[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

LCK AKA “literally can’t kill”

twitchquotes: LCK AKA “literally can’t kill” is the most boring major region internationally known for their low tempo boring gameplay, their premier caster LS aka “literally sleeping” and owning the record for the longest league game of all time.
twitch chat
October 2020
Riot Games

League of Legends

I deserve challenjour

twitchquotes: qt how do i get out of elo hell ive been bronze 5 for 3 years now i main janna adc and i build 5 spirit visages but i keep dying to the golems even when i use smite i know i deserve challenjour so pls help me out senpai masteronii
twitch chat
February 2015
imaqtpie

League of Legends

I'm actually a pretty advanced bait station designer

I'm actually a pretty advanced bait station designer. While my formal education is a bit lacking, my cad and computer animation skills are really good, and I have some truly paradigm shifting ideas for bait stations, both vr and non vr. currently in the beginning stages of seeking VC funds, really trying to move my operation from San Antonio to Austin, a second location could triple my revenue right now. Obviously right now all our orders are high end custom stations, way out of reach for the avg wsb user. Its my dream to one day be able to produce real bait stations in a production environment. Right now my company is in talks with several engineering firms out of Seoul to take our cum recycling system and some how use the energy from the spent cum to recharge the batteries. While the technology is new. It has huge applications. Imagine when you go to charge your tsla, its powered completely by cum. No longer must we let our nonbiological female prostitutes flush our GOLD down the toilet post coitus, that shit is going to drive our new society. The money we save as a society on sock costs alone is tremendous.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Great Thermo-War

twitchquotes: It is the year 2134. I am one of the last people on the planet. Nearly everyone was wiped out in the Great Thermo-War. Now there is no reason to live. I open my holodeck-transponder and go to "Twitch tv". I turn on Kripp's stream and see that he has made it to Rank 10. I succumb to my radiation poisoning.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Master Hand

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠁⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢿⣿⣿⢀⡀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡇⠀⠉⠙⠋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⢤⣤⣴⠀⠁⠀⠘⠋⠰⣿⣿⡟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢘⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⣿⣿⠄⠈⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠠⣄⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿ ⣧⣤⠤⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⢿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⢆⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠
December 2020

Super Smash Bros

Text-to-Speech Playing