[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Jared wakes up in the middle of the night

twitchquotes: Jared wakes up in the middle of the night gasping for breath. The moon shines high in the starless sky its light upon Jared. It illuminates his, pale almost ghostly face, he is sweating yet he feels so cold. From his lips only one word is whispered "Diamond III" he shivers for this word is a mortal reminder of his haunting nightmare. He tries to calm himself reassuring it was all but a bad dream. He looks up, a surrender vote blinking in the dark, and in the background qtpies maniacal laugh
twitch chat
April 2016
Annie Bot

Boosted Animal Jared

League of Legends

Big eyes WeirdChamp

⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄ ⠄⣴⣾⣿⡟⠋⢁⣩⣭⣭⣭⣝⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⡇⠄ ⢠⣿⣿⣯⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣷⡌⠛⣿⣿⣿⡿⠫⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡍⢣⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⡟⣁⡀⠄⢹⣿⣿⣠⣿⣿⣿⡠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠈⠙⣿⣼⠄ ⢀⣿⣿⣿⣇⠈⢿⣷⡀⠄⢈⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠛⣿⣿⣿⡄⠉⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡈⠻⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠙⢿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣭⣍⣫⣭⣿⣿⡏⠄ ⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀ ⡆⠄⠄⠻⣿⣿⡿⠿⣻⣿⣿⣦⡉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⢛⣿⣎⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢠⣾ ⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⣁⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣀⡀⠄⣠⣤⣾⣿⣿⣆⠉⢿⣿⡟⢃⣿⣿ ⣿⡀⠄⠄⠠⣿⡄⠄⠄⠘⠛⠛⠉⠍⠉⠻⠿⠯⠽⠛⠿⠈⠋⢠⣾⣿⠃⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠘⢿⣶⣶⣶⣤⣔⣲⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠒⣠⣤⣤⣤⣿⡯⡓⢰⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⡉⣢⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⣿⣿⣿⣧⣄⣀⡀⢀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2019

Hey Kripp, its Chad from the college football team

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, its Chad from the college football team, how you been bro? I see you're still playing video games some things never change! Hey are you still playing the wizard of warcraft game? I never had time for video games I was too busy playing football and going to frat parties. Anyways good seeing you bro,call me and we can hit the clubs.
twitch chat
September 2015
Kripp

Bender demends a voltron deck

twitchquotes: ¦̵ ̵ ̵ ̵ ̵(̢ ̡└̅┘͇ (▤8כ−◦ BENDER demands a VOLTRON deck
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

OH MY GOD IS THAT A RAINBOW LOGO?

‼️‼️OH MY GOD‼️‼️ IS THAT A 🏳️‍🌈R🏳️‍🌈A🏳️‍🌈I🏳️‍🌈N🏳️‍🌈B🏳️‍🌈O🏳️‍🌈W🏳️‍🌈 LOGO?!?!?!?!? 😍😍😍😍 OMG 🤯🤯UR SO INCLUSIVE😱😱😱😱 🏳️‍🌈LGBT 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️TRANS 🏳️‍⚧️RIGHTS YAAAAS!!!!!!!!!🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 UR SO PROGRESSIVE 💁🏻‍♂️💁🏼‍♂️💁🏽‍♂️💁🏾‍♂️💁🏿‍♂️ I WILL NOW BUY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE! 👏👏👏🥺🥺🥺 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH NOW 😫😩😩😍😍🥰🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈
June 2021

Emoji Pasta

Text-to-Speech Playing