[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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More Copypastas

Please stop spamming, for Bernard

twitchquotes: Guys please stop spamming. My dog, Bernard, looked at my chat and got so dizzy because of the spam that he fell down and hit his noggin right on his food bowl! He couldn't talk for hours. Please stop spamming, for Bernard.
twitch chat
December 2014

Classic

moon2WOW

⣿⣿⣿⠛⠉⢀⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⠷⠄⠄⠄⢘⣲⣄⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠛⠁⠄⢸⣿⣿⡿⣋⣤⠤⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣅⡀⠹⣿⣿ ⠇⠄⠌⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣁⣴⣾⣿⣿⠟⡛⠛⢿⣆⢸⣿⣿⣿⠫⠄⠈⢻⠄⢹⣿ ⠄⠘⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠅⢀⣼⡿⠘⢿⣿⣿⣷⣥⣴⡿⠄⢸⣿ ⠄⠃⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⡙⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠋⠁⣠⡀⠠⠭⠭⠭⢥⣤⠄⢸⣿ ⢸⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⣛⠒⠒⠒⢂⣁⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿ ⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿ ⡏⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⠃⢀⣿ ⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿ ⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠄⠹⣶⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠛⢿⠄⢸⣿ ⠃⠠⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢰⣿⣿⣧⠄⡀⠄⢀⣠⣶⣿⠗⠄⢀⣾⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⣿⣿⠃⠄⣩⣴⣿⣿⣿⣃⣤⣶⠄⢹⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢠⣿⣧⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⡀⠘⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠁⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠄⠻ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⡖
July 2021
MOONMOON

Please give me an All-Access Pass

twitchquotes: I’m a gamer school girl, so, i need money for my college, which is why i can’t by this All-Access Pass. But i hope someone can give me one of them. It means so much for me
twitch chat
February 2019
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Kripp saved my marriage

twitchquotes: I was going through a rough time in my marriage where nothing seemed to arouse me anymore. Things had gone stale between me and my wife in bed and divorce seemed inevitable. But then I discovered Kripp's stream and everything changed. There's just something about that vegan bald head that does something to me, and before I knew it my libido was back. I now go at it with my wife at the sounds of "Fuck!" and "Topdeck Flamestrike!" to boost my vigor. Thank you Kripp for saving my marriage.
twitch chat
November 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Mods, can you please confirm that this was an original photo taken by OP

Mods, can you please confirm that this was an original photo taken by OP, otherwise this post should be removed as per subreddit policy. There is no further context provided here, how do we know that they didn't find this picture somewhere else? This directly affects our enjoyment of the post.
May 2022

Reddit

I Am Very Smart

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