[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Nice opinion, just one tiny problem with it

Nice opinion, just one tiny problem with it. Inspecting your post, it looks like your opinion is different from mine. Let me tell you something, I am the baseline for opinions. Any opinion I hold is objectively correct and as a result, any other opinions are wrong. Guess what? You happen to hold the wrong one! I hope you know that your opinion is now illegal. I have contacted the FBI, CIA, the NSA, the navy seals, secret service, and your mom! You'll be sorry you ever shared your opinions, by the time you're reading this, you'll be done for. Nature will punish you, humanity will punish you, space will punish you. We decided just to make sure we'll nuke your house from orbit. So there's no chance you can run away, everyone will know you will die. It's a small price to pay, to remove your wrong opinion from this world.
September 2021

Crying Wojak behind mask

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣛⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢫⣵⣾⣿⢟⣫⣵⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣝⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢰⣿⣿⣿⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⡿⠯⠿⢿⣿⣮⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠧⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣖⡻⣽⣷⣶⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢟⢻⢸⣿⣿⣿⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣟⣫⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣇⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣁⡉⣭⣭⣟⣋⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠿⢿⣿⣹⣿⣿⢲⣶⣶⣮⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿⡜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣣⣤⣴⣮⣿⣿⣿⣏⣀⣂⣿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣇⢿⣿⣿⡗⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡻⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⡟⣿⣦⣝⢿⣿⣿⣯⡿⣛⣋⠽⠿⣿⠟⣼⣿⣿⣳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣷⡹⣿⣿⡇⠝⢿⣿⣷⣤⣙⣿⠿⠿⢿⣛⣿⣳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⢸⣬⡻⢢⠸⠡⠩⠻⣿⣿⣿⣭⣽⣿⣿⣣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠇⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣦⡁⠲⣶⣆⢮⡙⡛⢛⣛⣫⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⢟⣼⣿⠟⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣰⡺⣭⣄⢴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⣶⣾⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2021

Boomer anthem

twitchquotes: Please😳 rise 😎 for the 🤨 national 🏁 anthem 🎶 of boomers 🤪 🎺🎺🎺 Video Games 🎮 cause violence 😡👊🏼, Phone 📱 bad 👎, book 📚 good 👍 I hate 😒 my wife 👰 Pause ⏸️ the Fortnite 🥇 please 😤 Funny 🤣 Facebook 😜 minion 🤭 memes 🤪
twitch chat
November 2019

Emoji Pasta

I am not receiving 328.2 million votes on my election

twitchquotes: I have noticed that, although America has 328.2 million people, I am not receiving 328.2 million votes on my election. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to vote for me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to vote for me. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
twitch chat
November 2020

2020 US Election

Classic

Blizzard has been working hard on Diablo Immortal

twitchquotes: This chat is so ungrateful. Blizzard has been working so hard crunching hours to develop a new Diablo game for their long-term fans, giving it an extra Blizzard polish and publishing it on the world's most popular gaming console, Mobile, to enable many of their fans to be able to play. Yet these same "fans" demand a "better" game. How can a game be "better", when a game is a game? smh beta nerds these days.
twitch chat
November 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing