[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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August 2020

yo

twitchquotes: To ̼̜͈͔̰i̲͓̬̜͓̳ͅn̪̹v̨͚̜̪̠͉̝͉o͕̤̘̻̮̘̭k̦̦̖̠̪e͇͎̙̖ͅ ̭̗͚̠t̻̥h̻͜e̲̩̣̩ ̖̹h̯̟i͕v͏̼͙͖̮͍̞e̺͙͉̦͡-͏̥̻m̷̤i͓n̻̱͍̼̼d͖̜̝̰̳̱͇͟ ̠͍̳ṛ̷e̱͎̟pr̬ḙ̗̫̖͖̜͓̀s̵̗̲͉̭̤en̥̣͟t̨̬͔̣̼̹̘i̶̼͚̻̻n̬g̱̗̩̯̭̬͘ ̻̻̮̪̬ͅc͞h̯̼͇̥ao̫̳̭̲̹̲͟s.̙͓̲͍͉͞ͅ ͖͎̳͕Ìṋ̲̻̞̫̠̫v̛̯͍̞̘̼̮ͅo̬k̻̺͚̲͖ͅi̢n̵͇͖̼g ͓̺͈̬̞͖͉t̰͕̟̭̱̩ḩ̠̪͕͙͓̘̝e̱͖͔͙͝ͅ ̫̲̤͢f̸̻̣̰͔̳̪͚e̯ẹ̤̣̫l̤̀i̢̲̩n҉̲̹g̵̜̺̙͈͔̦̼ ̼̘͙̹͍̟̻͝o̢̟̺̹̮f͜ ͖͕͟c̸̠̤h̠̙͇͉a̳͍̕oș̡.̦͈̱̱̝̣ ͇̗͖̩̣̣͝W̨͎̱̬̞͓̼ḭ͎̖t̳̜̩͕̬͕h ̞̺͇̤̫̤͜o͓͓̮̤u̞̗̰̮̘t̼́ ̖̺̳̩̦̝ͅo͕̝r͔͓̗d͇̩̙͟ḙ̻̫̭̯̣r̸͉̯̠̯̥̺.̺̼͚̳̘͈͈ ̮̳͉̖͟Ț̛̠̙͍̻͚͖h͟e͈̪̙̗̰̖ ̛̠̹̜̲̞͖ͅN͔̪̼̬̗͉͟e̫͔̼͉̹z̬̠p̯͈̰̯̫͡è̪͖͉͓̼͇r̻͝d̲i͓̻̳̼̘͜a̧͈̲n͉̮̻͈̯͘ ͚̼̝h̯̰̞̥͉͈i̷͓̖͓̟ͅv̷̭͎̳̰e͇͔͍̩̭-̠̟̣̺̱̣̹m͍̬̳͚̙i̝̭n̪͖̳d̻͟ ̞̠͔̹o̢̖̺͈͓͖͎f̭̬̥͍̳̜ ̣̣̪̻̹̥̙c͢h̶a̛̼̙̞̜̮͓o͓̣͕͙̫̩͢ͅs͙.͎̱̹̳͍̫͚͢ ҉͓͕̱̟͓Z͔͈͓̙̮̮̭̀àl̞̥͎̜g̝o.̻͉͚͢ ͕̦͖̹͙̙͓H̘͇̖e͝ ̰̹̭͡wh̺̺͔͙o͕̖̱͕̖̞͉ ̦W̺a̖̱̙̙̬̺̘i̘̻̮̲t͙s̵͈ ̟̕B̛̯e͔͘hi̺ͅn͕͚̣̟̼͘d ̟͠T̵̞h̘̭̝̭̺̀ẹ̸͇ ̘̖̖̟̪̼̞̀W̧͙̱̠a̫ll.̱̥̣͙̤̮ͅ ̩͙͍̝͔Z͏̲̝̜̹̹̱A̴͕̲̥̟͖͈̭Ḷ͞G͇͙̣̞O̸̖͍͕!̛̻
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July 2014
Kaceytron

Lapras

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣽⣶⣶⣶⣾⣟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣻⣿⣿⢿⣫⣽⣶⣶⣾⣭⣻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢿⣭⡻⡇⣿⣿⠿⣟⣻⣯⣭⣭⣭⣥⡟⣳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡞⣿⣿⣾⣭⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢳⣿⣿⣿⢿⣻⣟⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⣿⣿⢳⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⢹ ⣿⣿⡿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿ ⣿⣟⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣷⣿⣿⠿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣻⡿⢿⣟⣫⣿⣿⣿ ⡟⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢟⣯⡆⠄⠻⠃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣭⣥⣭⣦⣴⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠻⡿⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⣿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣛⣽⣾⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀⢳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣶⣿⣿⣽⣳⢾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣮⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣭⣽⣿⣯⣭⣿⣾⣿⣿⠁⣿⡟⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
November 2018

Pokemon

Dex barks at Kripp

twitchquotes: OhMyDog "Alright, bark at Kripp, I guess" OhMyDog "Haven't barked at Kripp in a while, let's go bark" OhMyDog "Barking at Kripp isn't that good, but alright" OhMyDog
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December 2016
Kripp

Jebaited

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⢷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣌⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡯⠻⠿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⢷⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⣤⠼⠟⠛⠄⠠⣭⡙⠋⠉⠄⠄⠚⠟⠋⠃⠐⠸⢟⣦⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⡿⠋⠄⢀⣤⣤⣶⠈⢷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⠆⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣍⠉⠻⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠨⣾⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣸⡿⣩⣟⣿⡦⡲⣿⣿⣿⡿⠙⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⠁⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣏⣉⠉⠛⠢⠈⣻⣿⣿⡍⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢷⠄⡌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠸⠿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠿⠿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢄⠄⠐⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣷⣴⣶⣶⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
June 2019
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