[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

The year is 2025. Kripp lies on his deathbed

twitchquotes: The year is 2025. Kripp lies on his deathbed, the countless years of veganism finally having taken their toll. He struggles to adjust his eyes to the glare of his computer screen, yearning to view his beloved twitch chat one more time. All he sees is degenerate weeb spam. His eyes brim with tears. He begins gasping his final breath, and in his final moments he tells Rania "K"
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

My name is Reynad!

twitch chat
October 2014
TidesOfTime

Let's get one thing about me "straight" up-front

twitchquotes: Let's get one thing about me "straight" up-front. When it comes to sexuality, I'm about as hetero as they come. If a gay guy came on to me, I'd be like, "No way, bro. I'm a straight-up party boy who's into chicks." Yup, one gay dude wouldn't stand a chance. It would take at least four or five gay guys strapping me down to make it inside me. Sorry, fellas, that's just how straight I am. And even then I wouldn't make it easy. I'd be like, "Hey look! There goes George Michael!" And they'd all shriek "Where?!" at once, and I'd make a break for it, and they'd be like, "He's getting away! Chase him! I want his butt!" But I wouldn't just give them my butt. They'd have to take it. And once they got me strapped down, I'd stop fighting it because that would be giving them what they want. And I don't want them to enjoy it. If anyone's going to enjoy it, it's going to be me. So, I'd just relax into it and taunt them by telling them how ripped and sexy I find them and letting them know how much I'm enjoying myself. So, even though I'd have a bunch of ripped guys all taking turns on my butt, I'd still be enjoying it. But only because I forced myself to. It's not like I could fight these guys off. There are too many of them and they want me too much. What am I, Chuck Norris?" I'm not against homosexuality, though. I say to each his own. You're free to do whatever you want.
twitch chat
February 2020

KappaPride

forsenBee

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⡾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣽⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠛⡛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣤⣶⢶⣄⣃ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡯⠴⣶⣻⠽⠖⢪⢻⣿⣿⣿⡿⢺⡍⢩⡻⣿⢿ ⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⢯⣾⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣙⡾⠭⣄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣷⠿⠷⣿⣿⣼ ⣿⣯⣾⣿⣿⣷⣯⡸⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⠶⠿⢿⣿⣇⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⡟⣽⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠑⢛⠛⠛⢳⠙⠿⢲⡽⣿⣿⣧⣿ ⡏⣿⣿⣾⡿⣎⢾⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣶⢁⣀⡚⠿⠽⢉⣀⣢⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿ ⣿⣽⣿⣿⣾⡿⠋⠁⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣽⡿⠟⠻⣻⣽⣿⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣝⣵⣶⣀⠄⠄⠄⠁⠝⣿⣿⣿⢈⢸⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⡗⠛⣫⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠉⠈⠙⠻⢿⣷⣶⣤⡀⠄⠄⠙⠁⠄⠉⠊⠻⠿⠿⠿⠟⠉⠁⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿ ⣃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠻⢶⣤⣄⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠙⠛⠿⠿⢿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⡆⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⢹⣿ ⠄⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣄⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠙⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡖⣴⣿⣿
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

Beeg Yoshi

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠴⢿⣧⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣧⣆⣘⡄⢹⣿⣷⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⣴⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡀⣾⡿⠀⠉⠉⠛⠋⠛⠛⠚⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢠⣍⠹⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣷⣾⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣟⢻⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠿⠟⠁⠑⢶⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣬⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠛⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⢿⡿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
March 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing