[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

The Coldest Place in the Universe May Actually Be a Sussy Baka

The Boomerang Nebula, located roughly 5,000 light-years away from our solar system, has a temperature of 1 Kelvin (-272 °C or -460 °F) making it the coldest natural place in the universe humanity has discovered. First found in 1995 by astronomers in Chile, we have since learned quite a bit about it. The Boomerang Nebula is a young planetary nebula which has reached such cold temperatures due to its unusually rapid expansion. However, recently, modern online enthusiasts have raised one question science has yet been unable to answer: is it sus? The profound similarities between the Boomerang Nebula and the characters from the hit game Among Us have led many to believe that the Boomerang Nebula is, in fact, awfully sus, but science has yet to confirm, deny, or even respond to these questions. Follow for more updates on this developing story.
June 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

Call of Duty is the most realistic video game with the most advanced engine

Meanwhile in Call of Duty, true gamers laugh about Battlefield's primitive physics engine. Arma was an attempt by a failing Czech developer to make Call of Duty 'more realistic'. However due to the fact that Call of Duty was already as realistic as a video game can possibly be, they panicked. They made a shameless rip-off and slapped 'military simulator' on the front. True gamers are smart enough to know this, hence why Arma averages 67 on Metacritic, whereas Call of Duty averages 98-100. Call of Duty players laugh down at players of every other game, knowing they are Call of Duty rip-offs. Call of Duty is the most realistic video game with the most advanced engine. The world's leading video game scientists have confirmed this, so it isn't as much 'thinking' as it is 'knowing'. And Call of Duty can't possibly RIP those games off. Call of Duty was the first video game, so there wasn't anything for it to rip off.
August 2021

Call of Duty

Saddam Hussein hiding spot v2

Saddam Hussein's hiding spot │Entrance hidden by │Bricks and rubble ▂▃▂▅▇▅▅▇▄▃ ┳ ║ ║▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ │ ╚╗ ╔╝ │ ║ ║ │Saddam 6ft ╚╗ ╔╝ │Hussein │====o ╚════│════════╗ │ │║@ ▇▅▆▇▆▅▅█ ║ ┷ │╚│═════════════╝ Air vent │ │Fan
July 2021

forsenScoots

⠄⠄⠄⣸⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠼⠟⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⠄ ⠄⠄⣰⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣥⣤⣀⣀⣀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷ ⠄⠄⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠛⠛⠛⣛⣛⠛⠛⠿⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⣶⡆⠄⠄⠉⠙⠛⢿⣆⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣄⠐⢾⣧⠄⣀⣤⠙⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣭⣙⣫⣭⣤⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⣿⣦⡀⠘ ⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠙⠛⢷⡈⢻⣷⠄ ⢀⣠⣄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢉⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠺⣇⠄⢀⣠⢻⡄⣿⣿ ⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢉⣾⣿⠄⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡈⠉⠉⠉⣠⣿⣿⣿ ⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠷⠦⠈⠉⠄⠄⠈⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿ ⠄⣠⣿⣿⠟⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⡾⠿⢷⣄⡹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁ ⠄⢉⣿⡏⢀⡀⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⣶⣦⣌⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠉⠁⢸⣿⣧⣄⡉⠛⠿⣬⣛⠛⠛⠂⠄⠄⢻⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢨⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠷⢦⡁⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢠⡴⠟⠉⢀⣤⣶⣶⠄⢻⣶⣿⣶⡆⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

I'm jealous of Kripp's gangsta lifestyle

twitchquotes: I'm jealous of Kripp's gangsta lifestyle ... the baller veganism ... the high fibre diet ... the dope falafel wraps. The dude is regular!
twitch chat
May 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing