[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

I hope Zoe wins but in Spanish

twitchquotes: Espero que gane Zoe xD. Soy main de Zoe y es tan tan divertida!! Me encanta trolear con su burbuja, y sus diálogos son tan monos como cuando canta sobre tarta de chocolate LOL! Es super random pero también mas lista de lo que parece, justo como yo xD
twitch chat
October 2020

League of Legends

Red sus. Red suuuus

Red sus. Red suuuus. I said red, sus, hahahahaha. Why arent you laughing? I just made a reference to the popular video game "Among Us"! How can you not laugh at it? Emergeny meeting! Guys, this here guy doesnt laugh at my funny Among Us memes! Lets beat him to death! Dead body reported! Skip! Skip! Vote blue! Blue was not an impostor. Among us in a nutshell hahahaha. What?! Youre still not laughing your ass off? I made SEVERAL funny references to Among Us and YOU STILL ARENT LAUGHING??!!! Bruh. Ya hear that? Wooooooosh. Whats woooosh? Oh, nothing. Just the sound of a joke flying over your head. Whats that? You think im annoying? Kinda sus, bro. Hahahaha! Anyway, yea, gotta go do tasks. Hahahaha!
October 2020

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

which position would you be in a human centipede?

When asked "which position would you be in a human centipede?" most would answer "first." I, however would answer third. Why you ask? When asked "which position would you be in a human centipede?" most would answer "first." I, however, would answer third. Why you ask? When the first member of the centipede is fed, they will eventually defecate forcing the second member to ingest their feces. One could imagine that would be considered incredibly disgusting. As such, the second member would immediately vomit. After vomit travels into the first member's anus and up into their colon, they'll then pust another load into the second member's mouth even more disgusting than the last. The third member would never ingest the feces of the second member as they will always vomit what the first member expels back into them. The third member of the centipede gets to chill while the first and second trade a volley of shitty barf with each other forever.
May 2022

krippO

░░░░▓▒░░░░░░░▒▒░░░▓▓░░░░ ░░▓▓▄▒░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▒▓░░ ░▓▓▓██▄▄░░░░░░░░▒▄██▄▒▓░ ░▒▒▓▀▀▀▀█▄░░▒▄█▀▀▀▀█▀▒▓▓ ▒░▒▓░░▀░▀▒░░░▒▀░▀░░▀▓░▓▓ ▒░░░▒▒▒▓▒░░░░░▓░▒▒▒░░░▓▓ ▓▒░░░▒▓▒░░░░░░░▒▒░░░░▒▓░ ▒▒▓▓▒▒▒▓▄▄▄▄▄▄▓░▓▒▒▒▒▓▒░ ░▓▓▒▒███▄▄▄▄▄▄██▄▒▒▓▓▒░░ ░░▓▒▒▓▀▀█████▀▀░▓▓▓▓▒░░░ ░░░▓▒▒▒▒▄▄▄▄▄▒░░▓▓▓▒░░░░ ░░░░▓▓▒▒▒▓▓▓▒░░▓▓▓▒░░░░░ ░░░░░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▒░░░░░░░
August 2016
Kripp

I need the 2-3 police here right away

twitchquotes: ╰(”◕﹏◕”)つ hello 2-3 police, i need you here right away, its an emergency ╰(”◕﹏◕”)つ
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing