[Copypasta] someone who shares my passion for drinking water

twitchquotes: Finally someone who shares my passion and enthusiasm for drinking water. I'm more of an alkaline person, I often like to drink from water bottles, Contigo brand specifically. I don't really like Reverse Osmosis, it kind of leaves a funny feeling in my mouth, but I'll drink it if needed. The only problem with Alkaline is that when you get a new filter the water is cloudy for a bit and the taste is off. My house has Two taps at the sink, one for alkaline, one for reverse osmosis.
twitch chat
August 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Hi I'm 12 year old

twitchquotes: Hi I'm 12 year old I started listening to suicide boys like a month ago and I saw people wearing their clothes that said fuck the police and I want to know where to buy it also how much it cost also how to make your parents okay with clothes that say bad words thank you
twitch chat
August 2019

Trolling My Office With Among Us (Part 3)

So I went into work and I started working. I decided to install Among Us to play, right? But my boss was walking by and said "Hey, why are you playing video games on the work computer?" I said that I was playing Among Us and asked him if he was uncultured. He told me to get out so I said "Quit being sus." And I did the funny imposter is sus grin you guys know? And I slapped his face and yelled "EMERGENCY MEETING!" Everybody in the office was looking at me like I just murdered several bosnian children. So I pulled out my dick and said "Look at this little spaceman!" I took off my pants and ran around the office with my dick flying around. The buff guy, Chad, was chasing me but I just got behind him and humped him. I said "good imposters get butt humps." He screamed and punched me. I ran out work not wanting to work with a bunch of REDDITORPHOBES.
March 2021

Trolling with Among Us

Among Us / Amogus

My name is Sheep

twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass

I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass. I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me. The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
July 2022

Confessions

Ben Shapiro destroys another leftist

"Mr. Shapiro, what are your thoughts on women's rights to have an abortion?" Ben: "WELL, that's a very interesting QUESTION, SIR. Before I get started, did you know that my WIFE is a DOCTOR?" Reporter: "...Mr. Shapiro, that's- not-" Ben: "I didn't think so, LEFTIST. Now back to your question- 'should women be allowed to MURDER and SHOOT innocent BABIES and CHILDREN?" Reporter: "Sir, that's not what my orig-" Ben: "OBVIOUSLY not. Now according to PragerU UNIVERSITY, there once was a FARMER who had a DOG, and Bingo was his name-o. Do you know how to spell it?" Reporter: (silence) Ben: "B-I-N-G-O. And Bingo was his name-o." (Stares reporter in the eye; has not blinked since the asked question) "B, I, N G O, B, I, N G O, B, I, N G O, And Bingo was his name-o." Reporter: (Visibly taken aback) "Mr. Shapiro, this is ridiculo-" (The conservative crowd begins laughing and shouting and singing with Ben) All: "And Bingo was his name-o!" (Ben shouting as the curtains close,) "Another CUCK LEFTIST DESTROYED! BAZINGA!"
October 2021

Ben Shapiro

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