Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Professional headmeat physician
twitchquotes:
Hello Tyler, this is Dhanraj Ameer, the professional headmeat physician, thank you for contacting me last week. My team and I have been looking at x-rays of your skull and we are interested in a procedure that involves taking the head meat from the sides of your head and using it to fill in the dent in the middle. The procedure is popularly known as "Running it down mid". Let me know
twitch chat
Tyler1
Response to the Vaporeon copypasta (Vaporeons are dangerous)
Hey guys did you know that in terms of water Pokemon inland, Vaporeon would be very capable of hunting grown humans?
Their bodies being the size of a medium dog and weight are just enough to pounce on a man and throw him to the ground. Their bulky stats would allow them to shrug off and outlast any attempts by the human to fight them off, and that's not getting even into moves like Hydro Pump and Scald. But that's not all these water dogs have up their sleeves.
Their bodies being so similar to water not only lets them hide in bodies of water and become nearly invisible to catch prey off guard, but allows them to enter the body through almost any orifice. Things do not get any better once a Vaporeon is inside of you. If asphyxiation doesn't kill you, the internal bleeding and displacement of internal organs certainly will. In addition, they are able to learn Charm, allowing them to take advantage of certain... desires humans may have and create even more opportunities to go in for the kill.
But wait, there's more. Since Vaporeon is an omnivore, its cells would need to be able to digest proteins, such as those in meat. This only opens even more possibilities as to what these creatures are capable of.
Pokemon
Molly
monkaEyes
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