I used to be a real ad
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Here in my garage with my pasta linguini

twitchquotes: Here in my garage with my pasta linguini, but you know what I like more than pasta linguini? Macaroni. That's why I bought 7 new cupboards and filled them with over 2,000 new Kraft macaroni and cheese boxes. It's like the master chef Betty Crocker said, "the more you eat, the more you pasta."
twitch chat
March 2016
strifecro

My daughter is dating a douche-bag (response to /r/cryptocurrency post)

My daughter is dating a douche-bag I don't know where I messed up, I thought I taught her well on what to look for in a man. The guy just showed up at my house and starting rambling on about how DCAing 30 dollars in 4 months into Safemoon helped him understand finance and geopolitics. I told him he was completely oblivious about being in a ponzi, this only unchained a what I believed to be a cocaine induced speech saying that Safemoon was going to be the next Bitcoin and he was going to moon while buying "lambos" for his friends because he was no "Bitch-ass paperhands". I'm a bank executive, so you can only imagine what a nightmare this is for me. Don't know what the point of this post is, is not like my daughter is going to stop dating that idiot anyways. I'm scared about my daughter's future.
September 2021

Cryptocurrency

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

McDonald's BTS Meal

So I was listening to my favorite boy band called 'BTS (I am an army)' on my Samsung earbuds (BTS Edition) using my Samsung Galaxy s20+ (BTS Edition) in my room plastered with BTS poster. Suddenly one of my Army friends (we are BTSSexual and BTSGender) told me that there is a McDonald's BTS meal which almost made me jizz my pants. I ran to McDonald's to buy the BTS meal and came back home. Even though I am an Army (I would have bought their feces if they were selling it), this is intolerable. That was the most uncreative meal ever created. I wish McDonald's would have put Ass-Hair of each members of the band and hidden it in Chicken McNuggets. Like "Hey! I got Jimins Ass-hair in my chicken nuggets! Can't wait to get Kim Teahyung's Ass-hair so I can take his DNA sample and recreate a clone of Kim Teahyung to overrule the world with #Army". bts #army #blm #gaypride #arianagrande
June 2021

TICK TOCK, KlLL THE CROCK

twitchquotes: ༼ ◕_◕ ༽=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ TlCK T0CK, KlLL THE CROCK
twitch chat
March 2014
TwitchPlaysPokemon

Send nudes but fancy

Pardon me Madam, but I was curious as to what you look like under those tasteful fabrics you are wearing. Perhaps you would do me the honor of removing them and photographing your perfect skin so I can gaze upon your beauty?
January 2021
I used to be a real ad

His name is NINJA, a super small time streamer

twitchquotes: can I promote my friends Mixer stream in here? His name is NINJA and he is a super small time streamer, he just left twitch and could really use all the help he can get. I just want to like his stream a couple times bro, nothing serious bro I just don't want him to go hungry bro. He's going back to his roots and I really want to help him out bro
twitch chat
August 2019

So Aurateur, let’s have a talk.

twitchquotes: So Aurateur, let’s have a talk. I strongly feel that your channel would do better if you turned off TTS or at least filtered out the spam. Thing is, while I myself have never donated to you or any other streamer, and my only subs are twitch prime, I feel I know a thing or two about how to succeed as a streamer and I’m certain your channel would do better without all the spam, it’s clear nobody wants that shit and is the only thing holding you back as a fulltime streamer. Thank you.
twitch chat
July 2020
Aurateur

I'm posting this from my neighbor's wi-fi with teary eyes

twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

twitch emotes in non-twitch chats

twitchquotes: Is it just me, or do people who say twitch emotes out loud or type twitch emotes in non-twitch chats are super cringe worthy? The whole idea of saying twitch emotes out loud or typing them out rather than just doing the action that the emote describes is just dumb to me. Instead of saying/typing "Kappa", why not type "lol" or actually laugh like a normal person.
twitch chat
July 2019

Hello everyone. I am a twitch user

twitchquotes: Hello everyone. I am a twitch user. My job is to seek attention from others to fill my lack of intelligence, therefore spamming spoilers is one tool of many to help me achieve my goal. I know i'm not worth much in life so i drag other people down by pissing them off . No copyrino stupidcino SMOrc
twitch chat
June 2015
Kripp
What happened to this ad? :(

Shill this half baked product to your loyal fanbase

twitchquotes: Kripp's covetous eyes glisten as the Marvel: Future Fight devs hand over a stack of cash. "Make sure you shill this half baked product to your loyal fanbase" they instruct. Kripp licks his salty lips and mutters an agreeable "k"
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

sellout

The LGBTQ future

twitchquotes: The year is 2040. The LGBTQ party has taken over the whole world. Being heterosexual is illegal. At age 14, everyone is forced by law to change to another one of the 666 different genders. The last gamers hide in the sewers, eating rats and enjoying decade-old videogames; the last ones without identity politics woven directly in the code. Their last hope: leaving edgy comments in reviews on Steam.
twitch chat
July 2020

I hate it when people type "xD"

twitchquotes: I hate it when people type "xD" :\
twitch chat
September 2019

I think about Kripp when I touch my wiener

twitchquotes: ヽ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ノ Roses are red, Weed is greener, I think about Kripp, when I touch my wiener. ヽ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ノ
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

The year is 2025. MoonMoon_Ow lies on his deathbed

twitchquotes: The year is 2025. MoonMoon_Ow lies on his deathbed, the countless years of oatmeal infighting finally having taken their toll. He struggles to adjust his eyes to the glare of his computer screen, yearning to view his beloved twitch chat one more time. All he sees is degenerate weeb spam. His eyes brim with tears. He begins gasping his final breath, and in his final moments he tells Chat "K"
twitch chat
September 2017
MOONMOON
What happened to this ad? :(

Spy from tf2 disguised himself as demoman

twitchquotes: Bruh wharf if, if the spy fromb tf2 disguised himself as demoman to get an N-word word pass.
twitch chat
May 2019

I love the McChicken

For me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige. One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!". Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs. I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant.
April 2022

A hole in my son's body pillow

My son is 13, recently I've bought him a body pillow of a cartoon he liked and I've noticed he made a hole in it, does this mean he doesn't like the pillow? Should I buy him a new one?
May 2021

For people that use "XD"

twitchquotes: But the real question is, when this musing entered your mind, did you really make such a face? Was it so funny that your face contorted into a gaping wide-mouthed smile as your eyes aggressively squinted shut? Did you truly "ex dee"? Were you able to see your screen as you typed with your eyes held steadfast as though they were steel vice grips clamping with hundreds of pounds of force?
twitch chat
February 2019
I used to be a real ad

BAIR, FAIR, Up AIR, DAIR

twitchquotes: BAIR, FAIR, Up AIR, DAIR. Long ago, the four aerials lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when MKLeo picked Ike and spammed NAIR. Only the Tweek, master of all four aerials, could stop him, but when the world needed him most, he vanished.
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

Text-to-Speech Playing