Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
The Headbutts will be random
twitchquotes:
"Tʜᴇ ʜᴇᴀᴅʙᴜᴛᴛs ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ" Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴅᴇᴄʀᴇᴇs. Aɴᴅ sᴏ ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ғᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ sᴜʙs ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʙᴏʀɴ. Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʙʀᴏғɪsᴛᴇᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʙʀᴏʙᴜᴛᴛᴇᴅ. Sᴏᴏɴ ᴀ ᴡᴀʀ ᴇʀᴜᴘᴛᴇᴅ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ᴀᴛᴛᴀᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs, ᴀʟʟ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ sᴀʟᴛʏ..
twitch chat
Kripp
PepeClown
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⡠⠤⠄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠤⠄⠒⠒⠒⠂⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠈⠳⠤⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠒⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣄⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢀⢖⣿⡷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢸⡾⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢇⠀
⠀⠀⠀⣴⣛⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢥⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡸⠀
⠀⠀⣾⣾⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⠽⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣧⣄⡈⠛⠛⠛⣛⣛⣳⣶⣶⣦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡎⠀⠀
⠀⠘⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⠀⠀⣀⣠⠤⠤⣤⣖⡺⢟⣩⠥⢒⡊⠭⠭⠝⢑⣒⠲⠤⢭⢖⣪⠭⠜⠓⢒⣒⠒⠒⢒⣛⢷⣄⠀⢀⡇⠀⠀
⠀⢀⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣠⠞⠉⢀⣤⣿⡭⠷⡺⠚⠉⢩⣾⣩⡿⠻⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠲⡠⠒⠁⠀⣴⣈⡿⠷⣦⠀⠈⠈⠙⠻⣄⠀⠀
⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡭⠟⠉⠁⠀⠀⠘⠓⠒⠲⡉⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣬⣷⣶⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣧⣿⣶⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠈⠓⣿⠶⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠛⠂⠀⠈⠑⠠⢀⠈⢛⣿⣿⠛⠋⣀⡀⣀⠠⠐⠂⠀⢀⣀⠀⠙⠻⠿⢿⣍⡀⠤⠤⠒⢊⡍⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⡴⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⢠⣄⣤⣾⣿⣷⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⡎⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⡸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡤⠤⠶⠦⢤⣤⣀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣀⣀⣤⢶⠛⠁⢀⡏⠀⠀⠀
⠀⢰⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣅⡀⠐⠦⣤⣤⣀⣈⠉⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⠴⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠳⠶⢤⣄⣉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠻⠻⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠋⠉⠁⣀⣴⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠰⢦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠓⠒⠦⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠶⠒⠋⠉⡘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⢀⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⢸⠀⠙⠦⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠑⠒⠦⢤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠤⠤⠤⢤⣀⣀⣀⠴⠚⠉⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⢸⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠒⠦⠤⢤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⡤⠒⠒⢢⠖⣉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀
⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠩⠇⠀⠀⠀⠧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢦⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠜⠒⠤⠀⠐⠒⠤⡀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⡄
Pepe
First of all, I'm sick of the term "Weeb"
twitchquotes:
First of all, I'm sick of the term "Weeb". I didn't study half a semester of Japanese history and do a google maps tour of Tokyo so that some uncultured swine would walk around calling me a weeb like its an insult. Japanese culture is my life, not some sort of past time you idiots. And yes, I will be visiting Japan for the first time next year when air travel costs go down.
twitch chat
Weebs
xqcS
⡿⣝⢮⢯⢾⢽⢽⢯⣟⣿⣻⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡯⣺⢕⡏⣗⢽⢽⢽⢞⡗⢯⢛⠚⠟⠻⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣫⢺⣸⣪⡳⣝⢕⢕⢵⣱⣣⡧⣇⣦⣢⣀⠄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡪⣓⢮⢾⡽⣮⢧⡣⡣⡑⠩⢙⣯⡃⠑⠙⠳⣆⡀⠈⠹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡪⡮⡯⡯⣿⢽⣯⣿⣺⢼⢜⡴⣝⢇⢀⠄⡀⢠⢩⠪⡢⣀⢉⠻⡿⣿⣿⡿⡿⢡
⡪⡺⡺⡽⣽⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣳⣷⢷⣕⡕⣕⢕⡑⡜⡜⣵⣷⣿⣯⡳⣝⢰⣿
⡪⣳⡫⡿⣽⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣽⣗⣯⣯⣾⡾⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⢸⣿
⢪⢒⢭⢯⣻⣻⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢃⣼⣿
⢕⢱⠱⡕⡯⡷⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣟⢟⠏⠏⡏⣟⡽⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢉⣾⣿⣿
⢕⢕⢱⢱⢱⡹⡕⡗⠯⡳⡫⡯⣎⢆⠄⢔⢝⣾⣿⣽⡳⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣾⣿⣿⣿
⠕⡌⡆⡧⣣⢧⡀⡨⣐⢈⠪⡚⢎⢗⢝⢌⢎⠯⢿⢿⡯⣷⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡱⢨⢪⢯⣞⣗⡷⣝⢜⣼⣿⣬⣦⣣⣕⣕⣆⡇⠅⡀⠉⠓⡯⣿⢿⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠨⢊⢮⢳⡳⡳⡯⡿⣽⢾⣝⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⣾⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠈⠠⢱⢱⢝⢝⢎⢯⡺⡽⣺⢽⢕⡏⡗⠕⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣀⣀⣀⣃⣃⣋⣓⣓⣑⣙⣊⣓⣙⣘⣊⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
xQcOW
My husband of 5 years bought me Reddit Gold for my anniversary
My 5-Year anniversary with my husband was last week. The traditional gift for 5 years is silverware. I wanted a new set and told my husband which he could get me as a gift. I knew he wanted an Apple Watch and bought that as my gift to him.
On the day of our anniversary, I logged onto Reddit to find dozens of my posts and comments guilded. I found it odd as I don’t post terribly often and the guilded comments were old. It’s also the first time I’ve received Reddit gold.
When the time came to exchange gifts, he gleefully opened his Apple Watch and begin setting it up. I figured I’m all the excitement he forgot to give me my gift so I gently prodded him. He told me to check Reddit.
Ladies and Gentlemen, my husband GUILDED me 24 times as an anniversary gift. He’s a bit of a jokester, so I figured my real gift was coming.
But Reddit, it’s been a week. Do I say something? Buy the silverware myself? Some combination of the two? I feel if I don’t say something then the cycle will repeat itself.