[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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monkaW

⣠⠴⠖⠒⠚⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⠒⠒⠲⢤⡀⢀⡀⠤⠐⠒⠐⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠶⢮⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣙⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣶⣹⣷⣦⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣯⣨⣏⣹⠃⠀⠀⠀⡘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢏⢈⣧⠝⠀ ⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⠀⢀⡤⠞⢳⡤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⡤ ⢦⣍⡛⠒⠶⠤⢤⣤⣤⠶⠶⣛⣡⠀⣰⠟⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⢀⣴ ⠀⠉⠛⠛⠓⠒⠶⠶⠖⠛⢛⣋⡵⠛⠉⠀⠀⠢⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⠛⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⠾⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣶⠶⠶⠶⠟⠛⣇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠥⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⡀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻ ⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡛⠛⠛⠹⠿⠻⠶⢶⣦⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⢀⣀⣀⡀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣴⡶⠿ ⣶⣶⣦⣤⣴⣄⣀⡨⠀⡁⠈⠉⠉⠛⠻⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠋⠉⢈⣨⣤ ⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠋⠛⠳⢷⠶⣾⣯⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⡾⣧⣞⠛⣻⠁ ⠿⠿⠷⠶⢿⣦⣤⣦⣰⣄⣄⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣰⣼⠟⠀
December 2019

Pepe

I downloaded Sonic games on my school computer

So yesterday in class we were all given our new Windows computers (last year, I hacked the chromebooks so they could play Sonic Advance) and I immediately downloaded twenty-five PC Sonic games within one hour and installed two dozen emulators to play the console and handheld ones. After we all got our computers, I bragged about having the ability to play 60 Sonic games. The teacher confisticated my computer and said I would have to use the chromebooks for the rest of the year. She also said that Sonic was a dead franchise and that Fortnite was better in every way. That was really no good and SLOW of her! So I ripped my computer out of my Sonic-hating teacher and screamed "YOU SLUTTY SLOW SONIC HATER! YOU'RE JUST TOO SLOW!" I also went to her macbook, and deleted Fortnite and installed more Sonic games and played Gotta Go Fast to the whole class. She gave me an F, which is impossible since E is the lowest rank and S is the highest, and sent me to the principal's office, where I was suspended and they called my parents, who took away my Game Gear. When I get back, I'll make sure they pay for being TOO SLOW.
July 2021

My name is Mighticus Totemicus Spamicus

twitchquotes: <:::::[]=¤◥█̆◤My name is Mighticus Totemicus Spamicus, commander of the Armies of the RNG, General of the ◥█̆◤ Legions, loyal servant to the true Shaman Kripparrian. Buff to a ◥█̆◤ son, and buff to a ◥█̆◤ wife. I will make all totems mighty, whether in this game or the next. <:::::[]=¤◥█̆◤
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

Dont mind me just turning it to gold

twitchquotes: GivePLZ TBCheesePull Kappa TBCheesePull TakeNRG Dont mind me just turning it to gold
twitch chat
April 2017

Muffins the dog in love with cats

twitchquotes: I'm muffins! i'm a dog that is in LOVE with cats! That's right! I know it sounds crazy because floofy doogos aren't supposed to breed with sassy kitties but I grew up with them and have just never really wanted anything to o with other puppers. It just feels so good to be a big strong dog loving a slender and fragile kitty! I can't help myself! Their long tail seductively swishing effortlessly through the air... I'm getting too excited now! I need to go to the park! I'm going to go play now!
twitch chat
July 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing