[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Tricky the Clown (HellClown)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⡇⠀⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠙⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⢰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠇⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⠀⢸⠋⣹ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠌⢹⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠋⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣻⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⠿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠞⢻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢠⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠈⢲⠒⡒⢾⣦⡀⣀⠡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⡟⣿⣿⡾⣿⣿⡅⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢘⣿⣿⡈⢿⣷⣽⡿⣣⣿⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⠄⠀⠀⠰⠛⠿⣿⣿⣦⡙⢿⣿⡿⢃⣼⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣷⢈⣏⣴⣿⡥⠂⠀⠀⠀⢠⠼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠙⣿⣿⠀⠀⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠃⠀⠊⢀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣏⣸⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠃⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣴⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠈⠁⠀⠀⠈⠈⢢⠤⢤⢠⣾⣏⡟⠋⠀⢀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠙⠃⠸⠾⠟⠐⠀⠙⠿⠋⢉⣀⠀⡈⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠈⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⡀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠶⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⣀⡀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢀⠉⠒⢮⣦⣠⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⣦⢻⣦⠀⣠⣆⠈⠑⢌⠒⠺⠦⠤⠠⠎⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣾⣿⡄⣿⣦⣬⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠤⠐⠲⠾⢿⣷⣝⣻⣿⠹⡶⢤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣹⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣴⡋⠻⣿⣷⣗⢿⣿⡷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠘⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣟⣿⣯⢿⣿⣶⣿⡿⠿⢷⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡦⢀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣻⣿⣧⢃⠀⠀⠛⠉⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠋⠀⠈⢙⡽⠀⣾⣿⣿⣧⣜⣿ ⠉⢻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠿⠟⠀⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⢾⠀⠀⠀⣀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣩⣾⣿⣿⡽⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠘⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠆⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣶⣄⣀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2021

Wagner Opera Topdeckhoffen

twitchquotes: Gᴜᴛᴇɴ Tᴀɢ, Hᴇʀʀ Kʀɪᴘᴘ! Mᴇɪɴ Nᴀᴍᴇ ɪsᴛ Pᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴠᴏɴ Pᴀsᴛᴇɴʜᴏғғᴇɴ. Hᴇʀᴇ ɪɴ Dᴇᴜᴛsᴄʜʟᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ɴᴇᴡ Wᴀɢɴᴇʀ ᴏᴘᴇʀᴀ Tᴏᴘᴅᴇᴄᴋʜᴏғғᴇɴ. Rᴀɴɪᴀ ɪs Vᴀʟᴋʏʀɪɴᴏ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴋɪʟʟs ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴ ʀᴇᴠᴇɴɢᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴅᴀs Pᴏʀɴʜᴜʙ. Tʀᴜᴍᴘ ᴘᴏᴜʀs Oʀᴀɴɢᴇɴsᴀғᴛ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɢʀᴀᴠᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀ ɪɴ sᴋʏ ᴀs ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟ ɢʜᴏsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ. Pʟᴢ ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴘᴘᴇɴ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴏɢᴇɴ ᴅᴀᴀɢᴇɴ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Classic

Hearthstone

CoolCat

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣶⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢱⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣶⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣼⣿⣿⡏⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡿⣻⣿⡷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⠤⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣇⢋⠟⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⢧⣤⣀⣀⠀ ⢠⡖⠉⠴⢾⣿⡿⠋⠐⠈⢹⣿⣇⠢⡎⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠈⣿⣿⡇ ⢸⠁⠀⣃⣀⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡟⠀⠈⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⣿⠁⠀ ⠈⡇⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀⢰⡀⠘⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠹⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠚⣠⣔⣶⠀⢀⡘⢦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⢿⡆⠀ ⠀⠀⠈⠐⠲⠶⠒⠋⠁⢾⡎⠻⠉⠡⠾⠋⣀⡈⠙⢒⣒⠠⠤⣤⣖⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⡀⠀⢋⠉⠀⠁⠀⠐⠐⠲⣶⣶⣿⠧⠁⢀⠶⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣆⣙⢿⣷⣼⣛⠿⡷⠶⢶⣶⡾⢟⡋⢅⠀⠀⠀⢈⣁⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⢀⢀⣠⣿⣿⣯⣭⣽⣿⡿⠛⠻⢿⣿⣯⣧⡨⣮⡶⡤⠢⠽⠽⠿⣿⣿⣷⣿ ⠀⠀⡨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢷⣤⠉⢹⣯⣿⣜⣟⠊⠁⠀⣰⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⢼⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⢹⣿⡿⡵⣴⡌⠋⡟⠿⠎⡓⠞⠏⠙⠉⣉⣄⣼⣶
October 2020

United States of America is now known as West Iran

twitchquotes: The year is 2024. The United States of America is now known as West Iran after the assassination of Supreme Leader Donald Trump from drone warfare. I hide in my nuclear bunker, praying to God that I survive another night. I open my laptop and see Kripp streaming some HS battlegrounds, still forcing murlocs and hardstuck at 7k MMR. "Still never lucky, huh old friend..." I whisper to myself as the bombs fall outside...
twitch chat
February 2020
Kripp

Hearthstone

what's the point in correcting me

what the fuck is the point in correcting me. You think I don't know how to spell "your"? I shortened it to "ur" because I was eating chips and typing one handed and didn't want to bother with those 2 extra letters just to please a fucking lifeless fat neckbeard like you. Stop thinking you're smart just because you can correct somebody's spelling, you seem like a total fucking idiot jackass and I'm ashamed and disappointed that on the internet where there are millions of comments and commentors, I was still stuck with a response written by somebody like you. You obviously knew what I meant, it's not like I spelt "your" as "s;ldkfjs;dlfkj". Take your fucking dildo keyboard out your crusty ass and realize that maybe you have no friends and plans tonight because you're an unlikeable cumstain who repels everybody away like opposite poles on a magnet. The next time you comment like a fucking moron, ask yourself "would I rather write this useless comment or would I rather clean my fucking act up and stop being a little shitter". My New Years resolution is to never have the misfortune of you coming across any more of my comments and throwing up your shitty insight at me.
December 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing