[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Sniper Guild recruiter here

twitchquotes: Sniper Guild recruiter here TheIlluminati . Our mighty organization of hundreds of Sniparrians is in need of new initiates who can infiltrate the Kripparrians stream. A minimum experience of two snipes is required. Do not worry about time delays or snitches, our buddy Drivezy has you covered. We hope you will consider joining us in our quest to defeat Kripparrian
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

So I’m an AMC shareholder

So I’m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I can’t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now I’m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

SeemsGood

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⠟⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⢿⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡿⠁⠀⠀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⠃⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⣛⠧⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡆⠀⣿⣯⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣷⣄⣾⡿⡿⠿⢟⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣭⣡⣶⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⡀⢻⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⢧⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣞⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡧⠝⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣘⣿⣿⣾⣿⡽⣿⡿⢟⡃⠈⣉⡀⠈⠍⠙⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⠿⢛⣋⣅⠹⠰⣴⣷⣾⠿⠿⢿⣿⣦⠽⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠇⠈⠹⢿⣧⣾⣤⠹⡿⠃⣠⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⠞⠿⣦⣈⠉⠘⠏⠁⣀⣴⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣏⣩⣤⣤⠄⠀⠉⠛⠻⠿⠿⠟⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠿⢿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
October 2020

Quibi is shutting down

twitchquotes: Quibi is shutting down. What’s the fuckin point anymore? Now what am I supposed to do when I go to a restaurant and they tell me my table won’t be ready for another eight minutes? How am I supposed to pass those eight minutes using a cell phone and internet connection without quibi exclusive content only available on quibi? Where else can i get “quick bites” of content streaming directly to my mobile phone for viewing on the go? As if 2020 wasn’t bad enough now I can’t watch any more murder house flip, the show where they renovate houses where human beings have lost their lives at the hands of their loved ones and sell those houses to rich cosmopolitan couples looking to move out of the city? What’s the point? I for one am not “content” with the current state of the “content”
twitch chat
October 2020

Hammer and sickle

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣀⣀⣀⠀⠻⣷⣄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣦⡀ ⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣧ ⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⡿⠋⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡆ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣄⡀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⢿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁ ⢠⣶⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠉⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀ ⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⡿
September 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing