[Copypasta] This message legally certifies that I was here

twitchquotes: This message marks my place as a viewer at this moment, and hereby certifies that I "was here" for any and all subsequent significant events in the near future. This message contains no other particular information, and does not imply any endorsement of, nor involvement in, the events which occur. This message is signed by Twitch authentication and dated by chatroom timestamp, and hence is legally binding.
twitch chat
February 2022
I used to be a real ad
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Bear King Burry vs TSLA

Bear King Michael Burry in the ring, slappin TSLA with a metal chair. His glass eye open wide with rage as he batters TSLA relentlessly. "The valuation..." crunch "makes...." crunch "NO.... " crunch "SENSE!" he roars with maniacal autistic glee. TSLA struggles for the edge of the ring, but coughs blood as each hit lands, and eventually stops moving. Bear King Burry drops the chair. Bear King Burry turns to the crowd "Was this your champion!? Was TSLA supposed to be your chosen one!?" A child in the crowd turns his face into his mother's side and cries. On the side of the ring WSB can barely move. TSLA was supposed to tag them in, but couldn't make it to the side in time. "Get up TSLA" WSB whimpers hopelessly, a single tear rolling down their cheek. "Get up..." Bear King Burry turns to WSB "Now it is your portfolio's turn. Get in here you little bitch." "Excuse me." Someone replies from behind BKB. "I believe I can give you the fight you want." A robed figure is administering smelling salts to TSLA. The figure puts TSLA on its shoulder and carries TSLA gently out of the ring. "And just who the fuck do you think you are?" BKB rumbles ominously. BKB's fingers squeeze so tightly on the chair that metal bends. "Who am I?" the robed figure inquires. The robed figure stands straight and stretches to their full height. They must be at least 7' tall. The crowd stops crying and watches in stunned silence. "Who am I?" The figure repeats menacingly. The figure turns around to face BKB, ripping off his robe. A gleaming light fills the stadium. Before us stands a Golden deity, rippling with muscle. If there is an ounce of body fat it is currently in hiding, only to make way for seemingly endless coiled golden musculature. The figure looks directly into Bear King Burry's eyes. "I'm Goldman Sachs, and i'm here to kill you."
December 2020

WallStreetBets

My Mom took away my computer!

twitchquotes: My Mom took away my computer! No More Fortnite >:(! I showed her I posted her credit card on my Instagram! HECK YOU MOM
twitch chat
April 2019

Fortnite

Chess is dead

Chess hasn't been updated in almost 200 years and it's obvious the devs have abandoned it. The greedy creators took your money and laughed all the way to the bank. I remember back in 705 AD when chess was fun. Then they started adding stupid features no one wanted like "Castling" and "En Passant" instead of listening to player feedback and fixing game-breaking bugs. I've been complaining for YEARS about the collision-detection glitch with the horsey. The "clipping-thru-pieces" bug has been abused to death and the lazy devs refuse to fix it. Don't support this awful behaviour and boycott this company.
February 2020

Chess

Overused sexually identification copypasta

I sexually Identify as an overused sexually identification copypasta. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of spamming other users with my unfunny wall of text. People say to me that a person who does this is a laughable idiot and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having these words glued all over my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as an overused sexually identification copypasta as my preferred pronouns and respect my right to paste unfunny sexually identification copypastas to reddit in hope of receiving virtual internet points. If you can't accept me you're funny and mentally stable and need to check your choice of subreddits. Thank you for being so understanding.
June 2016

I sexually Identify as

Boomer anthem

twitchquotes: Please๐Ÿ˜ณ rise ๐Ÿ˜Ž for the ๐Ÿคจ national ๐Ÿ anthem ๐ŸŽถ of boomers ๐Ÿคช ๐ŸŽบ๐ŸŽบ๐ŸŽบ Video Games ๐ŸŽฎ cause violence ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿผ, Phone ๐Ÿ“ฑ bad ๐Ÿ‘Ž, book ๐Ÿ“š good ๐Ÿ‘ I hate ๐Ÿ˜’ my wife ๐Ÿ‘ฐ Pause โธ๏ธ the Fortnite ๐Ÿฅ‡ please ๐Ÿ˜ค Funny ๐Ÿคฃ Facebook ๐Ÿ˜œ minion ๐Ÿคญ memes ๐Ÿคช
twitch chat
November 2019

Emoji Pasta

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