[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Ben Brode and Tyrande

twitchquotes: Ben Brode twirls his fingers in Tyrande's soft dirty blue hair. "If I do this, will you make Elune great again?" Tyrande asks as she starts to undress. "Just do as I say and I'll give you the next Dr. Boom". Tyrande prepares her Cockbiter Weapon. She nods as Ben Brode takes out his 4 mana 7/7 and slams it into Tyrande's 0/5 tightwell. "BY ELUNE'S GRACE"! Tyrande screams. After Boom-botting for 3 seconds, "HAAHAAHAA! YOU HAVE BEEN PURIFIED!" Brode yells as he SCAMAZes all over Tyrande's face..
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October 2016

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Shill this half baked product to your loyal fanbase

twitchquotes: Kripp's covetous eyes glisten as the Marvel: Future Fight devs hand over a stack of cash. "Make sure you shill this half baked product to your loyal fanbase" they instruct. Kripp licks his salty lips and mutters an agreeable "k"
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July 2017
Kripp

sellout

Just saw Trump in a hotel

twitchquotes: Just saw Trump in a hotel and I asked if he was going to win the election. He laughed and winked at me, then grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into a toilet and spat in my mouth while chanting “make America great again” over and over in my ear. Make of that what you will
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December 2020

2020 US Election

i peed white

twitchquotes: i peed white widepeepoHappy
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July 2019

Creepy smile

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣩⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣍⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠉⠄⢸⣿⡿⠉⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢀⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⡇⠄⠉⠻⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣧⠄⠈⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠈⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⣿ ⣿⣄⠄⠄⢸⡿⢿⣷⣶⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⣠⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣶⢸⣄⡠⣌⡉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⢀⣆⡇⣶⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⡘⠿⠻⠿⣇⡀⣴⣿⠆⣀⣾⣧⠄⣱⣷⣶⠞⠁⣡⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⠻⣿⣦⡀⠑⠹⠿⠘⠿⣼⡙⡿⢡⣿⠄⠉⠁⣠⣾⢟⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⡛⢿⣷⣤⣀⡀⠐⠌⠱⠉⠄⢀⣠⣴⡾⢋⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⣋⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
March 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing