿβ™™β™— β™˜ β™Ÿ β™› β™• β™œ ♝ β™ž Sorry, I've dropped my chess set β™— β™˜ β™Ÿ β™› β™• β™œ ♝ β™ž β™Ÿβ™™β™— β™˜ β™Ÿ β™› β™• β™œ ♝ β™ž β™Ÿβ™™β™— β™˜ β™Ÿ β™› β™• β™œ β™ž β™Ÿβ™› β™™β™— β™˜
twitch chat
September 2014
imaqtpie

Ocean Man

twitchquotes: OCEAN MAN 🌊 😍 Take me by the hand βœ‹ lead me to the land that you understand πŸ™Œ 🌊 OCEAN MAN 🌊 😍 The voyage 🚲 to the corner of the 🌎 globe is a real trip πŸ‘Œ 🌊 OCEAN MAN 🌊 😍 The crust of a tan man πŸ‘³ imbibed by the sand πŸ‘ Soaking up the πŸ’¦ thirst of the land πŸ’―
twitch chat
September 2016

Emoji Pasta

I used to work at an abortion clinic

I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed: β€’ ⁠A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight β€’ ⁠A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor β€’ ⁠They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name) β€’ ⁠One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns β€’ ⁠The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man β€’ ⁠The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life" β€’ ⁠The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos β€’ ⁠The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy) β€’ ⁠During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free
August 2021

NSFW

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing