[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Sleeping naked is a power move anyways

Sleeping naked is a power move anyways. β€’ ⁠Burglar breaks in boom I’m up and naked. He’s too distracted trying to determine if I’m a man or woman because of my massive bush to notice me reaching for my glock fawty. ⁠‒ ⁠When I pee or poop in my sleep from the nightmares I don’t get any clothes dirty just the sheets. β€’ ⁠Save money on not having to run an AC in the summer time so I can buy my wife more lingerie for her boyfriend to appreciate.
August 2021

Does anyone else bite their Switch?

twitchquotes: Does anyone else bite their Switch? This is not a shitpost, I really do this. I don't like to rage when I'm playing online, so when something really annoying happens and I get pissed, I try not to yell or punch something. Instead, I keep a straight face and I angrily bite into my switch for a few seconds until my anger is released. The best part of this is that Nintendo seems to have built the Switch with this in mind, because the plastic material seems completely resistant to my teeth. Legit, there are never teeth marks even mere minutes after the initial chomp. What I'm wondering is, does anyone else here do the same? Am I the only munching smash player? I hope I've inspired someone to try the same, it's a super good way to take your anger out without damaging anything or making noise!
twitch chat
July 2020

When I use this text, my brain cell begin to die

twitchquotes: ο½—ο½ˆο½…ο½Ž i use ο½”ο½ˆο½‰ο½“ ο½”ο½…ο½˜ο½”οΌŒ my ο½‚ο½’ο½ο½‰ο½Ž ο½ƒο½…ο½Œο½Œ ο½ο½•ο½”ο½ο½ο½ο½”ο½‰ο½ƒο½ο½Œο½Œο½™ ο½‚ο½…ο½‡ο½‰ο½Ž to ο½„ο½‰ο½…οΌŽ ο½™ο½…ο½” i ο½ƒο½ο½Žο½”ο½‰ο½Žο½•ο½… to copypasta ο½ο½Žο½„ ο½†ο½…ο½…ο½Œ i ο½ƒο½ο½Žο½”ο½’ο½‰ο½‚ο½•ο½”ο½… to ο½”ο½ˆο½… ο½‰ο½Žο½”ο½…ο½’ο½Žο½…ο½”οΌŽ all ο½‚ο½…ο½ƒο½ο½ο½‰ο½Žο½‡ retard.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Classic

Smoking Frog

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘ β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–‘β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–„β–‘ β–€β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„(_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ… () ΰΈ”ΰΉ‰ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‰ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‰ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‰ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‰ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‰ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‰ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‰ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ΰΉ‡ . β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
May 2017

Somebody I used to know

twitchquotes: I hate when people quote songs in their spam... it reminds me of Somebody I Used to Know
twitch chat
March 2015
Text-to-Speech Playing