[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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More Copypastas

Kripp's handicapped half-cousin from Romania, Kripple

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, this is you handicapped half-cousin from Romania, Kripple. I need you help for my medical bill. I owe Doctor $5,000 and he only accept 5 dollar bill. Plz help. If I don't pay he take my good leg. Sincerlirino, Kripple J. Morospam
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Ape rocket

💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎💎💎🚀💎💎💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎💎🚀🚀🚀💎💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎🚀🚀🐵🚀🚀💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎💎🚀🚀🚀💎 💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎💎🍌🍌🍌💎💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎💎💎🍌💎💎💎💎💎💎💎 💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎
April 2021

WallStreetBets

Stabbed with Kniferino made out of an OJ Carton

twitchquotes: Oᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀɴ Mᴏʀᴏsᴀɴ, ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪsᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ᴀs Kʀɪᴘᴘ, ʜᴀs ᴘᴀssᴇᴅ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ's ᴀғᴛᴇʀɴᴏᴏɴ. Hᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴀᴍʙᴜsʜᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴀ ɢʀᴏᴜᴘ ᴏғ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ɪɴ ᴀɴ ᴀʟʟᴇʏ, ᴀɴᴅ sᴛᴀʙʙᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴋɴɪғᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴀɴ OJ ᴄᴀʀᴛᴏɴ. RIP ɪɴ ᴘᴇᴘᴘᴇʀᴏɴɪ ᴄᴀᴘᴘᴜᴄᴄɪɴᴏ ᴘɪsᴛᴀᴄʜɪᴏ, ʏᴏᴜ sʜᴀʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴍɪssᴇᴅ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

TIFU: By slapping my wife’s ass

TIFU: By slapping my wife’s ass Last night my wife and I were getting hot and heavy, and began having sex. During sex, I decided to put in a little spanking. This is where things got weird. As I slapped her ass in the heat of the moment, she bursts out with “yes daddy, spank me harder!” (To preface I knew she had some serious daddy issues)This initially was a turn on, but after a few seconds all I could think of was disciplining my daughter and my face went sour. I stopped immediately and felt awkward. She responded with “what’s wrong daddy, did you not punish me enough?” I walked out of the room and told her I needed a minute. Now I don’t think I can ever have sex again. TL;DR slapped my wife’s ass, called me daddy, now I can only think about disciplining my daughter and don’t know if I can ever have sex again
July 2022

Come Down Kid (in Farsi)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠋⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢻⣿⠋⠉⠙⠻⠿⣿⠏⢻⣿ ⣿⡇⠸⠿⠏⠻⠿⠆⢸⣿⣿⡟⠰⠆⠘⠷⠴⠖⠂⠀⠴⠿⠇⢸⣿ ⣿⣧⣀⣀⣠⣄⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣷⣤⣶⣀⣀⣀⣤⣼⣄⣀⣀⣀⣼⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣟⣛⣙⣿⣙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣩⣹⣿⣿⣋⣻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠻⣿⡇⠀⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣴⣿⡟⢿⣿⠛⣿⣧⠀⣿⡇⠀⣿⣅⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢹⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠙⠛⠛⠁⣸⡟⠿⠿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡟⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
December 2021
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