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I Cri Evrytiem (Like This If You Cry Everytime)

Wun day, a boi n a gurl wer walkin w skool. Dey wer holdin handz and redy 2 seluhbrayt der 2 hour aniverssaree. Da gurl turnt 2 da boi n say "bbz, do u luv me 4ever?!" Da boi turnt 2 her n say "NO!" Da gurl wuz <3brokn n run away frum da boi. She run in2 da street n got hit by a car. Da boi run ovur 2 da gurl n hold her az she dyieng "I wuz gonna say, I luv u 5ever" Da boy den pull out hiz gat n shoot himself ded. As his bodee hit da assfalt, a bawks rolled of his poccet. A bootyful dimund ring wuz nside. Liek dis if u cry evrytiem
September 2021

Potato harvest is bad. Play Hearthstone in Amerikanski

twitchquotes: My name Dimitri Baryshnikov. I grow up in small farm to have make potatos. Father say "Dimitri, potato harvest is bad. Need you to have play porfessional game in Amerikanski for make money for head-scarf for babushka." I bring honor to komrade and babushka. Sorry for is not have English. Plz no cykapasta
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Imagine using a mid tier character

twitchquotes: Imagine using a mid tier character that needs tons of practice and dedication as you need to memorize every gimp and gimmick and you lose to some smash 4 downsmash down B up B shit
twitch chat
April 2019

Super Smash Bros

Should We Ban Jerma From Our Gay Wedding?

Should We Ban Jerma From Our Gay Wedding? Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been talking and we're looking to get married in the next year or so once it's safe. We've been talking seriously about this and we absolutely want to ensure that TOTAL PSYCHOPATH Jerma ABSOLUTELY does NOT come to our wedding. I was thinking maybe putting up “beware of sus guy” photos around the venue? Maybe watching his tier list videos and picking his least favorite snacks? How can we best do this, do you think? SHOULD we do this? Many thanks. (Oh, and P.S., if there’s a way we could invite Otto without his COMPLETELY UNHINGED RAT FILMOGRAPHER OWNER joining, that would be optimal :) )
December 2021
Jerma985

Reynad you are the biggest influence in my life

twitchquotes: Reynad you are the biggest influence in my life. Sadly I seem to have turned into a salt shaker, please no copy pasterino macarino
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

salty

What happened to this ad? :(

I thought my parents were rap battling

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck mann fick fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck My parents were fighting and I thought they were rap battling so I came in and started beatboxing. Fuck fuck fuck why am I such an idiot fuck fuck fuck
February 2021

SCANNING FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE ASKED

🚨 SCANNING 💽 FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE ASKED 🚨 25% COMPLETE 🕒 50% COMPLETE 🕕 75% COMPLETE 🕘 ❗ERROR❗ THIS SCAN HAS FOUND ❌ NO ❌ PERSON(S) WITHIN A 1000 KM RADIUS WHO ASKED.
October 2021

Who Asked?

VROOM VROOM Motor bike guy

twitchquotes: Hello Kripp, Motorbike Guy here. Just wanted to say: ♩♬~♪ VROOOOM ♩♬~♪ . ♩♬~♪ VROOOOM ♩♬~♪ . ♩♬~♪ VROOOOMU ♩♬~♪ . ♩♬~♪ VROOOOM ♩♬~♪ . ♩♬~♪ VROOOOM ♩♬~♪ . ♩♬~♪ VROOOOM
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

Nothing is complex for me

twitchquotes: Nothing is complex for me. I figured out flat earth when everyone on the planet was either bought into the lie or supporting it. I am a borderline genius as tested at 10 years old I am sure the number would be much higher now since I have increased my intelligence over the years. I am right you are wrong, it really is as simple as that. The DEVIL is in the details.
twitch chat
July 2017

Riding the chat elevator

twitchquotes: ( ͡↑ ͜ʖ ͡↑) Riding the chat elevator all the way to Kripp ( ͡↑ ͜ʖ ͡↑)
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

This guy's chat is CRAZY!

twitchquotes: ☑ “This guy's chat is CRAZY!” ☑ “My mind can't bear seeing retards like that” ☑ "He NEEDED precisely those two copypastas to infuriate me" ☑ “He pasted the only ASCII that could annoy me” ☑ "He used the perfect emotes" ☑ “There was nothing I could do but ignore” ☑ “I copied that perfectly"
twitch chat
November 2014

This Copypasta Is CRAZY!

