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Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.

It’s Morbin time! # FAQ ## What does this mean? It’s time for Morbin. ## Why did I do this? There are several reasons I may deem you morbin-able to be worthy of being morbed. These include, but are not limited to: I am very Morby I see you being morbin-able You morbed me first ## Is Morbius THE movie of all time? Yes ## I don't believe I deserved to be morbed upon. Can you un-morb me? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put morb-juice back into my morbenis. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me some thick morb-milk explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to fucking requests/comments within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of people gets morbed, and you are is likely no exception. ## How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the reality that I stick my Morbenis into your morbussy and move on. But learn from this mistake. You were a mistake because I forgot to wear a morbondom whilst fucking your morb-hole. I will continue to morb your morbussy until you improve your conduct. Remember: morbing you who morbed me first is a right, not a privilege.

I met him in real life and told him how much of a fan I was. He kept on saying rude things to me such as "Who are you", "How did you get in my house" and "I'm calling the police." Celebrities, PLEASE respect your fans!

MASKS UP😷 AND TITS OUT💯👏🙌ONLY THREE MORE COVID🦠VARIANTS🤤UNTIL SIGMA ΣΣ😩 You know what that means you 🅱OOSTED💉SLUTS👅👀 It’s time to get on that COVID Grindset™ before you get 🤯infected🍆🍆🍆by the SUPERIOR😤variant‼‼ The sixth 6️⃣wave🌊👋 is CUMMING💦💦📈🅱eta males at the bottom😓👇of the corona🍺sexual🥵 hierarchy 🏆 should ☠prepare to get FUCKED🍑🍆this time⌛ by the extra👌large🤪spike👆protein mutation☢🤤😫 Send this to 1️⃣9️⃣ of your most IMMUNO⛔COMPROMISED🚫😨😨 friends💩otherwise😳there will be💀 another VERY long📏🍆LOCK🔐DOWN🙈‼‼

the CANCEL CULTURE MOB got to Jerma, this is awful I am disgusted. Of all the people who deserve to be shat on, Jerma is the last person on that list. He ended his last stream abruptly in tears, he didn't even go to the subs list. I wasn't even looking at chat at that moment, so I was confused. I go on Twitter and I see a trending hashtag #Jerma985isOverParty, people generally being very mean to him, and why? Because apparently he compared Dr. Who to Rick & Morty. Wow. Congratulations, you bullied a 36-year-old young boy to tears, just because of a joke. Grow a thicker skin, snowflakes.

Some backstory required: Earlier today I was trying to relax but she wouldn't stop fucking making annoying ass googoo gaga noises. So today, I see her, and she is actually standing up! First I think to take a picture and tell my parents, but than I remember what an entitled bitch she is. I run forward, and leap forward and plant both my feet in her face as we both tumble down the stairs. I told my parents that she crawked in front of me whilst I was about to use the stairs so I'm out of trouble, and the surgery went fine and she is basically fine although she seems to have fucking learned her lesson as she 'talks' a lot less now. Next time she does this I'm uppercutting her entitled little baby skull

So me (69m) and my friend (69m) were at waffle house (7300 Innerplan Dr, North Little Rock, Arkansas 72113-7645, US) and were discussing funerals (6-9k). I mentioned that since I will be attending his funeral (approx. 2032) that it would be impudent for him not to turn up to mine (approx. 2036). Long story short, this lead for him to swing a naughty haymaker (right) directly aiming for my jaw when I rapidly dodged and gave the cheeky cunt a swift uppercut (broken nose). He is now hospitalized (critical condition) and I am now currently evading law enforcement (on foot). My family (69f wife, 54m son, 69f wife) have been trying to contact me but I keep telling them if I ever see that punk again, I will give him a little combo (right hook, left hook, headbutt then roundhouse kick). If he is still moving I will stomp on his head until he is a little red smear on the bottom of my boot (black timberlands). I know I’m right but I feel as if I may have overreacted a tiny bit (not too much) AITA?

Hello Reddit UWU my name is fox chan nya~ 🦊 and this September I'm getting married (wiggles tail in excitement) 😍🐈🇷🇺 I'm getting married next week to my alpha horse wolf Shadow Senpai 🐴🐺🥰. The dress code is animal themed but my sister won't do it. She's Vagen😳 and thinks it's bad (cries cutely while Mozart's Symphony No. 40 in G minor plays)🎶🎼♫🎤 (eyes turn red like demon, but not like demon) I want to not invite her 😡😤🤬😈 AITA?

The results 📈are in and our gurl 💃🏻 sanders is out 🏳️‍🌈. Time to get ready for big daddy HOE Biden. He's cumming 💦💦 to DOMINATE🤼‍♂️ our HEAD of state 🍊 and his bitch💁🏻‍♀️ mike pence. He may be a donkey but he's big as a horse 🍆🐴 and is ready to touch 👋🤫😈 the hearts 💞of all Americans 🇺🇸. Cum erection day 🗳 y'all sluts better fill that hole 👉🏻👌 next to biden and relase✊ America's aching 🤤throbbing 😮 desire for green 🤑🤑energy, a ban 🛑on those naughty big black guns💪🏾, and more money to pay💵💰💸 those slutty nurses 👩‍⚕️💁‍♀️ to make us all feel better 👄🥴. Cum 💦 hoevember help the needy 👅🧎🏻‍♂️ by supporting big daddy Biden 👨🏻‍🦳and naughty Nancy💁‍♀️👏 and give dirty Donald 🎩, bitch McConnell 🐢, and those filthy 😷😏 reSUBlicans🐘 blue balls🔵. Send to 🔟 of your most deviant 😈democrats. If you get 5️⃣back ur a Biden bitch 💅🏻💵. if u get 🔟 u will spend a hot 🔥 December⛄️night with those skanks at the ERECToral 😏🍆 college 🏛.)