PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Tragedy of Angela βMercyβ Ziegler the Healer
twitchquotes:
I thought not. It's not a story the Blizzard Devs would tell you. It's an Overwatch legend. Angela Ziegler was the main healer of Overwatch, so powerful and so skilled she could use her rapid healing to influence the human body to create life... She had such a knowledge of healing that she could even keep the ones she cared about from dying. The ZΓΌrich PHD is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. She became so powerful... the only thing she was afraid of was losing her power, which eventually, of course, she did. Unfortunately, she taught Jeff Kaplan everything she knew, then her developers nerfed her in her sleep. Ironic, she could save others from death, but not herself.
twitch chat
Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise
Overwatch
How to kill a geologist
Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy.
Iβd brandish my obsidian knife at them and theyβd be compelled to approach. βThatβs very cool,β theyβd say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. Theyβd shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. βBut as it is volcanic glass, itβs very fragile, you see, and isnβt well-suited for use as a weapββ and then Iβd hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
No longer afford drugs after playing Star Wars Force Arena
twitchquotes:
(sponsored viewer): My dad has been struggling with drug addiction for the last 20 years. After I showed him this game, he can no longer afford drugs! Thank you Star Warsβ’: Force Arena! 
twitch chat
Kripp
sellout
Undertale Sans full body
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Horny during Space Jam 2
OK so I was watching space jam 2 and I got RANDOMLY horny. I didnβt wanna exit the movie so I just waited till the Lola scene came up. It came. I started JACKING the SHIT out my pecker. And then.. I ACCIDENTLY NUTTED TO LEBRONππππππππππππππ