[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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Red crew mate

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May 2021

Among Us / Amogus

monkaHmm

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣶⣶⣶⣤⣄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⡆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⡟⣩⣵⣶⣾⣿⣷⣶⣮⣅⢛⣫⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣛⣂⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄ ⣠⡄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢟⣛⣫⣭⠉⠍⠉⣛⠿⡘⣿⠿⢟⣛⡛⠉⠙⠻⢿⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣭⣍⠄⣡⣬⣭⣭⣅⣈⣀⣉⣁⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⣛⡻⠿⠿⢿⣿⡿⢛⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣩⣵⣾⣿⣿⣯⣙⠟⣋⣉⣩⣍⡁⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣛⣛⣛⣛⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⡀⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢼⣿⣯⣭⣛⣛⣛⡻⠷⠶⢶⣬⣭⣭⣭⡭⠭⢉⡄⠶⠾⠟⠁⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠻⣦⣤⣭⣭⣭⣭⣛⣛⡻⠿⠷⠶⢶⣶⠞⣼⡟⡸⣸⡸⠿⠄⠄⠄ ⣛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠷⡆⣾⠟⡴⣱⢏⡜⠆⠄⠄⠄ ⣭⣙⡒⠦⠭⣭⣛⣛⣛⡻⠿⠿⠟⣛⣛⣛⣛⡋⣶⡜⣟⣸⣠⡿⣸⠇⣧⡀⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣥⣶⣶⣶⡆⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣸⠉⣷⠄⠄
June 2020

Pepe

I, an atheist, accidentally said “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”

I, an atheist, accidentally said “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science” You read the title, I just cannot believe I said the “g” word on accident. Am I even an atheist anymore? I don’t like religion or anything but like maybe it infiltrated me and is manipulating me to say “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”. Please guys it wasn’t me, I didn’t mean it. I’m very disappointed in myself, I think I need to go to science camp or go to therapy. What if I’m secretly religious? what should I do? Is my foreskin going to fall off?? Please can someone give me advice, any advice is appreciated. Best regards, -an atheist(?)
November 2020

This is the shittiest reply ever Overwatch version

twitchquotes: This is the shittiest reply ever. Overwatch requires camping, booping, stunning, sleeping, hacking, slamming, aimbotting and hitting shots. There are not “positions” in Overwatch. A kickers job is LITERALLY to kick. Horrible analogy, kind of embarrassing.
twitch chat
December 2019

The year is 2030. The AOC is now the Supreme Emperor of the United States and the Americas

The year is 2030. The AOC is now the Supreme Emperor of the United States and the Americas, and has successfully executed her forced feminization program, converting 72% of the us male population into women, the remaining 28% either existing peacefully as femboy subs or have fled the country, if they're lucky. All references to Dr. Seuss, Mr. Potatohead, and other such martyrs and thoughtcrimes will lead to prompt and inevitable cancellation by means of Jewish space laser. All statues of white people have been torn down and replaced with statues of AOC alongside Mao Zedong and Che Guevara, and the public has thus collectively forgotten about Robert E. Lee. The constitution has its 28th amendment, codifying mandatory cock and ball torture for all penis-having citizens no less than twice a week. It is illegal to say "Merry Christmas". Heterosexual relationships are strictly forbidden. Attack Helicopter, with pronouns brr/brrs, is a gender recognized on the official list of 93. The police have been almost entirely defunded, nationally having an annual budget of $5.30, enough for a single Big Mac Combo Meal. There is a new arm of the state, namely the "rape police" whose sole duty is functionally a secret task force to ensure all consent is affirmative and enthusiastic. All citizens must pledge allegiance to the LGBTQIA+ rainbow flag and swear oaths on White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo. All g*mers have been deported. Mexico is now the 53rd state, behind Puerto Rico and Washington DC. All bathrooms are gender-neutral. Marxism, the theory proposing the government do a lot of things, has become the official state ideology, including mandatory education on critical race theory beginning in pre-K. White people are second class citizens, guilty of being white, and all white people must publicly apologize on the behalf of their race as a coming-of-age ceremony at the beginning of pubescence. Facts now care about feelings. We will no longer be subjugated by AOC and her inner party, the Squad. The Culture War is not over. We will not be cancelled. We are the resista— radio static
March 2021
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