Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
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CLOSE DOOR OR RIOT
twitchquotes:
୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ CLOSE DOOR OR RIOT ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨
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strifecro
୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ riot ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨
Pornhub's message to Kripp
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Ｈｅｌｌｏ Ｋｒｉｐｐ， ｔｈｉｓ ｉｓ ｔｈｅ ａｄｍｉｎｉｓｔｒａｔｏｒ ｏｆ ＰｏｒｎＨｕｂ™ ｗｅ ｈａｖｅ ｎｏｔｉｃｅｄ ｙｏｕ ｈａｖｅｎ’ｔ ｌｏｇｇｅｄ ｉｎ ｆｏｒ ２ ｗｅｅｋｓ， ｗｅ’ｒｅ ｊｕｓｔ ｃｈｅｃｋｉｎｇ ｔｏ ｓｅｅ ｉｆ ｅｖｅｒｙｔｈｉｎｇ ｉｓ ｏｋａｙ ａｎｄ ｗｅ’ｖｅ ｐｒｅｐａｒｅｄ ｙｏｕ ａ ｌｉｓｔ ｏｆ ｖｉｄｅｏｓ ｆｒｏｍ ｙｏｕｒ ｆａｖｏｕｒｉｔｅ ｃａｔｅｇｏｒｙ （Ａｓｉａｎ）． Ｓｅｅ ｙｏｕ ｓｏｏｎ！
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Kripp
I love the McChicken
For me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.
One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!".
Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.
I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant.
To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:
To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:
I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
Are you Reynad's dad?
twitchquotes:
I went to a MTG tournament in Denver to meet Brian Kibler and ask him in person "Are you Reynad's dad?" I needed the truth. I approached Kibler and asked him for a semen sample. Kibler gave a coy smile, "There's only one way you're getting semen out of me." I got on my knees and took the sample. I still don't know if Kibler is Reydad but we've been dating for 5 days now.
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Reynad