[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Trump Biden fanfic

Trump wins the election by one vote. He tries to find out who the last vote was. It was Biden. He then says to Biden “after all this you still voted for me?” Trump then changes his vote to Biden which then makes it a tie. They both get very emotional. Biden then leans in and makes out with trump on national television. They run away and live the rest of their lives together. Which leaves Kanye west as the 46th president of the United States.
November 2020

2020 US Election

I'm done with this chat

twitchquotes: NotLikeThis Alright, I'm done with this f*cking chat. All you retards do is pick the guy with the least IQ and the most stupid comment, and then you proceed to copypaste it for like ten minutes straight. Y'all are retarded as f*ck NotLikeThis
twitch chat
December 2016

Why Attack on Titan is a flawed anime

As a big fan of AoT, one big plothole that has always bugged me from the first episode is the exclusion of genitals. As titans are very clearly based on humans, and canonically are created from humans, why did Isayama decide to exclude Titan genitals? I am not a homo, (I have 2 girl friends) but seeing Eren transform into a titan with a 12 foot long cock as the people of Marley watch in horror would easily made this anime my favourite of all time. I think we should cancel Isayama on Twitter and get him to realise his mistake and redraw his previous chapters accurately.
January 2021

Mario Party Superstars Bowser Eat Shit Sticker

⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⢀⣦⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢛⣿⣿⣧⣝⣻⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣴⣿⣿⡿⠀⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠃⢀⣾⠟⠀⣈⣂⣀⣀⠀⣴⠞⣿⠶⠛⠛⠛⠁⠈⠻⢿⢻⣻⣿⣿⣿⠏⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣯⠀⠘⢁⣤⣾⣿⣿⠉⠙⠛⠋⠀⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣷⢹⣦⣴⣾⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⣟⣋⡁⠀⠰⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⢿⣿⠁⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⠛⠿⣏⠀⢠⣈⠻⣿⣿⢱⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣤⡌⠀⠀⠛⠛⢛ ⣀⠀⠀⢈⣻⣿⠿⠛⠉⠸⣿⡶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣧⡀⢠⣿⣿⣦⣝ ⣿⣿⣾⡟⠉⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⡙⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣶⢿⡇⠀⢀⣀⣀⡈⢿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠙⠻⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⢰⠄⠀⠀⠀⠛⠋⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡹⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿ ⡀⠀⠀⠹⣧⠀⠀⢀⣬⣥⡤⣠⣤⡰⣿⣟⣿⣦⣶⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⢎⠹⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣰⣶⣦⡤⣠⣿⣿⡿ ⣿⣷⡆⠀⣽⠇⢠⣿⡿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣃⢨⢀⣿⡿⠱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣱⣿⡧⠉⠀ ⣿⠏⠀⣼⠏⠀⢠⠍⢀⡐⣡⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⠝⡛⠿⠟⣻⡍⠀⢩⢠⣿⣿⠃⠀⢬⣟⡻⠿⠿⠇⢿⡕⠀⢠⣶ ⠁⠀⣼⠃⠀⠀⠈⠀⠠⠈⣴⠎⠀⢰⣦⡶⠇⡃⠀⠀⠈⠃⣤⣀⣿⣿⢋⣀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠘⣷⡀⠘⠻ ⠀⢘⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⣴⡦⢃⣵⣶⠀⠈⠋⠁⣄⣻⣤⣶⣶⣶⣯⣽⣿⣿⡜⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣄⠸⣷⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⠋⠉⠛⠷⣮⣙⢵⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠐⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣡⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠘⣛⣭⡶⠟⢣⣤ ⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠈⢛⣫⡍⠀⠀⠀⣹⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢡⣶⠟⠋⢁⣤⣾⣿⣿ ⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠉⠻⠆⠛⣿⠟⠛⢿⠟⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠔⠘⠛⠛⠻⠟⠛⠛⠛⠃⠿⠿⠓⢲⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣟⣛⠃⠃⣸⢿⡄⣀⠛⣿⠛⣃⡆⢰⣟⡛⠀⣿⣇⣀⣿⢸⡇⢘⢻⡟⢛⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣟⣉⡀⢰⡿⠾⣷⠘⡇⣿⠀⣬⡁⢠⣉⣻⡆⣿⡏⠉⣿⢸⡇⢸⢸⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠁⠉⠁⢀⣭⣥⣧⣭⣴⣌⣃⣬⣍⣩⣄⠉⠁⠀⢉⣬⣥⣴⣬⣥⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡖⠀⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣼⣿⣶⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
January 2022

I identify as a meme

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as a meme. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being uploaded onto the imgur website and linked into the reddit threads. People say to me that a person being a meme is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a computer scientist put my brain into my computer like johnny depp in transendence, equipping me with the dankest of pictures from the internet. From now on I want you guys to call me "Sir Danks-a-lot" and respect my right to meme from above and meme needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a memephobe and need to check your internet privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
January 2015

I sexually Identify as

Text-to-Speech Playing