[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Catarrian hungry

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, Catarrian here. Far too long have I meowed and you've ignored my plea for food. Here you are bragging to everybody about the militant "vegan" that you are, yet you neglect animals. It's time everybody knows the truth meow so we can report your sorry Romanian *** to PETA.ᕙ໒(˵ ̄ᴥ ̄˵)७ᕗ
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

I sexually Identify as a Bastion

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as a Bastion. Ever since I was a transistor I dreamed of being nanoboosted and firing cannonballs on the disgusting enemy team. People tell me that being a Siege Automaton is impossible but I don't care, I'm overpowered. I’m having a plastic surgeon install treads, a gattling gun and a nanoboost on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me BOOSTED and respect my right to take 35% less damage 100% of the time. If not, you're an omnic-phobe and need to check your human privileges
twitch chat
March 2017

Overwatch

I sexually Identify as

Space Invaders

░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░▄▄████▄▄░░░░░ ░░░▄██████████▄░░░ ░▄██▄██▄██▄██▄██▄░ ░░░▀█▀░░▀▀░░▀█▀░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░▀▄░░░▄▀░░░░░ ░░░░▄█▀███▀█▄░░░░ ░░░█▀███████▀█░░░ ░░░█░█▀▀▀▀▀█░█░░░ ░░░░░░▀▀░▀▀░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░▄░▀▄░░░▄▀░▄░░░ ░░░█▄███████▄█░░░ ░░░███▄███▄███░░░ ░░░▀█████████▀░░░ ░░░░▄▀░░░░░▀▄░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░▄▄████▄▄░░░░░ ░░░██████████░░░░ ░░░██▄▄██▄▄██░░░░ ░░░░▄▀▄▀▀▄▀▄░░░░░ ░░░▀░░░░░░░░▀░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░▄██▄░░░░░░░ ░░░░▄██████▄░░░░░ ░░░███▄██▄███░░░░ ░░░░░▄▀▄▄▀▄░░░░░░ ░░░░▀░▀░░▀░▀░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░▄░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░███░░░░░░░ ░░▄███████████▄░░ ░░█████████████░░ ░░█████████████░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
September 2021

The year is 2088, Kripp lays tattered on his deathbed

twitchquotes: The year is 2088, Kripp lays tattered on his deathbed, his organs absolutely ravaged from years of veganism. He turns to his computer monitor for one last look at his beloved twitch chat only to see a bunch of weebs, emote spam and copy pasta. Tears fill his lifeless, vegan eyes. Rania is at his side as he draws on all his power to take his last breath and say the only enlightening words that come to mind.. "K"
twitch chat
October 2017
Kripp

Curse of the donger king

twitchquotes: Reynad you should know by now that anything and everything I say will get copy and pasted at least 100 times. It's the curse of the donger king. Much like Midas everything I touch turns to copy pasta.
twitch chat
May 2015
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing