PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Classic
Me and you know the real struggle
twitchquotes:
Reynaldo, I have consistently around ten viewers, and its so annoying whenever I stream because I constantly get sniped, these plebs wouldn't understand, me and you know the real struggle. I have an 100% win rate when im not streaming and only a 5% when I am, just like you.
twitch chat
Reynad
Cute gamer girl
twitchquotes:
Thijs I am a 22 year old gamer girl in search of a gamer man. I have been watching your stream for years and really like your deck. If you want to give a cute gamer girl like me a chance whisper me. 
HAHA Just kidding, it's still Tanner you fucking gullible idiot lmfao. Anyway, the gym awaits, see ya man good talk.
HAHA Just kidding, it's still Tanner you fucking gullible idiot lmfao. Anyway, the gym awaits, see ya man good talk.
twitch chat
Thijs
Hearthstone
Tanner from High School
Among Us Reds
twitchquotes:
It's important to note that Reds commit nearly 52% of all the murders in Among Us, which is astounding when you take into consideration the fact that they make up 12-13% of the population. It gets even more astounding when you start considering the fact the bulk of Reds committing these murders are probably ages 8-18 which is probably around an estimated 6-7% of the population that means that around 7% of Among Us Players are committing around 50% of the murders.
twitch chat
Among Us / Amogus
Starege
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠻⠛⠉⠉⠛⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⣠⡶⢶⣶⣄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣶⣶⣄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⣿⡇⢀⢻⣿⣷⡀⢰⣿⣿⠁⠈⣿⡇⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⠟⢁⣀⣀⣀⡀⢿⡇⠘⣸⣿⣿⠁⢿⣿⣿⡘⠄⣿⠇⣀⣀⣀⣀⡉⠻⣿
⡿⢃⣵⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⠈⠻⠿⣿⠿⢋⣄⡜⠿⣿⣿⡾⠋⢠⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡈
⢁⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣧⡈⠓⠄⠄⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣦⣀⠄⠄⠄⠚⢁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣾⡿⢁⢶⣦⡈⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⡿⢋⣭⡍⠙⣿⣿
⣿⠃⣾⣄⠻⣿⣦⣈⡛⠻⠿⢿⠿⢿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⣁⣴⣿⠏⣡⠄⢿⣿
⠙⠂⠙⣿⣷⣄⡙⠛⠻⠿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠿⠿⠛⢋⣠⣾⡟⠄⠚⠛
⣶⣤⡀⠄⠙⠻⠿⢷⣶⣦⣤⣤⣤⢤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣾⠿⠟⠋⠄⠄⢀⣠
⠟⣛⣩⣴⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠈⠈⠉⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣐⣛⣻
⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