A dirty joke from the 1400s...
In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.”
From “The Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini
I used to be a real ad
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xQc juicer fanfic
twitchquotes:
Felix starts to notice my eyes are welling up with tears, he sits up quickly. "Oh nyooo, why are you crying?" He rubbed my tears away. "Maybe let's sleep. Can we talk in the morning?" I went silent and hugged him tight. I agreed to talk in the morning over breakfast. I climbed off of him and told him I was going to shower, he followed to the bathroom and undressed with me. "Oh is that right?" I asked him. He smiled and kissed my neck, we both climbed into the shower and didn't really talk much. We kinda just stared at each other and smiled. He kissed me a few times wile rubbing what he kept calling my "juicers". Apparently I have some nice "juicers"? What is all this juice talk, it is killing me so bad. He is so funny.
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xQcOW
With love from me, your dad, to you, my son
twitchquotes:
Sebastian Fors, I think it'll be hard for you to take this in but here go. I've wanted to write you this message since the day you started streaming. Though I'm not happy how you act here, roleplaying and god knows what while streaming. But you know that I will allways love you. I'm coming to dreamhack this summer and I'll finally get to meet you. If you remember your mother, Hafu, you will understand why leaving you with her was my only option... I have not been the greatest father... but I'll allways love you and care for you. Even though people call you a roleplayer I will allways protect you. WIth love from me, your dad, to you, my son. - Trump
twitch chat
Forsen
Stop posting ResidentSleeper face
twitchquotes:
Guys stop posting 
face. Not many know, but that guy actually died while streaming Resident Evil. People just assumed that was sleeping, but he died of dehydration. Please respect the dead and stop posting this morbid image
face. Not many know, but that guy actually died while streaming Resident Evil. People just assumed that was sleeping, but he died of dehydration. Please respect the dead and stop posting this morbid image
twitch chat
Forsen
Daniel Craig Cock And Ball Torture
As Daniel Craig says goodbye to the role of James Bond, let us revisit one of the greatest films in the series. Casino Royale (2006)
Daniel Craig receiving some intense cock and ball torture at the hands of Mads Mikkelsen has to be my favourite scene from any Bond film. Right next to the opening of Skyfall. How appropriate is it that a character who has been the face of masculinity for half a century, nearly gets emasculated by someone who possesses none of that virility.
Le Chiffre (played by Mikkelsen) is in many ways the opposite of Bond. He lacks the vigour, sex appeal, and chivalry of 007. When a warlord threatens to cut off his girlfriend’s arm, Le Chiffre, out of fear does not object, to which even the warlord comments that she should find a better boyfriend. He suffers from Asthma and Haemolacria (Acute Haemolacria tends to occur in fertile women because of hormones). He even comments during the c and b torture session that he desires to ruin the body that Bond has taken such good care of (There is a hint of jealousy in his voice as he says this).
And yet, it is Bond who is strapped to the chair. The camera zooming in on his grimacing face at every strike to his manhood. This castration is also a symbolic one. The weakness and decline of the British empire is a key theme that is explored throughout the Craig Bond films. The idea that the CIA had to donate money to Bond so he could beat a man at a game of Poker, and yet still end up at the mercy of this traditionally impotent individual who is unaffiliated with any country, and has amassed all his power through his ability to control money — paints a damning picture of the power of modern day Britain. And it says a lot about what power really means in our modern world.
The opening theme by Chris Cornell is truly remarkable, and some of the action sequences here are the series’ most memorable. For me, this is the greatest Bond film ever.
As the man himself says goodbye to the role with the release of No Time To Die, it must be said that no one has embodied the character of James Bond and humanized him quite like Craig has. Nowhere is this more apparent than in Casino Royale. The ice-cold blue eyes that occasionally hint at soft vulnerability, will truly be missed. Daniel Craig can walk away with pride knowing he has been the greatest ever to play such an icon.
Kripp wash your hands after toilet
twitchquotes:
Hey @nl_Kripp , disabled former Streamer here. You're reacting pretty aggressive to your chat's worries regarding your hand washing after toilet. It seems you have something to hide. Let me tell you something: I was there too. I went to the toilet and didn't wash my hands. Nobody saw it, nobody would know it. But chat asked. And I lied. Then I got sick. My hands got infected from bacteria and had to be amputated. Now I can't play games any more for a living. Don't make the same mistake, Kripp.
twitch chat
Kripp