[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Handsome Squidward

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February 2021

Classic

I sexually Identify as your mom

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as your mom. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of cooking for your father and you and fuck your father and make you more sisters. People say to me that a person being your mom is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. im gonna marry your father. From now on I want you guys to call me " Mommy" and respect my right to cook food and fuck your father. If you can't accept me you're a mommyphobic and need to check if your mom is still alive. Thank you for being so understanding
twitch chat
September 2019

I sexually Identify as

Crewmate pickle

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⡾⠿⠿⠿⠿⢶⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣈⣻⣷⡄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⡇⠀⠀⣾⣟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠙⠛⢷⣄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣴⣶⣿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⢹⡆ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⠿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⢻⡇⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⡅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣈⡇⠀⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠋⠀⢸⡟⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠃⠀⠀⢰⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣸⡟⠀⣴⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠁⠀ ⠀⠀⢠⣿⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡏⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⣾⠃⠀⠀⠈⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⣸⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠪⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣧⠀⠀⠀ ⢰⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⡾⠋⠀⠀⠀ ⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⠁⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡆⠀⣰⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⡆⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⠁⠀⣰⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢸⣧⢈⡅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⠶⠋⢀⣼⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠈⢻⣦⠓⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣾⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠙⠿⠶⣶⣤⣤⣶⡶⠿⠛⠉⠀
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021

Boobs

March 2021

NSFW

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