Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
You will never be a crewmate
You will never be a crewmate. You have no purpose on this ship, you have no tasks, you have no mini games to play. You are an impostor twisted into a crude mockery of crewmatery.
All the validation you get is two-faced and halfhearted. In emergency meetings people call you sus. The other players are disgusted and ashamed of you, your friends laugh at your sussy appearance in ghost chat.
Crewmates are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of games have allowed crewmates to identify impostors with incredible efficiency. Even impostors who fake tasks act uncanny and suspicious to a crewmate. Your jumping in vents is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a crewmate to electrical with you, he'll turn tail and use the emergency button the second he gets the suspicion that you sabotaged.
You will never be a winner. You wrench out a fake task every single game and tell yourself it is going to be a win, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it will be too much to bear - people will vote you out for being sus and will plunge you into the cold abyss. Your parents will report your body, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They will eject you with a headstone marked with your birth tag, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an impostor is drifting there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably sus.
Among Us / Amogus
Hey, Mr. Morosan, this is Mike from Video Playground
twitchquotes:
Hey, Mr. Morosan, this is Mike from Video Playground, the adult marketplace. You've been ignoring my calls about your outstanding debt of $12.99 for Big Vegan Balls IV. I'm not here to shame or embarrass you for your taste in husky, sweaty man love, but I've got a business to run, and I wouldn't be able to provide you with the entertainment you frequently enjoy if I didn't get paid. Please don't make me revoke your platinum membership.
twitch chat
Kripp
Shout out to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets
twitchquotes:
Pedestrian: i want to give a shout out to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets
twitch chat
Reynad
AMONGUS AMONGUS AMONGUS
‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING 🖕👦 SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING 👩💞 AMONG 💰 US 🇺🇸 REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1 😱! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 AMONG 💑👨❤️👨👩❤️👩 US 👨 IS THE BEST 👌💯 FUCKING 💦🍆👀 GAME 🎮 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 
🔴 IS SO SUSSSSS 🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 COME 💦🏃🏃♀️ TO MEDBAY AND WATCH 👀 ME SCAN 👀 🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥 🏥🏥🏥🏥 WHY 😡🤔 IS NO ⚠🚫 ONE 1️⃣ FIXING 👾 O2 🅾 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡 OH 🙀 YOUR 
CREWMATE? NAME 📛 EVERY 💯 TASK 📋 🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠 Where Any sus!❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! Any sus!❓ Where! ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ Any sus 🌈🏳️🌈! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where!Where!Where! Any sus!Where!Any sus 🌈🏳️🌈 Where!❓ Where! ❓ Where!Any sus❓ ❓ Any sus 💦! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus 🌈🏳️🌈! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ Any sus 💦! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where!Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! Where!Any sus!Where! Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ I 👥 think 
it was purple!👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀It wasnt me I 👁 was in vents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
🔴 IS SO SUSSSSS 🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 COME 💦🏃🏃♀️ TO MEDBAY AND WATCH 👀 ME SCAN 👀 🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥 🏥🏥🏥🏥 WHY 😡🤔 IS NO ⚠🚫 ONE 1️⃣ FIXING 👾 O2 🅾 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡 OH 🙀 YOUR CREWMATE? NAME 📛 EVERY 💯 TASK 📋 🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠 Where Any sus!❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! Any sus!❓ Where! ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ Any sus 🌈🏳️🌈! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where!Where!Where! Any sus!Where!Any sus 🌈🏳️🌈 Where!❓ Where! ❓ Where!Any sus❓ ❓ Any sus 💦! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus 🌈🏳️🌈! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ Any sus 💦! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where!Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! Where!Any sus!Where! Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ I 👥 think it was purple!👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀It wasnt me I 👁 was in vents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
Among Us / Amogus
Emoji Pasta
Canadaland
twitch chat
Kripp