[Copypasta] She sells sea shells on the sea shore

She sells seashells on a seashore But the value of these shells will fall Due to the laws of supply and demand No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they’re rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island Stockpile 'em high until they’re rarer than a diamond Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin' want 'em, hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven’t got a shell, then you're just a fucking wasteman Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property Start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly "Shells must sell", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals, they're a poor man's quality Four: expand, expand, expand Clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand Five: why just shells? Why limit yourself? She sells seashells, sell oil as well Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks Sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes Then run to be the president of the United States Eight: big smile mate, big wave, that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate Nine: Polarise the people, controversy is the game It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name Ten: the world is yours Step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore And you sell seashells on the seashore
April 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018

Yoshi

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–„β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–’β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–“β–“β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–€β–„β–„β–„β–€β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–“β–„ β–„β–€β–€β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆ β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€ β–€β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–€β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘
November 2014

You better wear the TSM T-Shirt

twitchquotes: Hello TSM_Kripp, TSM manager here. We can see that you aren't wearing our TSM T-shirt. Remember that it is a vital part of our contract. If you want the fuckmaster-vol7ron you better wear the damn shirt.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Kripp is a casual vegan

twitchquotes: Coke is not vegan. Vegans and vegetarians should note that a our drinks contain small traces of fish gelatine, which is used as a stabiliser for the beta-carotene colour. Not only is Kripp a casual gamer, he is a casual vegan as well!
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Awooga Awooga

twitchquotes: *jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair* Ahem, you look very lovely.
twitch chat
February 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing