[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
I used to be a real ad
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Cyberpunk character creator is broken

This game is so buggy that even the character creator is broken I heard that the game had some bugs but I wasn’t expecting them to hurt my experience so quickly. I was making my character and I got to the genitals option and gave my character a penis. I scrolled through the size option and noticed a game breaking bug. The labels are wrong for the penises. I gave my character what was labeled as “small penis” and was surprised to find that it was way bigger than my real penis. This is a serious game breaking bug and CD Project Red needs to make fixing this issue it’s number one priority.
December 2020

cyrSwag

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⢿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣾⣻⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠖⠻⠟⠛⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠆⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⡶⠦⣤⣄⠠⣤⣨⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠁⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⣶⡄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣯⣀⣀⣀⣴⣵⣎⣻⣿⣿⣟⠁⠄⡐⠲⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡁⣟⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡆⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡻⣷⡆⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣽⣿⣶⣆⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠅⢸⣿⡏⠿⣿⣿⢫⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠐⠛⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⡁⠬⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠷⠈⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢀⡀⠈⠿⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠻⠟⠒⠛⠛⠿⠿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣻⣿⣽⠏⠄⠈⣿⣥⡀⠄⠄⠈⠉⠘⠃⠄⠄⠄⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣶⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀ ⠉⣈⡀⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣾⣷⣦⣀⣀⢀⢀⣀⡀⢀⣿⣿⡿⢿⣁⠄⠄⣠⣠⣿⣯ ⡈⣛⣛⣄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣡⡾⠛⢁⣴⣿⣿⣦⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
December 2020
cyr

Geepsy from Romania dreams to play Cardstone

twitchquotes: I am Geepsy from Romania. All of my life I have dreamed to play against top players like Dennis and ray nads in Cardstone. My girlfriend Alextrasza sold our farm to achieve my dream. Wish me luck at Dreamhack!
twitch chat
April 2014
PGL

Jeff from History class last semester

twitchquotes: Hey, kripp! What's up, man? It's Jeff from History class from last semester. I didn't know you were some kind of famous celebrity hahahaha. Hit me up, man. Btw, did you ever hook up with Brian? He was a T H I C C boy. xD You are such a dog. It's cool to see you again. Hit me up sometime!
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp

Mirana

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⠠⠤⣤⡤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⡲⠶⣺⡋⠋⠁⠄⠄⠙⠢⡀⠘⠱⠱⡄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠔⠋⠄⠄⣴⣿⡣⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠂⠄⠁⠹⡏⢢⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⡔⠁⠄⠄⠄⣼⠿⢿⣻⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠃⠄⠢⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⠌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⠖⢟⠕⣪⣤⣴⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢳⣿⣶ ⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣷⠻⡃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⢹⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠛⠻⣿⣿⡽⠋⠉⢉⣍⣽⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠶⢼⣿ ⣮⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠈⣿⣿⣷⡠⠄⣶⣦⣽⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡾⠡⢿⢨⣿ ⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⡞⠄⣿ ⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠐⡶⠄⠁⠄⠸ ⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠙⢿⣇⠙⣋⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⢹⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⡀⠉⠄⠧⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⢸⣿⣄⠄⠐⠒⠛⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣇⠄⠐⢻⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠈⣿⠋⠄⠄⠈⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
February 2021

Dota 2

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