Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Puck the Folice
twitchquotes:
ლ༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ლ༽ Ｐｕｃｋ Ｔｈｅ Ｆｏｌｉｃｅ ლ༼ ▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ლ༽
twitch chat
imaqtpie
When Kripp gets topdecked, it's seen as a bit of salty fun
twitchquotes:
When Kripp gets topdecked, it's seen as a bit of salty fun. BUT when Reynad gets a 420 YOLO Rag Pro 5000 hit to the face with 6 different minions on the board, lethal next turn, together with top-deck skill command with one mana webspinner, he's called Salt God?
twitch chat
Reynad
Hearthstone
salty
There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist
There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
Reddit Snoo sucking
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠤⠀⠄⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⠀⠀⠈⣄⣠⠶⠋⠁⠀⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⢄⡀⢀⡠⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠄⠒⠒⢂⡄⠤⠀⠀⠐⠧⠀⡀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡌⠀⠀⡠⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠁⠢⡀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢡⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⠃⢀⣀⣤⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡈⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠁⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠠⠈⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠐⠊⠩⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡈⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢄⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢳⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⡖⠂⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢎⢀⣠⣿⣿⠟⠉⠠⢀⠀⡠⠀⢀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⡿⢄⠀⠀⠀⠑⠅⠀⠌⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠑⠀⠄⠀⠠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
NSFW
I will tell Michael to ban you all
twitchquotes:
Hello twitch chat. This is michaels mother speaking. Please stop the spam in the chat. I can't read the amazing conversations that you are having about my son. Thanks. Don't copy and paste this to spam more or I will tell Michael to ban you all.
twitch chat
imaqtpie