[Copypasta] Can we keep the sexual posts to a fucking minimum?

Can we keep the sexual posts to a fucking minimum guys? My parents stumbled on this sub the other day and now I'm not even allowed to access Reddit anymore because of the sex talk they saw in here. This is not a peepee, poopoo and vajayjay fun house. We are not heathens whose only role in life is to fornicate and laugh about fornication and then ejaculate that nonsense, spurting and spewing this so called "humor" on each other like animals. This is a place of worship. Meme worship. God is not pleased with you all. Repent.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

what do you think the billions of dollars smell like

twitchquotes: Do you think that Jeff Bezos gets embarrassed when Twitch mobile has a 10 second delay in front of his billions of dollars? Sorry if this offends anyone but I thought it was a funny thing haha. And I would like to know if any of you have pics of Jeff Bezos looking nervous or embarrassed in front of chat I just want to see it for a few laughs haha. Another thing I am wondering is what do you think the billions of dollars smell like I am just curious for laughs haha I would like to smell them
twitch chat
July 2020

Watching Thijs in the bathroom

twitchquotes: Ahhh, my favorite part of the day. After lunch, a take a break from work, lock myself in the office bathroom pretending to take a dump while I watch my favorite streamer, Thijs. Just hope my boss doesn't come knocking, otherwise I'm fired...
twitch chat
September 2020
Thijs

Am I the asshole for dropping my 6 year old son at an orphanage for his inability to trade options?

This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while he is sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make him understand the market. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

WallStreetBets

I love your stream. Just kidding

twitchquotes: I love your stream. Your energy and optimism is inspiring and you just make my day so much brighter. Just kidding lol. It's tanner. I see you're still playing this children's card game despite me stealing and selling your account back in the day. Anyways, good talk. See you at the gym ... not.
twitch chat
June 2019

Hearthstone

Tanner from High School

Tyler1 is a hard stuck attack-damage carry

twitchquotes: LoLTyler1, also known as the most renown athletes in the American game of football and collegiate participants, is a hard stuck attack-damage, a role found in the monolithic video game, League of Legends. Tyler1 specializes in fields such as sports, academia, and banter. Though Tyler is self-proclaimed to be, quote, “alpha as fuck”, he often cannot pronounce most of the words that his chat uses. Such mispronunciations include this particular instantiation of this current message..
twitch chat
March 2018
Tyler1

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing