[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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War Thunder is like playing chess

It's not that the game is addicting, it's just that there are no decent alternatives. War Thunder is basically the intellectual version of the FPS games that all the stupid children and mongoloid brains play. Instead of just being based purely on twitch "skills" which require as much intellectual ability as closing popup spam windows, in War Thunder you have to use at least some tactics and strategy. FPS games are like playing Pong on high speed. War Thunder is like playing chess. The art of gaming is simply dead for big brains. 20 years ago there were tons of games that required brainpower because PC gaming back then was by nerds and for nerds, but then the corporate suits took over and were like "broaden the appeal to we can make more sales" so everything got dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. My GF asked me if I was "having fun" playing War Thunder, and I looked at her like she was a fucking retard to even consider that sentence a valid question. I don't have FUN playing War Thunder. This game routinely pisses me off and makes me rage. However, when I stomp the entire enemy team and crush them so utterly I can hear the lamentations of their mothers, I feel satisfaction. I spent weeks grinding for Operation Winter. The vikings had a word for this. They called it Valhalla. Endless war. Endless combat. Knowing only victory and death. Bathing in the blood of your enemies. You get 15 kills and bask in glory and rewards, and think: what should I do now? Should I get in my Honda Fit and tour the local strip mall for my Triumph? Should I microwave some tendies and throw myself a great Feast? But there is only one option. There is only ever one option. To Battle! Various cultures have alternatively described the gameplay loop of War Thunder as their vision of Heaven or Hell. It is both.
January 2021

10 years since Dota 2 update

twitchquotes: １０　ｙｅａｒｓ　ｓｉｎｃｅ　Ｄｏｔａ　２　ｕｐｄａｔｅ．　Ｉ　ｗａｌｋ　ｔｈｒｏｕｇｈ　ｔｈｅ　ｅ ｍｐｔｙ　ｓｔｒｅｅｔｓ　ｔｒｙｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｔｈｉｎｋ　ｏｆ　ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ　ｅｌｓｅ　ｂｕｔ 　Ｉ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｅｎｄ　ｕｐ　ｓｉｔｔｉｎｇ　ｈｅｒｅ，　ｉｎ　ｆｒｏｎｔ　ｏｆ　ｍｙ　ｃｏｍｐ ｕｔｅｒ．　Ｉ　ｓｔａｒｅ　ａｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｓｃｒｅｅｎ　ｆｏｒ　ｈｏｕｒｓ　ａｎｄ　ｔｒｙ　ｔｏ　ｓ ｕｍｍｏｎ　Icefrog．　Ｉ　ｗａｔｃｈ　ｏｔｈｅｒ　ｇａｍｅｓ　ｕｐｄａｔｉｎｇ　ａｎｄ　ｇｅ ｔｔｉｎｇ　ｎｅｗ　ｈｅｒｏｅｓ　ｂｕｔ　ｉｔ　ｉｓ　ｎｏ　ｇｏｏｄ．　Ｉ　ｃｏｕｎｔｅｒ　ｐｉｃｋ 　Ｓｎｉｐｅｒ　ｔｏ　ｒｅｓｉｓｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｍｅｔａ，　ｂｕｔ　ｉｔ'ｓ　ａｌｌ　ｍｅａｎｉｎｇｌｅ ｓｓ．　Ｔｈｅ　ｅｎｄ　ｉｓ　ｎｅａｒ．　Ｔｈｅｎ　Ｉ　ｌｏｏｋ　ｏｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｐａｔｃｈ－ｕｐｄａ ｔｅ　ｈｉｓｔｏｒｙ　ａｎｄ　ｃｒｙ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ　ｔｏ　ｓｌｅｅｐ．
twitch chat
April 2015
SingSing

Dota 2

Sub with Twitch Prime

⣿⢛⡛⡟⢻⡟⣿⢛⡛⣿⣿⢻⠟⢿⢻⠛⣟⠛⣛⡟⣿⠛⣿⣿ ⣿⢦⡍⣇⢸⡇⣿⢨⡅⢻⣿⡌⢸⠈⣼⠀⣿⠀⣿⡇⣤⠀⣿⣿ ⣿⣶⣶⣿⣶⣶⣿⣶⣶⣿⣿⣷⣾⣶⣿⣶⣿⣶⣿⣷⣿⣶⣿⣿ ⣏⡉⢉⡏⡿⠹⡏⡏⢹⡉⢉⣹⢋⡙⣿⢹⡏⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⢸⣧⠀⡇⢠⡇⢸⡇⢸⣿⠸⡟⣿⢠⡄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⣾⣿⣶⣷⣾⣷⣾⣷⣾⣿⣶⣶⣿⣾⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢩⡍⡏⢩⡉⡏⢹⠉⢹⠉⣿⢉⣉⣿⡇⠻⠟⠁⠘⠿⠋⣿⣿ ⣿⢠⣴⡇⢠⠐⡇⢸⠀⡘⡆⣿⠰⠶⣿⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿ ⣿⣾⣿⣷⣾⣷⣷⣾⣶⣷⣷⣿⣶⣶⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿
ascii art
January 2020

Russkis of Easterino

twitchquotes: Guten tag mutterfugers. Das ist Gestrud Hitlerino of 1945. We are in need of assisterino for defeating the Russkis of Easterino. If you would lend your Mods to assisterino, we would be danke and one with stream. Please no copy seig heil pasta
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Hello Mr. Squirrel it's nice to meet you!

twitchquotes: You're acting similar to a squirrel eating his peanuts! XD Guess who's an adorable squirrel? It's you Reynad!! Wooo. Let's see how many peanuts you can hide in your cheeks! Hello Mr. Squirrel it's nice to meet you!
twitch chat
May 2015
Reynad
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