[Copypasta] 80 billion dollars in twitch stocks

twitchquotes: 4 people broke into my house and held me hostage last night. Somehow they've heard I hold 80 billion dollars in twitch stocks and wanted me to withdraw it to a specific bank account. I had to explain for 2 hours how it's all fake money and that I've spent almost a week trading fake stocks just to gain nothing. They ended up calling me a fucking loser and left..
twitch chat
March 2019
TwitchStocks.com is a new website where users can buy and sell streamer stocks using fake money
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Every time I see Tifa punch someone I get a little sadder

twitchquotes: Every time I see Tifa punch someone I get a little sadder, because tha tis one less punch that could have been directed at my nutsack. I pray at night for Tifa to break into my house and mercilessly beat the everloving fuck out of my balls. I will pray extra hard tonight.
twitch chat
April 2020

Canadaland

twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

President Trump gave us Christmas back

twitchquotes: Today at Walmart I told the cashier Merry Christmas. She said, "Happy Holidays, ma'am, I smiled and said "You don't have to be afraid anymore. President Trump gave us Christmas back" she started crying tears of joy and said "Merry Christmas" and then everyone in the store applauded
twitch chat
December 2018

Same

twitchquotes: The time was 1:53 AM. This is the last game of my plat promos. The season will end in 7 minutes. We're down by bot turret with our team as we push our lead. I see Scott rolling in as Rammus, traveling at a speed that would put Sonic himself to shame. His words echo through my $5 earbuds. "I'M GOING IN!" I pause to take in the world around me. I can do anything right now. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual limits no longer apply to me. I gather the strength in my forefinger as I slowly lift it over my R key. I say...no, I yell, with the ferocity of a million suns, the single word that could be heard around the world. "Same!" Galio prepares himself before leaping into the air, and delivering a devastating blow to the enemies' backline. We did it. The enemy team retreats back into their low elo. I was platinum. With a farewell to Scott for his outstanding work, I drag myself to my bed, ready to fall asleep. My phone chimes. Checking the notifications, I saw only one. A text from Clown9 Sneaky. The message brought a tear to my eye. The message simply read: ā€œIā€™m proud of you.ā€ Now very emotional, I typed a reply. "Same."
twitch chat
July 2020
Sneaky

League of Legends

Type !69 to activate

twitchquotes: ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ imGlitch You've been gifted a sub. Type !69 to activate ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬ā–¬
twitch chat
July 2020
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