PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
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Copypasting tomfoolery
twitchquotes:
Hello friends, I recently lost my job and am unemployed. Twitch chat has been my safe haven during this time. I come to this stream today and what do I see? Copypasting tomfoolery. Please, have respect for the intellectuals here and return to the days of glorious discussion in twitch chat.
twitch chat
Trick2g
GG
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Sleeping in bed with your parents
twitchquotes:
Question for those in chat: Let's say you are sleeping in bed with your parents. You are in the middle. You wake up and want to get up, but you notice that you are partially inserted into your mom and your dad is partially inserted into you and they are still asleep. Which way do you thrust to get out?
twitch chat
The Battle of Gamestop rages on.
The Battle of Gamestop rages on.
Pre-market we could hear the bears in no-man’s land, baiting us towards higher prices so the shorts could do their dirty work. I was stationed at the 13.80 line, and knew the morning was going to be hot. I shoveled a breakfast of tendies and said a quick prayer to Father Cohen.
When the bell rang, the bears surged into our trenches. Blood and rainbow fur filled the air and littered the ground. The Diamond Division has seen worse days, and we held firm. As the bears retreated we gave chase to retake ground we’d lost in the past week.
As I caught my breath near the 14.50, I could see bodies everywhere; paper hands who had fallen in earlier battles. One of them groaned and reached a hand towards me. I spat on him and kept moving. No honor in retreat, and no sympathy for self-inflicted wounds.
This war won’t be won in a day, but it will be won. Tell my wife’s boyfriend to tell her I love her.
WallStreetBets
Boxing gloves
twitchquotes:
boxing gloves 
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⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢻⣿⣿⣿⡎⠝
⣿⡏⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡎⣿⣿⣿⣿⠐
⣿⡏⣲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⣿⣿⣿⡟⣼
⣿⡠⠜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠃⠾⠿⢟⡋⢶⣿
⣿⣧⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⢰⣾⣿⣿⡿⢣⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⠂⣷⣶⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣵⢰⣴⣤⣤⣶⡾⢐⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢻⣿⣿⣿⡎⠝
⣿⡏⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡎⣿⣿⣿⣿⠐
⣿⡏⣲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⣿⣿⣿⡟⣼
⣿⡠⠜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠃⠾⠿⢟⡋⢶⣿
⣿⣧⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⢰⣾⣿⣿⡿⢣⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⠂⣷⣶⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣵⢰⣴⣤⣤⣶⡾⢐⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣷⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣼⣿⣿
twitch chat