• 1644
    1644
    twitchquotes: 🎄 ME TREE 🎄 ME SPAM 🎄 NO OXYGEN 🎄 IF BAN 🎄
  • 144
    144
    twitchquotes: In high school, I was dared to play "gay chicken", which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay, and the first one to chicken out loses. The other guy and I are both really stubborn, and neither one of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and we run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with out adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect that he's actually gay
  • (ง •̀_•́)ง ONE DAY I'LL BE A REAL AD (ง •̀_•́)ง
  • 142
    142
    twitchquotes: Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
  • 474
    474
    twitchquotes: :tf: BAN :tf: ONE :tf: 12 :tf: YEAR :tf: OLD :tf: AND :tf: YOU :tf: GET :tf: THE :tf: WHOLE :tf: 9GAG :tf:
  • 2273
    2273
    twitchquotes: "So my girlfriend the other day asked if she could roleplay as a 14 year old while we were having sex. I was like what the fuck? That shit's gross. You're gonna be 14 in like two years anyways." - Krepo 2016
  • 2434
    2434
    twitchquotes: One time my mother called me a son of a bitch, so I hit her because no one talks trash about my mother, then I hit myself because no one hits my mother, she then hit me because no one hits her son and then hit herself because no one hits me, so I hit her because no one hits my mother. cant stop me
  • 1608
    1608
    LUL only real LULer can build this perfect pyramid LUL LUL . Try like me !Try like me ! Try like me !! LUL LUL LUL And my pyramid still higher!!!!!! LUL LUL LUL LUL
  • (ง •̀_•́)ง ONE DAY I'LL BE A REAL AD (ง •̀_•́)ง
  • 2333
    2333
    twitchquotes: ItsBoshyTime Twitch Staff here, one person in this channel will be randomly given golden Kappa in the next few minutes minutes but only if you type Kappa, good luck! ItsBoshyTime
  • 141
    141
    twitchquotes: As an European it was always hard for me to understand American culture. What was fascinating for me is that they like bragging about their freedom which was weird for me, because I didn't think that I have any less freedom than them. I always thought 'What is the difference'. However after this game I finally understand it. NA is just so fucking free.
  • 1952
    1952
    ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ  BuddhaBar  SmoocherZ  KevinTurtle ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ  TooSpicy ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ  ANELE ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ  PogChamp ᅚᅚ  TheIlluminati ᅚᅚ  CoolStoryBob ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ  DansGame ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ  cmonBruh ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ ᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚᅚ  DatSheffy  Kreygasm  WutFace
  • 2403
    2403
    twitchquotes: Hello Kripparrian, this is Reginald. It has come to my attention that you went 0-3 in Hearthstone arena. This is completely unacceptable and detrimental to the image of Team Solo Mid. Remove any and all affiliation with TSM and "BayLife" or I will be forced to call the 0-3 Police.
  • 2285
    2285
    twitchquotes: HEY DOUBLELIFT, I’M TRYING TO LEARN TO PLAY SHACO. I JUST HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE SKILL BUILD: SHOULD I MAX BACKSTAB LIKE YOU BACKSTABBED CLG, DECEIVE LIKE YOU DECEIVED CLG, OR HALLUCINATE LIKE YOU MADE CLG HALLUCINATE ABOUT HAVING A CHANCE AT WINNING ANOTHER TOURNAMENT
  • 2027
    2027
    twitchquotes: I sexually identify as tyler1. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of running it down mid and typing "hehe xd" to boosted animals. People say to me that a beta becoming an alpha god is impossible and that I’m fucking retarded, but I don’t care, I’m an alpha. I’m having an engineer install a McChicken dispenser and an Oreo McFlury maker in my room. From now on I want you guys to call me “tyler1” and respect my right to catch axes and flame needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re an dravenphobe and need to check your alpha privilege. hehe xd.
  • 2240
    2240
    twitchquotes: The opponent mulligans his cards. "Oh my god dude, are you kidding me?" says Kripp. The opponent plays a 2 drop. "Seriously dude? This is crazy." The opponent draws a card at the start of their turn. "No fckin way dude, I can't beat that." The opponent hero powers. "This is some crazy RNG bullshit" says Kripp.
  • (ง •̀_•́)ง ONE DAY I'LL BE A REAL AD (ง •̀_•́)ง
  • 2336
    2336
    ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ  DrinkPurple ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ  DrinkPurple ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ  DrinkPurple ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ  DrinkPurple ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ  DrinkPurple ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ  4Head
  • 2443
    2443
    twitchquotes: Hello Reynad, big fan here trying to fulfill my dreams of being an industrial vacuum for constipated hospital patients, any tips on sucking ass?
  • 135
    135
    twitchquotes: J LUL K E
  • 2380
    2380
    twitchquotes: 8=====> Only the chosen one can hold his donger ⎝ PogChamp
  • 2119
    2119
    twitchquotes: KKona Howdy Kripp, my name is Bill and I work in the meat industry. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of all the vegan propaganda you're spreading on this here livestream. You rave about the health benefits of becoming a leaf-muncher, but look at you! You're a pale, scrawny, hallowed-out husk of a man. Hell, you probably can't even lift up a hamburger with those pitiful arms of yours. If you don't stop hating on meat, I'm gonna come by in my truck and force-feed you my "giant sausage!"
  • (ง •̀_•́)ง ONE DAY I'LL BE A REAL AD (ง •̀_•́)ง
  • 2013
    2013
    twitchquotes: 4Head Hey Europoops, who built the statue of liberty? NOT YOU EleGiggle STAY POOR EU EleGiggle
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