[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Helping us polish the in-game spectator feature

twitchquotes: Hi Imaqtpie, this is Riot Games CEO Nicolo Laurent speaking. We want to thank you on behalf of the Valorant rage team for helping us polish the in-game spectator feature.
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April 2020
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Saying C9 at the end of every round

twitchquotes: Hi guys HeyGuys I'm one of the people who say C9 at the end of every round HeyGuys I admit we know what a C9 is but it's just funny to say all the time <3 That's all (^:
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September 2019
OverwatchLeague

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At least you have a life

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) Kripp, you may suck at Hearthstone but at least you have a girlfriend. I bet these people beating you have no life (◕‿◕✿)
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December 2014
Kripp

Hello, Kripparrian, this is your ass, Assarrian

twitchquotes: Hello, Kripparrian, this is your ass, Assarrian, with a humble request to stop talking out of me. I know it's fun to pretend like you have any idea what you're talking about, and to pull random statistics out of me to support whatever point you're awkwardly trying to make, but come on! I have a hard enough time dealing with the vegan garbage in your digestive tract! Do us both a favor and use your brain once in a while! Thanks! - Assarrian.
twitch chat
December 2017
Kripp

Classic

DIO walking

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡛⠟⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠨⡀⠄⠄⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢁⠼⠊⣱⡃⠄⠈⠹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠛⡧⠁⡴⣦⣔⣶⣄⢠⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⠭⠏⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡧⠠⠠⢠⣾⣾⣟⠝⠉⠉⠻⡒⡂⠄⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡪⠘⠄⠉⡄⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠃⠁⢐⣷⠉⠿⠐⠑⠠⠠⠄⣈⣿⣄⣱⣠⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⠷⠈⠉⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣴⠤⣬⣭⣴⠂⠇⡔⠚⠍⠄⠄⠁⠘⢿⣷⢈⣿⣿⣿⣿⡧⠂⣠⠄⠸⡜⡿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣇⠄⡙⣿⣷⣭⣷⠃⣠⠄⠄⡄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣁⣿⡄⠼⡿⣦⣬⣰⣿ ⣿⣷⣥⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⠷⠲⠄⢠⠄⡆⠄⠄⠄⡨⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣎⠐⠄⠈⣙⣩⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⠕⠁⠈⢠⢃⢸⣿⣿⣶⡘⠑⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⡉⢿⣧⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⢀⠄⠐⢩⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠉⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣨⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠋⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣀⢟⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡆⠆⠄⠠⡀⡀⠄⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⡅⠄⠄⢀⡰⠂⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
January 2021

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Text-to-Speech Playing