[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I want to come. Not on your face

twitchquotes: I want to come. Not on your face. Not on your titties. I want to come over whenever you need me. Those late nights when you have too much on your mind. Or you have nothing on your mind. I’ll be there, whenever you need me.
twitch chat
February 2019

Not your naked body

The year is 2025. MoonMoon_Ow lies on his deathbed

twitchquotes: The year is 2025. MoonMoon_Ow lies on his deathbed, the countless years of oatmeal infighting finally having taken their toll. He struggles to adjust his eyes to the glare of his computer screen, yearning to view his beloved twitch chat one more time. All he sees is degenerate weeb spam. His eyes brim with tears. He begins gasping his final breath, and in his final moments he tells Chat "K"
twitch chat
September 2017
MOONMOON

MingLee

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣤⣶⣦⣤⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⡿⠛⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⣾⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣾⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢻⡿⠁⠀⢀⣠⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⣇⡴⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣄⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠸⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢿⢻⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣍⢳⣤⡀⠀⢻⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⣴⠈⠻⣯⣬⣉⣉⣩⣽⣿⠃⠀⠈⠣⡈⠻⠦⠀⠀⠹⢿⠿⠛⠂⠸⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠛⠓⠒⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠐⡄⠀ ⠀⣿⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠶⠶⠀⠘⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢻⣿⣿⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣯⣉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠸⣿⣿⡄⠀⠘⣿⣿⡟⠉⠉⠉⠁⠂⠒⢦⣄⢸⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠷⣶⡿⠻⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣆⠀⢸⣿⣿⣤⡀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠁⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣦⣸⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠻⠿⠷⠒⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
September 2020

Reynad keeps escaped walruses from the local zoo

twitchquotes: Wᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇᴛ Rᴇʏɴᴀᴅ! I ᴀᴍ Dᴀɴ Gᴜʟ, ᴏᴡɴᴇʀ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴄᴀʟ ᴢᴏᴏ. Wʜɪʟᴇ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴛʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴡᴇ ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇᴅ sᴏᴍᴇ ᴅɪsᴛᴜʀʙɪɴɢ sᴏᴜɴᴅs ᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ғʀᴏᴍ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪᴄ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ sᴏᴍᴇ ʀᴇᴄᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴇsᴄᴀᴘᴇᴅ ᴡᴀʟʀᴜsᴇs. Iғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴛᴜʀɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴀʟʀᴜsᴇs ᴡɪᴛʜɪɴ 24 ʜᴏᴜʀs, ᴡᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴀᴠᴇ Tᴡɪᴛᴄʜ sʜᴜᴛ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɴᴇʟ. I'ᴍ ʙᴀɪᴛɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ.
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

Adapt created, quest activated, now we Jebaited

twitchquotes: Jebaited BATTLECRY OUTDATED Jebaited DISCOVERY OVERRATED Jebaited ADAPT CREATED Jebaited QUEST ACTIVATED Jebaited LONG HAVE WE WAITED Jebaited NOW WE JEBAITED Jebaited
twitch chat
February 2017

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing