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After we threw Liam out the window, I decided to call another emergency meeting. “Chad sus!1!1!!1 He’s the SUSSY VERY IMPOSTER!” I said. They all asked why Chad was sus. I said it was because his name is Chad. They all agreed so we ejected him. I was naruto running around the office when Adam stopped me and said “Why are you running?” OH MY FUCK DID HE JUST SAY THE FUNNY UGANDAN MEME? SPIT ON HIM BROTHERS. I spit on Adam and I pulled down my pants and pissed on him. He ran away screaming and everybody looked at me. I pulled my pants up.“ Adam sus. He’s screaming.” Everyone nodded and we ejected Adam. My son came out of the elevator even though it was take your kid to work day and he was supposed to be on the bottom floor, not up here on the 3rd floor! So I said “Son, what the fuck nugget wholesome keanu reeves are you doing here?” He closed the elevator door and I think he went to the first floor. I tried pissing on the elevator door in hopes that it would malfunction it but I don’t think it worked. That stupid little bastard. So I got in the elevator when it came back up and went to the first floor. I looked around but couldn’t find him. I pulled one of the kids up by her shirt and said “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHILD?” She was screaming and I threw her away. I stomped down the hallways trying to look for him but I couldn’t find him. “This is not a fortnite minecraft roblox 100 wholesome keanu reeves chungus Amogus moment. That’s pretty sus.” All the coworkers were looking at me in terror. I went out back and searched in the dumpster to see if I could yet again try to find a weapon to kill all the people there. I already got rid of Chad, Adam and Liam so everyone else could easily be disposed of.

We Live In A Society in which us Gamers are ridiculed, mocked, shunned, bullied and ridiculed for simply choosing to undertake a hobby which requires critical thinking, lightning-fast reflexes and JUST AN OUNCE (in case you can’t tell, that is an understatement) more brainpower than what is required your typical ball game. However, females, in their backwards and downright unreasonable thinking, see us as bottom-dwelling, subhuman freaks and would rather settle for the bottom line of evolution, aka jocks (or “Chad”). In order for Our Society to progress, this mindset must be completely eradicated and us Gamers, with our genetic high intelligence, impeccable combat knowledge and indescribable reasoning skills, must be allowed to impregnate females of our choosing with our seed. If this current course continues, humanity as a whole will be plagued with low-IQ specimens and unsatisfactory evolutionary progress. Do you think that extraterrestrial, intellectuals beings will look upon us as a species, no, as a SOCIETY, to be communed with, to be seen as EQUALS, if our highest evolutionary success is measured by how far you can throw a ball? Don’t make me laugh, sir. Aside from your basic genetic and evolutionary advantages to be gained by having females (of our choosing) breed with us Gamers, we can also assure that they will be treated like the Goddesses that we see them as. No more will they be spending countless nights being physically abused and emotionally destroyed by your Common Chad. They will be shown courteous treatment of the highest quality by a true Gentlemen. Instead of Chad taking Stacy out to a restaurant, only to leave her the bill and abandon her that very same night to coitally engage with Veronica, they will be subjected to sublime culinary delights, tender strips selected from the finest breed of Poultry your normie brain could not even begin to comprehend, personelly delivered to my safe haven beneath my mother’s residence, paid for in currency I am earned by doing simple, gentlemenly duties for my beloved Matriarch. And she will euphorically enjoy her meal as I give her the foot massage she had craved for so long, a simple pleasure denied by the very selfish and obsolete mind of Chad. So you see, the next time you seek to inquire if our movement is mere “satire”, You may wish to simply stop. Just stop, and instead of mocking us Gamers, perhaps try, as futile as it may be, to engage in intelligent discussion to the level of our satisfaction. Because you see, their time is coming. The age of the Chad is over. The age of the Gamers is upon us. Gamers Rise Up.

I have a theory about the Travis Scott burger. I think it’s a sham. It’s all a multi million dollar misinformation campaign. McDonalds has been hurting for a new supply of beef due to the Covid 19 pandemic. With all of the meat processing plant closures, they had to look elsewhere to get their precious beef for the ever so hungry American. They needed a new supplier. This has to be nobody other than Travis Scott. You see, since marrying Kylie Jenner, he had access to all of her cosmetic company’s animal testing plants. It was easy for Travis to get ahold of meat... it was too easy. Travis knew McDonalds was desperate for new meat, so he struck while the iron was hot. Through a swift negotiation, he had the multi billion dollars corporation by the balls, the sweet sweet balls. Travis agreed to supply them with the meat, only he lead them to believe it was coming from cows when in reality he was harvesting the animals from the animal cosmetic testing lab. In exchange, he got his name on the McDonalds menu. All for what? Now you may be wondering how I came across this info. And you may be wondering who sent you this information. It was Cactus Jack. Cactus Jack sent this info.

Atrocious Acts Accomplished at Affordable Rates Barbaric Business Bartered at Bargain Costs Contemptible Coups Carried out at Cut Rates Dastardly Doings Dealt at Discounted Payments Evil Endeavors Enacted at Extraordinary Deals Filthy Feats Furnished through Fair Expenses Gross Games Garnished through Good Contracts Heinous Hooliganism Haggled to Humble Budget Immoral Incidents Issued at Inconsequential Fees Jarring Jobs Judged Justly Priced Kriminal Kapers Kompleted at Kompetitive Prices Licentious Larceny Licensed at Low Tariffs Malicious Missions Made with Minimal Resources Nefarious Notions Negotiated at Negligible Charges Ominous Operations Outsourced at Optimal Prices Perilous Performances Priced at Pocket Change Questionable Quests Quarried at Quackpot Terms Rambunctious Rackets Realized at Reduced Figures Sinister Shenanigans Supplied at Satisfactory Pay Thuggish Things Terminated at Trivial Fees Unscrupulous Undertakings Unleashed at Unusual Discount Villanous Ventures Valued at Vexing Costs. Wicked Work Waged at Wee Fares Xecrable Xploits Xecuted Xtremely Inexpensively Yucky Yerks Yielded as Year-End Sales Zany Zinging Zoned for Zero Markup