I think you should rethink about your whole life

twitchquotes: Let me see if i understand this: people come to Twitch.tv to watch pro players or no life people stream and what do viewers do? they copy paste any brainless thing and feel good about it. I think you should rethink about your whole life.
twitch chat
January 2015
imaqtpie

Kripp reluctantly crawls into bed

twitchquotes: Kripp reluctantly crawls into bed where a breathless Hafu is waiting. She takes hold of his hand and whispers, "It's ok, I broke up with Jake." He squeezes her hand, let's go, squeezes again, "You're the best female arena player...," Kripp says dejectedly, "But I made a vow to Rania to never love another woman." Hafu runs her hands lovingly down his cheek, "You're not cheating," she whispers, "I'm really Amaz."
twitch chat
August 2018
Kripp

female streamer

twitchquotes: ok, so i need some advice, there is this female streamer ive been watching for like 3 years, i've donated around $10,000 and bought about a dozen items on her amazon wishlist, she always calls me cute and now im her mod! im thinking of asking her out soon what do you guys think?
twitch chat
November 2019

Things escalated from there

twitchquotes: I lost my virginity while listening to this song 5 years ago, it's a funny story really.. i had just finished my gym workout and i was in the locker room all sweaty, and in walks this leather dressed jabroni.. he seemed confused as to where he was.. i told him he might have gotten the wrong door, then he got very rude and said "fuck you", then i said "nah fuck you leatherman" and then things escalated from there
twitch chat
July 2018
What happened to this ad? :(

Joker fursona bodyguard

twitchquotes: Okay CLEARLY sakurai is playing favorites already wtf. Joker is literally bayo, cloud, olimar put together. He gave him a GUN for gods sake and you LMFAO you can’t even hurt his fursona bodyguard ohmygod
twitch chat
April 2019

Super Smash Bros

Now THAT is what I call RUSSIAN MEDDLING!

twitchquotes: Had a colonoscopy today. My doctor was actually Russian. Now THAT is what I call RUSSIAN MEDDLING! They put me to sleep w/ same stuff Michael Jackon used. When I woke up, I MOON-walked right out of the hospital!
twitch chat
June 2018

Baconator Jr. really has my boyhood trembling

twitchquotes: Christ Almighty, the Baconator Jr. really has my boyhood trembling. The crisp, Smokey bacon atop that seductive, square beef patty. What is there not to adore? And not to mention the smooth, melted cheese, and paired with fries and a frosty, you’ll be soaking through your chef’s apron in no time. Truly a masterpiece. A steamy, moist, delicious masterpiece.
twitch chat
April 2019
NairoMK

I once knew this man. He was from the ocean

twitchquotes: I once knew this man. He was from the ocean. He did very Ocean-y things. He took me by the hand to take me to the land that you understand. He was the crust of a tan man imbibed by the sand, Soaking up the thirst of the land. Soaking up the thirst of the land. His Shin was in the shape of an "O". Don't know what to call him though...any ideas?
twitch chat
June 2017
I used to be a real ad

Sigma male schedule

2:00 am- Wake up 2.05am-Cold shower 2.15am-breakfast,almonds, breast milk bought off Facebook, 50mg adderall 2:30am- begin workout,incline bench 2 plates,12x12 with 30 seconds of rest, no warmup. 2:45am-edging,4hrs (for disipline) 6:45am-cold shower 7:00am-begin sprint to work 8:00am-arrive at work 8:05am-get called into boss' office 8:06am-get fired from job for "repeated inappropriate comments" and "predatory behaviour" 8:10am-sprint back home 9:10am- lunch-raw cod, berries foraged on the way home, small pebbles (for digestion),50mg of adderal 9:10am-edging(as punishment) 3:00pm- bed time
August 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing