Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Must be Weasel Tunneler
twitchquotes:
Great Fur Extremely Handsome Innovative Deathrattle High Level Tactics Moderately Sized Fedora Great Animations Broken Interactions Must be Weasel Tunneler
Great Fur Extremely Handsome Innovative Deathrattle High Level Tactics Moderately Sized Fedora Great Animations Broken Interactions Must be Weasel Tunneler
twitch chat
Hearthstone
Amogus 700 years in the future
Imagine, 700 years in the future, through some last vestige of the internet kept in an underground server, a notification miraculously appears on your device (which has been preserved in nuclear dust from the 5th world war). One night, an alien working a late shift at the museum of archeology notices the cracked screen suddenly light up, and upon it, one word arises from the battered code: Amogus. They do not know what this word means. They ponder it deeply. They scour the ancient tomes, desperate to understand its mystifying origin. It drives them mad. Is it a primeval cipher? The motto of a bygone civilization? A message from God? Night after night they study it by candlelight. They flip through pages in books so old, the slightest cough would turn the paper to a fine off-white powder. The answer is nowhere to be found. And then they are struck by a revelation: I was not meant to know this word. Its esoteric nature escapes my grasp for a reason. What if its meaning is too enlightening to bear? With this revelation comes anger. Spite. Despair. Why shouldn't I understand it?! What cosmic forces are there at play to keep me from such knowledge?! In a fit of desperate rage, they shatter your device against a wall and exclaim, arms raised to the heavens: "This is literally 1984!" Silence... Their pleas are unanswered. Sadly, in the end, their inability to unlock the word's meaning drives them to suicide. Its secrets are never known. So I ask you this: is it better to die having never understood the true mind-bending nature of Amogus, or to be driven mad by the little spaceman in his blood-red suit? If you knew enlightenment would render you incapable of living on this mortal earth without making daily references to a game of space mafia, would you accept it? With knowledge comes power, but also endless suffering. Choose wisely, and be wary when standing at the edge of that great abyss we call "the Truth," lest you fall too deep.
Among Us / Amogus
Roe v. Wade Emoji Pasta
HEY 👋😩 there comrade 💦💪cummy! the 👹 supreme 🍆 cock🏛 has 🗳voted to strike 👩⚖️⌛️down the 🌈 sexy 🤧🤰🏻roe v. wade decision 😏according 🤤🦶🏻to a opinion 🖊written✍️💸 by daddy 💅🏻🙈 sammy 👶🏻🙅🏻♂️ aLITo. 🐷💨 the opinion is a 💦🍌 FULL THROATED 📲❤️🔥GIRTHY 🍆 contraDICKtion 🚫🍑 of the 1973 👿👎decision that 💁🏻♀️👌 guaranteed federal 😤 cocks-titutuinal 😳 protection 👅💄of abortion rights!!! ❤️🔥🫡everyone who 🏳️🌈💦 woke remember 🙋✊🏻🤔 to fund 💸🥵 planned parenthood and 🌪👼 donate to 🧑🏼🍼🤑abortion funds! get yo 📸uturuses 💋👠turnt you 💃whore! 🌭every whore knows 🧠🍼that everyone 🔜should have 👩⚕️🏥access to safe 🙏 🌎abortions ❤️😘 if they choose 💅🏻👀 to have one. 👑👹send to ten 😬🙏of your closest 🚱🅾️WHORES to secure abortion 📫🤝rights in ameriCUM 🤤🇺🇸if you get five ✋ back abortion 😘💋rights will be codified 👩⚖️🤤in law 📸👠
Emoji Pasta
Politics
Silence the silenced watcher
twitchquotes:
Silence the silenced watcher to counter the silence
twitch chat
Reynad
64 is cool, Melee is too, Ultimate will suffice
twitchquotes:
<3 64 IS COOL <3 MELEE IS TOO <3 ULTIMATE WILL SUFFICE <3 SO LET’S BE NICE <3
twitch chat
VGBootCamp